Chimps & Chumps

CHIMPS & CHUMPS

Our closest living relatives, the Chimpanzee (98.6% of our DNA), spend their lives fretting about their relationships. Even though we went off in different directions millions of years ago, we still share an inordinate amount of troubling similarities.


One of the most egregious shared behavior patterns is that we both live in communities dominated by an uneasy alliance forged bewteen the most aggressive selfish males.

The majority of a Chimp's day is spent gathering food and looking for shelter, ours is spent earning enough money to pay our taxes and buy food and shelter with whatever is left over.

Underlying the entire process is a life-long scenario of either sycophantic asskissing with the higher-ups and playing a chess game of nerves alongside of the devious schemers who wish to ascend to the throne...

or voluntarily opting to live off the grid on your own terms in the deafening silence of our splendid isolation.

For both of us, living with others is usually an exhaustingly, tedious, process which, at any given moment, can give rise to a seemingly placid group of sedate, ordinary, citizens suddenly erupting into a violent senseless mob...

a bad call by a referee at our children's sporting events is a perfect example.

Homo Escapeons spend most of our time nurturing alliances with members of both species, male and female. We do it at home, the office, school, on line, and in public.



Most of us have a built-in unquenchable need to belong to a demographic, gang or class..and letting others know which one we belong to or DO NOT BELONG TO is equally important.

We've always been like this.

At first forming clans helped protect us from predators and other asshat clans who wanted to take over our turf. There is safety in numbers...which is why we still have gangs, clubs, religious groups, political parties, and countries.

For those of us living in so-called modern democratic nations, our lives are hopelessly trapped in a Kafkaesque maze of superfluous rules and regulations dreamed up by Gaed-knows-who?

Welcome to the Jungle.

Because of this shared innate programming, most Homo Escapeons cannot seem to function outside of belonging to a prepackaged instantly-identifiable clique. This rank and file mentality makes us particularly susceptible to manipulative self appointed leaders whose ambitions are thinly veiled under political or religious ideology...most of whom prefer to wear costumes.

Acts of spontaneous violence can disrupt the lives of Chimps and Chumps whenever large gatherings collect...in soccer stadiums, jungles, or cultural events. Never underestimate the stupidity of people in large groups because our old ancestral programming is easier to trigger when we are surrounded by others.


Our suspicious distrust of anyone else who looks or thinks differently, has more crap than us, or whose genetic package was mistakenly gifted with more goodies, make us powerless to resist the urge to fling poo at them.



Sellebrity rags are there to dig up dirt on the famous and wealthy in order to bring them down to size. We feel better about ourselves when the "stars" crash down to earth. Many live to fling poo at others with alternative views or beliefs..most of all we want our peers to acknowledge what good little adherents we are.

Traditionalists would like us to remain in our various camps and hope to simply outnumber or overpower the others...but why doesn't the great unwashed subject their leaders to scrutiny. Why the sheeple don't place these leaders under a microscope and analyze their motivation is beyond me?

Why? Because there is a false sense of security in the knowledge that we belong to the "right" group. Many still believe that THEIR gang is supported by invisible deities and cannot possibly fail...even if they do, there's always the next life right?

In order to go about our day most of us become cogs in the wheel so that we don't get ridiculed or attacked. It is a very stressful inefficient way to live and it is also why we have always had interpersonal strife and inter-tribal warfare since leaving the African Savannah over 200,000 years ago.

Homo Escapeons cannot seem to discard this wacky socialization process. Instead of surpassing our ancestral programming we have refined it into an art form. We may think that we are so much better than the other great apes, but really, they're Chimps and we're Chumps.