LAYIN' LOW IN MAYHEEKO

huélale más adelante

(smell you later)

I have not been on a plane since 2000..which is fine by me!

Two familiar phrases instantly come to mind whenever I think about the implications involved in sitting onboard a 30 year old jet 30,000 feet above the very hard and unforgiving surface of the planet....
terminal velocity and sudden impact.

Is it just me or does anyone else find this graph subliminally arousing?

Know this, if my plane goes down, I will not have spent the final moments of my fiery descent plummeting to Earth calmly whispering the Lord's Prayer and making a "foxhole conversion".

NOPE!

I will be screaming like a little girl!

Well maybe a few octaves higher?

I must remember to channel Vesna Vulovic who somehow suvived a 6 mile drop from an airplane.

However, I need to bolster my resolve because next week I'm nervously boarding an aircraft and flying off to soak up el sol in Puerto Vallarta, Mayheeko.



















I have not been on a plane since my horneymoon in 2000.
I am so thrilled to get out of here because believe it or not, there was another Winter Storm here in Whateverpeg (global warming eh?)...



...so I am looking forward to becoming conspicuously inert, inebriated, and in touch with my inner intangiblity, on the beach and playing in the Pacific Ocean.
















I've been to Vallarta before and I've also visited Tijuana, Cozumel, and Acapulco.

what happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico.
I haven't been on a plane since 911 so my good-lady-wife reminded me that I am not allowed to bring certain items on the plane.hatchets, ice axes, meat cleavers and throwing knives, disabling chemicals, mace, restraining devices, meat cleavers, firearms and ammunition, transformers that turn into toy guns, brass knuckles, nunchuks, blowguns, bow & arrows, catapults, crossbows, stun-guns, detonators, dynamite, hand grenades, blasting caps, molotov cocktails, bowling balls, sabres & swords, lawn darts, paintball guns and of course, Piñatas!

Click HERE for the full list but the following items caught my attention:

Do any of you carry on sky diving rigs?

Preflight had a few drinks to bolster my courage message..

I'm going to miss you..please take care of yourselves until I return

:)

However I am allowed to bring sky diving rigs HELLO!

Isn't that reassuring.

Vesna Velovic didn't need one..pffft!

I love Mayheeko, it's affordable, the local people are friendly, even though some of the touristos act like complete asshats,

and pardon my Spanglish...

qué sucede en México, permanece en México!

Globowl Warming

GLOBAL WARMING

MY FROZEN ASS!!!!

Did you know that 90% of Homo Escapeons live in the Northern Hemisphere?

I live alongside 500,000,000 other Escapeons who currently occupy North America.

Through some cruel twist of fate, and very poor (selfish) planning on the part of my Grandfathers, I live in the centre of North America.

During the Cretaceous Period 100 million years ago, my house would have been at the bottom of the Western_Inland_Sea.

Which would have been a very Inconvenient Truth because instead of chasing away the bloody Squirrels chewing on my Christmas lights, I would have had a Mosasaur circling the house waitng to eat me!



So it could be much worse, and for such small mercies, I am eternally grateful.

Not that long ago, during the most recent period of North American Glaciation, 26,000 - 13,300 years ago, ice sheets 3 to 4 KILOfrickinMETRES THICK extended to about 45 degrees north latitude...

that's way past my house.

Now to the matter at hand.

Unless you live in North Korea,



where L'il Kim banned the Internet and the 21st Century,
you have no doubt been warned about glo-bowl warming..

which is also prolly banned in Bad Korea.

I mean global warming.

However, if you take a look at todays weather map it is almost identical to the last Ice Age.

Coinky-Dink?

I think not.

Anyway, we are a hardy lot in Whateverpeg and we do whatever we need to in order to survive...

but if this cold snap doesn't end soon I am going to snap!


I can guarandamntee you that I will be HOMO ESCAPING to a warmer climate!

Frankly, I would prefer getting pulled around by Kangaroos,

but what are ya gonna do?

*and speaking of Frank, my apologies to the Frazman..

awesome does not even begin to describe his stuff!

A DEMONSTRATION OF DEMOGRACY

The election of President Obama was as much about Demography as it was about Democracy. The result of the American Presidential Election last night was a paradigmic shifting that exposes that change IS on the way.

This latest Democratic exercise exposed how one half of my cohorts, the Baby Boomers, failed to finish what we started during our youth...we talked the talk.

We are now painfully aware that half of the BABY BOOM GENERATION erroneously white washed as the Hippy/WE Generation morphed into the Yuppy/ME Generation who perfected the Cult of Materialism which unceremoniously imploded in the Marketplace a few weeks ago.

Congratulations.

Now we step out of our ridiculously over-mortgaged Sidewalk free Suburban McMansion and drive our gas-guzzlin SUV's to a concrete wasteland of garrish Big Box Retail Outlets and wait in the Drive-Thru for a fancyschmancy coffee that costs $6.

Way to go!

Mercifully two thirds of the younger Generation, including our children, who listened to us talk the talk about equality and compassion, are walking the walk and came to the rescue!

DEMOGRAPHICS:

If you look HERE, you'll see that Obama's support came from 66% of the voters aged 18-29 and 52% of those aged 30-44.

From there we see that about one half (49%) of the Baby Boomers, now aged 44-64, voted for Obama. You might find this surprising given all of the hoopla about Peace, Love, and Unicorns back in the tumultuous 60s when the Boomers entered the political scene.

Less than half (45%) of those 65 and older voted for change.

Another equally important fact is that 56% of women voted for Barrack while only 49% of the men concurred.

GEOGRAPHICALLY:

Aging Middle America voted for the Republican John McCain and Traditionalism. Change schmange!

Look at this MAP
If I drove straight South from my home I would drive through Republican Red States all the way to Mexico.

It also came as no surprise that the Segregated South still has a tinge of Red around the neck..the reddest necks (close to 60%) are evident in Oklahoma, Wyoming, Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Kentucky, Idaho and Nebraska.

In a nutshell, the future will be molded by a more Moderate Feminine Electorate. Females make up the majority of Earthlings and since all vertebrates are formed as females (creating males requires a mutation) this would seem to be a return to homeostatic normalcy.

I for one look forward to the Global Feminization of Human Affairs..male domination has made this world a violent, inequitable place.

It seems logical that those of us who are designed to create, carry, and nurture Life, are better suited to preserving it.

Now it even seems possible that an American with ovaries might someday sit in the oval office.

Is the Old Boys Club really on it's way out?

GEOdumbography

It has occurred to me that most of our problems could be solved by simply relocating a few countries. Personally I'd like to see NORTH AMERICA become a safer place to raise a family but also loosen up a bit and be more fun.

In order to make that happen we would need to exchange AUSTRALIA for the USA...and of course get Alaska back from those thieves! Australia and Canada would get along famously because we have so much in common.

Besides, it would be much cheaper for the USA to fight Russia and China and (whoever else they pick next week) if they were way over there.

Then North America would consist of Canada, Australia, Mexico, and the Caribbean..HELLO!

I would try move the UK a little closer (give them some sunlight poor things) and Spain can come over, they're fun but no mas with that Bullfighting Bullsh*t.

I'd like to move the entire MIDDLE EAST and all those STAN countries waaaay up north to RUSSIA and let the Russians have their warm water port and defrost the neo-Cold War. That way they'll all still have their bloody OIL but maybe the Russians will relax in a hotter climate and the fine folks from the Middle East & Stan countries might chillax a bit when it's 30 below?

I would also move China into smaller digs and give Tibet their spot...see how they like it. AFRICA could become one ginormous Game Preserve. Nice.

SOUTH AMERICA can just be Brazil..that would be kewl.

JAPAN needs more room to spread out so off you go, the Sea of Japan is empty anyway, and INDIA would have much better access to the American Market if the US was in Australia's old spot.

What would you do?

PAX PANGEA,
ONE WORLD PEACE?

refried from 05/06/06

The DECLARATION of INTERDEPENDENCE
(Apologies to Franklin, Jefferson et al)

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for homo escapeons (modern man) to advance from that subordination in which they have hitherto remained for millenia, and to assume among the people of the earth, the equal and interdependent station to which the laws of nature and of nature's god entitle them, a decent and more realistic respect to the options of mankind, requires that they should modify their self destructive nature and eliminate the causes which impel them to continually completely intercourse their future. DUH!


We must declare the following to be self evident, *that DNA studies have confirmed the opening chapter of our story over and over, that ALL of the variously shaped and shaded PEOPLE of the Earth trace their ancestry to African hunter-gatherers, some 150,000 years ago.
*National Geographic March 2006










If only we could stop pigeon-holing each other and interupt the ongoing carnage for one day....arrange a global time-out for for all of mankind. If we could dissolve the artificial segregation of humans by nationality, religion, colour, and every other human invention,and present the evidence of our common ancestry. Collect every man, woman, and child, strip them of their regional and religious costumes (uniforms), and simultaneously stand them all before giant TV screens.

As John Lennon's IMAGINE is played in the background, let them gaze at an enormous image of the African Continent.

















There, for all to see, is the inescapably obvious outline of a human skull.












Theists can relish in the moment as it would seem to be the handiwork of a Cosmic Creator, and I'm AGNOSTIC for gawdsake! In any case, who or whatever it is, would be a Force with a wonderful, yet odd sense of humor. Seriously, could this fantastic arrangement of the tectonic puzzle simply be mere coincidence...

really..

have another look?

If we humans are so smart, how can we ignore what appears to be a clue of that magnitude? A hint, a nudge, a wink, a say no-more wink-wink so blatant, that it stares us in the face every single day.

It is right under our nose hiding in plain sight.

A nod so galactic in scale that it is obvious from outer space.

The'piece de resistance' is sometimes overlooked by many.

Go back and look at Africa, notice Madagascar, the island nose that has slid off the face of the map.

That is the inside joke.

Could this be the Cosmic Puzzler's not-so-subtle way of pointing out that mankind is

cutting off his nose to spite his own face.




Would we be the same troublesome species today if we had evolved to our present state while the continents were still jammed together ?

Why are we incapable of attaining a Pax Pangea? Why can't we overcome our double edged nature to manufacture even a reasonable facsimile of the world peace that we all dream and talk about?

How should we deal with people who impede our progress?

Final Summer re-run of '08 (Long Weekend eh) and the ensuing exchange in the Comments (26/09/06) was prolly the most fun that I ever had Blogging ((sigh)) and would be a perfect place to stop.

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
IS WAY OUT OF LINE!

No really..I mean literally.
I was looking at the map of the USA and it occured to me that their state lines are all wonky. This causes unnecessary stress in these troubling times.
Americans prefer straight highways, straight people and straight borders!

America needs some 'quiet time' anyway.
A chance to stop and think about what they are doing to the world. So why not start by cleaning up those crazy ass borders?

First of all look at Alaska...
HEL-LO ! Any idiot can see that it is part of Canada! Now that the Cold War is over we don't need the 'Merkins eyeballing the Ruskies so give it back you weiners.
*Not that we need any more land but it is the principle of the matter.


Now the Western part of the USA isn't terrible but I do have a few suggestions...
Straighten out the bottom border of Washington, and the east side of Oregon..they should both be a little more rectangular.
California is totally screwing Nevada with that diagonal line..
Give Me a Break Montanee, ..form a nice rectangle and chop off the end ..there is nobody living there anyway..Idaho is gettin' totally pooched!.

Utah, wtf is that little cheat at the top there..fix that...
New Mexico you get to go straight down on the right side all the way to Old Mexico...
North Dakota/South Dakota/Nebraska/Coloradee and Kansas that's about as good as it is gonna get and nobody cares anyway....
Oklahoma go right ahead and cut yourself a BIGASS piece from Texas.
Minnesota/Iowa/Missouri/Arkeesaw..whatever.....

Louisiana, you little weasel, give Mississippi all of that shoreline at the Gulf of Mexico..Oh crap that means that you get New Orleans ..aren't you lucky?

The rest of the map looks like it was a hallucinagenic speed-drawing done by an amateur Gynecologist on Day 6 of giving up smoking!
In fact the Eastern State Lines were decided upon by seriously drunk dudes dressed in white wigs who had no frickin clue that there was still about 3 million square miles of land available over to the left! What a mess.
I could have pulled a better map out of my ass!

There, that is my suggestion and it seems simple enough.
I certainly hope that Canada gets Alaska back because that is just plain rude!

GAY GENES?

I read an article by Robert Kunzig (Psychology Today) which examines why Evolution hasn't found a way to eradicate homosexuality...

if you think about it, from a purely evolutionary standpoint, Homosexuality doesn't make much sense, because the sole purpose of a species is to pass on their genes.

Before I begin I should prolly state for the record that I am not a homophobe. DUH!

Like many of you I have gay friends and relatives. Despite my blog title I am by nature a raging hetero (HOMO is latin for man) and I believe that being Gay can mean that you are happy or Homosexual or both.

There are charming and tedious Gays just like everyone else and I am supportive of every initiative for Gay people to have children, get married, get divorced, and have the same f*cking problems as everyone else.

To me it is not a huge religious issue or a trendy bandwagon cause, just a fact of life.

Whatever.

After Millenia of experiencing varying levels of acceptance or intolerance by Cultures since the dawn of Civilization, by the twentieth Century, Homosexuality in the Western World was eventually labelled a 'curable' psychological defect by organizations like the AMA...

it was considered nothing more than a state of arrested development caused by a child's exposure to a distant father and/or overbearing mother...

which most of us by now realise isn't true...

no thanks to the Cocaine fueled ramblings of Freud.

So then why, despite the aforementioned evolutionary imperitive for species to reproduce,

are 4% (2-6% is the best scientificky estimate) of Human males, born gay?

According to this article 'IT' isn't purely genetic because in pairs of identical twins it is possible for only one child to be gay...current scientific research suggests that a mutation in more than one gene is responsible.

These Gay Genes are thought to interfere with the masculinization of the brain and when found in lower proportions, as it is throughout 96% males who are heterosexual, these genes may be secretly responsible for developing a larger proportion of so-called 'gay traits';

kinder, gentler, and more nurturing men...

which are the kind of males that females actually prefer when choosing a sperm donor and future father.

One interesting observation was that 'some' of the Gay men had mothers and aunts who had bigger families and more sexual partners (3 to 4X as many) .

This was dubbed the "man-loving" gene and in evolutionary terms, having a lot of children compensated for producing gay children who would not reproduce...

but these 'kinder, gentler' genes would be passed on to more baby boys more often in women with this marker.

Another finding is that the more older brothers a man has, the greater the chances of him being gay? HUH?

Researchers Blanchard and Bogaert suggest that antibodies in a Mother's body are sent to combat the production of a male...and can you blame them?

However subsequent male pregnancies strengthen her immune system and gradually the anti bodies actually interfere with the masculinization of the fetal brain...which would have produced a "typical, aggressive, psychopathic, male".

Nice.

Here are some other quirky findings..

Gay men supposedly;

-have longer , straighter, thicker, penises

-are worse at reading maps, spatial orientation, finding missing objects, and packing their trunks...read into that whatever you like..

and naturally lesbian women are better at these tasks than straight women.

-Gay men are more likely to be lefties or ambidextrous

-the ratio of the lengths of the 2nd to 4th fingers predicts sexual orientation.

So where the hell are they going with this?

My impression is that they are trying to say that...

A. Females are designed to try to stop males from ever being produced in the first place..we know that all vertebrates start out as females so it would stand to reason that God really IS a woman afterall!

B. This predesigned genetic thingamabob eventually leads certain man-loving women (with equally horny sisters) to a modicum of success producing ready-made dishrag husbands with kinder, gentler traits, however the price of this success is that 4% of the time they inadvertently produce Gay, left handed, boys, who may have larger, straighter, penises, but can't read maps or find hidden objects in their poorly, packed, trunks.

Are they on to something or is this just Poppycock?

EEKonomic$ 101

Back in 1973 I was 15 and I needed to get a special work permit to be a 'stock boy'.

This document ensured that I would not be forced to work past 10pm, was not exposed to morally undesirable situations,

(which I would have loved at that point in time),

my tasks were strictly limited to light work well within my physical capacity (come on look at those muscles!)

and that it didn't interfere with school (D'OH!)...

and all for $1.50 an hour!

Now to keep things in context I lived with my parents in an average Suburban Bungalow for which they had forked out $18,000.

I still didn't have my driver's license but the following year I passed my test in this, my Grandmother's new Datsun 510, and bought myself a 1966 Ford Falcon (in excellent condition) for $100.

In the NEWS today a report from Statistics Canada revealed that from 1980 to 2005 the average Canadian worker's salary rose by $50...

FIFTY DOLLARS IN TWENTY FIVE YEARS!!

On top of that the current Housing Boom (which has already peaked in the USA) continues to thrive despite the dire warnings from Economists who have repeatedly warned that it is unsustainable, and that there is growing evidence that as the overvaluation in home prices climbs above underlying economic fundamentals, that there is a risk of an eventual correction.

YA THINK?

HOUSINGBUBBLE

I have personally witnessed the average price of a house in WhatEVERpeg grow from $18,000 in the 70s

to $82,000 in the 90s

to the current cost of $173,000,

which is still about half the Canadian average of $314,000.

Our house has doubled in value in just 10 years...WHY?

It's not as if there is a Baby Boom or the Immigration Floodgates were opened.

As far as I can tell the only thing fueling the 'HOT' market here was a 50% Divorce rate!

In DemographEEK terms WhatEVERpeg's population growth is 'tortoisian' at best... I don't know if that's a real word.

CANADIAN CENSUS INCOME MAP

Regardless, if the average salary has only increased by a paltry $1 per week over 25 frickin' years but the cost of a house has doubled, even tripled in some markets, I would not be surprised if that 'correction' happened any minute NOW.

It's definitely a 'Seller's Market' which is great for both my Parent's generation and the oldest Baby Boomers who want to downsize and move into a Condo..

but for people who want to move up and especially young people who are just starting out and don't have any equity to play with it is an unmitigated disaster...

always loved that term...

hyperbole rocks!

The other obvious EEKonomic trend has been the widening gap between the RICH, the Middle Class, and especially the Lower Income Earners aka the Poor.

Here in Canada, during the past 25 years the earnings of the Rich actually increased by 16.4%,

the Middle Class earnings grew by $50,

and the income of the Poor has decreased by 20%.

It seems that we are headed back yonder to days of Olde...

Serfs Up Dude!

CLANDESTINY
Today’s theory is that the inevitable destiny of Homo Escapeon populations will be to reorganise into archeo-homogenous Clans.

Here is the short version: After 7,000 Generations, homo escapeons appear to be unable to overcome their bio-evolutionary psycho-socio predisposition that makes it almost impossible to share their territory with people who look, think, behave, and believe differently...

now run along to the final question...You're Welcome!

If you have a lot of spare time on your hands go ahead, knock yourself out...

click on these maps: Yugoslavia . USSR. Czechoslovakia .
Race riots in Europe. Tribalistic atrocities in (click) Africa. Sectarian warfare in the Middle East. Iraq on the verge of trisecting. Militant tribalistic terrorism from Indonesia to Pakistan.
American political de-fragmentation..Red State/Blue State blah blah blah.

Humans seem incapable of escaping their evolutionary predisposition to assimilating in racial/religious clans.

Even the outrageous behavior of extreme Fanaticism displayed at sporting events, most notably soccer, is another indication that it takes very little to unleash the dark side of our past. This phenomenon is a sad reminder of how our primal wiring is overloaded by the psychological demands of living in large urban centres. Perhaps 140,000 years hasn't been long enough for our brains to adapt to livng outside of Clans and Villages of 150 people?

What is it that drives this significant portion of our population to reject accepting ‘outsiders’ within their midst.

Perhaps the idea that there is some concrete identifiable form of 'WE ' that is a soothing consolation for the stark realization that we are living on a gigantic, spinning, rock (replete with molten core) out in the middle of a cold, dark, Universe. Hmm...I suppose that most of the people who adhere to US v. THEM probably don't think about our galactic isolation in Scientific Empirical terms?

Their cosmology is relegated to the confines of Religious Dogmatism.

I would dare to suggest that they are more inclined to view their predicament as one of Mythical Divine Predestination or Providential Manifest Destiny.

The absolute scariest type of thinking on the planet.

So should we say Goodbye to the idea of a Global Village?
Maybe.

Look at the dynamics of the current American Presidential Election. Each faction jockeying to have their own representative implement their cosmology on the entire nation. Pollsters and Politicians target each segment of voters by Age, Race, Income, Lingo, and Religious Ideology.

I watched an interview with an American Tradesman who had lost his job and his house, but he and his wife were still planning on voting Republican because they are Christians more than they are Americans and adamently opposed to abortion. HUH? Anyone notice any disconnect? What separation of Church of State?

There are literally millions of other people around the globe who think just like he does. This is a perfect example of how powerful Religio-Ideological bonds are. The individual can completely ignore relevant life affecting issues in order to bond with like-minded others to form a Clan and feel less alienated. Once in a group the mob mentality morphs into a self righteous, defensive, Clan which becomes an agent of self preservation. The Clan takes any measures deemed necessary to protect itself from any and all outside ideological intrusions from the rest of the world. US versus THEM!

Religion and Pigmentation are certainly the Grand-Daddies of most division and derision. What better way to separate the Sheeple from the Goats. We are visual creatures. At the lowest level of entry, YOUeither LOOK like US or you don’t, then, YOU either THINK like US or you’re against us.

Whether you are a sheepherder in a forlorn pile of rocks like Afghanistan, or a successful Businessman in a posh Mega-Church in the American Bible Belt, your REAL identity seems to be centered on your CLAN.

In modern countries, you don’t need to look exactly like us, you just need to think like us. In many older parts of the world, you absolutely need to do both without question.

Some of us obviously want to get past our past. The very notion of trying to build a society that is not limited by the tyrannical dominance of one single ‘group’ is still in it’s infancy…but I am seriously starting to wonder whether it is viable.

Countries are ideas. Those lines on the map mean nothing when the Earth is viewed from outer space. Humans evolved into groups with similar features because of their Environment. Adaptations to UV rays and other Climatic conditions, along with limitations in accessing reproductive partners, gave rise to our ancient Clans forming large pockets of “familiar faces”.

For 140,000 years this process plodded along.

Somewhere down the line some Clan dwelling Villagers miraculously gave up killing neighbouring Clans via inter-generational wars and began trading with them. Eventually these temporary truces and the advancement of collective Agricultural advancements that were accidentally discovered and preciptated by Climatic conditions, led to the creation of City-States, and invariably, Empires.

History attests to the fact that most Empires were held together by force.

Empires have come and gone, but one thing is certain. Empires NEVER last forever.

I have always hoped that we could rise above the beast, can you say Idealist, but when I watch the News it becomes evident that without a proper (non-religiously biased) education, Escapeons will continue to keep their kinfolk immersed in self preservation mode. The path of least resistance.

Perhaps we should readjust our thinking and pluralize Global VillageSSSS. The present American Empire is showing serious signs of decay and retraction and one has to think that the other Monolith, China, will eventually lose it's centralised, coercive, control, and defragment at some point in the near future.

The hilarious and irrefutably Politically Incorrect movie Blazing Saddles, is a colossal testament to these two factors of race and religion. When the town Mayor exclaims that they will "take the n*ggers and the ch*nks, but we don’t want the Irish,” (Catholics), it is a telling leak in the subliminal mindset of mentally rsing above 140,000 years of evolutionary behavior.

The unholy alliance between Pigmentation and Religious Ideology is percolating just beneath a thin veneer of acceptable behavior. I understand that Mel Brooks was satirically exposing America's the Achilles Heel of tolerance and getting it out in the open. Many others take exception to his methodology.

America has struggled with these issues from since it’s inception. The subjugation of the First Asians who had evolved into 500 Nations after crossing the Bering landbridge and the immediate importation of African Slaves are still sending repercussion waves 400 years later. The aforementioned groups had been minding their own business and enjoying their own inter-Tribal warfare for thousands of years before the Europeans intruded. How rude!

Scan forward to the American Elections in the 21st Century and witness the self congratulatory, political, wankfest. Imagine that a Person of Other Pigmentation or Bearer of Ovaries might actually become the President? This is deemed to be monumental breakthrough for this Empire. Come On!

Escapeons have been experimenting with Civilization and Nationalism for over two Millenia. How many more countries do you suppose will collapse into their original Tribal/Clannish units? I suspect that there are probably far more revisions to be made on the the world map.

Good news for the folks at Rand McNally.

Will we recognise the Map of the World in 100 Years?