CANA la-di DA

On July 1st Canada celebrates 139 years of Confederation.
Beavers, Mounties, Doughnuts, Hockey, Whackin' Baby Seals, so many images come to mind. We Canucks don't care about the pursuit of happiness or ruling the free world. Nope.
We love hyphenation and moderation.
We always have a disclaimer, an OUT clause, in case we may have offended some other person. Speaking of out...

Poor Dubya is scratchin' his head tryin' to figure us out. What the ?

Mr President, what do you make of the two male Royal Canadian Mounted Policemen who are about to be wed today?

...Well them Brokeback Mounties would be in for a world of hurt if they was Texas Rangers...I am opposed to a lot of things....

Evilism, Taxing wealthy people, PBS..that stands for Public Bullsh*t heh heh..ah let's see.... I am against restricting the rights of Lobbyists, and
humusexualistical marriage...damn thats a hard word to spit out!


...I knew that the Mounties always gets their man ..heh heh...but I thought that it mean't sumpin' else. Damn look at the time..gotta git back to Crawford and do a little Bushwackin' heh heh..see y'all!



Yes Prime Minister Stephen Harper will have some 'splainin' to do this weekend. Harper has
put a muzzle on his Republicanesque Conservative Party members regarding the marriage of the gay RCMP officers. (We'll see how well that works out)

Prime Minister Stephen Harper is an Economist and has been described as an emotionally unavailable man in a grey suit.
Rumors of a successful charisma bypass persist.

He is however our leader and his blandness is the reason that he rose to the top of the heap of crazy right wingers and won the election.
The scandal ridden Liberal Party, which ran the country for the last 138 years of Confederation, had to be replaced for a while.
Harper was the lesser of the alternative poor choices.
The man who shakes hands with his kids when he tucks them into bed at night won because frankly we Canucks don't really care about politics as long as we're allowed to do whatever we want.

Canada Day celebrations include a financial handout from the federal government to all of the 10 Provinces and 3 Territories for the festive occasion.
The one province, Quebec, where only 50.1% of the inhabitants voted to stay Canadian in a referendum a few years back and decided against towing the province across the Atlantic Ocean and back to France,will get
ONE HALF of the entire budget.
Merci Mr. Harper..

The rest of Canada will hardly raise an eyebrow. Our national motto is
I have no problem with that.
We have come to expect such idiosyncratic inequality in the hope of appeasing the the gods of bilingualism over there in Upper and Lower Canada, Ontario and Quebec.
Here in Manitoba the Feds will shovel $180,000 our way for firecrackers and little maple leaf flags.
Quebec will receive $3.7 MILLION!
....whatever....I have no problem with that.

Congratulations to
Jason Tree and David Connors
on your wedding day!








oh yeah and I have no problem wishing
CANA la-di DA a very
Happy Birthday/Joyeux Anniversaire.

Our laid back complacency is our greatest strength and saving grace.
Everything in hyphenated moderation eh!

SOLOMON'S KING SIZED GIGGITY

I have always found it interesting that the smartest guy who ever lived, a man who could have asked God for anything..but asked for
Wisdom
also managed to acquire 700 wives and 300 concubines.
That's just crazy talk.


According to legend King Solomon (Shlomo) wrote Proverbs, Ecclesiastes (brilliant), Song of Solomon, built the temple, created unimaginable wealth and security for Israel, recited 3000 proverbs, 800 songs, dispensed incredible wisdom (the infamous threat to divide the baby in half to reveal the real Mother of the child) and yet had the mental wherewithall to cope with 1000 women.

Maintaining a relationship with one wife is a full time job so Solomon must have been a Genius!

Solomon grew up as the rich and famous son of King David.
Yes THE David who slew Goliath
(whose last name was Down, little known fact).
How Solomon could have ignored the harsh lesson that his father learned from acquiring his mother Bathsheeba is beyond me.
aaah the sins of the father.

You see David had devised a sinister plan to eliminate his future wife's starter husband. Mott the Hoople, I mean Uriah Heep no Uriah the Hittite, a loyal soldier, who was sent by David to the front lines and deliberately left to die in battle. Booo Hisss!
The story of David's craving for Bathsheeba and his cowardly plan to obtain her is perhaps the most famous
soap opera in the entire Bible!

David had oggled Bathsheeba while she was bathing on her rooftop. SCHWING! That was that he had to have her. As punishment for his part in the treacherous demise of Uriah Heep, God exiled the guilty King David to the sidelines of Empire building for the rest of his days.

Now where was I ...KING SOLOMON and the 1000 women ...
First of all if Solomon was the smartest guy that ever lived then it quite logically stands to reason that having an insatiable appetite for giggity giggity giggity is not a sign of diminished mental capacity as many modern women believe. Whew! Now that is good news for modern man.

Secondly, the logistics of having a different lover every night for 2.74 years would be a monumental task that most men would probably be willing to tackle but unable to accomplish. HA!
I mean if they HAD to. As Mel Brooks said
"It's Good To Be King!"

If you factor in nooners and choppin' the morning wood it wouldn't be such a chore.
Hmmm I think I can I think I can....

Regardless, the astounding Hefnerian antics of the smartest and greatest King in Biblical history stands out in stark contrast to the prudish pathetic Puritanical abhorrance of sex that the Christian world later adopted.
Night and Day actually.
How about Celibacy anyone?

Granted, understatement alert, this whole epic tale has an air of chauvenism to it. No really!
I wonder if the harem was next door to a giant shopping mall? What exactly did the ladies do on their days off?

Once a King always a King, but once a knight, was not enough for King Solomon. I mean he certainly never had to do it solo.. man! I think that Solomon may have been a schmidge
Obssessive Compulsive.

Unfortunately all good things must come to an end and Solomon is also notorious for allowing his multiple wives to cajole him into having him build temples for their lower case gods and his Kingdom crumbled after his death.

But man what a ride!

ENTERPAINMENT TONIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT!



"Hi everybody I'm Mary Hart!"
I find Mary Hart's priaprismic smile disturbing. (Priaprism is a persistent, prolonged, painful erection.) Oh alright Americans love her.. she is just darling!
I'll just pick on the show then..start over...
I find Enterpainment Tonight disturbing.

The charade of pretending to be more than a 30 minute commercial is insulting. Behind the scenes movie producers and television actors pawn their souls in a faustian bid for air-time. In exchange for appearing on camera with a 3 second sound-bite, entertainers get their 5 second promotional clip played and replayed atleast 50 frickin times during the opening credits! Over and Over and Over and Over and Over...at the start of the show along with a voice over

"Hi everybody I'm Mary Hart!" and then in Slo-mo and then..Over and Over and Over and Over just before the show ends with a fascinating scoop on tonight's episode of JAG and a voice over
"Bye everybody I'm Mary Hart!"
ET doesn't shy away from tackling important issues either.

'People-in-the-know' can all sleep soundly tonight after ET reports that Celebutante de jour Paris(une nuit dans Paris) Hilton said....wait for it.... "that's hot" after she found her lost puppy-bling. Oh JOY! Oh RAPTURE!

"Hi everybody I'm Mary Hart"...cue card reads MARY HART change to serious smile..."Paris Hilton said 'that's hot'"..ever notice how every single second of each annoying clip is presented with the exact same contrived, inane, banter of one of their ubiquitous ET wannabes. Oh and I love it when one of the carbon copy guys says,"Hi everybody I'm Joe Schmo sitting in for Moe Schmo." Huh? Do they think that we'll change the channel if our favorite Schmo isn't there?

Marshall (the medium is the message)McLuhan, the celebrated Canadian Media Critic, could not have imagined in his wildest dreams how the unintended consequences of language, namely 23 Fn' years of
"Hi everybody I'm Mary Hart!", could 'hype-notise' us into either simultaneous mass consumption or spontaneous human combustion.
ET is not 'Extending Thoughts (from within my mind to others), it is simply Extending Spots(ads) from within Corporate America to YOU.

The E-TEDIUM is the MESSAGE!
It is the chance for YOU to live vicariously through any one of the carbon copied ET clones and sneaking into the lives of the most important people in our culture, in our world and in our solar system... a celebrity.

Wait it's an ET EXSCLUSIVE, "Hi everybody I'm Mary Hart ...only ET can bring you this breaking news"...cue card:MARY HART change to serious smile...."ET viewers will be sad to learn about the recent death"(3 days ago) "of a Hollywood Legend" (D-list 60s recluse) "whose career" (both episodes of Hee Haw) "brought laughter and joy" (sphincter clenching bewilderment)"to millions"(a third cousin of mine twice removed now serving 20 to life for animal husbandry).



Yessiree! ET is more than just chit-chat as news, it is more like Wannabes Gone Wild. A pornographic romp exposing out of control poseurs on a permanent spring break.WOOHOO! Need a little T and A? Then sit your Ass down, turn on the Boob tube and hum along...
DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA,
"Hi everybody I'm Mary Hart!"
DA DEE DUM DUM DEE DUM.....

Blog Buddies with Benefits

Now that I am getting acquainted with the Blogosphere I realise what I LUV about it.
There is something for everyone.

It is obvious to some, that our species is endangering not only ourselves but the whole planet. There is a WAR of Ideas being fought and we have to be careful about the collateral damage.

That being said, as a member of the fastest growing segment of the population, those that tick NO RELIGION on the Census form, I recognise that good people come in all sorts of packages. Maybe we are what we think we are, but there is more to us than what we think. What others think about us can have as little or as much effect as we allow. The fact that we are still fortunate enough to opine without fear of imprisonment or being burned at the stake needs to be celebrated.

I laugh, I cry, Blogging becomes a part of me...

If I choose to engage in cerebral intercourse about religion, history, sex, politics, or philosophy, debate creationism and evolution, absorb trivia, share some heartbreaking revelation or stunning confession, enjoy a witty reconstruction of someone'e ordinary day, read a beautiful poem or view awesome artwork, learn about customs and phobias from afar, laugh or wince at ridiculous rantings and ravings, relive my youth through those rose coloured glasses, or simply spoof, cajole, disseminate, regurgitate or just
mentally masturbate...
it's all out here..something for my ever changing moods...

My link list is starting to get interesting and diversified. Its the reason why I have designated my profilic occupation as a Scallywag, or one who mischieveously consorts with the opposition? I love people who never waste? one second worrying or even thinking about the BIG QUESTIONS, but I gravitate towards those who do ponder them from time to time. Regardless, we're in this together, trapped on an island spinning around the Sun at 60,000 miles per hour...
Life is a giant version of LOST

This should be fun! Atleast some of the time? If it were all Doom and Gloom I'd be out weeding the garden and enjoying numerous chemical cocktails. I want to be learning something and to do that I have to keep an open mind.
(Mind you I will hide behind the door with a Rubber Chicken to smack 'ya just in case your ideas are either insanely ridiculous or simply way better than mine!)

Agnostic doesn't have to mean Antagonistic!

(I do have to watch out for that, sorry to you know who you are...)

Hopefully I will mature but sometimes I get so thorny.
I would like my path to lead me past the fascadic points of view and deeper into the people.
There is almost always a reason WHY someone thinks the way they do.

As an Agnostic, I am obviously comfortable with having reconciled that some questions in Life are ultimately unanswerable.
But, and as PeeWee said, "everybody has a big BUT", I am still excited and challenged by meeting people from both alternative and traditional viewpoints.

Nearly everyone, I said nearly, has something illuminating to say about one thing or another. We are all a combo of Charming and Tedious.
Studying our similarities is far more productive and enlightening than sweating the small stuff. Life is way too short and unpredictable to waste every ounce of energy proving that you've got it 99.9%
figured out..even if somedays
you think that you do!

Hope you find someone that challenges you on this or someother list.....

Before I bugger off for the weekend I have been surveying your brilliant posts, deciphering your comments and enjoying instrumental music in the bkgd.

Remember when instrumentals were on
TOP 40 lists!?
That would never happen in this day and age "blahblah right thurr right thurr blahblahblah!"
Lyric/Vox free or Ambient music allows me to enjoy predominantly nostalgic music but still retain the ability to concentrate on other things.
(I use the term concentrate loosely believe me)

Anyway, have a great weekend everyone.
Here is a partial list of my bkgd music. If you have some faves let me know...I'm always lookin' for good tunes.

Do any of these sound familiar?
(Blogger is not letting moi upload Album cover pics today sigh!)

Classical Gas/ Mason Williams
Outta Space/Billy Preston
Twin Peaks Theme/Angelo Badalamenti
How Dare You/10cc
Follow Your Bliss/B52s
Love is Blue/Paul Mauriat
Cells/Servant
Wot Gorilla/Genesis
Joy/Apollo 100
Once Upon A Time In The West/Ennio Morricone
Chariots of Fire/Vangelis
Beatbox/Art of Noise
Happiness/Lenscrafter
A New Career In A New Town/Bowie
Zaar/Peter Gabriel
Frankenstein/Edgar Winter
Synathaesia(Fly Away)/Thrillseekers
Final Warning/Caribou
Globe Trekker theme/Ian Ritchie

PUT SUM SOUTH IN YER MOUTH!


I for one sleep better at night knowing that our democratic political systems here in North America are the finest in the world.


"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy..but that could change."
Dan Quayle


"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard."
H.L.Mencken


"Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve."
George Bernard Shaw



And now words of wisdom from a former Texan Governor.

"If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me."

Miriam Amanda (Ma) Ferguson
(1875-1961)
Governor of Texas
1925-27/1933-35

HOLLYWOOD REDUX

One simple fact of life can no longer be ignored and we do ourselves a great disservice ignoring the elephant in the room. Hollywood is stuck on Remakes and Sequels.



We now know for certain that Hollywood is dead set on providing two types of remakes;
nostalgic movies that performed well in the past or formulaic sequels, atleast until the last Baby Boomer dies sometime in December of 2065.

Since this is apparently non negotiable which Film or Sequel would you most like to see created and name your dream machine all-star cast.

I would redo Moby Dick because of the timeless message and themes contained within Melville's classic tale. That's bullsh*t!

I really just want to see how completely kick ass awesome Moby would be with modern CGI.
Yeah Baby! It would make JAWS look like Benji.

Maybe I could have a subliminal Neo-Eco twist for audiences in whaling countries like Japan, Norway and Iceland. No better make it blatant.
*note to self , get Al Gore and Michael Moore to rewrite the screenplay.

For the purists in the audience I would hire Ridley Scott to direct and cast Ian McKellen as Ahab.
For the ladies, George Clooney as Ishmael.
C'mon people this ain't no arthouse flower, ya gotta fill those seats!

All of the expendable doomed seamen extra roles would be beefed up and filled with old school-action guys, Stallone, Schwartzenegger, Willis, Snipes, Seagal, Van Damme, Norris, what a hoot!
C'mon, I want people to go see it.

Now you PICK A FLICK>...

HEY SPIKE WANNA CHASE SOME CATS?


When Canada eventually joins the United States I am certain that the Americans will decide to just shmush our Provinces into the existing Northern States.

I live in Manitoba which is directly north of Minnesota and North Dakota. So I would prefer a name like Mannisota or North Tobakota.

When every other country on the planet has finally acquired Tactical Nuclear Weapons, except for Haiti, Togo, Canada and Chad, we will be forced, by necessity, to join the States for protection.

Except of course Quebec, which will demand to be physically towed across the Atlantic and dropped off at France.


Once united, every expatriate American and Canadian will then be ordered home from every corner of the globe. Once everybody is back home we'll SLAM the door shut, bolt the lock, and put a chair under the door knob.
North America will become as safe as the Panic Room that Jody Foster and her daughter hid in, but way, way bigger!

Of course we'll need a new name for this ubercountry. The Americans will want to call it Super Duper America
or something goofy like that, but we Canucks, as an expression of our passive/aggressive nature, will demand, I mean politely suggest, that it be called something less goofy. If that's Ok?

Hey! Do you remember learning about PANGEA in geography class. C'mon, remember when all of the continents were bunched up together and then started breaking up at the end of the Triassic Period about 237 MYA. You don't remember that?

Anyway the new giant PANICGEA country would need a name that summons forth an image of unity and combined strength and Not Super Duper America.
How about something equally undignified like
NaNa-Na-PooPoo or
Neener Neener Neener!

Why? Because if any other country was DUHmb enough to 'lob a couple of missiles our way', WE would nuke their dumb ass country back into the Triassic Period! Na na na poo poo!

Doesn't this whole ridiculous post remind you of that TV cartoon with the two dogs; Chester (little wimpy Canada) and Spike (big bully USA).

"Hey Spike wanna chase some cats today?
Huh Spike ya wanna? You're so big and strong and I'm so puny!"

"Ah Shaaaaadup!," Spike retorts as he smacks him across the head.

RANTARCTICA:
LEOPARD SEALS Yikes!

I find this far more interesting than you will but Hydrurga Leptonyx, Leopard Seals, are finally getting the recognition and the reputation that they deserve.

Were it not for my microscopic attention span I would love to write a 'Benchley type' thriller like JAWS using Leopard Seals as scary monsters lurking beneath the ice.

Perhaps Global Warming adherents would read it?

Imagine if you will, frozen in time, researching the shrinking Polar Cap at the South Pole, an international cast of characters are locked in a cold, ruthless world of murder, espionage, romance and intrigue.

Then one by one the humans start disappearing. da da da. da da da.

The United Nations is summoned for help.

They send in an elite platoon of Newfies, Canada's famous Seal Smackers, armed to the teeth with hakapiks (big sticks) to bludgeon the killer seals into the great hereafter. Have the Newfies finally met their match in the Leopard Seal? These aren't the hapless doe eyed pups of Labrador.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seal_Hunting#Canada

Sir Paul McCartney, horrified by the thought of missing another photo opportunity of him protecting marine mammals, flys out immediately.
Apparently McCartney is willing to risk his life to protect the rights of wild animals to kill humans.

In an ironic turn of events McCartney is killed by a legendary Walrus named coo coo g' joob which means 'I am He as You are He as You are Me'.* (Beatle reference)
You'll have to wait for my book to see how it ends!



Recent movies like March of the Penguins and Eight Below may finally propel this 'psychotic/prehistoric' looking mammal to the top of the scary movie monster A -list.






Adult male Leopard Seals can weigh 900 lbs. and measure 13ft. in length. Researchers in the Antarctic routinely reinforce inflatable boats to protect themselves from attacks.

Believe it or not Leopard seals have been documented stalking humans underwater.


Tragically in July of 2003, a British Marine Biologist, Kirsty Brown, was killed by a leopard seal while snorkeling in Antarctica.

In 1985 Gareth Wood was attacked while walking on thin ice.
The seal crashed through the ice, grabbed his leg and retreated only after colleagues of Mr. Wood clubbed it's head with ice picks!

The seal's favorite food is 'gwin, penguin. 'Leopards' can unzip 'gwins right out of their skin by shaking the captured bird inside-out.

I don't know about you, but from this moment in time, I for one, will never ever swim in the Antarctic unless either Aquaman
or
Prince Namor are there to protect me.

THE SECRET TO BEING HAPPY IS TO NOT KEEP ANY SECRETS.

A secret by definition is something that is unexplained, hidden, or kept, from the knowledge of others.

Keeping a secret is like having a grand piano tied to your ass.

Sometimes we lug secrets around for our entire lives.

If you tell anyone your secret then it is no longer a secret.

Secrets hold us back from being truly happy because secrets are usually about something terrible.

Good news travels fast.

Secrets hide and eat away at your foundation like termites.

Before I die, I hope to have revealed all of my SECRETS! to someone else.

How many secrets are you lugging around?

"If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees." Kahlil Gibran.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY TIGER




The new NIKE ad coming out for Fathers Day features a tribute to Earl Woods and his son, golf phenom Tiger.








Last night fellow blogger within,without from http://spaceshipsnippets.blogspot.com/
and I had a lively discussion about the whole concept.


Is it simply crass commercialism capitalizing on the recent passing of Earl or a remarkable opportunity for Tiger to tell the world how much he loved his dad?


I'll start with w/w's notion that it was a blatant exploitation and that NIKE was abusing the emotional content to sell sneakers.
That's all of the space that I am willing to give his misguided conspiracy theory nyeh! We're besties he can take it.

Now for the correct interpretation.
Let us for argument sake all agree on a few things.



A. Tiger Woods is a marketing dream. Handsome, multi ethnic, eloquent (for a professional athlete), and astonishingly superb at the game of golf (which btw is a
Game and not a Sport ) and doggonnit people like him.


B. Earl Woods is synonymous with the very idea of the
All American Dad who invested his life into a son that he adored.

Thanks to the aging Baby Boomers, Golf is now hugely popular and Tiger is the de facto generation crossing icon.
NIKE pays Tiger Millions of dollars because Tiger embodies everything positive about sports.
Of course they want to sell you sneakers.
Everybody wants to sell you something!
Nowadays I believe that we as consumers are savy enough to realise this. We can still choose to buy other brands.

I once was a writer and producer of TV commercials so I know something about creating a feel good spot. It is true many that homo escapeons adorn themselves with recognisable brand name articles believing (ugh?) that there is somehow a transference of identity and status associated with wearing a logo on your rear end, hat, sneakers, car, sunglasses, baby carriage, or anything else for that matter.


However, a 500 lb rapper, for instance (bad example), in all of the adidas getup and prerequisite bling, is obviously not mistaken for actually having attained the physical prowess or the financial wherewithall of iconic superstars like David Beckham, Wayne Gretzky, or Tiger Woods.


Kobe Bryant was once on this list but crossed the line with his extramarital meaderings. The ridiculous 400? carat ring that was given to his wife as a peace offering firmly destroyed his marketibility and imploded his credibilty.Now his star has fallen, but there are some very short attention spans in the world of sports fanatics.

In the precarious world of icons Tiger is still clean as whistle.

Lets face it, we all have labels attached to us but if you can somehow BRAND yourself then you've got it made in this world!
In conclusion, I believe that Tiger had the remarkable opportunity to pay tribute to his father and regardless of how many sneakers the NIKE ad sold he was just showing his gratitude and love for his dad.
Because he can.
Am I too naive?

SHARK ART



This dramatic piece titled
Watson And The Shark (1778)
by John Singleton Copley is reknown for creating the first important figure of a black person (not a stereotype) in an American painting. I love the odd looking shark with the tiny teeth although the projected jaw is anatomically correct. The water off of the coast of Boston is cold, perfect for Great Whites who normally prey on plump sea lions.


The only Canadian shark attack recorded on canvas that I am aware of is this piece by Paul Calle. On a summer morning in 1953 off of the coast of Cape Breton Island two lobstermen were attacked in their dory by a Great White Shark.
John MacLeod survived by hanging on to the splintered wreckage.
John Burns drowned.
The shark swam away after attacking the boat and did not return.

If you are interested in learning about current and historical shark attacks on humans check out the International Shark Attack File http://www.flmnh.ufl.edu/fish/sharks/isaf/isaf.htm

There is a great deal of common sense involved in avoiding such encounters.

Available statistics
verify that aside from a few obvious places to avoid swimming the greatest number of attacks occur where the largest concentrations of humans splashing about (imitating prey items) coincides with the largest supply of sharks ie California, Florida, South Africa and Australia.

Sharks
have survived for hundreds of millions of years because they are so perfectly adapted to their environment.
Aside from Orcas, other sharks and humans killing them, they patrol the oceans, a few lakes and rivers (Bull sharks in Nicaragua/Zambezi) doing what they do best; swimming, eating and making little sharks.
Now many species are endangered by commercial fishing and pollution, a worldwide conservation effort is required to protect them.

This is a hard sell because of movies like JAWS
that portray them as man eating demons.
Unfortunately this can happen.
I remember reading about Jacques Cousteau's encounter with a huge Great White while diving.
The fish voided it's bowels in shock and fled in the blink of an eye.
On the other hand if you were towed behind a boat near a sea lion colony in certain parts of the world (Farrallon Islands/Spencer Gulf ) the inevitable surprise attack from below would almost be guaranteed.

Surfers
are often in danger due to their unfortunate resemblence to sea turtles or sea lions from below the surface.
That being said most bites are a sampling and the scrawny legs of a surfer are usually spit out and the shark moves on for fatter and juicier prey.
The sad fact that our fragile taxonomy is so vulnerable that even a minor attack and the loss of blood and drowning are usually the cause of death.

Still what on this Earth could possibly be more terrifying?

SOUL MATES!
*play Great Southern Land by Icehouse while you read this..

Australia and Canada are an interesting study in Colonial Evolution. Both countries are young and the byproducts of Rule Brittania. However Australia has had the benefit of being isolated, atleast geographically, from the overwhelming influence of the our next door neighbour, the USofA.Whereas Aussies have an overwhelming unique brand (18Million people vs our 30M) we Canucks are generally regarded as sedated versions of Americans.

A quick review think Australia; HOT
Beer,Sharks,CrocodileDundee,Salties,Kangaroos,Koalas,
Boomerangs,Slouch Hats,Strine,INXS,Surfing,Men At Work, ACDC,Split Enz (close enough) Savage Garden,Box Jellyfish,Air Supply,Midnight Oil,Poisonous snakes,Blue Ring Octopus,my list would be huge.




think Canada: COLD
Beer,Mounties,Beaver, Bears,Celine Dion, Shania Twain and Bryan Adams, eh!,Maple Syrup, Pine Trees,Igloos,and Hockey.

Australian and Canadian Aboriginal struggles are similar(indeed as they are worldwide)the first immigrants to Australia arrived about 50,000 years ago and here in Canada about 12,000 years ago. I suppose that both First Nations could be classified as First Asians since all humans travelled through Asia to reach their destinations. I tend to regard all humans as having evolved from Mitochondrial Eve 150,000 years ago in Africa so no disrespect is intended. I do find it interesting that Australia's first inhabitants have done a much better job of exposing their issues around the globe than their Canadian counterparts. For instance one of my favorite movies is Rabbit Proof Fence. I fell in love with those kids as they escaped the British indoctrination process to find home.OMG Fabulous film.
Hopefully both groups will eventually find a homeostatic position in this world that we have to share and that NOBODY really owns anyway.

I have lost a few friends to the Land Downunder because there has always been an enthusiastic exchange of young people between Canada and Australia. While I was at Whistler Ski Resort in British Columbia (eh notice the B word eh) it was impossible to overlook the number of Aussies working there, they seem to love our mountains. Alternatively Canucks go to Australia to find the eternal beach. Both countries are celebrated for their rugged out-of-doors lifestyles. Even though we have HOT summers and beautiful lakes (no sharks mate) the world still thinks of us as a WINTER wonderland.????


Australia is always considered a SUMMER place (Melanoma capitol of the world) where the water swirls in the opposite direction down the loo.
OK wrap it up.
Australia to me is SHARKS!
(a future6000 word post lookout)
As a confirmed shark nut I even named my eldest son after Spencer Gulf where most of the Great White Shark films are shot.


Both countries are cinematically portrayed as dangerous places for humans. I laughed through the movie SIRENS where Hugh Grant read headlines in the morning papers describing how somebody died from a shark attack, jelyfish, snake or crocodile attack! It's all relative. When I talked to a surfboard dude in California he said that he would never go into the Canadian woods because of all the Bears!
One of my favorite memories of Aussies involves Grizzly Bears.

While camping in Banff, Alberta (another British stamp) my buddy and I returned from a night in town to find our Aussie mates at the next tent lining there tent with weiners (yes alchohol was involved)to attract a Grizzly for a photo op. A huge bear had been seen around the campground that day and warnings were posted. I slept in the car that night and our mates were evicted around 4 am! YIKES!.

Here in Canada more people are probaly killed by Moose on the highways than from a Bear attack (Black/Grizzly/Polar) but the image persists of a land where, as they say in the film Missouri Breaks..

"the closer you get to Canada..the more things there are that'll eat yer horse"

Branding is weird eh mate?. I think that we should form one country, enjoy our similarities, and cover all of the bases. That's fair dinkum eh!

Putting the HYPER in HYPERBOLE!

Is Earth a HOSTILE or FRIENDLY place?

Every time I turn on PBS during PLEDGE WEEK there is Wayne Dyer (mr erroneous zones) asking me if I live in a HOSTILE or FRIENDLY universe?

Wayne you are driving me mad with your personal vendetta on negative thinking!
Wayne keeps saying that Albert Einstein once said that the most important decision you’ll ever make in your life is to decide what kind of universe you live in. A friendly universe is something that is going to support you and a hostile one will work against you.

What about a neutral/luck of the draw/time
and chance/sh*t happens type of universe???
Instead of the zero sum gain (somebody must
win or lose) and good versus evil mindset consider some of the tantalizing alternatives.
There are plenty of other ideas around to choose from like nihilism/idealism/existentialism/
dualism/everything is beautifulism/
determinism and creative people are dreaming
up new isms everyday!

Perhaps the time honored notion of monotheism needs some tinkering. The idea that you can either be with or against the one true supreme universal deity gets us homo escapeons in a lot of trouble with others.

One of the main problems is putting all of your eggs in the hereafter basket. Why not just be good enough to get in through the pearly gates and let the free market/free will equation sort out the eternal reward or damnation of others. Hey good enough!
If you think that the next life is the real eternal life then whatever.

The problem with this theory is that it is unfortunately unprovable. Maybe we should start asking ourselves the obvious question. Why do we still cling to these notions? If these ideas are worth killing others who disagree with you then maybe, just maybe, they warrant a dash of exhaustive, serious examination, a pinch of scrutiny and a dollop of verification. You think?
But then it wouldn't be called faith would it?


To answer the hostile/friendly question look in your local newspaper and watch the world news. Does there appear to be some kind of fair impartial grand scheme or gameplan involved in the demise of the
15 million children who starve to death every year?

Is their death simply because they picked the wrong place to be born or believed in the wrong god?There are some people who have air-conditioned dog houses and get chaufferred to church in their thousand dollar suits who honestly believe that.

These are certainly/absolutely/for sure/this is it/ the endtimes for the millenialists. Did you know that 44% of Americans believe that Jesus will return in their lifetime!
They await the second coming and new world order where they will live in the new Jerusalem. They are trembling at the demise of the USA which is preventing the second coming because of it's outstanding contribution to the war on EVILISM.

But the writing is on the wall. The $3 Billion a day that the American Government has to borrow in order to keep operating will no doubt implode the amazing short reign of the latest world empire.

It is baffling how the message of love thy neighbour and turn the other cheek has devolved into the present day fire insurance policy to escape the flames of hell. Forget the last minute foxhole conversion scenario, get on board now and make sure you get raptured with the true believers. True believers, afterall, will disappear POOF! swept away and avoid the seven year tribulation brought on by the infamous anti-christ. Martyrdom is not an option for the purist.

In the meantime Israelis, who are well aware of all this millenial stuff, just smile and take the money as the fundamentalist tour buses rumble through Jerusalem. Awestruck occupants who are looking anxiously at their future neighbourhood will miss their jewish friends who won't make the rapture because of their stubborn refusal to accept yeshua bar yusef as the messiah.

Yes my friends after the rapture of the true believers the millenialists tell us that the rest
of the world, that'd be us, will rejoice for three and one half years thanks to a new world leader who restores oreder to a chaotic world and then BANG experience torment and anguish during the rest of the tribulation until the final showdown at Armaggedon.

Hey and that's the friendly universe!

The televangelists have a message for you
liberal pagan heathen atheist false idol worshipping losers ..sob.. jesus loves you, but dammit they wish that he didn't.
They must actually believe that he loves them more because you are a stubborn hedonistic idiot and they are so smart for figuring the whole thing out for you! Instead of concentrating on making this world more like heaven I think that they try to scare the hell out of you instead because it is so unfair to them.

So if you think that this is a hostile universe now then I bet you can't wait for their friendly universe? You ain't seen nothing yet.
As world events continue to slide toward Armaggedon more people will jump at the fire insurance message to avoid the tribulation and eternal hell. Why not?

Did I mention that this was about HYPERBOLE?