When Canada eventually joins the United States I am certain that the
Americans will decide to just shmush our Provinces into the existing Northern States. I live in Manitoba which is directly north of Minnesota and North Dakota. So I would prefer a name like Mannisota or North Tobakota.
When every othe
r country on the planet has finally acquired Tactical Nuclear Weapons, except for Haiti, Togo, Canada and Chad, we will be forced, by necessity, to join the States for protection. Except of course Quebec, which will demand to be physically towed across the Atlantic and dropped off at France.
Once united, every expatriat
e American and Canadian will then be ordered home from every corner of the globe. Once everybody is back home we'll SLAM the door shut, bolt the lock, and put a chair under the door knob. North America will become as safe as the Panic Room that Jody Foster and her daughter hid in, but way, way bigger!
Of course we'll need a new name for this ubercountry. The Americans will want to call it Super Duper America
or something goofy like that, but we Canucks, as an expression of our passive/aggressive nature, will demand, I mean politely suggest, that it be called something less goofy. If that's Ok?
Hey! Do you r
emember learning about PANGEA in geography class. C'mon, remember when all of the continents were bunched up together and then started breaking up at the end of the Triassic Period about 237 MYA. You don't remember that? Anyway the new giant PANICGEA country would need a name that summons forth an image of unity and combined strength and Not Super Duper America.
How about something equally undignified like
NaNa-Na-PooPoo or
Neener Neener Neener!
Why? Because if any other country was DUHmb enough to 'lob a couple of missiles our way', WE would nuke their dumb ass country back into the Triassic Period! Na na na poo poo!
Doesn't this whole ridiculous post remind you of that TV cartoon with the two dogs; Chester (little wimpy Canada) and Spike (big bully USA).
"Hey Spike wanna chase some cats today?
Huh Spike ya wanna? You're so big and strong and I'm so puny!"
"Ah Shaaaaadup!," Spike retorts as he smacks him across the head.
What, two blogs in one day, isn't it? Aren't you unleashing a little too much UBERDON on the world?
ReplyDeleteSometimes, I think you almost unwittingly write the most offbeat, funny but insightful stuff that can't help but make people laugh.
Not to suggest you didn't really think this through, because obviously you did. But to deliver it with such panache...
No doubt we will end up as Minnetoba or North Dakotoba or Manidakota or Manisota.
The U.S., as part of its agreement to take over Canada, will assume the cost of towing Quebec to France, well, just because it can. It will call out the National Guard under Hillary Clinton's orders, however it will be under threat of nuclear attack and will be sunk by France itself, which has no room to put Quebec anyway.
I believe once they call every expatriate Super-Duper American home, the sheer weight of all those millions will cause the new uber country NaNaPooPoo (not quite sure I'm with you on that) to sink about five feet, swamping L.A., New Jersey, New Orleans, Miami and all those coastal meccas, making the Super Duper Plains much more palatable for all.
Fargo/Grand Forks will balloon to eight million in population and become so big that Winterpeg, then two million people itself, will become its suburb. The main industry propelling this new metropolis will be a combination of hydro power and whatever farming is still left.
With Iran, North Korea and maybe even Iceland developing nuclear weapons, it's only a matter of time before this is all a reality, and you have given the world fair warning.
And thanks for bringing Chester and Spike back into my life. If you remember, Chester was the smart one. Spike? Well, not so much. He was the brawn, Chester was the brains...
I laughed. And that's what life is all about.
NaNaPooPoo
**Na na na poo poo!
ReplyDeleteLOL good one!
U think very uniquely and it makes u a 'super duper' cranium repository. Really.
Keshi.
I honestly wonder if the day will come when Canada relies so heavily on the US for protection, that it gives up so much power that we essentially become that 51st state. I guess Harper's doing his best to get us there.
ReplyDeletei think we should rename canada to
ReplyDelete"na na na na...na na na nah...hey hey hey...good bye!" (ellipses and exclamation mark included)
then we should rename the candu reactors to the "hey hey hey good bye reactors". if that doesn't scare the hell out of potential assimilators, nothing will. of course, perhaps in an attempt to overtake our hhhgb reactor technology, they may invade anyway, certain that we, being canadian, would not use our nuclear capabilities without politely announcing our intention to do so at a properly scheduled time (hello...like, never?!)
i for one, am planning to move off this continent entirely, some place that doesn't boast incessantly about it's 'tolerance' of others because nobody gives a rat's ass about what someone else is doing.
then i will ask them to rename my new home to "Superduper-something-or-other."
damn...felt like watching an episode of south park. I bet i want to tear of f a piece of existence and form my own country too...hahahah
ReplyDeletePANGEAGHOSTY ...nanana nononono neee neee
Triassic Period? Are you kidding me? ;-) It took me three years to
ReplyDeleterent "Jurrasic Park", but that's only because my card allows titles
with less than three syllables in
any word, and I fer dayum sher couldn't spell it. I tried pointing at the pickture and grunting. Where th' poccorn?
within,
ReplyDeleteA.check the message board in your retirement home lobby..Today is Tuesday, yesterday was Monday. It is Sunny outside.
B. Thanks I get a lot of raz from my kids about short selling
CANA-la-di-DA. I just happen to think that we would be a lot more like Australia if we didn't have to sleep next to the elephant. It's a weird relationship but in the end most Yanks and Canucks are just like regular folks around the world, we're all scared to death of where the world is heading.
christine,
An evening in my brain is either a tornado of ridiculous notions ripping through the trailor park of life or a lost soul in an empty desert (complete with a coyote howling in the distant hills) looking for my car keys...owwooooooo,
keshi,
Now you know why we are so enamoured with Australia. If only we had a little geography between us and the GIANT. What would Canaladida be like? We'll never know.btw Men at Work were probably as popular here as they were back home where men CHUNDER ewww gross!
anonymous blogger,
You are right, Mr Harper is a Tory which is as close to being American as a Canadian can be. He will do everything in his limited power to ensure and speed up our eventual annexation. When that sad day finally arrives we Canucks will all shed a tear, shrug our shoulders, and sigh with relief.
The Democrats will gain 29 million new members (out of 30M) so don't expect Dubya to try and speed this up.
reysputin,
Yes I could see a lot of Canuckistanis, as Bill OReilly like to call us, moving back to their ancestral homes. We are much too polite to put up a struggle. Like the overly compliant hosts that we are we will give up our entire house to the guests and go sleep on the couch. Unless an amazing dynamic in your face TRUDEAUesque figure emerges and stands up to them. Hey is that YOU?
ghost particle,
Everybody would love to have their own country. However the 202? existing countries are a logistical nightmare what would we do with 6 Billion??
grumbloid,
Now now you know which Yankees I am referring too. Certainly there are bright people down South who not only think like Canadians but act like them too.
Ah hope y'all lahked dem dineesores in Jerassik Trailor Park. Y'all made yer point. Now git offa ma propertii 'for ah commences to starts-a-shootin' first and askin' kestchuns a-later!
Oh, you're right, sonny, that IS what the message board says. Thanks, now I have gas. Where's that washroom again?
ReplyDeleteyeah
ReplyDeletemighty fine job you did there - bringing up the sweaty browed angst of middle school years with your Pangea/Panicgea ...
... and then reminding me of Gore's gorriffic images of my Southern home gittin' swahlered up by the sea!
Ghhhah
"Ah Shaaaaadup!," smack yerself 'cross yer head. (wink)
This is as good a geopolitical theory as any I have run across.
ReplyDeletewithin,
ReplyDeleteEasy there ol timer...I see that they are serving the orange jello today!
lady wordsmith,
Thanx! I ususally get a swat when I start yammering about geography or pahlitiks.
Luv yer accent ma'am.
darius,
Damn straight, I've got it all figured out don't I? Why they pay big bucks for fancy papers from 'think tanks'is beyond me.
how exactly do men chunder? :):)
ReplyDeleteI was listening to Down Under just this morning...hehehe...
Keshi.
keshi,
ReplyDeleteIt refers to vomitting/blowing chunks on the shipmate below your bunk, look out chunder 'neath. bllaaaghhh!