Monday, June 26, 2006

ENTERPAINMENT TONIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT!



"Hi everybody I'm Mary Hart!"
I find Mary Hart's priaprismic smile disturbing. (Priaprism is a persistent, prolonged, painful erection.) Oh alright Americans love her.. she is just darling!
I'll just pick on the show then..start over...
I find Enterpainment Tonight disturbing.

The charade of pretending to be more than a 30 minute commercial is insulting. Behind the scenes movie producers and television actors pawn their souls in a faustian bid for air-time. In exchange for appearing on camera with a 3 second sound-bite, entertainers get their 5 second promotional clip played and replayed atleast 50 frickin times during the opening credits! Over and Over and Over and Over and Over...at the start of the show along with a voice over

"Hi everybody I'm Mary Hart!" and then in Slo-mo and then..Over and Over and Over and Over just before the show ends with a fascinating scoop on tonight's episode of JAG and a voice over
"Bye everybody I'm Mary Hart!"
ET doesn't shy away from tackling important issues either.

'People-in-the-know' can all sleep soundly tonight after ET reports that Celebutante de jour Paris(une nuit dans Paris) Hilton said....wait for it.... "that's hot" after she found her lost puppy-bling. Oh JOY! Oh RAPTURE!

"Hi everybody I'm Mary Hart"...cue card reads MARY HART change to serious smile..."Paris Hilton said 'that's hot'"..ever notice how every single second of each annoying clip is presented with the exact same contrived, inane, banter of one of their ubiquitous ET wannabes. Oh and I love it when one of the carbon copy guys says,"Hi everybody I'm Joe Schmo sitting in for Moe Schmo." Huh? Do they think that we'll change the channel if our favorite Schmo isn't there?

Marshall (the medium is the message)McLuhan, the celebrated Canadian Media Critic, could not have imagined in his wildest dreams how the unintended consequences of language, namely 23 Fn' years of
"Hi everybody I'm Mary Hart!", could 'hype-notise' us into either simultaneous mass consumption or spontaneous human combustion.
ET is not 'Extending Thoughts (from within my mind to others), it is simply Extending Spots(ads) from within Corporate America to YOU.

The E-TEDIUM is the MESSAGE!
It is the chance for YOU to live vicariously through any one of the carbon copied ET clones and sneaking into the lives of the most important people in our culture, in our world and in our solar system... a celebrity.

Wait it's an ET EXSCLUSIVE, "Hi everybody I'm Mary Hart ...only ET can bring you this breaking news"...cue card:MARY HART change to serious smile...."ET viewers will be sad to learn about the recent death"(3 days ago) "of a Hollywood Legend" (D-list 60s recluse) "whose career" (both episodes of Hee Haw) "brought laughter and joy" (sphincter clenching bewilderment)"to millions"(a third cousin of mine twice removed now serving 20 to life for animal husbandry).



Yessiree! ET is more than just chit-chat as news, it is more like Wannabes Gone Wild. A pornographic romp exposing out of control poseurs on a permanent spring break.WOOHOO! Need a little T and A? Then sit your Ass down, turn on the Boob tube and hum along...
DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA,
"Hi everybody I'm Mary Hart!"
DA DEE DUM DUM DEE DUM.....

13 comments:

  1. damn dude, i like your rush of ideas...!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Entertainment brainwashing. I can't watch it either, I get nauseous. Sad that some people actually give a shit who's dating who or who's anorexic this week.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ghost particle,
    I have convulsions and fall to the floor just like Kramer (Seinfeld) whenever I hear Mary Hart talk! Aaaiiieeeee wo!

    christine,
    Next to Springer and Fear Factor (unfortunately there is not enough memory on my PC to list all of the crap)it is the most nauseating thing on the boob tube.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Isn't this a summer repeat?

    Bu-hu-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa!!!!
    Bu-hu-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa!!!!
    Bu-hu-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa!!!!

    But I thought you watched this every day...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I would really love to beat her!

    did you know (and this is a true story!) that there is a guy who actually has epilectic seizures everytime he hears her voice? They actually did a piece on it once.

    Ay!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yep. I truly hate those kinds of shows. I find it disturbing that so many people watch them. I mean, there must be a huge market for them. There's so many different shows now.

    It's funny how both Global and CTV have their own versions. They use them to promote their own Global/CTV programming. It's one big commercial.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Bu-hu-wa-wa-wa-wa,
    I reserve the right to rant as often as necessary even ad nauseum if need be!
    I cringe and my scrotum shrivels if I don't change the channel fast enough when ET comes on after the news. AAARRRGGHH!

    miz bohemia,
    I'll hold her down for you!
    I believe that she could have that effect on people...and not just poor Kramer!

    anonymous blogger,
    I think the problem is that by concentrating on the universal hatred and envy of Pseudolebrities people can forget their feelings of being completely powerless in Life.
    A brick in the wall.
    A cog in the wheel.
    It is a form of escape and its on a human level. I hate the sheer vapid bankrupt notion of celebrity. These peopl succeed mainly due to accidental luck regarding the arrangement of their DNA. They are beautiful. So?????

    ReplyDelete
  8. You can join me on my crusade...

    I am now three years without watching Television delibrately... But i do remember ET. Coming up next.....

    ReplyDelete
  9. aidan,
    3 years w/o TV! I had better get you up to speed.

    OK on 24, Jack Bauer tortures his prisoners and uses his cell phone to save the world from terrorists who kidnap his daughter on every second episode.

    Wow, 3 years. I was once a TV commercial producer so I have always nutrtured my addiction to the boob tube from an analytical point of view.

    I have been seriously weaning myself from TV and Newspapers and Magazines and Movies and Personal Interaction with living breathing human beings ever since I found Blogging.
    But I still love Frontline and PBS and Walking With Cavemen etc. Like HOMER says TV gives so much and asks so little.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I find most of the stuff on TV very disturbing these days. It's one big 24-7 commercial for everything they want us to buy, from idiotic and harmful products to unnecessary services to dangerous ideologies to lies...

    ReplyDelete
  11. sh,
    You are absolutely right and it is perfectly programmed for Homo Escapeons.
    We get what we deserve and the Lowest Common Denominator is a lot Fn' lower than anyone could have guessed.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Its easier than you think, its amazing how much of our life we waste in front of the silly thing. Its easier than thinking for ourselves, just us taking the path of least resistance.

    Things better than TV
    1) Talking to loved ones.
    -parents
    -partners
    -pets **Worry when they start talking back, only when you loose the argument****

    2) volunteer work
    3) Reading
    -keeping ones brain going, the classics are a good place to start.
    4) Blogging
    5) compiling lists

    ReplyDelete
  13. this is the first time i've seen that high school hairdo all the cheerleaders had...outside of my yearbook. thank you! now i know where they all got it.
    i was puzzled for years. poor mary, she should have stood up to her stylist.

    ReplyDelete

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