SOLOMON'S KING SIZED GIGGITY
I have always found it interesting that the smartest guy who ever lived, a man who could have asked God for anything..but asked for
also managed to acquire 700 wives and 300 concubines.
That's just crazy talk.
According to legend King Solomon (Shlomo) wrote Proverbs, Ecclesiastes (brilliant), Song of Solomon, built the temple, created unimaginable wealth and security for Israel, recited 3000 proverbs, 800 songs, dispensed incredible wisdom (the infamous threat to divide the baby in half to reveal the real Mother of the child) and yet had the mental wherewithall to cope with 1000 women.
Maintaining a relationship with one wife is a full time job so Solomon must have been a Genius!
Solomon grew up as the rich and famous son of King David.
Yes THE David who slew Goliath
(whose last name was Down, little known fact).
How Solomon could have ignored the harsh lesson that his father learned from acquiring his mother Bathsheeba is beyond me.
aaah the sins of the father.
You see David had devised a sinister plan to eliminate his future wife's starter husband. Mott the Hoople, I mean Uriah Heep no Uriah the Hittite, a loyal soldier, who was sent by David to the front lines and deliberately left to die in battle. Booo Hisss!
The story of David's craving for Bathsheeba and his cowardly plan to obtain her is perhaps the most famous
soap opera in the entire Bible!
David had oggled Bathsheeba while she was bathing on her rooftop. SCHWING! That was that he had to have her. As punishment for his part in the treacherous demise of Uriah Heep, God exiled the guilty King David to the sidelines of Empire building for the rest of his days.
Now where was I ...KING SOLOMON and the 1000 women ...
First of all if Solomon was the smartest guy that ever lived then it quite logically stands to reason that having an insatiable appetite for giggity giggity giggity is not a sign of diminished mental capacity as many modern women believe. Whew! Now that is good news for modern man.
Secondly, the logistics of having a different lover every night for 2.74 years would be a monumental task that most men would probably be willing to tackle but unable to accomplish. HA!
I mean if they HAD to. As Mel Brooks said
"It's Good To Be King!"
If you factor in nooners and choppin' the morning wood it wouldn't be such a chore.
Hmmm I think I can I think I can....
Regardless, the astounding Hefnerian antics of the smartest and greatest King in Biblical history stands out in stark contrast to the prudish pathetic Puritanical abhorrance of sex that the Christian world later adopted.
Night and Day actually.
How about Celibacy anyone?
Granted, understatement alert, this whole epic tale has an air of chauvenism to it. No really!
I wonder if the harem was next door to a giant shopping mall? What exactly did the ladies do on their days off?
Once a King always a King, but once a knight, was not enough for King Solomon. I mean he certainly never had to do it solo.. man! I think that Solomon may have been a schmidge
Unfortunately all good things must come to an end and Solomon is also notorious for allowing his multiple wives to cajole him into having him build temples for their lower case gods and his Kingdom crumbled after his death.
But man what a ride!