BESTTICUS DRAMATICUS
MINISERIEUS EVERUS

I have been completely immersed for most of the week watching all 22 hours of

which I hereby proclaim as THE greatest TV mini series EVER!

Do you remember any of these?

1976 Rich Man Poor Man

1977 Roots

1980 Shogun

1983 Winds Of War

1984 The Thornbirds

1985 North And South

1989 Lonesome Dove

1990 Twin Peaks

2002 Band Of Brothers

2005 Rome

This BBC/HBO series is an intelligent, sexy, and thoughtful examination of the violent, tumultuous, soap opera that kidnapped the lives of the most famous characters (cast)in Rome from 52 to 30 BC (Julius Caesar to Ocavian/Augustus)

Like most of you I received my first taste of Roman History from the Nativity story in the Bible and the 1963 Blockbuster CLEOPATRA. Cleopatra was the most expensive movie ever made (fun facts here goofs )and starred Rex Harrison, Richard Burton, and of course

Elizabeth Taylor, who became the first actor to be paid $1,000,000 and villified for her scandalous offscreen behavior with her costar Burton. The Liz and Dick affair that eerily mirrored the behavior of their characters caused an international sensation and their subsequent escapades became the 'stuff' of legend as they were hounded by the tabloids from that day forward.

This movie revealed that Caesar had epilepsy, Antony was a love machine,and that Cleopatra was a feisty regal feminista who used her brain and her sexuality to snag both Caesar and Antony. Unfortunately she pinned her hopes on the wrong horses and of course ended her life with the most famous serpentine suicide in a history!

ROME is a splendid, hypnotizing, examination of how the economic, religious, and political spectrum of this city of one million inhabitants survived the civil war between the Senate and the Caesars.
Marvellous details about the day to day lives of the Patricians, Plebes and Slaves are beautifully revealed. So much effort was put into portraying the everyday experiences of all of the characters from the bottom of the barrel to the very top of this highly stratified Class and Militaristic Society.


I had to refresh my memory and get all of my Caesars (Czars/Kaisers) in order …and all those names with those 3 praenomen, cognomen, and agnomen whatchamacallitus. Here is how they decided those names Etymology_of_the_name_of_Julius_Caesar.

only covers the years from Julius crossing the Rubicon river to Octavian'svictory over Marcus Antonius and Cleopatra but here is a quick review of the EMPERORS:

(Octavian/Augustus is actually the first Emporer)

Nowadays we just reference their popular names:

Julius Caesar was Emperor from 49 to 44 BC
Born in 100 BC as Gaius Julius Caesar

Caesar Augustus was Emperor from 44 to14 BC
(Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus Augustus)
born in 63 BC as Gaius Octavius

Tiberius was Emperor from 14 to 37
(Tiberius Caesar Augustus)
Born in 42 BC as Tiberius Claudius Nero

Caligula was Emperor from 37 to 41
(Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus)
Born in 12 AD as Gaius Juluis Caesar Augustus Germanicus

Claudius was Emperor from 41 to 54
(Tiberius Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus)
Born in 10 BC as Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus

Nero was Emperor from 54 to 68
(Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus)
Born in 37 AD as Nero Claudius Drusus Germanicus

Here is a family tree to help sort through this JulioClaudian.png

If you love historical fiction dramas you will absolutely love ROME thanks to the startling honest approach to sex and violence that the creators have presented in such a matter of fact and mature fashion.

The story of how a 500 year old Republic that prided itself on the idealism of giving the power to the people instead of living under the whim and Tyranny of Kings...sound familar? The illusion of the common people trying to control their everyday lives and their ultimate destiny while LIFE and the ruling class are busy making other plans.

It reminds me of a few lines that Don Henley sang in

The End Of The Innocence.

O beautiful, for spacious skies

But now those skies are threatening

They're beating plowshares into swords

For this tired old man that we elected king

Armchair warriors often fail

And weve been poisoned by these fairy tales

What is your favoritus hitorical movie or miniseries ?

and why does history keep repeating?

ERRORIST THREAT LEVEL IS NOW RED!

Homeland Errorists have declared Jihoke (Holey War) on Reason and Modern Science. This is part of the cultural war being waged between Archeologists and Noah'sArkeeologists!


Two Creation Science Museums opening this spring are threatening to deal a fatal blow to the tedious and ridiculously scientificky School Science Curriculums in North America.

Finally Evolution, Darwinism, Empirical Science, and Reason, those nagging millstones that refuse to leave the secular morass of our Education System, will finally be destroyed and tossed into the dustbin of History!

These superb Museums, modern monuments to Intelligent Design or Errorism, will prove once and for all of time, the absolute, unquestionable*, historical, authenticity of the Bible from the title page and all the way to the back where all of the maps are.
*no seriously you do not want go there.

The CREATIONSCIENCEMUSEUM
opens May 28th in Kentucky, USA, and the
BIGVALLEYCREATIONSCIENCEMUSEUM
on June 5th in Big Alberta, Canada.

WOOT!

Finally the Creationists are determined to present the irrefutable evidence of a 6,000 year old Earth and end all of this tomfoolery and crazytalk about us changing from monkeys.

Don’t believe me? See for yourself!
Travel back in time back to the Garden of Eden and witness with your very own two eyes how the first two people on Earth walked around with Dinosaurs just like they did on the Flinstones.

Don’t worry about the young ones gawking at completely nekked Adam & Eve (ew gross!) their tastefully hidden naughty bits have been removed for your convenience.

Trace the astounding discovery of a direct lineage of the British Royal Family all the way back to Adam. It is right there in black in white!

Hey wait a minute..
How did Noah get a breeding pair of Diplodocus, which measured 90 feet in length and weighed approximately 16tons each, on to the Arky Ark?

(Singalong if you know it)

You got 16 tons and what do you get?
2 Diplodocus onboard and an instant shipwreck!

It was a trick question!
Did you forget that all of the Dinosaurs died in the flood ya silly goose!

What do you do when opportunity knocks and you can’t beat ‘em?
Join ‘em!
What do you do when History gives you Lemons?
Make Lemonade!

My son and I decided that we should start our very own Youseeum Museum before these other Museums put the nail in the coffin of Reason and Science.
We are going to make $BILLION$!

We began creating our display and we have a lot of catching up to do but as you can see we are trying to incorporate a ‘groovier’ more modern sort of ‘vibe’ in our interpretation.

I never realized how satisfying and downright 'godlike' it was to tinker with History until we began constructing our main exhibit titled
WHAT THE?

(If you think that you can handle the truth click on it)

Yes these are heady days for those of us in the Time Travel Tourism Industry. Our Grand Opening will be Tomorrow around noon because Ridz has school in the morning.
Be there or be square,and don't forget to tell all of your friends.


It is 2007 isn't it?
I thought that church would be more like this www.churchofreality.org by now.

THE ROAD TO DUMBASSES
Joshua Royce Mauldin, 19, wanted to be a Preacher. Unfortunately his aspirations to preach the Word of God to those in need has hit a bit of a snag. J.R. was arrested and detained in a Galveston jail charged with injury to a child.
J.R. could be facing up to 99 years in Prison and a $10,000 fine.

On May 10th while on his pilgrimage to becoming a Preacher, J.R. and his mother, wife, and their 2 month old baby girl Ana Marie, were staying in a Hotel in Galveston, Texas.

While his mother and wife were out fetchin’ sum supper, this young hopeful evangelist from Arkansas, did something beyond comprehension to his very own 2 month old baby girl Ana Marie.

After lying and changing his story several times, authorities believe that J.R. apparently punched his 2 month old baby girl in the groin, put her in a hotel room safe, and then placed her inside the refrigerator.

J.R. then put his daughter in a microwave oven and turned it on for 10 to 20 seconds! The 2 month old baby suffered third degree burns on the left side of her tiny face and hands. There does not appear to be any internal damage.

J.R.’s wife Eva said that Satan made Joshua do it.
The Devil sees Joshua’s designs on becomin’ a preacher as a real threat to the King of Darkness. Eva is trying to regain custody and has said on record that her husband is not a monster. He was just under a lot of stress and he has a mental illness. Child Protective Services has the two month old baby girl and is trying to severe any parental rights.

If I had my druthers, my initial reaction would be to drag J.R. out behind the barn and kill him with a shovel.

Next I experienced the NewAge PC guilt trip that argues that J.R. is a sociologically challenged individual who needs psychological aid. Perhaps one day he can be 'patched up' and participate in society. Afterall, J.R. is a victim too. It is wrong to be so judgemental and write J.R. off as some White Trash Springervolk.
The_Jerry_Springer_Show

After a millisecond I returned to my initial reaction and decided that killing him with a shovel would be too humane and that I would prefer to strangle him with my bare hands.

MR. ESCAPEONS YOU ARE EXCUSED FROM THE JURY.
When all is said and done I simply can not fathom this behavior or ascertain a reasonable and just punishment. I would obviously be excused from this jury but I imagine that a suitable punishment would start by sterilizing J.R. but then I still have to justify to taxpayers the true cost of wasting $60,000 dollars a year to keep him alive in Prison (protective custody no less) for the next 80 years.

Let’s face facts. The Baby’s Mom will probably regain custody and J.R. will get out of Prison by playing the ‘Supernatural card’ and end up going into a Secured Medical Facility for a few years. J.R. could be out for good behavior and ‘time spent’ awaiting trial which means that they could all be reunited by 2010.

J.R. can parlay his now infamous ‘struggle’ with Satan into a modern day epic of jailhouse religion and a road to Dumbasses like experience. He guarandamntee that he will SEE THE LIGHT!

Personally I think that it is a shame that these Springervolk pretend that they are in any way, shape, or form, connected to the human race never mind a specific religious demographic. It is just inexcusable and insulting to the few honest devotees who strive to inject Peace. Love and Understanding into this troubled world. I don't think any rational person would equate these two with anything other wallowing in the shallow end of the gene pool.

I am sorry that our society has devolved to a point where these types of Springervolk are not only commonplace but allowed to reproduce, vote, and wander the countryside at will. If that makes me sound like a monster, snob and half hearted eugeneticist, then so be it.
I regret that I felt compelled to even write about this lurid affair but it just makes me so f*cking angry that 2 month old Ana Marie and the rest of us have to share this planet with people like J.R.

I am wondering what modern social engineers would consider to be a fair punishment for microwaving your daughter?

CH CH CH CHANGES

Throughout history the vast majority of people have always believed that the way things are is the way that they will always be. They never expected to witness huge paradigm shifts.

For Centuries homo escapeons lived as their forefathers did. Socio/Economic/Political developements were hardfought, painstakingly slow events, and improving the living conditions of the average person was usually nothing but a fanciful notion or dream.

Now we expect miracles everyday. We have no doubt that Cancer and all diseases will be curable in the future. Maybe tomorrow! Why not? The one constant in OUR universe is ch-ch-ch-change and there has never been more change than in the last 200 hundred years of human history.

SUPERPOWERS COME AND GO

One Century ago THE Superpower was Great Britain. During the 1800s the British Empire covered nearly 1/3rd of the people and land on Earth. By the 1780s London had a population of 800,000 and was the largest city in Europe! Today I live alongside of 800,000 other

Whateverpeggers in what is now considered a moderately sized city. Meh!

These days I feel as if I am witnessing the manifest destiny of our current Superpower, the USA, start to contract. Like Rome and every Empire before and after it, there seems to be a certain point at which these gigantic social experiments start to crumble and implode from within.

THE BIRTH OF A NATION

This week I was struck by two very different historical events. On Secrets of the Dead: The Voyage Of The Courtesans, several Australian Women retraced their ancestory back to a shipload of British female prisoners who were sent by Lord Thomas Sydney to the Penal Colony 1300 miles away in Australia.

Quick review
London had a massive crime wave as a result of the chronic poverty from the Industrial Revolution.
There were 200 legal statutes allowing fo capital punishment available for dealing with criminals but the prisons were bursting at the seams.
After America claimed independence Lord Thomas Sydney chose Australia as the new receptacle for unwanted inmates.

King George recovered from his madness and reprieved the sentences on the female prisoners who were to be ‘SHIPPED OFF’ to the Penal Colony in Australia as potential wives for the first batch of convict/settlers. It was believed that family life was the backbone of Civilization so this was the birth of a new country.

Apparently many women asked to be hanged rather than endure a ten month journey to Australia which was like being sent to the ‘moon’ in those days. The lovely assortment of available bachelors awaiting them were miserable and starving from failing crops and in true European fashion they had made enemies with the Aboriginal inhabitants who had been there for 40,000 years.

So off sails the Lady Juliana with the cargo of women. For the first time in their lives these women are to be well fed and even attended to by a doctor!! As you might expect to happen the 35 Sailors onboard availed themselves to makeshift wives from amongst the 225 women being delivered. Prostitution and SEX were just a part of daily life in those days and at several ports of call along the way this ship became a floating brothel! You really need to see the show or check out this link, it is a fantastic story. http://www.pbs.org/previews/secrets_courtesans/

THE END OF AN EMPIRE

On the other end of the spectrum I viewed a show on Winston Churchill which was a peek at the end of the British Empire.

Arising from the political dustbin The British Bulldog stirs the resolve of a Nation to survive the Nazi War Machine that devours the rest of Europe. In the process America becomes one of the undisputed Superpowers in the post Second World War universe. Churchill reluctantly witnesses the transfer of power from the British Empire to the Russian Bear and the American Eagle.

One short decade ago I watched the Berlin Wall crumble, live on Televison, and with it the collapse of the Soviet Empire. This left a single Superpower on the planet, the USA. Now it appears that we are witnessing the decline of that lonesome Superpower after a mere 50 years at the helm. I cannot help but wonder when the dawn of next Superpower, China, will take Centre Stage?

How we inadvertently arrived in our present day configurations and political situations is absolutely fascinating. It seems so obvious to me that our haphazard, pell mell, random stumbling throughout history couldn't really be a part of some predestined, cosmic, plan. Could it? It is simply too bizarre.

LET'S FACE FACTS

Most of us are keenly aware that the majority of Movie Stars owe their good fortune to sheer luck and DNA. For many actors having a 'perfect' or interesting face somehow compensates for the abscence of any acting abilities. I would dare to say that most careers on the silver screen have been created and sustained on looks alone.

Why do we tolerate this?

Homo escapeons love to look at faces. Last night I watched John Cleese present the science behind our insatiable desire to view others in The Human Face on PBS. TheHumanFace

Apparently a staggering 97% of humans aged 4 - 80 from every corner of the globe share a universal agreement on the rules of beauty!

The usual suspects are listed clear skin, high cheek bones and forehead, full lips and most of all symmetrical features.

In it's totality the human face advertises general health and our evolutionary psychology drives us to look for 'perfect' mates.

For 4,000 years makeup has been applied to enhance features and disguise blemishes. historical link.

Enhancing the eyes and lips of the female face is all about sex.

Darkening the upper eyelid is an effort to highlight the drooping eyelid effect (bedroom eyes) that occurs just before orgasm. Embellishing and reddening the lips mirrors the swelling of the stimulated labia. Plump lips are a sign of youth because they shrink as we age.

The infamous Golden_Ratio of 1:1.618 is the key to perfection from Fingers to Pyramids to the number of Petals on a flower to the zenith of Creation, the Human Face. Fibonacci link

The relationship between the key ingredients that make up the perfect human face, nose width, eye separation, cheeks, mouth to jawline all magically fall into this mathematical formula.beautyranges link

In Long Term Relationship searches Physical Appearance hovers around 3rd or 4th place in amongst the other important factors such as Intelligence, Dependability, Understanding, Emotional Stability, and Kindness. contemporarybeauty.

In Short Term Relationship searches when our 'looks' are regarded as optmized, from ages 14 to 24, Physical Appearance is generally rated as the ten most important factors by teens and young adults.

For over 100 years people have been bombarded with images of 'perfect' potential mates in advertising, magazines, movies, TV, and now the Internet. This is quite contrary to life 500 hundred years ago when beautiful people would have been more of a rarity. Talk about Shock The Inner Monkey. Physiologically this is devastating because people are secretly overwhelmed by the subconscious knowledge that thousands if not millions of 'better' mates are available to forward their DNA.

This perfect storm conditions of available beauty could explain a great deal about how superficial our modern culture has become. Why are we so obssessed with gorgeous Celebrities? Why do so many relationships fail now, too many options? How else can you explain wealthy paparrazi?

Obviously the advent of modern cosmetic trickery, the logical mathematical creation of more so called 'perfect' looking people (there are over 6 billion of us now do the math) and most of all, the technological wizardry of modern communications overexposes us to all of these beautiful retouched, unblemished, faces 24/7.

Homo escapeons aren't designed or have yet to socially evolve, to a level of sophistication that can handle all of this visual stimualtion.

Does it really matter if all of this phenomenon is an illusion?

Aside from the written word, is there ANYTHING on Earth as powerful as the image of the human face?

PIGEONHOLED

Voir Dire is the process by which prospective jurors are questioned about their backgrounds and potential biases before being invited to sit on a jury.

Since I seem determined on eviscerating our legal system ( justice system?) I must expose the dirty business of jury selection. Jury selection is BIG business. Consultants, one half of whom are Psychologists, charge thousands of dollars per day to handpick the perfect juror for the lawyer. This is how Dr. Phil made a living before he sold his soul to Oprah.

On top of all their demographic information; age, sex, race, religion, political views, prospective jurors can be asked to answer 300 pertinent questions.

All of the information gleaned by the Consultant can be interpreted, carefully manipulated throughout the trial, and hopefully result in an almost guarantee how the prospective juror will vote at the end of the trial.

Some of these Consultants even have fake courtroom sets built replete with actors to play lawyers and judges to test their prospective jurors reactions to a mock trial.

It kills me that some Judges naively believe that jurors are capable of ignoring news articles about the case, or those 'OOPS' accidental sworn statements given by a totally rehearsed witness. Strike that from the record. Jurors are instructed to ignore those statements . Lawyers subdmit 'time bombs' all of the time that they know will set off their 'Manchurain Candidate' jurors.

A prime example of the success of this prepackaged jury system is how the Prosecutors either dropped the ball, or were incredibly naive, in their estimation of inate goodness of mankind during the OJ Simpson trial.

Remember the huge disparity between the reactions from 'white' America and 'black' America when OJ was found Not Guilty. The much maligned jury consisted of 8 black women who consultants observed correctly, would be suspicious and fearful of the LA Police Force, harbor empathy for OJ, and who would have hated Marcia_Clark .

Everything is always Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Does anyone here think that the verdict would have been the same if it was held in rural Texas with a jury made up of 8 Caucasians? We all dream that in a perfect world it shouldn't make any difference. Right is Right.

Verdicts arrive because lawyers manipulate the law and push the psychological buttons of every handpicked juror.

Of course the Civil Litigation trial of OJ in another County found in favour of his deceased wife's relatives and OJ was found Guilty. 'Nuff said.

As Al PAcino said And Justice For All, "I'm OUT OF ORDER, you're OUT OF ORDER, the whole system is OUT OF ORDER".

The system is being manipulated from start to finish. Money Talks.

What scares me the most is that every word that I have ever tapped out on my keyboard is recorded for all of time, somewhere, and you know and I know that governments, banks, corporations, medical professionals, mad scientists, and of course trial consultants, all collect and exchange this information.

The collective 'THEY' have a complete E-demographic ID of me and you.

Add that to the fact that now these Consultants could glean my blog to look for specific opinions that would be favorable or otherwise to their client's case.

I would get picked for cases involving Intolerant Religious Organizations & Leaders, Racial Hate Groups, Cruelty to Animals, Governmental Intrusion on Individuals, Psycopathic Murders, Serial Rapists, and Big Corporations ..all the stuff I like to rant about.

I should seriously consider being more flippant, inconsistent, and inexplicably wavering on 100% of the subjects that I discuss in order to avoid Jury Duty!

What about you?

Is your Blogging ideology and rhetoric consistent enough to get handpicked by a Consultant and snuck onto a jury to help win or thwart a case?

What types of trials would a Consultant:

A. specifically choose you for jury duty?

or

B. immediately scratch you from the jury list?

EASY LIKE SUNDAY MORNING

What would happen to our society if we suspended the hunt for the almighty dollar for one day ? Instead of getting sucked into the sell-sell-sell-buy-buy-buy vortex we could take a deep breath, tread water, and have a real conversation about IDEAS.

Have you ever noticed the difference between weekend edition Newspapers and the blah-ad-blah-ad-blah-ad weekday run of the mill edition? Sunday is much more palatable than Saturday, which is the 'Great Whore of Babble-on'.

This Sunday morning my local newspaper had articles on Christopher Hitchens, a list of countries that censor the internet, and a piece that explores if humans evolve into conservatives or liberals through environment or genetics...these types of articles would rarely if ever appear during the week.

From Monday to Friday the local media in all of it's incarnations presents five million car ads, six billion weiner sale coupons, and reports on which local politician said what, AD, ten kids under 12 steal cars and torch garages, AD, sports scores, AD, wheat prices, AD, obituaries, AD, lotto numbers, AD, weather guesstimate, AD, assinine columnist drivel, AD, idiotic letters to the editor from the same 12 people and a couple more ADs. Ghastly.

The all of a sudden on Sunday mornings, the weekend editors treat people to items that are actually interesting and encourage thought! Instead of numbing us into a trance with catchy titles followed by the blah-blah-blahs , on the weekends there are articles on thought provoking people, places and things. There are actually even more ADs on the weekend but I am so numbed by then that I completely ignore them because there is actually something interesting to read!

Why can't they do that everyday? Do they assume that people have such hectic, frenetic, lives that they can only think on the weekend?

It is very similar to watching Network (PLACE AD HERE) Televison and PBS.
On PBS everyday is a little more Sunday morning! Networks spend every other second trying to keep your eyeballs on them and stop your finger from switching channels. Keep the chatter going, flash the ADs, promote the next program, Shock the Monkey, all in the name of advertising dollars. The sacred CPMs, the cost per thousand rate, that the Media can charge to their advertisers.
These advertisers are very leery about the 'bang' that they are actually getting for their buck! The internet is screwing the whole thing up and attention spans are now measured in milliseconds.

Don't get me wrong, there are some excellent dramas and comedies on Network and PBS has a plethora of material that is somnambulistic catnip. The abscence of the pickle dillion ADs makes it easier to think about what PBS stations are presenting.

I compare Sunday Morning to being able to digest your brain meal instead of racing through the drive-thru. The Monday to Friday serving of Media 'cream of crapola' is all rush, rush, rush, drive-thru.

Sunday is sit-down think-through.
Easy like Sunday Morning.

SATAN IS A LIEWYER!

"Please allow me to introduce myself

Im a man of wealth and taste

Ive been around for a long, long year

Stole many a mans soul and faith

And I was round when jesus christ

Had his moment of doubt and pain

Made damn sure that pilate

Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my name

But whats puzzling you

Is the nature of my game"

Sympathy For The Devil

Jagger/Richards

Satan is a lawyer,

atleast according to the Jewish Encyclopedia:

"Satan is the member of the divine council who watches over human activity, but with the evil purpose of searching out men's sins and appearing as their accuser. Satan is the celestial prosecutorial lawyer who sees only iniquity."

"Yet it is also evident that the Devil has no power of independent action, but requires the permission of God (the Judge), which he may not transgress.

He cannot be regarded, therefore, as an opponent of the Deity; and the doctrine of monotheism is disturbed by his existence no more than by the presence of other beings before the face of God."

In the film Devil's Advocate, Al Pacino, as Lucifer, gives a fabulous synopsis and legal defense of his existance

"I'm here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began.

I've nurtured every sensation man's been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him. In spite of all his imperfections, I'm a fan of man! I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. "

El Diablo even reveals his secret weapon...

"Don't get too cocky my boy.

No matter how good you are don't ever let them see you coming.

That's the gaffe my friend.

You gotta keep yourself small.

Innocuous. Be the little guy. You know, the nerd... the leper... sh*t-kickin' surfer. Look at me.

Underestimated from day one.

You'd never think I was a master of the universe, now would ya?"

This 'worst kept secret in the universe' was also divulged in another film, The Usual Suspects, wherein Kevin Spacey (Verbal) said,

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist."

Back to Pacino's Lucifer, I was fascinated by the ferocity of his speech about God as he tries to garner a little sympathy for the devil...

"Let me give you a little inside information about God.

God likes to watch. He's a prankster...

He's an absentee landlord!

Worship that? NEVER!"

Have you ever wondered why there are so many Lawyers on Earth and why they have their finger in everything?

Did you know that there may be over 1 MILLION Lawyers in the USA today!

I noticed this from the power-of-attorneys.com

"Lawyers amass their fortune through the redistribution of the existing wealth of others, rather than by creating wealth through their own entrepreneurial efforts? In other words, they rob from the rich, the poor and everyone else in between and give the loot to themselves. Now that’s quite a gig they’ve got working for them, isn’t it?

Hmmm. Sweet deal.

In Devil's Advocate Pacino said that being a Lawyer was the ultimate backstage pass. So I would have to say that this modern comparison of Beelzebub and Lawyers is a perfect fit and it was inevitable,

wouldn't you?

IS OUR OCCIDENTAL MAP ACCIDENTAL?
The world may already seem like it is upside down but what if we were to literally redraw the Map?

I started by wondering where my coordinate opposite would be.

Whateverpeg is at the 49.88 NORTH & -97.17 EAST so if I was transported to the opposite coordinates, 49.88 SOUTH & 97.17 WEST ...

I would treading water in the Indian Ocean west of Australia but further South than New Zealand!

It would be miserably close to Antarctica which seems totally unbelievable to me.

Homo Escapeons started migrating out of Africa about 150,00 years ago and began spreading out across the globe. Our population reached 1 Billion by 1800 and now here we are racing towards 7 Billion people in 200+ Countries.

If we retrace History with our Linear mindset, we have a very specific idea of who, when, where, how and why certain events took place and created the map on the wall that we all recognise.

Imagine this world with the same Countries?

How would history differ with the present day Nations in their new locations?

Is it even possible for you to separate the geo/political references, along with all of the ethnocentric/national baggage, that you automatically see when you look at a map of the world?

What if the Continents had ended up like this?
The agricultural and latitudinal equation obviously made the Agricultural Revolution a key ingredient in our Evolution.

But if you could toss aside the logic for a second look at how different the World would be and which Countries would have ended up being the most desirable and powerful Nations on Earth.

Would the same people have dominated the world?

Obviously Geography has a lot more to do with our story than you may have guessed.

HAPPYMOTHER'S DAY

LU Mommy,

Ridmeister XXXX OOOO

To all you Muthaz out there:

Fête des mères Sul y Mamau Muttertag Dia de la Mare Motinos diena Festa della mamma День Матери Äitienpäivä Γιορτή της Μητέρας

AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH

ABOUT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME

A friend e-mailed a copy of the following letter to me the other day.

Whether it is authentic or not is beyond my estimation.

If it isn't real, it is a wonderful prank.

If it is real, then I will seriously reconsider my stance on voting rights.

In a letter to the editor of the Arkansas Democrat Gazette dated Monday, April 16, 2007, Connie M. Meskimen of Hot Springs, Arkeesaw, outlined her fears about the members of Congress interfering with the natural order of the universe.

"You may have noticed that March of this year was particularly hot. As a matter of fact, I understand that it was the hottest March since the beginning of the last Century. All of the trees were fully leafed out and legions of bugs and snakes were crawling around during a time in Arkansas when, on a normal year, we might see a snowflake or two.

This should come as no surprise to a reasonable person, as you know, Daylight Savings Time started almost a month early this year.

You would think that the members of Congress would have considered the warming effect that an extra hour of sunlight would have on our climate.

(editors note:better read that again)

Or did they?

Perhaps this is another plot by a liberal Congress to make us believe that Global Warming is a real threat. Perhaps next time there should be serious studies performed before Congress passes laws with such far reaching effects."

How can one possibly question the urgency for implementing the No Child Left Behind program of edjumakasional reform that President Bush promised.

Does the writer actually believe that Congress, even a liberal one, has the power to make the Sun shine for an extra hour? I know that Daylight Savings Time is difficult for those of us still wrestling with VCRs, but I had no idea that some people gave politicians this much credit.

Perhaps blending Creationamalizm and Intelligent Design into the Science Curriculum weren’t such a grate idee’r afterall?
Either way, former Vice President and self proclaimed Creator of the Internet, Al Gore, who hails from neighbouring Tennessee, has really got his work cut out for him trying to explain the nuts and bolts of global warming to this particular concerned citizen.

The writer od this letter is obviously a proud Republican and Annie 'Git Yer Gun' Coulter, the GOP’s hottie/haughty voice of Conservatism, may finally be in jeopardy of being replaced as the trophy gal at the Good Old Boys Club.

How can we STOP politicians from playing dice with the Universe?

DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER!

(Singalong to this Coppensian reworking of the Mary Poppinsian Classic)

Televange-a-frickin-listic-send-me-all-your-dough-cious
They scare you with theology
that plays on your emotions
If they preach it long enough
And lead us by our noses
They can make ten million bucks
and I think that’s atrocious!

I must confess that picking on Televangelists is like shooting 'fish' in a barrel, it can’t even be considered an honorable pastime or hobby anymore, never mind that old 'judge not lest you be judged' thingamabob.

I have an obligation to disclose that back in the 80s I actually did all of the legwork for a film premiere that was produced by Billy Graham.
I was a newly minted Pentchostile, and despite mein kampf with much of the dogmatic theology, I thought that it would be nice to reach out to the disadvantaged 'lesser' denominations by helping organize and promote the movie CAUGHT.
Besides who didn’t like Billy Graham?

Unlike the scandalous 80s when Hall Of Shamers like elfin god-keteer and future ex-con Jim Bakker of air conditioned doghouse fame became the hapless victim of blabbermouth and implant recipient Jessica 'Playboy Bunny' Hahn, whose sordid revelation of her rub and tug experience with Jim initiated his demise.

Jim's lovely wife and future Surreal Life mainstay, the indefatigable Tammy 'Fake N' Bakker was a leading advocate and practioner of the industrial strength makeup movement. Her notoriety for face painting was surpassed only by her breakdown singing style which sounded remarkably similar to that of a seagull being squeezed against a dock by a loosely tethered boat. Poor Tammy became the poster child for evange-a-scandals and became a lightning rod for comics and late night talk show hosts for years.

Who could forget the ‘other’ Jimmy.
Jimmy ‘calling the kettle black’ Swaggart, whose righteous indignant crusade against the aforementioned Bakkers ended poorly when his indiscretions with a hooker, pardon me ‘sex worker’, Debra Murphree, whose level of sophistication and refinement in the industry have only been equaled by Hugh Grant’s ‘date’, Divine Brown, were revealed and zapped his money raising mojo.
Down but not out, only in America!

Need I mention Oral ‘God told me that HE will kill me if you don’t send another couple million’ Roberts, whose career tripped on that spectacular prophecy from his electronic podium and his 'ex 'daughter in law wrote a scathing tell all book that did little to endear him to the great unwashed.

Still with us is one time Presidential hopeful Media Mogul Pat ‘the Hitman’ Roberts. His latest guffaw was a brilliant defining monment of clarity in which he suggested that the American Government should ‘take out’ Venezuela’s Presidente Hugo Chavez.

Hey don't shoot the messenger (gasp)..this collection of self proclaimed representatives of the Creator of the Universe shoot themselves in the foot with their audacity and unbridled n'arse-cissism!

Anyway.

Billy Graham was from another era. I always pictured Graham playing Golf with Ike Eisenhower and tossin’ a football around on the White House lawn with JFK. He was a gifted, genteel, orator with a soothing, Southern, graciousness, whose integrity was above reproach. So why not?

However here we are in the 21st Century and the zeitgeist of the ‘PROSPERITY GOSPEL’ is alive and well in America. Millions of ‘Fire Insurance Christians’ are in a frenzy to die with the most toys before the Rapture sneaks up on them and spoils everything!

Thank God that ministrywatch.com is around to try and keep (atleast) some of these people honest by examining their books and evaluating the degree of cooperation and transparency of their operation.

Before I wrap up my sermon, we should address the ubiquitous 1 Timothy 6:10 passage.

"The LOVE of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith, and pierced themselves with many a pang."

Apparently a pang is a spasm of pain or distress.

So see it doesn’t say that MONEY is the root of all evil it is the LOVE of it that gives you pangs and this works right into the wallets of some of the latest incarnations of Televangelism.

The art of declaring God’s favor (MONEY) and getting your best life NOW (sigh) is the core message of the new number one inspirational programmer in the USA, Joel Osteen.

Osteen preaches to an intimacy challenged congregation of 30,000! Of course it takes four services every Sunday at his Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas, to feed the flock. You can read a critique about it here at here.

According to one of Osteens critics, Michael Horton, a theology prof at Westminster Theological Seminary, Joel’s ‘twinkie’ theology has reduced God to a ‘cosmic bellhop’ who runs around getting stuff that YOU want, including ‘sweet’ parking spaces at busy malls and VIP treatment in restaurants.

Of course when you think about the big picture, this was probably inevitable. When Queen Isabella commissioned Christopher Columbus to find gold and unimaginable riches in the New World it was all for the glory of the Church, I mean Spain.

Her other 'great idea' was to end centuries of peaceful coexistence in Spain between the Jews, Muslims and Christians with a nasty little organization known as the Spanish Inquisition! Sh*t Happeneth.

Here endeth today's sermon

Platypus and the Web

I finally labeled my postings and discovered that I am a kvetching ranter who for the most part goes on and on about evolution, scientificky matters, sociopaths, myself, and blogging.
Apparently I fancy myself a bit of a writer, poet, artist, who discusses religion history, and politics.
I also natter incessantly about Rock music, bands and rewrite lyrics to pop sings.
There is tittering about SEX, Baby Boomers, movies, and documentaries on TV.
To top it all off, I liberally sprinkle statistics and maps around to embellish my fanciful notions. So I am delighted to discover that I am unique but incredibly average.

Which is fine because I believe that Bloggers are like platypus.

Oh sure we are warm blooded mammals, I mean from a distance we look like busy little Beavers..
but when you get up close you think what the ____ ?

Well Platypus do have a tail like a Beaver that they use to store fat, but Bloggers make waves to warn and inform other Bloggers when danger approachs.

Platypus have webbed feet and obviously Bloggers ouldn't get very far without the Web!

Like the Platypus, Bloggers are quite unique:

A duckbill for a mouth?

Hey why not, we're sort of odd ducks who communicate a little differently.

Platypus lay eggs like a chicken;

We have all laid a few that never hatched any revolutions or comments. Oh well, you need to crack a few to make an omelette!

Platypus look cute and fuzzy but they have concealed venomous spurs (males );

Our venom can't actually kill anyone, but we can protect ourselves and stick it to unsuspecting antagonists.

Platypus use electromagnetic sensors like a shark;

Bloggers are always prowling the blogosphere zigzagging their heads to and fro looking for good vibes to zero in on.

Platypus are considered crepuscular (twilight) creatures:

Most Bloggers are also probably active at dawn (matinal) or dusk (vespertine) but thanks to the various Time Zones they seem to be nocturnal and diurnal.

I double dare you to use crepuscular in a sentence today.

Platypus produce milk but don’t have teats…umm…OK, Awkward...

Sometimes we suck, but we usually manage to squeeze the good stuff out through our pores. (Alright Homey please stop now before you write something about teats..OK)

Platypus are Monotremes which means they have a three in one service duct for doing their business and gettin' busy!

Oh jeez..Bloggers use their Computer to do all of their business too! No doubt a few get busy online..no, now that I think of it that sounds more like Gamers than Bloggers.

AND IN CONCLUSION>

Platypus are good swimmers but apparently they can’t stay down very long:

To be honest Bloggers stay on the surface most of the time but every so often we dive into something deep and feel our way through the darkness.

Bloggers, atleast the ones on my Blogroll, will help you back up and paddle in to shore with you to make sure that you're alright.

Besides, if we all stayed down too long we'd drive each other crazy.

So there you have it, Platypus are certainly interesting and unique.

Now it's your turn.

What other unique creatures do

Bloggers remind you of?

MASTER BAITERS!

Tonight I watched Sharkland,(www.pbs.org/wnet/nature) a fantastic documentary on the unique coastal waters at the tip of South Africa.

On the West coast the water is cold but on the East coast it is like a bathtub at 82 degrees F. This unique situation makes it possible for over 60 species of Sharks to inhabit the various underwater environments. Naturally there was the usual litany of species specific characteristics with amazing, beautiful, visuals...

Great Whites stalking Sea Lions, Tiger Sharks crunching on Sea Turtles, Pyjama Sharks (yes) feeding on Crustaceans...but the one scene that really stood out involved Sardines.

In June a band of cold 60 degree water sneaks up the warm East Coast and millions of sardines swim up where they are systematically preyed upon by everything under the Sea!

"Under the sea

Under the sea

When the sardine

Begin the beguine

It's music to me"

Where was I...

Chased from below by Dolphins, the sardines are herded into gigantic swirling vortexs near the surface known as bait balls. Here the sardines are attacked from above by dive bombing Gannets, and from every imaginable angle below come Dolphins, Whales, Tuna, Sea Lions and Sharks.

All of these predators dart in and out of the huddled sardines and gorge themselves like there is no tomorrow. What is so striking is that there is such an abundance of food that all of the predators who would normally be attacking or fleeing from each other, completely ignore one another.

There is so much food available that those at the top of the food chain just nonchalantly pass by each other and concentrate on the sardines. This lasts for a couple of weeks and then the cold stream disappears and it's back to regular programming.

What struck me is how much we homo escapeons have in common with those sardines. Like sardines, there are billions of us 'ordinary' people being pursued by others higher up on the food chain.

We are quite defenseless so we huddle together and hope that the other guy gets picked off.

So what would happen if our predators at the top of the food chain, Corporations and Governments, found a place where people swarm together in huge numbers like sardines. Would they abandon their little turf wars and ignore each other if they all shared in the plunder?

I think that cities are a lot like bait balls.

Perhaps the largest bait balls ever formed will be right here on the Internet?

Are we master baiters making it too easy for them?

BRAINSTORM WARNING In my latest Psychology Today magazine there is an article by Carlin Flora discussing some of the peculiar aspects of Blogging and the possible erosion of private identity.

Flora investigates the irony that although people now have more privacy than we did a few hundred years ago when we lived in villages and everyone’s behavior was self evident, and yet today anonymous Blogging allows us to have voluntary intimate interactions instead of keeping our secrets secret and in lieu of discussing personal matters with real world confidants.

Psychologist Jeffrey Singer states that Blogging “is a way in which our lives seem valid only if they obtain some veneer of media recognition. You become a character, a speaking part, in the larger theatre of society.”
T or F?

“A Blog makes your mundane life into an electronic saga that turns you into something more than am anonymous drone in a technological and impersonal world.” writes Flora. “Blogging has elements of theatre. If you’re writing and you know that lots of people are going to be looking at it, you’re going to change things to make yourself look good.”
T or F?

Flora goes on to say that, “whether (the Blogger) realizes it or not, the online scribe cultivates an identity that anticipates and responds to their audience.”

T or F?

So if you are sharing ideas or opinions, showing off, or baring your soul, “the post-posting (comments) conversation is crucial to fostering intimacy and understanding in the wake of the disclosure. You need a sustained reaction from a concerned and involved listener so that the story just doesn’t end but keeps getting written.”

T or F?

The benefits of nurturing relationships with your Blogging Buddies (whether real or imagined) and discussing important personal matters with them, are invariably tied to the risk of becoming more concerned with your online persona or character.

Are you living vicariously through your “character” in a cyber screenplay that is being developed and written by you and other Bloggers with every new post and subsequent exchange in the comment section?

Personally I think that common sense and life experience allows us to somehow gauge the authenticity of what we see out here by reading between the lines and we can tell the difference between a Lark, a Turkey, or a Peacock.

Is sharing your life with cyber-friends and blogospherian confidants just an alternative, technological, "coping mechanism” or is it simply the coolest way to enjoy the company of interesting people (embellished or not) from around the world?

Are you in any danger of becoming your online persona?

I'M HAVING A WILDE WEEKEND!

“Could anything be less impressive” and “equally fatal to the imagination” than a post that is completely constructed upon quotations from Oscar_Wilde ?

“How wearisome these are” for “there is nothing so deliberately tedious” and “extremely commonplace”. This excercise proudly displays an “entire vagueness of character.” People should expect that “if a person has not got genius, he can at least be dull.”

However, “since you led me to believe that you were not absolutely indifferent to me” and “public opinion exists only where there are no ideas”, so here it 'tis.

Naturally “I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance” and “nothing worth knowing can be taught.” Certainly “only the shallow know themselves” and “pleasure is the only thing that one should strive for."

History proves that “nothing ages like happiness”. Besides, “the whole theory of education is radically unsound, fortunately in this day and age at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever.”

“The old believe everything, the middle aged suspect everything, the young know everything.” It has come to my attention that “the soul is born old but grows young, that is the comedy of life. The body is born young and grows old, that is Life’s tragedy.”

“Experience is the name that one gives to their mistakes.”

“Man can believe the impossible but not the improbable” and “wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others.” “The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance” because “time, is a waste of money.”

I have come to believe that “Friendship is more tragic than Love, it lasts longer.” and "if a man gets married he should know either everything or nothing.” That being said, “the only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to someone else, if she is plain.”

"Relations are an aggravated form of the public. They are a tedious pack of people who haven’t got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die.”

Tragically “the brotherhood of man is no mere poet’s dream, it is a most depressing and humiliating reality.” Oh well, “manners before morals.”

When all is said and done “it is absurd to divide people into good and bad, people are either charming or tedious.”

Oscar Wilde’s last words as he lay on his deathbed were
“either that wallpaper goes, or I do!”

Do you have any favorite quotes???

END SCHMEND!

Sir Isaac Newton (1642-1727), who was involved in alchemy and many other things in addition to science and mathematics, studied old texts and apparently decided that the world will come to an end in the year 2060!

The16th and final volume of the "Left Behind" series is out and the series has sold more than 50 million books! The authors, Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, were recently guests on the Glenn Beck show. Their series is a narrative form to a specific eschatological reading of the Christian Bible, particularly the Book of Revelation and dispensational premillennialism.

“Suddenly -- without warning -- the most alarming event in mankind's history comes to pass: millions upon millions world-wide have vanished, the dead and alive, born and unborn -- many right before people's eyes.

Frantic "survivors" of the disappearances begin their search for their friends and families as well as answers to what's happened.”

So what does all of this have to do with the price of tea in china? OK. Since the formation of Israel in 1948 the evangelicals and fundamentalist christians have been tittering at the prospect that the End Times are nigh!

So here on the Prime Time ‘News’ we have the Left Behind guys explaining that

the USofA is not mentioned in the Bible

because most Americans will be Raptured

and now we find out that Newton, the greatest scientific mind in all of HISTORY, calculated, and he should know, he invented Calculus, that the end of history would happen in 2060.

My guess is that the whole End Of Days scenario is about to get a lot of traction. Probably way more than you suspect because this is the ‘Last Call before Adios Y’All’ .

The next big thing of course is the one world government and the centralized control of the global economy…something that we could all imagine as the only alternative to a world with almost a dozen (known) countries in possesion of Nuclear Weapons.

Like it or not you must develop a strategy .

Since the News Media is no longer interested in providing Information (because all of the NEWS outlets are now categorized as another profit generating division of the Corporation) they are forced to SENSATIONALIZE everything in order to compete.

The Media’s chief weapon against us is Hyperbole.

Hyberbole and Innuendo.

The Media’s chief weapons are Hyperbole and Innuendo, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Art of skillfully editing language and visual materials that incoporates a Century of psychological studies that have been proven to manipulate human behavior.
These key elements have joined forces to create the perfect storm conditions to confuse and strike fear into the hearts and minds of the average naive person who inadvertently allows this SENSATIONALISM to be delivered into their homes 24/7.

The End must be Near, how could you think otherwise. How much of what you see on the News do you know for certain is in fact REAL. If you have been to a Movie Theatre in the last decade you are aware that anything that can be imagined can now be replicated and put on a screen of any shape or size.

The momentum is building and they are telling us that the human race is circling the drain. If you are naïve enough to think that people are not going to start reacting to these stressful messages, you are sadly mistaken.

If homo escapeons start believing that there really is no tomorrow they can start doing whatever they feel like doing, right?

Aside from Ostrich-izing ourselves and sticking our heads in the sand or up our butts, what can the average person do to stop this madness?

The most glaring omission that I see in this debate has been the fact that the last BABY BOOMER will die around 2060!

Coinky-Dink? I think NOT!

COPPENSIAN REVELATION #242

IGNORE THIS AT YOUR OWN PERIL

For those of you who are unfamiliar with PAB here is a link: wiki/Passive_Aggressive .

“Passive-Aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. It can manifest itself as resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is assumed, often explicitly, to be responsible.

It is a defensive posture and, more often than not, only partly conscious. For example, people who are passive-aggressive might take so long to get ready for a party they do not wish to attend, that the party is nearly over by the time they arrive.”

I’ve always been baffled that this behavior survived the testing ground of Human Evolutionary Development…until it finally dawned on me…

Let us suppose that two cavemen are out hunting for the Clan and come upon a Deer.

Caveman A is ‘normal’ and Caveman B has ‘PAB’.

They spot their prey at the same time and without hesitation Caveman A immediately spears the Deer and breaks out into a big smile and breaks out into a little dance.

Meanwhile Caveman B had hesitated because he was too busy remembering all of the things that he hated about A but never told him…

and A had never even asked him!

A had always done everything better than him.

B was so insanely resentful that A could seem to do anything..

(NYEH WHATEVER..)

A never hesitated to think about things or how they would affect B, no he just went ahead and did them…what a Neanderthal!

Caveman B suddenly notices that the Deer is already down WTH! B is furious at this one upmanship and stares at him with his all of the disdain that he can muster….when Caveman A finally looks at him Caveman B rolls his eyes,
(DID YOU SEE THAT ?

I ROLLED MY EYES YOU #^@&%$!)

then drops his bow and squats down with his back to him.
That will show him, NYEH!

Caveman A shrugs his shoulders and runs to start field dressing a weeks worth of protein. He couldn’t be happier. After he has completed his task he grunts over to his partner to come and help lug it back to the Clan.

No response. B just sits with his back to him and thinking

(Wow I am really sticking it to him HA! Take That!)

Suddenly a huge Saber Tooth attracted by the scent of blood charges out of nowhere and attacks and kills the hapless A who is covered in tantalizing Deer blood. The Saber Tooth then ambles off to his lair with the rest of the carcass.

Caveman B just sits there dumbfounded by the speed at which his telepathic mystical retribution has been fulfilled. After several hours spent hiding in the tall grass, waiting to make sure that the coast is clear, he hesitantly saunters over and picks up the package of Deer meat that A had been carrying.

Once back at the Clan Cave, B gets a heroes welcome and is allowed two more wives by the Shaman. This is how Evolution has favored this trait. Those who confront issues and challenges are picked off while those who procrastinate and sulk in the background are left to collect the rewards.

It has come to my attention that for those of us afflicted with this annoyingly tedious condition that Blogging is a godsend and may be a cure! In lieu of waiting, sometimes for days, for your victim to notice that you are skipping their posts, HELLO !, blogging allows us to leave a snarky comment without the usual panoply of recriminations.

No intimate eye contact or confrontational physical retribution to worry about, nope, nope, nope! As opposed to the real world, out here in the Blogosphere, we don’t have to sulk unnoticed or worry about causing a scene.

Oh sure you can choose NOT to comment on their posting but this is your big chance to let it out like the Normals do in the real world. Have a tantrum, shout, kick and scream in the comment section.

What are they going to do Reply? Oooh!

Yes the most powerful weapon in our arsenal, ignorance, may have finally met it’s Waterloo. So for those of you who are steaming about 'so-and-so' not visiting your Blog, get out there and stir it up. This may be the level playing field that we PAB’s have dreaded since the dawn of time.

Of course you could choose to ignore this post and refuse to comment.

That will show me!

Well NYEH.

I know you are but what am I?

I N F I N I T Y!