Tuesday, May 29, 2007

ERRORIST THREAT LEVEL IS NOW RED!

Homeland Errorists have declared Jihoke (Holey War) on Reason and Modern Science. This is part of the cultural war being waged between Archeologists and Noah'sArkeeologists!



Two Creation Science Museums opening this spring are threatening to deal a fatal blow to the tedious and ridiculously scientificky School Science Curriculums in North America.

Finally Evolution, Darwinism, Empirical Science, and Reason, those nagging millstones that refuse to leave the secular morass of our Education System, will finally be destroyed and tossed into the dustbin of History!

These superb Museums, modern monuments to Intelligent Design or Errorism, will prove once and for all of time, the absolute, unquestionable*, historical, authenticity of the Bible from the title page and all the way to the back where all of the maps are.

*no seriously you do not want go there.

The CREATIONSCIENCEMUSEUM
opens May 28th in Kentucky, USA, and the
BIGVALLEYCREATIONSCIENCEMUSEUM
on June 5th in Big Alberta, Canada.

WOOT!

Finally the Creationists are determined to present the irrefutable evidence of a 6,000 year old Earth and end all of this tomfoolery and crazytalk about us changing from monkeys.

Don’t believe me? See for yourself!
Travel back in time back to the Garden of Eden and witness with your very own two eyes how the first two people on Earth walked around with Dinosaurs just like they did on the Flinstones.

Don’t worry about the young ones gawking at completely nekked Adam & Eve (ew gross!) their tastefully hidden naughty bits have been removed for your convenience.

Trace the astounding discovery of a direct lineage of the British Royal Family all the way back to Adam. It is right there in black in white!

Hey wait a minute..

How did Noah get a breeding pair of Diplodocus, which measured 90 feet in length and weighed approximately 16tons each, on to the Arky Ark?

(Singalong if you know it)

You got 16 tons and what do you get?
2 Diplodocus onboard
and an instant shipwreck!

It was a trick question!
Did you forget that all of the Dinosaurs died in the flood ya silly goose!

What do you do when opportunity knocks and you can’t beat ‘em?

Join ‘em!
What do you do when History gives you Lemons?
Make Lemonade!

My son and I decided that we should start our very own Youseeum Museum before these other Museums put the nail in the coffin of Reason and Science.
We are going to make $BILLION$!

We began creating our display and we have a lot of catching up to do but as you can see we are trying to incorporate a ‘groovier’ more modern sort of ‘vibe’ in our interpretation.

I never realized how satisfying and downright 'godlike' it was to tinker with History until we began constructing our main exhibit titled
WHAT THE?


(If you think that you can handle the truth click on it)

Yes these are heady days for those of us in the Time Travel Tourism Industry. Our Grand Opening will be Tomorrow around noon because Ridz has school in the morning.
Be there or be square,and don't forget to tell all of your friends.


It is 2007 isn't it?
I thought that church would be more like this www.churchofreality.org by now.

25 comments:

  1. One word : GENIUS. I always knew Aladdin was a much older story than people think...

    That churchofreality is fabulous - I may have to link it myself...

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  2. Omg! I was at their website earlier - it's freaking expensive to visit - $20 per adult? Ack! I can get lied to for free, thankyouverymuch.

    I actually considered buying a Creation Museum polo shirt because it would be ironic. I'm still thinking it over. ;)

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  3. "God said to noah there's going to be a floody floody"...

    I didnt know flash from the incredables was in the garden of Eden? love the pic:)

    Evolution as much as we all love it is not solid fact, there are more holes in than the plot of the Da Vinci code. Creationism will have a place until we piece it all together...

    These Mueseums will do little harm, those who would willingly visit most likely already have the mind set.

    thanks for the laughs on a dreary wednesday:)

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  4. Aidan's right inasmuch as the museums are simply preaching to the converted.
    But that Geneology placard looks awfully like Dr. Who's Tardus...

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  5. I think these people have a point. In 14 billion years the most intelligent life form is these crazy motherfuckers? Not likely. Blame God. He should have taken more time.

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  6. I relish this in a way. I'm pretty comfortable getting this out in the open so we can point to what they're saying and say, "See! YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING CRAZY!" in a way that they can't hide it. You can't hide this! You can talk about this in a simple, easy to understand way!

    I feel opening these museums presents a huge opportunity for the reality based community, hehe.

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  7. we got it all wrong! humans aren't descended from apes, we're descended from dinosurs, and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are the missing links! It all makes sense now! I'm using too many exclaimation points!

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  8. I like your display...I should've known there really was no flying carpet in Aladdin...it was a pterodactyl.

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  9. No offense but that Adam n Eve pic looks rather erotic to me! Got me all...ahemmm...I'd leave it for ur imagination.

    Keshi.

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  10. Re: your exhibit HE, your son has some seriously scary looking toys or are they YOURS?????

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  11. In India, we have been living under the shadows of terrorists for 30 odd years now. In a way we have become apathetic. The bombings and other attacks we have been taken in our stride.

    If you look down history nothing has changed other than we dress for it NOW!

    You can deduce that any way you want.

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  12. so... the british royalty are really jewish!!!?!!
    oh my word h.e.- i really wish i could i could say something really clever without making it seem like i'm knocking my own faith...

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  13. whers the sphagetti meatball mosnters?

    Ill visit da musem!

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  14. fathorse,
    Yes it should have been called 3.5 Billion Arabian nights. TCOR looks awesome but I am still looking for the catch
    ...it just seems to good to be true.


    shlaaaaaaaaah,
    I would go in a heartbeat and bring my videocam so that I could ask the guides a few questions.
    I am particularly interested in the Da Vinci like code that connects Queen Elizabeth to Eve!
    If it wasn't so dangerous I could just let it go.

    Aidan,
    That Australian loudmouth Ken Ham is at the root of this museum! It's your fault for not keeping him downunda!

    "Evolution as much as we all love it is not solid fact" Oh don't I know it.
    If it were merely about telling kids about goofy ideas I could laugh it off. This is slowly boiling the frog.

    It isn't some quiet conspiracy to gain acceptance and then slowly introduce other religious ideas into legislation until we live in a full blown theocracy, it is an all out culture war where atleast 50% of Americans believe in this unsubstantiated fiction (or most of it) and that is very dangerous.

    dinahmow,
    The Tardus from Dr Who has about the same amount of credulity. I know that only believers and antihistorians would venture into these schmaltzy excusemeums but really...the next phase is to get back into the curriculum.

    I would allow the teaching of Genesis in schools in Literature as long as all of the ideas that were stolen/borrowed from the Babylonians and Egyptians was included in the lesson..this is not an original idea.

    vicus scurra,
    Ha! HE must have got bored waiting around and taken a few shortcuts..sort of like channel surfing with some giant cosmic remote.

    chris bradley,
    I guess you're right I should look at the upside of embarrassing themselves with this stuff.
    Except the battle for the hearts and minds of the next generation will get the impression that this is a bona fide stance.

    The more we pick on it the stronger they think that they must be on to something because the 'enemy' is putting so much heat on it! AArrrgghh!

    chaucers bitch,
    KAWABUNGA DUDE!
    You're like totally using all of those exclamation marks Dude because you are like so totally excited to be free at last!
    Let's order some Pizza!

    menchie,
    Is it just me or do you hear

    "I can show you the world
    Shining shimmering splendid
    Tell me, princess, now when did
    you last let your heart decide"
    eveytime you say Aladdin?

    keshi,
    Oohlala. I actually do not know how to respond to that and not get in trouble...
    other than to suggest You need to be reading or watching some Vampire material if this sort of thing 'floats yer boat'.

    angel without wings,
    Hmm.
    My collection of replicant Dinosaurs, Sharks and Marine Mammals started with my older son.
    I just wanted to ensure that they recognised our place in the grand scheme of things and appreciate that 99% of all living organisms that have existed on Earth are EXTINCT.

    gautami,
    It reads ERRORists but I'll be your Huckleberry and give you the benefit of the doubt. Isn't fatalism integrated into the Eastern mindset.

    The Karmic Boomerang returns whatever you have dished out and there isn't anything that you can do about it?

    angel,
    See! You learn something everyday.
    Actually Lady Diana referred to her inlaws as THE GERMANS for a very good reason.

    ghosty,
    Oooh I had the spaghetty
    monsterpic with Adam but I sort of ran out of room.

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  15. I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!

    I bought a t-shirt this weekend with that graphic on it (the ape to hunter-gatherer to modern man to computer geek) and the phrase "somewhere, something went terribly wrong" - was going to scan it and post it, only my scanner's broken (probably because something, somewhere went terribly wrong. . .)

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  16. I love your and Ridley's Youseeum Museum. You can use the admission income to fund his college education.

    I DO enjoy it when you make such effective fun of the Creationists and Rapturists.

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  17. El Grumblhhoid12:30 a.m.

    Pontificating about science
    again, hmm? Or is it, faith-based
    rationality, wit' all de tremens?

    i'll take any side of this argument
    if the protagonists can show any
    sign of consistency in the discourse. I'd guess that the Quran, Torah, and Bible are equally silent on little things, like cars, cell phones, and air conditioners. Either that, or maybe
    they were stashed in steerage on the Ark. Both sides have problems
    with proportionality and humility,
    in my book.

    excellent post!

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  18. lol HE I like Vampire bites!

    ok try my quiz then...ur allowed to leave if u get higly bored with it. :)


    Keshi.

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  19. Bloody awesome mate, I so love yur posts, everytime they are amazing and everything!!! I wanna come visit yor displayyyyy!!!!

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  20. I can't believe this isn't a joke - if it isn't it's only funny on the outside, inside it's quite terrifying.

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  21. Ugh! Those morons just make my blood BOIL!

    Let me just say that Loverboy knows all too well to change the channel ASAP if any such nonsense comes on TV or else the nastiest tirade of obscenities will be hurled by yours truly at said TV... same goes for when Bush is on.

    I used to break things when in a rage, you see, and now that we own a plasma TV I suppose Loverboy would rather err on the side of safety... oy!

    As for that display, can we all yell FUNKIFIED & FABOOLICIOUS?

    OH YES WE CAN!

    WOOH!

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  22. 16 Tons...that is great! Excellent post

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  23. Ha, I read it errorist but chose to reply to terrorist. I can, can't i?

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  24. i like the view,
    Coinky-Dink? I think not. Now you don't have to scan it.


    without weasonable doubt,
    You can come over anytime and enjoy the panoramic fantasmagorical wonderment of the Youseeum Museeum whenever you would like.
    I am not making fun I am just presenting another view in a lighthearted manner.

    grumbloid maximus,
    Tru Dat! There is no reason to get all Hitchens on those poor IDers..they know not what they do!
    I actually feel torn between indifference and outrage when I come across these ridiculous mental millstones. How can we ever move forward when we have to carry these goofy ideas around? HOW!?

    keshiroo,
    I am sure that you do because a woman's neck is the gateway to wonderland. It is the sexiest point of vulnerability on the human body and when women wear their hair up it attracts a lot of attention.

    cazzie,
    Come on down before Ridz rearranges everything:
    Pinnochio and Spiderman weren't getting along and Aladdin and Donkey Kong are teasing the T Rex so I don't like where that is going.
    In about one week the mosquitos will be bloody horrible and the display hours will have to be adjusted to avoid dawn and dusk.

    ziggi,
    That is exactly why I try to have alittle fun with it..the next step (if they can get more people to accept these goofy notions) is to introduce the dogma into the school system.
    Creationism is the gateway course. Hey if you can buy this (or even tolerate it) then have I got some awesome lifestyle changes and morality regulations for you!
    I bloody well think not!

    mizzy bo,
    Loverboy was very clever to get a huge fancy TV that he knew would stop you from venting! Hmm, you had better watch out for that guy.
    What else is he sneaking in?
    I wondered if they taught this malarky in the homeland of the Inquisition? That old world sentimentality for ancestral honorific duty still probably creeps into the mainstream of life. Hey My Father believed it and His Father and Father's Father so it must be true!..and even if it isn't because we haven't thought about it for more than 1 second we are going to do it anyway because that is the way we have always done it!!

    Woah I could reeally get carried away on that Old World crapola!

    allan,
    Thank You I knew that you would catch that because you have a catalogue of about 6 million songs in yer 'ead!

    gautami,
    Well, well now what have we here?
    Surely you didn't think that I had let my questionable standards deteriorate to that degree of illiteracy?
    I mean it is tempting to just throw something on the screen but usually I make a concerted effort to check spaleeng.
    You can say whatever you would like to whenever you please.

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  25. Well just turn my evolved brain to "Designing Women" a show I did not particular like on TV and rarely watched, but it was more "intelligent" than the reDICKyouLouse CONcept of "intelligent design."

    HE:love it: "church of REALITY."

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