Thursday, May 17, 2007

SATAN IS A LIEWYER!

"Please allow me to introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
Ive been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans soul and faith
And I was round when jesus christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game"

Sympathy For The Devil
Jagger/Richards

Satan is a lawyer,
atleast according to the Jewish Encyclopedia:
"Satan is the member of the divine council who watches over human activity, but with the evil purpose of searching out men's sins and appearing as their accuser. Satan is the celestial prosecutorial lawyer who sees only iniquity."

"Yet it is also evident that the Devil has no power of independent action, but requires the permission of God (the Judge), which he may not transgress.
He cannot be regarded, therefore, as an opponent of the Deity; and the doctrine of monotheism is disturbed by his existence no more than by the presence of other beings before the face of God."

In the film Devil's Advocate, Al Pacino, as Lucifer, gives a fabulous synopsis and legal defense of his existance
"I'm here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began.
I've nurtured every sensation man's been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him. In spite of all his imperfections, I'm a fan of man! I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. "

El Diablo even reveals his secret weapon...

"Don't get too cocky my boy.
No matter how good you are don't ever let them see you coming.
That's the gaffe my friend.
You gotta keep yourself small.
Innocuous. Be the little guy. You know, the nerd... the leper... sh*t-kickin' surfer. Look at me.
Underestimated from day one.
You'd never think I was a master of the universe, now would ya?"

This 'worst kept secret in the universe' was also divulged in another film, The Usual Suspects, wherein Kevin Spacey (Verbal) said,

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist."

Back to Pacino's Lucifer, I was fascinated by the ferocity of his speech about God as he tries to garner a little sympathy for the devil...

"Let me give you a little inside information about God.
God likes to watch. He's a prankster...
He's an absentee landlord!
Worship that? NEVER!"

Have you ever wondered why there are so many Lawyers on Earth and why they have their finger in everything?
Did you know that there may be over 1 MILLION Lawyers in the USA today!
I noticed this from the power-of-attorneys.com
"Lawyers amass their fortune through the redistribution of the existing wealth of others, rather than by creating wealth through their own entrepreneurial efforts? In other words, they rob from the rich, the poor and everyone else in between and give the loot to themselves. Now that’s quite a gig they’ve got working for them, isn’t it?
Hmmm. Sweet deal.
In Devil's Advocate Pacino said that being a Lawyer was the ultimate backstage pass. So I would have to say that this modern comparison of Beelzebub and Lawyers is a perfect fit and it was inevitable,
wouldn't you?

31 comments:

  1. You should have seen my dad's face when I suggested I might take a degree in Law...

    I like the classical myths of the fall. They had to be outlawed 'cause they made God look like a bit of a bloody-minded dick...

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  2. I agree with you, HE, but then I always do! BTW, my youngest son wants to be a lawyer but he insists he will not be an asshole lawyer, he wants to be a good one.

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  3. I don't think it's a stretch to say that the world would be better off without lawyers. Do we really need them? I don't think so.

    Why can't we manage things on our own? Unfortunately, the world is one in which having a lawyer is pretty much essential if you are to step foot in a court room.

    It shouldn't have to be that way.

    It give the rich yet another advantage over the poor.

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  4. lawyers are well-educated whores. both provide services that average people are too lazy or squeamish to offer.

    see, satan is a big huge hairy goat frozen in a lake of ice. i read dante. i know.

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  5. I almost became a lawyer then changed my mind. Figured the world didn't need another one.

    I liked Al Pacino's speech in that movie...was a very convincing argument if you asked me. If there ever was a profession that was close to the devil then the law would probably be it. Too many crooked lawyers.

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  6. There is a joke, about an engineer that gets sent to hell.. sure enough the moment he arrives he does want engineers do best and starts making improvements.

    He installs airconditioning, improves the sanitation, makes hell a wonderful place to stay...

    God cottons on to all these happy people in hell, his voice booming he calls down to satan, what is going on, that is supposed to be a place of pain and misery, satan explains "well it was until we got the engineer, etc"

    God is furious, and threatens satan, "give me the engineer or i'll sue, as this is obviously a breach of our agreement.."

    And satan says "oh yeah and where are you going to get a lawyer"


    Read some milton, as in paradise lost and you will find a new respect for satan. The idealistic rebel who questions authority, chalenges ideals,institutions, didnt blindly obey decrees, hence my religious choice on a symbolic level.

    Nice post HE:)

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  7. There never was a Satan because there never was a need for him. Evil is inherent in Man, and lawyers are simply one incarnation of that evil. Beauty is also inherent in Man, as evidenced by Salma Hyack. And Good is here in abundance, as is evidenced by the many good people who come here to find evidence of a damn good blog, aka as HomoEscapiens.

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  8. grumblaw1:00 a.m.

    Lawyers have (rightly or wrongly) earned their reputations
    by sticking their noses directly
    into schittstorms of every kind, but we encourage their halfassed
    morality plays. Dunno how it is up there, but if we can't find legal remedies in our existing codes,
    we can either fork up, or else,
    find a good song-and-dance man to
    bluster a way around the law. Not
    the lawyers fault, if we talk out
    of both sides of our mouths as
    consumers.

    After all, what's a little culpability, between dunces?

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  9. so their reputation is justified, eh??!?
    i found al pacino's speech in that movie immensely frightening because its so true!
    as for satan's greatest trick- thats why people don't take these things seriously!

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  10. I like the Grumblething's response. Posts about the devil don't generally secure much public comment, I always find :)

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  11. fathorse,
    Yes the austere headstrong emotionally immature deity dreamed up by the desert monotheists was polished up a few centuries later into a little calmer, cooler, and collected as Robert Young's Jim Anderson in TVs Father Knows Best.

    carmenzta,
    Tell him to go for it! Whenever a US lawyer with a conscience is discovered they ALWAYS make movies about them!
    You'll be his Mom! You'll be famous!
    Look at John Travolta in A Civil Action.

    andjusticeforallblogger,
    We are doomed because at the very heart of this PC world is the litigationally rewarded lawyer and their antlike assault on common sense and fairplay in the marketlace of ideas. Hey what would happen to a society if hyperbole and the politics of victimization ruled the land? Hmm.

    first nations,
    Burnin' Ring Of Fire, I too so love the Classics.
    Yes now that we have established that SOME of them are whores (just covering my ass wouldn't want to get sued now would I) all that is left is to negotiate the price.

    menchie,
    I like the connection because the Law is it's own universe that is set up to protect itself from outside interference. The Law is interwoven into every aspect of our lives, far deeper than you care to imagine...the perfect place for the ultimate arch villain to lurk about.

    aidan,
    That is an awesome joke! This whole film is based on Paradise Lost. Pacino's character goes by the name of John Milton!
    "You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?"

    THE michael,
    We escapeons scare ourselves whenever we plumb the depths of our depravity and perform some horrendous atrocity on another person or group of people and we needed to invent a scapegoat.
    We couldn't be that bad could we? Aren't we gods? The guilt of being so naturally evil forced us to create gods that were responsible for pulling our strings.
    Another great line from that movie, Pacino:
    "Guilt is like a bag of f*ckin' bricks. All ya gotta do is set it down"

    grumblawyer,
    If it feels good
    (and sounds legal) DO IT!
    Whenever I watch any of the 485 versions of Law and Order or CSI I am always struck by how much more protection criminals receive FROM the law BY the law.
    I suppose it was inevitable since legalities are driven by fees and fears. And Justice For All was another vehicle for Pacino classics;
    "You're out of order!
    You're out of order!
    The whole trial is out of order! They're out of order!
    It's just a show!
    It's a show!
    It's "Let's Make A Deal"! "Let's Make A Deal"! Hey Frank, you wanna "Make A Deal"?
    I got an insane judge who likes to beat the sh*t out of women! Whaddya wanna gimme Frank, 3 weeks probation?"

    angel,
    The notion that Satan wants to stay under the radar pulling the strings makes perfect sense to me. The horror movies where he jumps out with a pitchfork and goes BOO is ludicrous because then everybody would go running back to church.
    I think that it is a brilliant strategy for the modern writer to pursue.

    benjammer,
    WHAT! That is not what it said in the Faustian Blogging Agreement that I just signed yesterday,
    in blood!

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  12. oooh! I love the moebious loop of that film. . .

    ReplyDelete
  13. i like the view,
    Explain yourself por favor.. is it the recycled material or because of the twists?
    I especially loved how the scary faces morphed into demonic masks.

    I actually think that DA is one of the most intelligent investigations into mythology.
    Lots of philosophy, sexy sex, and hiding in plain sight over the top Pacino!I don't even think that Keanu let out 1 single WOAH!

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  14. I beg to differ. George Dubya Bush never practiced law, as far as I know. ('Course I don't really know, but I had to find a segue! :)

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  15. he is damn good at making those kind of speeches...whoo ah!

    lawyers do what they do because we allow them to, they do it on our behalf, and then we chastise and call them assholes and whores and the like

    do we as their clients, we who pay their fees, we who hired them in the first place, really demand civility and fairness from our representative or do we covertly ask them to grab as much as they can for us, from which they take their cut?

    as you quoted from the jewish encyclopedia..."Yet it is also evident that the Devil has no power of independent action, but requires the permission of God (the Judge), which he may not transgress."

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  16. andrea,
    Dubya has a BA in History from Yale and an MBA from Harvard which he somehow acquired thanks to his PHD
    Pop Has Dough!

    sally!
    Hello. Unfortunately we have lost control over what lawyers do. They are so deeply embedded in every nook and cranny that we can't even make common sense laws through our elected officials..most of whom are lawyers!
    I agree that we should be able to command some sort of respect from our employees but HA! The only saving grace is that SOME* lawyers hate each other more than they despise the great unwashed.

    *all statements and or claims herein including but not limited to those offered by the host of this or any other blog as well as commentors in accordance with any staements whether suggested, inferred or blatantly broadcast as known or assumed facts about lawyers are hereby warranted and nullified and deemed harmless, immaterial and noncompensatorial in the event of nuisance lawsuit presented in a court of law anywhere on the planet known as Earth.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I thought you might have tempted Cherry Pie out of hiding with this one!

    I never met a practicing solicitor (as we term them here) that I liked but I know a couple who saw the error of their ways and turned from the dark side - I think CP must be the exception that proves the rule.

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  18. ziggi,
    SHHH! You're going to spook her!
    I've actually apologised to her before when I went off on one of my previous postings that dealt with *reassessing common myths about lawyers.

    *Notice is hereby given that carte blanche is extended ad infinitum to the author and/or co-authors of this or any other blog existing in perpetuity which may or may not be restricted by the laws of common sense and tomfoolery in reference to said agents of obvioulsy ridiculous good natured joshing to be rendered harmless and judgement proof with this admission that said documents were written without malice aforethought so get over yourselves you bloodsucking, soul siphoning, know-it-all parasites!

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  19. hehe...nice disclaimer

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  20. I'll gladly explain myself. . .

    . . .if you would very kindly avail yourself to make a contribution to the dicussion about four/five posts down on ILTV about the female orgasm. . .

    :-)

    (dynamo especially wanted to know what your thoughts were. . .)

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  21. whoops, I am not going to tell this to my oldest daughter who studies laws :-)

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  22. sally,
    Thanks I am practising for a post on side effects!

    i like the view,
    Sheesh I'm afraid that I went overboard on my comment..sorry...
    honestly.

    hildegarde,
    Of course I am kidding, there are probably thousa..hundr..
    dozens of lawyers who are also wonderful human beings.
    I am positive that your daughter is one of those really, really, really nice people.

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  23. I love love love Al Pacino. I would leave my husband for him, and he's ok with that. Don't you love the way he always has some killer monologue in each of his movies. So much passion. *sigh*

    I hate hate hate the way people's faces morphed into ugly evil things in that movie. It seriously gave me the creeps.

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  24. anna,
    Al is THE post Brando actor. Nobody has more memorable scene stealing lines! Nobody is better at the tirade than Pacino!
    I have marvelled at him from A Panic In Needle Park.
    He was PERFECT as John Milton/Lucifer in DA...you'd expect him to be a little over the top wouldn't you?

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  25. I know a couple or three good lawyers and may God bless them. Most are scum especially the ambulance chasers. We need lawyers, unfortunately because some us (clients) are actually the ones who fabricate these grand scheme of being "victims", so the other party has to find a lawyer to defend themselves.

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  26. My eyes got so buggy reading all the different colours and fonts I could barely get through it...

    Kinda like a lawyer and all that legal jargon they use? Ha!

    If you first consider what the "legal" system is -- designed for people with money, and not for those without it -- you're part way there.

    There is a need for a system with structure and rules to take care of ownership, divorce, finances and other legal matters.

    And in my experience, all the lawyers I've known have been decent, intelligent, well-meaning people.

    They work within a system and some of them, and their clients, take advantage of that system.

    There's scum that know all the loopholes and take advantage of them, and there's great people that want to do what's right.

    And there's a whole bunch in between, it seems to me. They're supposed to win. That's why we hire them.

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  27. ces,
    Exactly. I am exagerating of course. Look, you know three good people who also happen to be lawyers and others have mentioned experiencing the same phenomenon
    ...so logistically there must be dozens of 'good' lawyers all over the world!

    without whining.
    "My eyes got so buggy reading all the different colours and fonts I could barely get through it"

    ((sigh))

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  28. Satan was an angel too...

    Sometimes there seems a thin line between God and Angel.

    Ha...
    that was blasphemy..
    hang me, hang me!!

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  29. BTW, I never desired to be a lawyer. As it is, I argue enough without the law degree!!

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  30. gautami,
    If I ever visited India I would need a battalion of lawyers to tackle all of my public kissing (SHOCKING) charges...just as poor Richard Gere discovered when he gave whatsherface a little peck on the cheek.
    How can kissing in public be bad? This makes me nervous about the future of the world's largest democracy.

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  31. donn, you won't need lawyers at all for all your public kissings. Unless you are a BIG celebrity. Go ahead, kiss as much as you like. Most new generation Indian kids are doing it. Foreigners have always been doing it.(I belong to the old generation and not much into PDA..LOL!)

    I am not defending my country. I too hated what happened. I even said it in a public forums. It gave India a bad image. Everyone forgot the bigger issue of AIDS and the stupid (non)kiss was highlighted so much.

    As I always say to all my friends, in the land of Kamasutra, we are a bunch of hypocrites. Though it is changing slowly.

    One last request, please don't judge whole of India for one such incident which gets worldwide media attention.

    ReplyDelete

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