IF ONLY BOTH OF THE OCTOMOM's FIRSTBORNS ATE THEIR SIBLINGS?

further to our discussion Feb 3, 2009

SHORT VERSION for the Chronologically Challenged:

Why the f*ck aren't the asshats in labcoats who overfertilised these nincompoop Octomoms financially responsible for creating and caring for the 14 extra kids that nobody ordered?

and here is the LONG TEDIOUS VERSION:

One of the most disturbing downsides of recreational intercourse, an otherwise enjoyable activity, is that an egg may accidentally be fertilised and as Elvis so eloquently put it; there's another hungry mouth to feed in the ghetto.

Isn't this planet already dangerously overcrowded?

It's OK relax, that one was obviously rhetorical and a fleeting throw-away thought so just go ahead and read the next part....

oh and wait a minute...

before you get on your high horse let's get one thing straight.

I believe that it is a f*cking miracle that science, and pseudo-science, can help infertile couples.

I don't care whether they are married or not married, same sex or single or asexual or interracial or interspecial or casually dating and had a one night stand and think it might be kinda cool to have a couple kids and maybe get a dog later...

BUT,

more recently we have been forced to tippy-toe through the ethical minefield involving the ridiculously inexact science of clinically reproducing wealthy North Americans.

Most of you no doubt remember the Every Sperm Is Sacred musical scene from Monty Python's film, The Meaning Of Life. The Catholic factory worker comes home to his 60-odd children and tells them that he's been laid off and they're all being sold for scientific experiments because he has been blessed so much, that he can no longer afford to feed them...

whatever, that's more of a problem for the overdeveloped nations in Europe.

Here in the land of Manifest Destiny, Octomom and Kate8 are having it out in the pages of the seminal celebrity mag INtouch.

See for yourself WOW!

This is like Octomom-o-geddon except that we already know the answer to the most important question; which one has better hair?

but

which Octomom is the better single Mom?

Political correctness, the abscence of Darwinian population controls, religious doctrines concerning the beginning of Life, pretzel logic and kafkaesque legislation, and an army of eager, rabid, lawyers representing the reproductive-clinics, prevent us from having a serious discussion about why the asshats in labcoats who overfertilised these nincompoops are not financially responsible for 14 extra kids that nobody ordered?

Seriously?

Perhaps these $cienti$t$ should have injected some Sand Tiger Shark DNA into the petrie dish.



You see, Sand Tiger "Pups" practice intrauterine cannibalism .

The Mommy Shark's firstborn Pups eat all their developing siblings inside the uterus (her tummy) and grow big and strong before they enter the outside world. Fortunately she has two uterussusses or uterii, so 2 Pups are born (come out of her belly button) and the species receives sufficient numbers to continue.

I miss blogging about Sharks. I should do that instead of all this crap and make it some artsy fartsy thingamabob using sharks and all of the metaphorical mystique and misinformation about them into a playful forum..maybe 24 more posts and then that will be 600..a good place to stop and become SharkMAN.

here's a little chart I made for a presentation to a group of school kids..

see the Sandtiger on the right? It's not to be confused with a TIGER Shark.

Sandtigers look scary with those teeth hanging out and adapt well in captivity so a lot of Aquariums have them.

Where was I? Oh yeah. What a beautiful image of the miracle of birth..eating your brothers and sisters..MMMMM.

As Paul Anka sang, "what a lovely way of sayin' how much you love me".

What should we do with these un$crupulou$ reproductivi$t$ who are unwilling to financially support the "extras" they hatch for befuddled women like Octomom, who already had 6 kids under the age of 10 before she realised that she needed some MORE? The fellers at the clinic must have thought long and hard about that and decided, "Hell, why not."

And howzabout harvesting impregnated clone-thingys for those other women who are well past their best-before-date and will become 60 year-old-Moms?

That's an awesome idea.

Obviously it isn't the Mom's fault or responsibility because gawdamnit this is happening in AMERICA and Moms can just go out and get a TV $how and make million$ to support their surplus children.

It sounds like an Amendment in their Constitution;

The Right To Bear.

The Reproductivi$t$ cover their legal asses and pretend that it's like gambling in an ovarian casino..but unlike Vegas;

what happens in uterus, doesn't stay in uterus.

Look Lady, ya pays y'er money and ya takes y'er chances.

I watched the Beeb this weekend and a learned panel was discussing incentives and programs to aid and educate women in developing countries to STOP having so many babies.

I wasn't surprised that they never once mentioned either of the American Octomoms or their direct competition, the crazy Duggars, who not only have 18 offspring but all the kid's names start with a "J"

which I think you will agree is in and of itself quite reprehensible.
WHO is responsible for this madness?
WHO?

STICKIN' IT TO THE MAN

Yesterday, for the first time this Summer, I went to the Beach.

When one goes to "the Beach" the idea is to clear your head and not think about anything right? Wrong! When you live in an environment that is f-f-freezing for 7 months of the year you enjoy every second...

especially this Summer because it rains every second day?

There is a Thuderstorm happening as I write.

Plus we had to prove to a visitor from Switzerland that Grand Beach is one of the top 10 Beaches in the world, (according to a Playboy article in the 70s see my Post JULY 6, 2006 ...so nyeh!) and it is only a one hour drive from our back door.

The Beach is a unique environment to contemplate the complicated relationship between the genders. For some time now I have been wondering why Males have been allowed to take over the world.

Most of you know that I go on and on and on about how vertebrates are formed as default females, ergo males are mutants, and that it therefore stands to reason, that a Creator, should one exist, would be a nurturing feminine entity rather than an insecure masculine moron right?

Have any of you ever come across The Alphabet versus the Goddess?

Have a lash HERE .

Leonard Schlain did a lot of the mental heavy lifting and organised a timeline that follows the ascent of Humans and deals with genderfication issues. Take a moment and read it...very interesting.

He starts out discussing the consequences of us eating more meat on the African Savannah, the demands of a lengthy infant development period, left brain-right brain wiring, language vs imagery.

This goes a long way in explaining the historical adaptations which led to us living in a completely f*cked up world in which the dominant males muck about posturing, threatening, and actually inflicting carnage on each other.

Males are simply incapable of turning the WAR button off.

Instead of a world where everybody is fed, housed, and educated, most of the planet's resources are used to create Weapons of Mass Destruction and it totally SUCKS!

*photo by reysputin :)

As a Baby Boomer contemplating the abject failure of the Peace, Love & Unicorns fantasy of the Woodstock Generation..

40 years later it is painfully obvious that we did NOT "stick it to the Man", Maaaan!"

"And we've got to get ourselves

Back to the GODDESS"

HOW I WASTE MY TIME ON YOUTUBE..

Maybe a 52 second History lesson



some Lock & Poppin



a Video




or a Commercial?



What do YOU watch on YOUTUBE?

BADLANDS:
COWBOYS, BIKERS & SOLDIERS

I have just returned from a 3,000 kilometre made-in-America vacation in the Merkin' Heartland.

South Dakotee is Cowboy/Biker/Soldier Country..

the Badlands Baby!

Cowboy Hats n' Boots are ever'where and there is more folks drivin' pickup Trucks than city slickers drivin' cars.

At this time of year there are also more motorcycles on the highway than cars because 500,000+ Bikers are on the road makin' their way from Sturgis.

The average age of those Bikers is about 58-60 years old so you might want to rethink holding on to your Harley Davidson Stock?



Most of them are just "Riders" not Gangster Outlaw Bikers. Most of them drag their wives along. These so-called Bikers are just regular joes most retired... old dudes who love motorcyclin' up and down through the beautiful, scenic, winding roads...without Helmets!?

America is not hip to the term "Donorcycles".



The third Demographic are the thousands of Military Personnel both active and retired who are dressed in their civvies and disguised as regular citizens.

We attended a sunset presentation in the ampitheatre at the base of Mount_Rushmore. It was a patriotic event with a short film on the four Presidents and a propaganda fueled pep rally that reinstated the mythic proposition that America is mankind's BEST last hope.

After the Scree-ning of the film in front of the rubble of Rushmore (ha-ha) all the Veterans in attendance were asked to come on to the stage. There were literally hundreds of active and retired soldiers in the audience...we just don't have that sort of enlistment ratio up here in Canuckistan.



With the exception of folks living in countries that have been invaded, I mean rescued, by US Armed Forces, most of us foreigners spend so much time gorging on American Entertainment, that we forget about the trillion$ and pickle-dillion$ spent on the most expensive/powerful Military force ever created in the entire History of the known Universe.

Everywhere you turn the ubiquitous icons of Uncle Sam (Flags & Eagles) are on Billboards, napkins, doo-dads and what-nots.
I know I know, as Homer Simpson said, "if you don't like it you can move back to Russia!" Keep in mind that Homer was created by a Canadian who is a descendent of a Russian-Mennonite heritage no less...eh.

I also discovered why the American EEKonomy is still so vulnerable.

Local restaurants still gladly accept personal cheques..

which they spell "checks" ..

and many would NOT accept them-thar fancy-schmancy electronic "credee" cards.
Hel-LO!

Whatever.

I loved the friendly folks and rustic ambience throughout the entire 'touristy' area. I gladly wore my Cowboy Boots & Hat and lived on cheap Steak, Beer & Pie.




I thoroughly enjoyed sayin' "Yup" and "Yessir" and basked in the glowing comfort of an old, lost, friend, Farenheit.

Yes I was in Junior High School when Canada mysteriously "went Metric" back in '70/'71 so I remember how "hat" 87 degrees is. It even sounds Hot! I miss Faren.

I also appreciated drivin' 140 kilometres per hour (please don't pronounce it kill-AH-mutters) on those great Merkin highways. Down there you drive like you're goin' somewhere!

In Canada we can only go 100 KPH (kanadian miles per hour) unless of course you're from Alberta, in which case you are closer to bein' American than Canadian and you drive 140 kph wherever you go anyway...

yeah yeah bring it Albertans..

actually we met some total redneck Albertans down there and I am still in shock.

Now despite the existance of Billboards along the highway encouraging parents to HUNT WITH YOUR CHILDREN and WEAR FUR, MANAGE WILDLIFE, there were plenty of "unshot" Critters to photograph in the safety of their State and National Parks.

These reptile photos were taken in the famous Reptile Gardens.

Despite warning signs everywhere, I didn't see any Rattlesnakes slithering around the Badlands.

Along the roads there are plenty of Billboards to remind you that America is a Christian country and pictures of Jesus, especially the popular uber-white, orangy-haired, W.A.S.P.y, wafer-thin, King James, American greeting card version of Jesus.

I wondered how many others at the Rushmore "Pep Rally" realised that the agnostic President on Rushmore, Tommy Jefferson, who wrote the Constitution, understood that their key to success was the separation of the State FROM the Church?

Still, what can you say about the only Superpower on the planet (oh sure they owe China $800 Billion but whatareyagonnado?)..

gawdammit this is the heartland and doggonit they love their country.

I was a guest (Canadians now need passports to get in which sucks) and I acted accordingly. Most Americans were very curious about our Universal Healthcare.

If you've watched the Merkin News (not FOX) lately you may have noticed that the bi-partisan spin doctors are up to their old tricks again and President Obama's honeymoon is definitely over.

Americans seem torn between adhering to the principles of rugged individualism and self sufficiency and hoping that Manifest Destiny providentially providing Healthcare. There are more un-insured American citizens than the entire population of Canada.

One feller from Chicago apologised for the passport thing and said that the Republicans were more concerned of the 20 million Mexicans who snuck into the country through the Southern border.

The Republicans are terrified because all of those immigrants are future Democrats and if they get status, there would never-ever-ever-ever be another Republican President.... EVER!!!


:)

OK, I'm just going to ramble on because I haven't blogged for ages and more importantly, I should just shut my piehole because what the hell do I know?

I 'm only an outsider lookin' in.

GIT 'ER DONE!

I am temporarily abandoning the wretched dreariness of my uber-sophisticated urban lifestyle

and the cozy calm serenity of Canadian socialism and

I is commencin' to git in touch with ma inner Cowboy down in the U.S. of A.

Ever'body loves playin' Cowboy an I ain't no exception

*spits on rattle snake

so I reckon I can fit right in thar, git 'er done, and come back lookin' , thinkin', and a-talkin' like a real gawdam Cowboy such as my alter ego Bass Ackwards!

Good Luck findin' me 'cause I'm already gone.

THE DUCKDAYS OF SUMMER

Another day, another outting..

this time we spent the afternoon HERE enjoying a simple soundscape of songbirds, wind, and quacks.

Sorry, I couldn't resist because it's
SHARK WEEK