Monday, August 31, 2009

IF ONLY BOTH OF THE OCTOMOM's FIRSTBORNS ATE THEIR SIBLINGS?
further to our discussion Feb 3, 2009

SHORT VERSION for the Chronologically Challenged:
Why the f*ck aren't the asshats in labcoats who overfertilised these nincompoop Octomoms financially responsible for creating and caring for the 14 extra kids that nobody ordered?

and here is the LONG TEDIOUS VERSION:
One of the most disturbing downsides of recreational intercourse, an otherwise enjoyable activity, is that an egg may accidentally be fertilised and as Elvis so eloquently put it; there's another hungry mouth to feed in the ghetto.






Isn't this planet already dangerously overcrowded?
It's OK relax, that one was obviously rhetorical and a fleeting throw-away thought so just go ahead and read the next part....


oh and wait a minute...

before you get on your high horse let's get one thing straight.
I believe that it is a f*cking miracle that science, and pseudo-science, can help infertile couples.
I don't care whether they are married or not married, same sex or single or asexual or interracial or interspecial or casually dating and had a one night stand and think it might be kinda cool to have a couple kids and maybe get a dog later...

BUT,

more recently we have been forced to tippy-toe through the ethical minefield involving the ridiculously inexact science of clinically reproducing wealthy North Americans.


Most of you no doubt remember the Every Sperm Is Sacred musical scene from Monty Python's film, The Meaning Of Life. The Catholic factory worker comes home to his 60-odd children and tells them that he's been laid off and they're all being sold for scientific experiments because he has been blessed so much, that he can no longer afford to feed them...

whatever, that's more of a problem for the overdeveloped nations in Europe.




Here in the land of Manifest Destiny, Octomom and Kate8 are having it out in the pages of the seminal celebrity mag INtouch.

See for yourself WOW!

This is like Octomom-o-geddon except that we already know the answer to the most important question; which one has better hair?
but
which Octomom is the better single Mom?





Political correctness, the abscence of Darwinian population controls, religious doctrines concerning the beginning of Life, pretzel logic and kafkaesque legislation, and an army of eager, rabid, lawyers representing the reproductive-clinics, prevent us from having a serious discussion about why the asshats in labcoats who overfertilised these nincompoops are not financially responsible for 14 extra kids that nobody ordered?

Seriously?

Perhaps these $cienti$t$ should have injected some Sand Tiger Shark DNA into the petrie dish.



You see, Sand Tiger "Pups" practice intrauterine cannibalism .

The Mommy Shark's firstborn Pups eat all their developing siblings inside the uterus (her tummy) and grow big and strong before they enter the outside world. Fortunately she has two uterussusses or uterii, so 2 Pups are born (come out of her belly button) and the species receives sufficient numbers to continue.


I miss blogging about Sharks. I should do that instead of all this crap and make it some artsy fartsy thingamabob using sharks and all of the metaphorical mystique and misinformation about them into a playful forum..maybe 24 more posts and then that will be 600..a good place to stop and become SharkMAN.




here's a little chart I made for a presentation to a group of school kids..
see the Sandtiger on the right? It's not to be confused with a TIGER Shark.
Sandtigers look scary with those teeth hanging out and adapt well in captivity so a lot of Aquariums have them.
Where was I? Oh yeah. What a beautiful image of the miracle of birth..eating your brothers and sisters..MMMMM.

As Paul Anka sang, "what a lovely way of sayin' how much you love me".


What should we do with these un$crupulou$ reproductivi$t$ who are unwilling to financially support the "extras" they hatch for befuddled women like Octomom, who already had 6 kids under the age of 10 before she realised that she needed some MORE? The fellers at the clinic must have thought long and hard about that and decided, "Hell, why not."

And howzabout harvesting impregnated clone-thingys for those other women who are well past their best-before-date and will become 60 year-old-Moms?

That's an awesome idea.

Obviously it isn't the Mom's fault or responsibility because gawdamnit this is happening in AMERICA and Moms can just go out and get a TV $how and make million$ to support their surplus children.





It sounds like an Amendment in their Constitution;
The Right To Bear.
The Reproductivi$t$ cover their legal asses and pretend that it's like gambling in an ovarian casino..but unlike Vegas;

what happens in uterus, doesn't stay in uterus.

Look Lady, ya pays y'er money and ya takes y'er chances.
I watched the Beeb this weekend and a learned panel was discussing incentives and programs to aid and educate women in developing countries to STOP having so many babies.

I wasn't surprised that they never once mentioned either of the American Octomoms or their direct competition, the crazy Duggars, who not only have 18 offspring but all the kid's names start with a "J"


which I think you will agree is in and of itself quite reprehensible.
WHO is responsible for this madness?
WHO?

20 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What if you wanted to fame and fotune and the only talent you had was owning a uterus (and not even a fertile one!). What would you do? No? How very un-American of you.

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  3. I only had two kids and for ten years I hardly had time to wash my hair, let alone have it good enough to appear on a magazine cover!

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  4. Did someone brake into the Sperm-bank?

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  5. i like your shark drawing.
    you draw teeth good.

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  6. Surely Mia Farrow, Madonna or Angelina Jolie have enough kids that they could have spared a few to give to her.

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  7. Yes, nice shark drawings, Donn. Is it me or have condoms gone way out of fashion?

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  8. Out of bloody control if you ask me! I have four kids and get looked at funny sometimes, but I can safely say they are a product of LURVE and not anything else...and it was fun making them..and not pushing them out, but... you know, I pay for them and I work hard and I love em and that is it. I dont rely on government payouts and I don't porn them out to make money out of them..on second thoughts....nah, lol.
    I like the idea of the sand shark in the petri dish, lol..love ya Donn :)

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  9. I am going to blame Celine Dion , not that the octomom fiasco has anything to do with her
    But she cannot get away completely scot free now can she
    The Beastly woman sung for France in the Eurovision song contest for god sakes !
    MJ has a Celine Dion Duvet cover set.....just saying

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  10. great post, Donn.

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  11. This is crazy,you are right Donn!Yeah you heard the man..WHO?!
    Answer!NOW!

    "I miss blogging about sharks"LOL

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  12. It is also crazy that some parents give Mc Do to their kids when their body,you can tell is crying for help.It's like sending them to death,sorry but it is.You can be overweight,but this is too much,their little heart could break.Terrible!

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  13. I love that your anger gets Beast to get angry about Celine Dion.

    I'd like to be angry about Reality Shows and Bad Shoes and the fact that we don't have enough great shark drawings - thank you for sharing yours and making me less angry about that at least
    xxx

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  14. @Beast: Why don't you tell them about your stinky SpongeBob SquarePants duvet?

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  15. love the shark drawing. It must mean something that i clicked on that & not the intouch article link.

    personally i see no difference in any of the mass breeders. or the televised breeders. they are all in the same boat of aweful. The world can't handle the population it has now, yet they are over populating on purpose. mass marketing their children so they can "live well". here's an idea.. STOP GETTING PREGNANT! f*cking tools...

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  16. I have two words: BIRTH CONTROL.

    BTW: Did you hear that the Duggars are expecting their 19th? Talk about an over-worked uterus!! I wouldn't be surprised if that thing fell out someday!

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  17. Dude, I seriously think it should be legislated that there should only be two or maybe three viable foetuses implanted, and if you disagree on religious grounds with removal of the others then invitro obviously isn't the way to go.
    Its insane.

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  18. You lovely Earthlings..thank you so much for making me feel like I am a part of the blogosphere...
    I am so humbled to have your kind and humnorous comments on my blog.
    Thanks.

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  19. See, this is why abortion should be kept legal and taught along with sex education in high school.

    I never watch those shows about these people with their overactive reproductive systems. Now, say they were in the jungle and left to survive on their own, then I'd watch.

    I bet if those third world families had great agents and PR reps, they'd get their own tv shows, too.

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  20. Anonymous7:15 PM

    crazy idea i know but how do u think credit cruch affected porn?


    ----------------
    killergram

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