Wednesday, September 02, 2009


If you live in this part of the world you must prepare to spend an inordinate amount of time looking out for frickin' BEARS!

Bears are badass MOFOs and whenever they get the chance Bears will try to eat you and your entire family.

Oh yes they will!

Bears will try to eat you even if you are minding your own business and trying to camp out in a tent during the Summer month of July.

Here in Manitoba, Black Bears spend three months (Spring, Summer & Fall) fattening up on wild berries, garbage, and human flesh, before hibernating throughout our excruciatingly tedious, soul-sucking, nine months of Winter.

Then the bloody Polar Bears start sneaking in your backyard.

If you can catch enough Polars and sneak some Percocet into their Baby Harp Seal Bear Food, which is very affordable, the Polars really mellow out and make fine sledbears.

Of course we don't have Grizzly Bears (here shown to scale) like they do in the Rockies oot in Western Canada.

Fortunately for us, Grizzlies are content eating Japanese Tourists and too bizzay makin' little Grizzlies to migrate over here.

Like us, Black Bears are omnivores, and they especially love to eat nuts.

I once had to play a Black Bear in a movie with Hannah Montana.
No really!

Bears. Mankind has competed with those hairy bastards for Millenia and I for one am sick and tired of it!
Bears..UGH... I hate 'em.

I can't wait until Poachers have killed all of them and sent the last Bear Gall Bladder to China so that those poor men can have boners.

Bears make our lives unbearable.


  1. I had to BEAR this post of yours!


  2. Oh Mr Coppens, you are such a cute cuddly Teddy Bear.

  3. it's bears' penis for boners.
    (like i know)

  4. Golly yer funny.

    I love the oot thing...whenever I talk to a Canadian I always try to get them to say it. Ear candy. :)

  5. Come on Donn please give us something to work with here. Bears that eat your nuts. Seven months of ice in the year. I am trying to write some blurb for the Canadian tourist board and so far I've come up with squat. Yes I know pammie anderson is from Canada but she got out didn't she? write a post on what's hot about Canada right now!

    also did you have any luck doing that photoshop thing of me and angelina in the cheetos - I can't seem to get through to the email address listed on your blog ?

  6. There are loads of bears at my local leather bar.

    I'd advise you to stay well clear.

  7. Anonymous5:18 p.m.

    I find so many people so less BEARABLE than actual bears. ~Mary

  8. haha!
    nice one, Donn.
    i also like that shot of you in your spy/x ray vision glasses and headphones - i wonder what you were listening to?

  9. LOL!Of course they are unbearable..but only the ones who have less hair(most of the time),produce garbages,eat nuts(still)and who like Hannah Montana or else!The most clever ones(????)

  10. You just know that MJ is going to nick that picture under the " ... they especially love to eat nuts" caption and use it in a future incriminating post.

    Um, we just have marauding foxes around here. I saw a couple of them fighting quite viciously the other night. Will that do?

  11. I'm onto it, Betty.

  12. I just thought I'd drop by and say hi.

    I think it would be wise of you to keep your nuts safe and out of the way of bears.

    Even if they are cute, furry and horny.

  13. You cab bear-ly contain your urs-ession.

  14. mr bear12:17 p.m.

    I'm not sure I like your attitude

  15. Anonymous12:32 p.m.

    Bear Bruno was shot in the Alps some years ago and it was a major state affaire.
    Are there receips, Canadian bear specialties? Roast bear with berries?

  16. Anonymous1:21 p.m.

    I'll take bears any day. You can have the seagulls we get here in Californication. They will crap into your open mouth if you let them. I swear.

  17. We don't have real bears over here, but only have teddy bears. We have some bulls instead, lol.

    A friend of mine visited recently Sequoia and Kins Canyon in the US, and he came across two black bears -a scary encounter with one of them, really-.

    Please take care, don't let them have your nuts. ;)

  18. Dude... You can be so silly!

  19. Thank You so much for taking the time to comment.
    You are so cool

  20. Yes, this why I think camping gear should include a rifle, a shot gun, and a pistol. And I found out bear spray is really just mace--lots of cayenne pepper!

    I saw on a nature show that black bears are the most dangerous to man, because they've learned to adapt and sneak into homes to raid the kitchen for food! At least you know where the grizzlies and polar bears are, so you can stay away! These black bears have no sense of decency or respect for other people's homes!


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