Sunday, August 16, 2009


I have just returned from a 3,000 kilometre made-in-America vacation in the Merkin' Heartland.

South Dakotee is Cowboy/Biker/Soldier Country..

the Badlands Baby!

Cowboy Hats n' Boots are ever'where and there is more folks drivin' pickup Trucks than city slickers drivin' cars.

At this time of year there are also more motorcycles on the highway than cars because 500,000+ Bikers are on the road makin' their way from Sturgis.
The average age of those Bikers is about 58-60 years old so you might want to rethink holding on to your Harley Davidson Stock?

Most of them are just "Riders" not Gangster Outlaw Bikers. Most of them drag their wives along. These so-called Bikers are just regular joes most retired... old dudes who love motorcyclin' up and down through the beautiful, scenic, winding roads...without Helmets!?

America is not hip to the term "Donorcycles".

The third Demographic are the thousands of Military Personnel both active and retired who are dressed in their civvies and disguised as regular citizens.

We attended a sunset presentation in the ampitheatre at the base of Mount_Rushmore. It was a patriotic event with a short film on the four Presidents and a propaganda fueled pep rally that reinstated the mythic proposition that America is mankind's BEST last hope.

After the Scree-ning of the film in front of the rubble of Rushmore (ha-ha) all the Veterans in attendance were asked to come on to the stage. There were literally hundreds of active and retired soldiers in the audience...we just don't have that sort of enlistment ratio up here in Canuckistan.

With the exception of folks living in countries that have been invaded, I mean rescued, by US Armed Forces, most of us foreigners spend so much time gorging on American Entertainment, that we forget about the trillion$ and pickle-dillion$ spent on the most expensive/powerful Military force ever created in the entire History of the known Universe.

Everywhere you turn the ubiquitous icons of Uncle Sam (Flags & Eagles) are on Billboards, napkins, doo-dads and what-nots.
I know I know, as Homer Simpson said, "if you don't like it you can move back to Russia!" Keep in mind that Homer was created by a Canadian who is a descendent of a Russian-Mennonite heritage no

I also discovered why the American EEKonomy is still so vulnerable.

Local restaurants still gladly accept personal cheques..

which they spell "checks" ..

and many would NOT accept them-thar fancy-schmancy electronic "credee" cards.


I loved the friendly folks and rustic ambience throughout the entire 'touristy' area. I gladly wore my Cowboy Boots & Hat and lived on cheap Steak, Beer & Pie.

I thoroughly enjoyed sayin' "Yup" and "Yessir" and basked in the glowing comfort of an old, lost, friend, Farenheit.

Yes I was in Junior High School when Canada mysteriously "went Metric" back in '70/'71 so I remember how "hat" 87 degrees is. It even sounds Hot! I miss Faren.

I also appreciated drivin' 140 kilometres per hour (please don't pronounce it kill-AH-mutters) on those great Merkin highways. Down there you drive like you're goin' somewhere!

In Canada we can only go 100 KPH (kanadian miles per hour) unless of course you're from Alberta, in which case you are closer to bein' American than Canadian and you drive 140 kph wherever you go anyway...

yeah yeah bring it Albertans..

actually we met some total redneck Albertans down there and I am still in shock.

Now despite the existance of Billboards along the highway encouraging parents to HUNT WITH YOUR CHILDREN and WEAR FUR, MANAGE WILDLIFE, there were plenty of "unshot" Critters to photograph in the safety of their State and National Parks.

These reptile photos were taken in the famous Reptile Gardens.

Despite warning signs everywhere, I didn't see any Rattlesnakes slithering around the Badlands.

Along the roads there are plenty of Billboards to remind you that America is a Christian country and pictures of Jesus, especially the popular uber-white, orangy-haired, W.A.S.P.y, wafer-thin, King James, American greeting card version of Jesus.

I wondered how many others at the Rushmore "Pep Rally" realised that the agnostic President on Rushmore, Tommy Jefferson, who wrote the Constitution, understood that their key to success was the separation of the State FROM the Church?

Still, what can you say about the only Superpower on the planet (oh sure they owe China $800 Billion but whatareyagonnado?)..

gawdammit this is the heartland and doggonit they love their country.

I was a guest (Canadians now need passports to get in which sucks) and I acted accordingly. Most Americans were very curious about our Universal Healthcare.

If you've watched the Merkin News (not FOX) lately you may have noticed that the bi-partisan spin doctors are up to their old tricks again and President Obama's honeymoon is definitely over.

Americans seem torn between adhering to the principles of rugged individualism and self sufficiency and hoping that Manifest Destiny providentially providing Healthcare. There are more un-insured American citizens than the entire population of Canada.

One feller from Chicago apologised for the passport thing and said that the Republicans were more concerned of the 20 million Mexicans who snuck into the country through the Southern border.

The Republicans are terrified because all of those immigrants are future Democrats and if they get status, there would never-ever-ever-ever be another Republican President.... EVER!!!


OK, I'm just going to ramble on because I haven't blogged for ages and more importantly, I should just shut my piehole because what the hell do I know?

I 'm only an outsider lookin' in.


  1. A badass in the Badlands!

    If YOU were riding a Donorcycle, would it be called a DONNorcycle?

  2. Anonymous11:37 a.m.

    Ha, you survived! Well done lad!

  3. When I went to Mt Rushmore four years ago, I saw a chipmunk!

    Oh Hai MJ!

  4. ole mule.
    nope, not calling you that.

    just sent you an email. not that it's relevant now, lol.

  5. Badlands you gotta live it every day
    Let the broken hearts stand
    As the price you've gotta pay
    We'll keep pushin' till its understood
    And these badlands start treating us good

  6. So, you crossed the border, and couldn't ekk out just another thousand miles give or take to visit the TRUE heart of Americana, the Republic of Pendragon Hold?

    We don't require passports here......just that you make it across the moat, the minefield, the robot sentries, and past Shiloh the Wonder Norweigen (Elkhound).

    Fine, hope you enjoyed desolation blvd.

  7. Welcome home!!!
    What is 140 kilometers per hour?
    I've never gone metric.

  8. The way you're looking at that donkey is disgusting.

  9. you had me worried about involving you in the international police porn thing. you're joking aren't you? please say heehaw.

  10. Awesome fotos! Those are great!

    As for the bikers, I guess when you're in that age bracket, you worry less about helmets when you know you're likely to crap out from a bad heart, bad lungs, or years of bad habits.

    Those are some lucky critters on them wildlife parks--some of them look delicious.

    That sign doesn't in the park doesn't prohibit collecting animals. So if I catch it with my bare hands or shoot it down with an arrow or tranquilizer, can I keep it?

    And did you meet Jesus? Boy does he get around. Last I heard, he was in a tortilla in central Texas.

  11. HA!I just love the way your resume your holidays!Love that post and there is some truth in there!;)
    Have a great day!:))

  12. Nice pictures! Wow.. there's komodo dragon! Must be sent from Indonesia :)

  13. Welcome back, Donn!

    I too, have spent weeks in the Badlands and I have to say ...

    I'm NEVER going back.

  14. Great that you survived and are back and nice to know that there are still some unshot critters out there.


  15. Awesome pics Donn! Hehe :)

  16. you've seen more of that part of the country than i have, sugar! and i think i'll just leave it like that! xoxooxo

  17. Oh lawdy I wanna take pictures like that of me too!!!

  18. I once saw an old biker wearing a t-shirt that had written on the back, "If you can read this the bitch has fallen off".


  19. Oh my gawd.

    One of my friends lives there, and she is a liberal Pagan. I have no idea how she survives.

    Never been there myself, as a native southern Californian, it's, well, a bit too Merkin for my taste, thanks. You know the best thing about those 20 million illegal Mexican immigrants? Mexican food. We have lots of it. Yum. It's what I'll miss when I go to Norn Iron.


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