Thursday, July 27, 2006
news flash...this just in...
According to the National Geographic
the chances of
DYING are 100%!
Thats right, the TOTAL ODDS of you dying by any cause are an astounding
1 in 1!
Some of the following stats are from the National Safety Council (who are obviously not doing a very good job if this list is any indicator!) and apply specifically to residents of the U. S. of A.
Canada does not have all of those
G U N DEATHS!
Anyway, statistically speaking you and I will probably succumb to one or more of the following damnit:
a) Shark Attack while trying to get back into a Helicopter 1 in 3
b) Heart Disease 1 in 5
c) Cancer 1 in 7
d) Stroke 1 in 24
e) Motor Vehicle accident 1 in 84
f) Suicide 1 in 119
g) Falling 1 in 218
h) Gun Assault 1 in 314
i) Pedestrian accident 1 in 626
j) Drowning 1 in 1,008
k) Motorcycle accident 1 in 1,020
l) Fire/Smoke 1 in 1,113
m) Bicycling 1 in 4,919
n) Air/Space Travel 1 in 5,051
o) Accidental Gun Discharge 1 in 5,134
p) Electrocution (accidental) 1 in 9,968
q) Alcohol Poisoning 1 in 10,048
r) Hot Weather 1 in 13,729
s) Hornet/Wasp/Bee Sting 1 in 56,789
t) Legal Execution 1 in 62,468
u) Lightning 1 in 79,746
v) Flood 1 in 144,156
w) Fireworks discharge 1 in 340,733
x) Crushed by Adoring Fans during Final Farewell Concert Tour 1 in 478,641
y) Guilt from the Devil 1 in 666,666
z) Shark Attack (w/o Helicopter) 1 in 8,000,000
I am almost guaranteed either heart disease (thanks DNA) or Shark Attack while trying to get back into a helicopter. Although it is summer so alcohol poisoning and hot weather are always a real threat.
How will you be exiting?????
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One would think the odds of a motorcycle accident would be cut dramatically if one didin't rid a motorcycle, so I think I'm safe there.
ReplyDeletep) Electrocution (accidental) 1 in 9,968
I like the "accidental" in brackets there.
I'd like to go out by the x option. Go out on top.
Had a bit of time on your hands again today, huh?
ReplyDeleteFascinating, as stats (even ones that are tampered with) always are.
If I'm not the 1 in 666,666 to die of guilt laid on me by the devil, I figure I'll either:
1. Burst my aorta over my son again doing exactly everything I tell him not to;
2. Suffer an aneurysm trying to post photos to my blog;
3. Die laughing when Dubya somehow manages to get impeached or becomes the U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia.
The odds are better of getting juiced in the electric chair than out on the putting green? DAMN!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to die of emphasema, if a landshark, SUV, baptist terrorist, or hurricane doesn't get me first.
I think it has something to do with those cigarettes I've been smoking since I was twelve. Whoda thunk?
HE...you are too much. Where do you get this stuff? In your own way, you call attention to subtle truths all of us should think about. Blessings
ReplyDeleteI don't believe in death, I believe in passing out of the body --- in such a case I would like to do it in my sleep while I am having a good dream --- !
ReplyDeleteI really do enjoy your blog --- it wild and real!
anonymous jogger,
ReplyDeleteThe accidental electrocution is to separate it from the INTENTIONAL legal electrocution which is quite prevalent in Texas.
within reach,
#1 is just your karma working its magic revenge on you
#2 is absolutely possible and I hear ya
#3 is a phenomenon that I would label under the faint hope clause
good luck.
the Michael,
OOOH Land Shark! Loved that bit.
Hurricane would not be pretty, stay safe amigo and yes damn those nic sticks. If you figure that out let me know.
don,
Well donald it certainly is something that most of us avoid discussing unless we are trapped in the actuarial bullpen at a life insurance corporation.
In which case we have to beef up the house odds so that we can make money on the great unwashed by estimating the roll of the cosmic dice. Which is freakishly consistent!
liquidplastic,
Great outlook. Hopefully it will be like a great dream. I am personally opposed to a violent painful demise and therefore I fully intend to exit stage left as the curtains fall and I can still hear the thunderous standing ovation.
**Suicide 1 in 119
ReplyDeletewhoaaa!
**How will you be exiting?????
Most likely from some accident cos I have a nic used by my family and it's 'Miss Accident'. But if I had to choose it would be gun shot to the head ofcourse.
Keshi.
lol u still dizzy? well u havent answered the most imp Qn in that post...read 2nd half of post :)
ReplyDeletetnnxxx!
Keshi.
You do come up with some very
ReplyDeleteinteresting stuff.
I might die from all this heat we
are having this summer in CO.
keshi,
ReplyDeletesuicide?! You will have to move to the states to fulfill your dream of receiving a GSW.
Whats wrong with old age?
part 2.
Look at my picture..yet another shark...go back and read my answer keshiroo.
samuru999,
Your nom de blog must have some secret DaVinci like code to it...same here we have been sweltering this summer.
You can always catch a Rocky Mountain High to coool off a bit can't you? We run off to the beach (believe it or not) or cocoon in the AC.
As I get older I find that I prefer spring and fall to the extremes of winter and summer..
this is crazy!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteand is that snap real or made up????????
ekta,
ReplyDeleteThe low frequency vibrations emitted by the swirling rotors of a chopper do attract sharks, something to think about when you are getting rescued.
HOWEVER...That pic is a phoney..unless that shark is a charcaradon megalodon which was the ancestor of the modern Great White.
Megalodons grew to be the size of modern day whales and would be quite a concern for divers and surfers were they still in existence.
The rest of this post is true...well most of it.
That is amazing!! Chance of dying 100%?? Goodness gracious! Can't we insure against that? What the hey?
ReplyDelete/grin
X definitely X
ReplyDeleteshelley,
ReplyDeleteYou can! But it is very expensive to freeze dry and warehouse your head. A lesson not lost on members of the National Baseball League.
andrea,
Thats the spirit.
Go out on top!
Always leave 'em wanting more!
yeah can always cool off a bit
ReplyDeletewith a Rocky Mountain High!
It is going to be another
torcher here today!
A pattern emerges, as both statistics and credulity are strained;-) I noticed that two
ReplyDeleteother (statistically insignificant?
I think not!) causes were omitted
from this gruesome catalog:
n) people crushed by helicopters
while fending off shark attacks.
n+1) the random schitt that just happens
And you're being just a tad harsh
on Texans. The state itself would
never have achieved the prominence and reputation that it has, without
a ceaseless curiousity about crossing the white wire with the black. Electrocution only affects those who haven't kept up on their
elecution, or been whisked away by election. Besides, nobody there has
ever complained about being juiced,
after the fact- so, it can't be that big a deal, right? ;-)
samuru999,
ReplyDelete..couldn't get much higher!
Grumblestilskin,
HA HA HA you are one funny goyem!
You always see the bright side of everything.
Texans certainly love to have their wires crossed LOL.
Pater,
ReplyDeleteWhy do the odds of shark death increase so much when the helicopter is involved?
What are the odds of Death by Chocolate? That's how I'd like to go.
Wanna go see Miami Vice next week?
Donn, you kill me ! XXXX
ReplyDeleteH.E. - I love the idea of freeze-drying my head for posterity...
ReplyDelete...that seems like an odd turn of phrase...head...posterity....
/anyhoo!
But after recent events with my Honda, I feel pretty sure that I will go out by Giant Wasp Attack!!
k la di frickin da,
ReplyDeleteHi sweetie,
The low vibrations of the rotors attract sharks and they love a challenge. I guess death by chocolate would fall under suicide?
Yes to Miami Vice.
cherrypie,
My dear cherry how I have missed your eloquent remarks.
I should think that you will live to be 121 and beat the record book because you will have the grim reaper in stitches every time that he comes to collect you.
shelley,
OUCH! That would be nasty way to go. I am not exactly sure of the reason but we seem to have about 9 billion extra wasps buzzing about this summer.
I suspect that your wasps are planning a retaliation attack
(a sting operation..sorry) as we speak. Wear lots of padding!
aidan,
Some of the less purient Popes from Antiquity could have easily fulfilled your dream death.
Alas the new guy is much too serious and unlikely to 'go for it',cut loose with jose cuervo and steal a liquor truck after a night out on the town with the Swiss Guards.
I am afraid that you will have to spin the wheel again mate.
i like it! always been fascinated by death...now i know i am guaranteed to die! i feel so happy! you made my day...
ReplyDeleteit does not matter how i die as long as i do.....
gautami,
ReplyDeleteThats the spirit. I on the other hand am very fussy about my exit strategy. Swift, painless, and nobody else gets hurt.
Dunno. Don't really care.
ReplyDeleteSheesh! Death by chocolate for me, natch!!!
ReplyDeleteCrazy pic. ; )
Smooch,
The Tart
dcver,
ReplyDeleteI like your outlook. Even obsessing about it has little effect on the outcome. You are probably young enough to still ignore the twinges of curiosity that needle us in mid life.
tart,
I will see what I can do about fulfilling your reasonable demand.
I wonder how many KitKats it would take?
I think I like the whole devil and guilt thang! Hmmm... do I get to kick him in the nuts? I don't think that would make me feel guilty though. I gotta think on it I tell you!
ReplyDeletemiz bohemia,
ReplyDeleteThe devil would be shakin' in his boots if you showed up.
SHAKIN' I tell ya!
I would not at all be surprised if you somehow managed to invent an altogether NEW way of exiting this world.
Not to worry though, you have plenty of time to entertain and enlighten us.