Monday, July 24, 2006
Just once, I would like to answer the doorbell on a Saturday morning and find two Rastafarians giggling on my doorstep.
What a relief from those tedious, ashen faced, End-Timers nervously teetering on worn out heels, or those fresh faced, decaffinated, 18 year olds who introduce themselves as Elders...
Elders, my pajamas are older than you guys!
Instead of yelling,
"Honey, could you be a dear and run upstairs and get that shoebox in the back of our closet and bring it down..
the one behind the photo albums..
and for gawd sake don't drop it!"
I would smile and say,
"Good Day Gentlemen, won't you please come in."
What a breath of fresh air..er...no...
what a welcome relief from listening to a ten minute sermon on
how terrible HELL is going to be
for me, my family, and everyone that I know.
Especially when this is all happening before I've even finished
my first cup of Good Mornin' America.
For one thing, there is no way that these guys would be waking you up at 9am.
We are talkin' the crack of noon.
Instead of me feeling imprisoned by guilt and politely standing there listening to the ridiculous fire insurance McSpeech about the few spots left in Heaven and wondering to myself whether 15 years in prison is worth the few seconds of joy that I am about to experience when my trigger finger stops twiching.
Hmm.... would a jury of my peers even convict me for something like this?
Anyway, instead of suffering needlessly through the unrelenting angst of the
religious home invasion, that we have all had to put up with,
it would be more like ...
"Are you finished with da sports section mon?"
"Why yes I"...
and before you could finish your sentence, there, right before your very eyes, a gigantic spliff is being rolled on your coffee table.
"Honey do we have any Nachos?"
Yes this world would be a lot more laid back if the Rastas got a little more competitive with those other religions. But hey..
fffft..cough cough...maybe that is their...
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...
little secret weapon....fffft...
"Hey guys, how many other..cough....fffft.... cough... how many other homes do you have to visit today?"
"You're it Mon....
hee hee hee HA HA HA HA HA hee hee hee HA HA HA HA hee hee hee!"
Can you order a couple of pizzas?"