Monday, October 25, 2010

UPDATE: Freakin Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition

IT IS ON!

The general idea of the 'Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts' Caption Competition is to post a photo of yourself on your blog, wearing "The Shorts".


Whoever comes up with the best caption wins "The Shorts".

The current holder of "The Shorts" then sends the winner "The Shorts" and a few souvenirs from their country.


So here we go, caption this...



The winner to be announced @ Midnight, on Saturday, October 30th.


This is actually my #700th post and I am thrilled that it will be bouncing around the intertubes forever proclaiming the winner of the Freakin Green Elf Shorts (Fall 2010).



I could use a little help here and so far the captions that have resonated avec moi and my secret panel are:


"Freak it to Beaver"
(Kapitano)




"While wearing Green Elf Shorts patients may experience, Swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue, sexual hallucinations, uncontrolled sexual desires, change in sexual orientation, spontaneous sequential hermaphroditism, an erection lasting more than 4 hours, absence of orgasm, erectile dysfunction, inability to attain an erection, decreased libido, absence of ejaculation, decreased estrogen, testosterone production, enlarged prostate, enlarged labia, impotence, frigidity, lack of sexual excitement, aversion of sexual contact, painful intercourse, involuntary spasm of vaginal wall muscles, vaginal dryness, inability to feel aroused, sexual trauma, vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis, inability to relax vaginal muscles, burning pain on the vulva or in the vagina, sexual trauma, and sudden sexual death.
Remove Green Elf Shorts and call your doctor if you suffer any of these persistent adverse reactions."(ayeM8y)



"Everyone fled through the Canadian woodland when Celine Dion started singing..."
(Scarlet Blue)



"A Nightmare on Elf Street"
(S.I.D.)



"Something about that DIY-destillery was quiet wrong."
(63mago)

"Armed only with a bootleg edition of Photoshop, Coppens takes aim (downwards and slightly to the left) at the record for sheer mass of Jungian archetype-images utilized in one frame."
(First Nations)


"Is that a fish in your hand or are you just happy to see me? "
(Boxer)"

".....and that children, is why Uncle Donn is not allowed to visit anymore."
(S.I.D.)

"A tame piece of fish is always preferable to a wild beaver with teeth."
(Damien Oz)

"and don't it make my green shorts blue"
(Scarlet Blue)



"and then suddenly, kewpie realized where he was".
(designing wally)

"A nice big beaver and the smell of fish - that usually means 'good times'!"
(tom909)

"Donn (with 2 n's) bravely tries to save his country's national fish from the ravages of Al Qaida's WMCD (Weapon of Mass Canadian Destruction), but is tripped up by a traitorous home-grown terrorist."
(Rimpy)

"Donn should have known better than to ask the wild beaver for a threesome. It recruited the Taliban to make sure he never came back in the woods."
(Roses)

"Joseph and Mary watched in amazement as the 'real' last supper took place right before their innocent Canadian eyes."
(Awaiting)



"Flashback 1982;
Donn the dwarf auditions for The Safety Dance"
(hayward)

"Once again, Donn has indulged in cold pizza and pickles before bedtime.At least this time there were no skunks in his nightmare."
(LDahl)



(BEAST)














Feel free to express your righteous indignation and throw a hissy-fit, vote for one of these, channel your inner altruist to champion another competitor, or better yet, stop beeyotchin' and add a new one...there is still plenty of time before Midnight Saturday Oct 30th.


That being said, the clock is ticking and somebody is going to have the FGES and some cool crap from Whateverpeg; (Canada's hotbed of iniquity, romance & intrigue) by Christmas!!

So let's get down to bi'ness!
WHAT SAY YOU!?

79 comments:

  1. I'm quivering with excitement! But the shorts have turned blue?
    I will go away now and try to think of a caption...
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yay second!

    I'll be back with captions later

    ReplyDelete
  3. I don't know about you Beaver, but I think they look a little blue, said Goose.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Canadians - always socking!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Outstanding, Donn!

    No, that isn’t a caption.

    I’m here as a previous winner of TFGES to congratulate you on your imaginative use of The Shorts and as a fellow Canuck, to applaud your use of Canadian content.

    Because I won The Shorts previously, I shan’t be entering the competition again but I look forward to reading the creative captions of your readers.

    And I shall blog about this tomorrow if not sooner.

    Party on!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Canadian Taliban Sanctions Elfish Beaver... Agoose?...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Okay, eh…I’ve just posted about The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competiton here.

    ReplyDelete
  8. OH, I have missed you all...

    I have a PASSION to win these shorts...have plans for them...must must must come up with brilliance...

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  9. HEY! Give us back our Shorts!

    ReplyDelete
  10. A tame piece of fish is always preferable to a wild beaver with teeth.

    ReplyDelete
  11. 'Donn's battle with the pike regurgitating Taliban Beaver (their take on the Trojan Horse) was going well until he tripped over a goose that was trying to see up his FGES.'

    I guess I should bow out of trying to enter the compo for the same reasons as MJ. Thoughtful cow.
    However, any captions I may post could be attributed to Tim...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Once again, Donn has indulged in cold pizza and pickles before bedtime.At least this time there were no skunks in his nightmare.

    ReplyDelete
  13. As like MJ and IVD & a previous saddo to Donne the obscenity, I shall comment frequently, but not in to win.



    'A Nightmare on Elf Street'

    ReplyDelete
  14. 'Hezbollah glimpse Hezbollocks'

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hey, Everyone knows I'm partial to a bit of beaver but this is maybe more than even I can handle!

    ReplyDelete
  16. That's a pretty cool idea !

    ReplyDelete
  17. HAHAHA keep 'em comin, remember, there are no 'bad' ideas when you're braincaptioning.

    ReplyDelete
  18. "At The Freakin Green Elf Shorts Homecoming... Donn brings his own fish in eager anticipation of a serious celebratory whipping from MJ's Beaver"...

    ReplyDelete
  19. "Blue Glitter?...I don't remember eating Blue Glitter"!...

    ReplyDelete
  20. "and then suddenly, kewpie realized where he was".

    ReplyDelete
  21. "Taliban finally approve Bin Laden's choice of disguise"

    ReplyDelete
  22. Looks like a bad acid trip, or Alice fell down one totally rad rabbits hole and is freakin' the hell right out!

    Or both..

    Nice beaver, btw. ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hey, what the hell's going on! A nice big beaver and the smell of fish - that usually means 'good times'!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Donn (with 2 n's) bravely tries to save his country's national fish from the ravages of Al Qaida's WMCD (Weapon of Mass Canadian Destruction), but is tripped up by a traitorous home-grown terrorist.

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is more disturbing than Chatroulette.


    And that wasn't a caption. I already won the shorts back in '05 and still wear the scars.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Canadian woods: Where evrybody can be happy!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Donn should have known better than to ask the wild beaver for a threesome. It recruited the Taliban to make sure he never came back in the woods.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Joseph and Mary watched in amazement as the 'real' last supper took place right before their innocent Canadian eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Having stuffed the last of his Poutine into a local rainbow trout-- who had a small bit part in Disney's Pocahontas--Stephen Harper battles Don while dressed in his halloween costume amidst maple trees, Jesus and a lone Eskimo who continously shouts, "VIVA LA FRANCE!"

    ReplyDelete
  30. Ha! Ha! Fantastic job, Donn!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I have published my response due to lack of time :-)

    ReplyDelete
  32. Caption:

    "The Informaniac Reader in His Natural Habitat".

    :-S

    Alternative captions:

    "...then I woke up, and it wasn't a dream at all!"

    "Freak it to Beaver."

    "Al Quaida unleash secret weapon."

    "This is Photobomb!"

    "If you go down to the woods today..."

    (Captcha: "Pharc". Hmmm)

    ReplyDelete
  33. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Flashback 1982, Donn the dwarf auditions for The Safety Dance.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Jeez, it's about time! How long have you had these shorts?

    Here's my entry;

    Is that a fish in your hand or are you just happy to see me?

    I'll be back with more. Oh, yes.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hahahaha..we're cookin with gas now!
    Keep'em comin.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Donn is distracted from his daring rescue of the endangered Green Sturgeon, by a giant beaver, an angry bird, and two members of the Osama Bin Laden television crew.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  38. ...and don't it make my green shorts blue, sang Crystal Gayle, off camera...
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  39. I had no idea what Beast was talking about in his comment here until I saw his latest post.

    ReplyDelete
  40. A fish, a bird and two cunts walk into a Muslim bar...

    ReplyDelete
  41. A small bird with a big beaver enlists two members of the salvation army to prevent Donn making merry with her fish dish.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  42. "How Donn wished he had washed the shorts before setting off on his morning walk with Peter the Pike"

    ReplyDelete
  43. This is hard. Here's my caption:

    "This is hard." Says the beaver.

    ReplyDelete
  44. CAUTION:

    While wearing Green Elf Shorts patients may experience,

    Swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue, sexual hallucinations, uncontrolled sexual desires, change in sexual orientation, spontaneous sequential hermaphroditism, an erection lasting more than 4 hours, absence of orgasm, erectile dysfunction, inability to attain an erection, decreased libido, absence of ejaculation, decreased estrogen, testosterone production, enlarged prostate, enlarged labia, impotence, frigidity, lack of sexual excitement, aversion of sexual contact, painful intercourse, involuntary spasm of vaginal wall muscles, vaginal dryness, inability to feel aroused, sexual trauma, vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis, inability to relax vaginal muscles, burning pain on the vulva or in the vagina, sexual trauma, and sudden sexual death.


    Remove Green Elf Shorts and call your doctor if you suffer any of these persistent adverse reactions.

    ReplyDelete
  45. So ayeM8y, what you're saying is that wearing these shorts is pretty much the same as not wearing them, right!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Exactly Tom but it wouldn't hurt...they're LUCKY Green Elf Shorts.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Gadzooks! In the immortal words of Charlston Heston,
    "It's a madhouse!"

    ReplyDelete
  48. Yes I know I spelled Charlton incorrectly, listen, I should have prolly mentioned earlier that

    the fish is a Northern Pike/Pike or we call them Jack, which can grow up to 59 in and weigh 55 lbs.

    the Beaver is a Castor Canadensis, famed for its industriousness, the verb "to beaver" means to work hard and constantly.

    and yes it is a migratory Canada Goose reknown for crapping on golf courses and snuffing oot airplane engines.

    NOT THAT YOU NEEDED ANY HELP but some of you might be familiar with the creatures in my blatant and shameless over-representation of Canada...

    CARRY ON...

    ReplyDelete
  49. I need all the help I can get, I'm a Trinidadian living in the UK. WTF do I know about Canadian wildlife?

    Well...yes, I know we do have the Discovery Channel over here...but I tend to spend my evenings huddled around NCIS.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Everyone fled through the Canadian woodland when Celine Dion started singing...
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  51. Donn sat back and admired the personalised Canadian greeting card he'd just designed; he was happy with it until he realised he'd forgotten to include a burly lumberjack wearing a maple leaf.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  52. I go to all this trouble and all I get is Jack....Shit

    ReplyDelete
  53. Something about that DIY-destillery was quiet wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  54. "I'm so sorry for this dreamscape but I'm a Freud I'm Canadian"

    ReplyDelete
  55. Sorry Donn, Canada, what's that?

    ReplyDelete
  56. Border Security were almost excited in foiling the Freak'n Green Elf Shorts escape plans...

    ReplyDelete
  57. No more mushrooms for Donnn!

    ReplyDelete
  58. "Being buggered by a huge beaver. Check

    Having a goose gnaw at my testicles.
    Check

    Having Taliban fighters abuse me.
    Check

    Having a huge pike inserted into a bodily orifice.
    Check

    Wearing the FGES dyed blue.
    Check

    Being Canadian.
    Check

    Secretly enjoying the fact that MJ wore the FGES
    Uncheck"

    ReplyDelete
  59. Comment:

    Panic grips Canada when the news reported Celine Dion has spawned offspring from her loins.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Comment:

    Bieber Fever spreads worldwide! No species or country is safe!

    ReplyDelete
  61. Anonymous8:11 AM

    Hi there blog world, It's Kim from I wasn't always like this..., one of the original members of this insane shorts fellowship. I cannot believe these things are still running around the world! I've just alerted the creator of this phenomenon that they are alive and well. Keep up the great work! LONG LIVE THE SHORTS!

    ReplyDelete
  62. Hey Kim it's a pleasure to meet you!
    You tell the world! Nothing can stop the FGES movement.
    NOTHING!

    ReplyDelete
  63. FirstNations9:33 AM

    Armed only with a bootleg edition of Photoshop, Coppens takes aim (downwards and slightly to the left) at the record for sheer mass of Jungian archetype-images utilized in one frame.

    ReplyDelete
  64. FirstNations9:35 AM

    Donn dancing the pas de deaux in the Canadian National Operas' production of 'Copelia'

    ReplyDelete
  65. FirstNations10:08 AM

    Visit Canada! online says:
    "...Canada's Prarie provinces--Saskatchewan and Manitoba--go from golden wheat fields and tallgrass prarie to active sand dunes and forests filled with shirtless lumberjacks looking for cheap geese ready for action. This is a region where you can strap on a pack and disappear - just ask Osama bin Laden and his cronies. Enjoy whitewater rafting or just camping about in boreal forest, letting the 'little Canadian' swing free while dodging the advances of Winnepeg's beloved mayor, Castor Canadensis, as he playfully flings attack trout at your fleeing form."

    Makes me want to visit RIGHT NOW.

    ReplyDelete
  66. FirstNations10:10 AM

    ...There. ya got three entries out of me. I hope you're happy. (snif)

    ReplyDelete
  67. Laudanum - quick!

    ReplyDelete
  68. ".....and that children, is why Uncle Donn is not allowed to visit anymore."

    ReplyDelete
  69. No shirt, no shoes - no service!

    ReplyDelete
  70. By the way, what souvenirs of Denmark did you get from CyberPete?

    ReplyDelete
  71. Do these Shorts make my arse look big?...

    ReplyDelete
  72. Blue shorts don't help with an angry beaver.

    ReplyDelete
  73. HEY! It's not Christmas yet.

    ReplyDelete
  74. You ain't takin' me codpiece eh?

    ReplyDelete
  75. Before I announce the Winner I just want to thank you all for making it so much fun. I have some experience as a Coach so I know that this is the part where I say that you're ALL Winners! YAY!
    Give yourselves a hand :)

    But let's face it, we've been around the block and we know what's what so tfb if you didn't get picked better luck next time.


    A special thank you to all who promoted this event (especially MJ mwuah!) I enjoyed reading all of your weird and wonderful captions.

    So now without further ado, the winner of the Freakin Green Elf Shorts is......

    wait for it...

    check back @ MIDNIGHT

    ReplyDelete
  76. With only a few hours to go, the committee is still deadlocked on the final three..man this is hardwork!

    Any last minute pleas from the peanut gallery?

    ReplyDelete
  77. The next proud owner of the Freakin Green Elf Shorts joins a long list of satisfied captioners dating back to 2004;
    Andrea-Rally-Jon-Kim-Karen-Spirit Of Owl-Puppdaddy-Mathias-April Pissoff-Herge Smith-S.I.D.-Steve-MJ-Inexplicable DeVice-Eroswings-Tatas-CyberPete-Homo Escapeons

    *catches breath...

    and the Winner is..

    ReplyDelete
  78. I'm doon to 45 minutes and a half a bottle of Grand Marnier!

    ReplyDelete

Danke für das Kommentieren/Gracias por comentar/Merci du commentaire/Вы для комментария/Thank You for commenting/Σας ευχαριστώ για το σχολιασμό/Grazie per commentare/Tak for kommentaren...

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