Wednesday, November 04, 2009


Error to the throne Prince Charles, is here in the Colonies to settle a delicate political matter.  Charles has a bone to pick with our sexy Governor General Michaëlle Jean.

Apparently our delightful "GG" Michaëlle Jean, (pronounced Mick-ale Jzuhn) misspoke when she told foreigners abroad that she was Canada's head of state.

I forget now, but I think that the head of state is either the Queen, or the Governor General, or both, or maybe the Prime Minister or the Minister of Fisheries?
I'm not certain if that's ever been decided? 

(*smuggling peanuts is Cockney slang for visible nippleage)

I'm kidding.

The title rightly belongs to Prince Charles's Mumsies, Queen Elizabeth,
who is QUEEN of the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, Barbados, the Bahamas, Grenada, Papua New Guinea, the Solomon Islands, Tuvalu, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Belize, Antigua and Barbuda, Saint Kitts & Nevis, Uranus & Saturn.

This week whilst visiting the Colonies at the pleasure of Canadian taxpayers, Charles met with our GG "Micky", as he calls her, to sort out this unpleasantness and secure his future as King of all those countries.

He will become KING providing that he can somehow outlive his mother who also happens to be the 13th richest Royal in the world @ $400MillionUS.

There have been other Charles in charge...

for instance..

The "third" bonnie King Charles was a foreign poseur and pretender to the throne..
unlike King Charles the Spaniel who ruled England for over 15 years until he was tragically run over by horse drawn carriage?

Did you know that when and if Charles ass-ends to the throne, he has the option of becoming either;
King Charles 3rd,
George 7th,  
King Phillips Screwdriver 
or better yet,
King Bloody Arthur!?

He can pick any one of his names?
Look, don't ask me how the bloody thing works?

That being said, Charles is prolly most famous for being a bit-of-a-Ladiesman.

To be fair, the poor bastard has lived his entire life under a microscope in a fish bowl and therefore his troubled romantic sexscapades have been fodder for the tabloids for 5 decades.

Whom amongst us can forget his Fairy Tale Wedding to Princess Dian-er way back in 1881?

Diana of course referred to his family as "the Germans" because Charles Phillip Arthur George nee-Mountbatten "WINDSOR",
is descended from the European Royal Household and Accountancy Firm of Oldenburg-Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg & Glücksburg.

Nevermind that twaddle.

What most people will remember of Charles is his lovelife, especially those well-documented phone transcripts.

Do you recall those exquisitly romantic, sweet-nothings he made to his then secret consort and now much maligned new wife, Camilla, Douchess of Cornhole?

btw: Camiller's great, great grandmother was the consort of Charles's great-great grandfather AND
according to her Wiki bio, that she is related to Celine Dion and Madonna..
9th cousin once removed..isn't that special?  :)

Transcript: Future King of England to then secret lover Camiller Parky'er Bowler:
"I want to feel my way along you, all over you and up and down you and in and out.
Oh God, I'll just live inside your trousers or something --
it would be much easier."

"Oh, you're going to come back as a pair of knickers?"

Future King O' England:
"Or, God forbid, a Tampax.
Just my luck!"

"You are a complete idiot!
Oh, what a wonderful idea."

Now the 18 1/2  members of the Canadian Monarchist Society may have their knickers in a knot over who is getting "head" of state, but as this article  in "The Guardian" suggests, most of the Canadians polled would rather have a Loon.


  1. I find all of the royalty-colonies-who's in charge of what business "over there" so confusing, thank you for shedding light on the matter!

  2. Now wait, I thought REO Speedwagon was......nevermind.......

  3. You think you're hard done by? We have to pay for a man to hold his old chap as he sprays the royal wee.

  4. Hold the vote to dump the royals while he's visiting. See if he notices.

  5. No, no idea to what you are referring.

  6. If I had snorted any more while reading that post, people would have thought I was doing lines.

    That was brilliance, sir, sheer brilliance. I bow before you and nominate you as king.

    And she may be the Queen of Uranus, but not of mine. Apparently it'll be a few years after living in Norn Iron before I am a full citizen and then she will own my ass, too.

  7. Lizzie isn't queen of *my* anus (though she can certainly take that pice-o-shite Satrun off my driveway).

    Gads -- I didn't just say that out loud, did I?

  8. Mumsie looks mighty displeased in that first photo. Did he do something wrong?

    I'd take a toonie.

  9. Now that we Brits are European I often wonder what's in it for you, Jamaica and Uranus etc.
    I mean - did you really foot the bill for that visit?
    Bet they were too scared to be here on Guy Fawkes night.

  10. LOL, think Kaz is right....not worth the risk.

  11. They're in Hamilton today.

    The Uranus of Canada.

  12. So Chuck's in Canada to keep abreast of all those big Canadian Concerns.

    Canada, now's your chance to lose Chuck and Cam on an iceberg somewhere, and one of your own is a step closer to sitting on the throne!

    I have to say that as much as I laugh when people make fun of Camilla's face, Chuck's no better looking. He's got a face only a horse (or is it whores?) could love!

  13. You poor folks over there should consider yourself happy that one of the best exemples of German nobility pays a visit to this, well, land.
    Now bow your knee and stay quiet.

  14. If most Canadians would rather have a Loon are you standing Donn?


  16. i miss princess diana.

  17. Bonnie prince Charlie was a french lovin eyetie and Old Knudsen is disgusted that he is in this post, he could run faster than Zola Bud. Queen Liz is immortal so I don't know what this post is about.

    In the UK peanut smuggling is rotting the core of society and I'm so glad you find it amusing and its the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland to give the proper title.

    I bravely fought for the ring of Uranus and many sacrificed themselves for Uranus so it isn't a subject we brits take lightly, we are finished good day sir!

  18. Ach yer so lovely I can't stay mad at you fer long.


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