Friday, October 30, 2009

Faster, Higher, Stronger?

In the Animal Olympics we're Fatter, Slower, Smarter!

Australian anthropologist Peter McAllister has written "Manthropology/The Science of the Inadequate Modern Male" and he has speculated that prehistoric Australian Aborigines could run faster than Olympic Sprinter Usain Bolt..
the world's fastest man who can cover 100 Metres in an amazing 9.58 SECONDS!

McAllister's conclusions are based on a set of fossilized footprints that suggest one of the men reached speeds of 37 kph on a soft, muddy lake edge.
Bolt ran 42 kph at the Olympics.

"In an interview in the English university town of Cambridge where he was temporarily resident, McAllister said that, with modern training, spiked shoes and rubberized tracks, aboriginal hunters might have reached speeds of 45 kph.But if they can do that speed of 37 kph on very soft ground I suspect there is a strong chance they would have outdone Usain Bolt if they had all the advantages that he does. We can tell that T8 is accelerating toward the end of his tracks."

 See for yourself 

When it comes to SPRINTING, Humans have always been pretty pathetic.
We have never done very well whether running away from carnivores or "catching" dinner in a flat out race.

Have a lash at these comparisons..
Cheetah          113 kph/70 mph

Pronghorn     98/61
Lion/Gazelle 80/50
Race Horse   75/47
Kangaroo       70/43
Ostrich           69/43
Grizzly           48/30
OLYMPIC SPRINTER 42 kph/26 mph
Elephant        40/25
Mamba           32/20
AVERAGE EARTHLING* 24 kph/15 mph
*about the same as an OLYMPIC MARATHON RUNNER
Crocodile        17/10

What we eventually learned/adapted to do,
was to out-run our victims...
but but our predators..not-so-much..

however, thanks to acquiring bigger brains,
we invented smarter ways to kill our predators.

See for yourself

"Most mammals can sprint faster than humans — having four legs gives them the advantage. But when it comes to long distances, humans can outrun almost any animal.
Because we cool by sweating rather than panting, we can stay cool at speeds and distances that would overheat other animals.
On a hot day, the two scientists wrote, a human could even outrun a horse in a 26.2-mile marathon.

Why would evolution favor the distance runner?

The prevailing theory is that endurance running allowed primitive humans to incorporate meat into their diet.
They may have watched the sky for scavenging birds and then run long distances to reach a fresh kill and steal the meat from whatever animal was there first."

When it comes to SWIMMING after things to eat or away from things that want to eat us, we totally suck!
Have a lash at this..

Sailfish             113 kph/70mph
Mako Shark    97/60

Killer Whale   77/48
OLYMPIC SWIMMER  7kph/4mph!!

Basically we never stood a chance of going toe to toe with our prey or predators.
We lucked out and somehow managed to live long enough to evolve into runnin' fools who eventually learned how to outlast "yummy" prey, and throw pointy sticks at "mean" predators.
And the rest as they say, is Ourstory.


  1. Hi Donn,

    Your posts are always fascinating. Lots to chew on here.

  2. I won't even run to catch a bus.

  3. I don't know how I made it this far.

    Oh Hai MJ!

  4. When ever I need a laugh or distraction, I know that I always have you to count on! crack me UP!

  5. Hey Donn!The conclusion is that boy,we really suck!
    However that was a great post!:)

  6. Trust me, I still pant.
    I have the wrong avatar for this comment, don't I?

  7. And doesn't Phelps look like a tasty bit of shark bait...

  8. That was waaaay more of Michael Phelps than I wanted to see. Bleurgh.

    Evolution must have passed me by, for I am built like a Hobbit (but with smaller, non-hairy feet) and I will not run no matter what the situation, I will try to talk my way out of it, even if it is a saber-tooth tiger. And as I am still around and saber-toothed tigers are not, I believe you can see the logic in my system.

  9. Well, I've always preferred Phelps fish over any other fish. And the fact that he swims slower is a plus, better chance of catching him.

  10. Thank goodness we developed bigger brains! The other critters still try to eat us, so I don't feel too bad if I have to shoot them--forget the pointy stick, unless it's a harpoon I'm aiming at a great white trying to eat me!

    While it's debatable that we'll outlast our self destructive nature and havoc we've caused across the world, I'd say overall, we've had a good run!

  11. Anonymous11:10 a.m.

    Some years ago I deceided that I will not run anymore.
    No fucking way.

  12. We really are pathetic weaklings i.t.o. natural defences aren't we.

  13. we still seem to be here, must have got something right.

  14. Some days ago I heard in the news that the ancient Greeks were so fit that they would be able to run the marathon without a problem, not like the 2009 humans. Since there are now more modern ways of being predators, we don't need to run/swim/jump anymore (right, we are pathetic weaklings, as Angel said 2 comments above mine) -though as you brilliantly point out, we were never too gifted-. It's easier to get everything from the supermarket, I guess. ;)

  15. Anonymous4:17 p.m.

    I'm built for comfort,
    ain't built for speed.

  16. Anonymous2:26 p.m.

    I can eat an entire large pepperoni pizza in 10 seconds. I think there should be an Olympic competition for that. I'd win gold.

  17. I didn't read the post. Sorry. Truth be told though, you shouldn't start a post with a photo of Michael Phelps in a tiny speedo. It's distracting. His face may resemble that of a monkey but by gawd that abdomen. Mmmmm.

    About THE shorts, I'm sorry. It's been fairly mad at work and I've gone and gotten myself a busy life out of work too. Fancy that eh? Anyway I will try and get THE shorts to you by #700?

    Just don't post too quickly...

  18. I have adopted the strategy of being down right unpalatable

  19. Interesting article on Bolt's speed in a recent Maclean's. (I read it at the doc's office yesterday when i was getting my Geritol shot.)


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