Tuesday, March 03, 2009

SEASONAL RATES AVAILABLE
Assuming that most of us will be functioning on a cellular level for approximately 80 years I thought that it might be interesting to rate my seasons. 80 divides into 4 nice little sections but a lot of stuff can happen in a decade, so to be honest I would need to break it down and average the two decades.

SPRING B

1957-67 Ages 1-10 B+

I was a shy sheltered kid who lived in small rural town, experienced fate of 1 in 6 boys 'F-', moved to the big city by grade 4. I remember watching the Beatles on Ed Sullivan, the televised Vietnam War, but mainly watched cartoons on TV, memorised animal encyclopedia & loved drawing.

1968-1977 Ages 11-20 B-

I went to Disneyland, remember watching Armstrong walk on the Moon, started kissing girls in Junior High, Mr Party in HIGH School (still managed to win the Most Inspirational Student Award?) I had so much fun in Gr. 12 that I stayed an extra year! No criminal record. Travel Western USA & Europe.

SUMMER B

1978-87 Ages 21-30 B+

Go to College, Dad dies 'F', found Jesus & got married, my 2 Daughters born 'A+', switch careers from TV to Commercial Real Estate

1988-97 Ages 31-40 C-

meet #1 Son 'A+', but get divorced & lose Jesus, career & self respect, enter shame spiral, curse the day I was born, hit rock bottom. 'F'

AUTUMN A

1998-2007 Ages 41-50 A

Ascend shame spiral, marry soulmate sweetie A+, greet Son #2 A+, start small Painting business, get addicted to Blogging, relieved and surprised to outlive Father's genetic predisposition, watch all 4 children flourish, hit "5" on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, it's all good!

2008-2017 Ages 51-60? A+

Um.. got snipped but no serious health issues (touch wood..ooh yeah), enjoy validating my very existance each day, living in the moment, finding my car keys, and making preparations for worldwide Fame & Fortune which I will hopefully handle as well as George Clooney seems to...or not.

WINTER ? A+

2018-2027 Ages 61-70 A+

Looking forward to some travelling, becoming a Grandpapa, pulling my pants up above my waist and complaining about the Government full time, win Nobel Peace Prize, Oscar & People's Sexiest Man Alive.

2028-2037 Ages 71-80 A+

More Grandkids, blurred vision, more brain-fog, arthritis and a few gastro-intestinal issues, fully expect to expire with a big smile in bed following an artery-choking priapismic-induced explosion in my brain courtesy of Viagra :)

then I'll be re-absorbed into the cosmos and hopefully my molecullar bits will be recycled into some cute Puppies.

All in all a rather normal stint.

How would you rate your Seasons?

26 comments:

  1. I just wanted to say (yes, I'm smoozing you, big time) that I really enjoy you validating your very existance. . .

    if I added up the lifetimes of my parents' parents, divided the total by four, factored in the age my father is now and the age my mother died, did some huge and long over-complicated mathematical equations, I think I'd find I ought to be already be dead already. . .

    erm, what was the question again?

    perhaps I'll just feed your fish instead. . .

    (-:

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  2. well, i'd rather not, sugar. what happens is there are huge chunks that were swallowed up in recreational activities, that as i can recall, were fun, but seemed to have blotted out sections of my memory..so yeah, all i can do is look forward and hope it's as good or better! :D xoxox BUT, i am giving right now a solid A

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  3. SPRING: A/F
    SUMMER: F/F
    AUTUMN: F/F-
    WINTER: *


    * Wildly optimistic for A+ and extra credit work to pull overall average to C.

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  4. I swing wildly from D- to A+ during the course of a day... so who knows? At least I know that there are some A+ moment ahead of me.
    Sx

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  5. Can't grade my seasons - didn't finish the assignment. The dog ate it.

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  6. Love that post by the way.ok I give it a try

    spring:A/D
    summer:B and I have to stop cause I'm in half season.Don't think I will survive winter though.
    I should have said that the dog ate it too,lol.

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  7. I'mnot sure I'm prepared to do the work of figuring it out! But so far, I'm pretty content with my GPA.

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  8. Hmmm...one of your best and a hoot to read, knowing all that I know.

    It's the ebb and flow, just the ebb and flow.

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  9. This is a great post! It's very informative and insightful. I'm not sure how to grade my seasons--of course, my seasons seem to be limited to two: Rainy and Dry...the difference between the two depends on hindsight!

    I'd settle for passing, though. So far, I've enjoyed school--even the hard subjects!

    *Waits for lunch/recess bell*

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  10. That's a pretty damn good life so far, I'm impressed by your optimism in the slow march to death. And yes! a shallow green burial in the backyard of a breeder of Bichon Frise puppies would be an ideal afterlife scenario. Write that in your will!

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  11. I won't go into all the gory details, but I would have to sum up my seasons with a B+ overall. Despite some really sh*tty events happening, I think I learned a lot along the way and that is really what counts.

    Growing emotionally and psychologically (as well as physically) is how I grade what has happened in my life. And because I am a positive thinking student, and one who tries to get something out of every situation, I'm pretty content with the grade so far.

    Great post, Donn. Despite your tongue in cheek approach to a lot of subjects, you really know how to get people thinking about stuff. I love reading your blog!

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  12. Great post, love the concept. I'm turning 26 in a few days, I'll do it in lots of 6 years (and a bit).

    1-6: geez, who remembers that stuff? Pretty good in general, playing in mum's beautiful gardens up on the hill and starting school... "B".
    7-12: It was probably in this period I told my mum to get fucked, and got smacked for my trouble. I also left behind a (younger) best friend in primary school when I went off to high school. Call it a "C".
    13-18: oooooh, puberty. Finding myself, discovering what was really important and which of those tossers could bite me. Tough times, but rewarding... plus I watched on my roomie's TV as the second plane hit the WTC. "B".
    19-25: The real beginning of life. Independence. Relationships, study, work, more self-discovery... marriage, pregnancy... "A".

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  13. (Sings) "Four Seasons in ONE dayyyyy".

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  14. I promised to have TheDirtySex with Lord Tennisanyone if he did my Grade The Seasons assignment for me. I'll have to get back to you...

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  15. Wow. I'm inspired. I may need to do this, too, if only to prove to myself that on paper I'm not the same fuckup I am in my head.

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  16. garlic-A
    oregano-A
    nutmeg-A
    coriander-C...not much call for it
    basil-A, in season
    chile-AAA+
    cloves-F (I hate clove)

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  17. 'Get divorced and lose Jesus,' has got Jerry-Lee Lewis LP title written in solid gold all over it.

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  18. Hmmmm... how would I rate my seasons... I am going to wait and see if I outlive my mom's short life span. The math would be a little bit different.

    (Congrats on outliving your father's... we are all the better for it :)

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  19. A+ to ages 3-13.

    Magical.

    Downright enchanted.

    I only remember a couple of incidents prior to age 3 so I didn't use the 1-10 range like you did.

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  20. 30-40 I made it to Japan.
    40-50 I made it to New Zealand.
    50-60 I don't know yet

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  21. I for one intend to have my head frozen and wake up in like 3,000 years from now... so there!

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  22. heh heh, very interesting as always.
    hhmmm... i dunno if i wanna look that hard at moi just yet!

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  23. It’s Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition time again!

    Head over to Denmark to visit CyberPete.

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  24. SO far spring was a bit of a bust, but summer is rolling along nicely. My 30's have kicked ass over the rest of my life so far I must say.
    Here's to a few more :)

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  25. I'm in awe of your punmanshippery! A+, 365.

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