Thursday, March 05, 2009

THE ROAD TO EQUALITY HARD ON DRIVERS

One of the worst things about surviving a Winter in Whateverpeg is the driving.


To begin with, it's f-f-f*cking c-c-c-old and that is extremely hard on both the drivers and their vehicles.


Not only that, you have to contend with
plugging in your vehicle's engine warmer,
scraping the ice of the car windows every morning,
warm-up the engine before you can travel.


After that you must try to manoeuvre through deep snow, black ice, huge ruts and potholes until you get stuck in traffic because some idiot up ahead freaks out and drives 5 mph.


When driving out on the Highway you need to keep one eye open for Snow Plows that come charging straight at you like a a runaway freight train!

Since Winters in Whateverpeg are six months long, everyone likes to bust out of their shells when it finally warms up and we can experience vast improvements in driving conditions.


I live in one of the 3 Canadian Provinces that recognises and protects gender equality..it says so in Wikipedia so it must be true. This includes the Right, regardless of your gender, to be half nekkid whether you are mowing the lawn or behind the wheel. RIGHT ON!

This is not an entitlement, it is a Right, that
should be taken advantage of by women. If lovin' this is wrong I don't wanna be right.
As for the habitual, ubiquitous, fat-ugly-hairy-men drivin' half-nekkid?
Maybe not-so-much.

Driving with the top down arrived following a massive, grassroots campaign led by concerned citizens such as automotive repair industry workers, university frat houses and lesbian sororities.

The number of vehicular collisions during the Summer is up 1,000%.
Talk about hard-on drivers! The number of accidents recorded as a direct result of men rubbernecking and getting their parts caught in the steering wheel, forced officials to come up with a new term for this phenomenon.

Penicular bonercide is the fancy-schmancy, legalese term, that legal experts came up with to expedite the backlog of court cases which challenge the Right of half-nekkid women to operate moter vehicles in broad daylight.
Penicular Bonercide Suits are usually filed against women, usually by men, which seek compensation for penitive damages.

The court must decide whether or not the " violent physical altercation between a male driver's aroused wenis and a very unforgiving steering wheel" was pre-metitated.



One other aspect of driving down the road to equality, is that Canada routinely enacts legislation of this nature in a subliminal attempt to piss off the 50% of Americans who are Puritannical Fundy Asshats...very passive-aggressive eh?

Previous Acts of Parliament devised to "YANK their chain" include Gay Marriage, Decriminalising Marijuana, Bilingualism and adopting Metric..
and don't tell them but we don't even use metric pfft!

The road to equality can be hard on all of us.
We all just need to get ahold of ourselves and..


BUCKLE-UP!

36 comments:

  1. Just think how great you’d look drivin’ down the highway in The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!

    Head over to Denmark to visit CyberPete and WIN them!

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  2. Taking our draft dodgers is high on the piss-off list, too.


    Oh Hai MJ!

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  3. I thought you had winter 12 months of the year!

    Nice soft ware she has there!

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  4. Top free driving looks really cool in Whateverpeg, Donn. But it might be quite dangerous for some drivers.

    In warm countries like mine, we only do it at the beach, lol.

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  5. You forgot to add tourists from the west coast (or, more likely, Vancouverites on business) to your collection of Manitoba road hazards in winter.

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  6. I don't know how you Canadians do it, I can barely get through Ohio winters. Or deal with the Puritannical Fundy Asshats.

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  7. *Ponders a summer job driving trucks in Canada!*

    Being strong supporter of women, I'd toot my horn for equality!

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  8. no freakin' way. seriously? I could unleash the Kremlin on the unsuspecting inhabitants of the 51st state? DANG!!!!

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  9. Nooooo! Cyber Pete beat me to the Elf shorts! Oh. Sorry. I mean, being married doesn't change the view. Sorry H.E., but 5 minutes of that doesn't make up for 12 months of Winter. It doesn't make up up for 11 months of humidity either, or people would move to New Orleans.

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  10. Seriously, dude...I love the way your mind works. Almost worth a trip to Canada to meet you and pick your brain in person.

    How in the hell do you come up with this stuff????

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  11. That was a HUGE ring on her finger.

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  12. I heard about the naked laws in some cities very civilised. I wouldn't care if she was married just as long as she let me finish off.

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  13. Oh I used to think we need to be born in there to be used of the weather,but not even you are used to it,I wouldn't survive a week then!
    Nice pictures though,lol
    But does it mean that we won't see Mr Morningwood pretty soon?Where is he?

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  14. You are the one and only entry on Google for Penicular bonercide.
    Can I be the first to offer congratulations.

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  15. I'd rather have a nekkid six inches than a nekkid six centimetres...
    Sx

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  16. MJ
    I made a complete ass of myself trying to win those shorts. You can't say that I didn't try...and all the time I was preparing for my final post vaswrecktomy test.
    *pats self on the back

    HAI XL
    Well, I wouldn't go to Iraqistan either..unless they dusted off the Enola Gay and gave me a few Fatboys to drop. Even then I would fly straight to Pakistan and nuke those Taliban & Al Quaida bastards past the 7th Century!

    SNAKEY
    I would thank the bearer of that software in public if it was OK with him..let's say that I was quite enchanted with the motorist in question.
    *bites hand

    LENI
    In warm countries like mine, we only do it at the beach
    Really? That wouldn't leave much time for building sand castles, swimming and tanning...
    oh you mean going topless.
    I geddit.

    AHNDRAYAH
    Oh gawd don't get me started on Wet Coast Drivers..totally unpredictable.

    Atleast Albertans are predictable and you know that they are going to drive at 160 in school zones. BC plates on a car should be neon orange so that you can get off the road and hide.

    HOODY
    I don't know how we do it either. They must put an amnesiac agent in the water supply. You can understand why we get so squirrely in the Summer.

    Women are disguised in Artic Survival Gear (worse than hijabs if you ask me) half of the year, so they need to bust out and get nekkid!

    EROSWINGS
    You'd toot on y'er horn eh?
    I'll bet you would.

    I will keep abreast of any Truck Drivin jobs in the paper. I assume you know how to drive stick?

    NATIONS
    Would I fib about something like this? I actually remember a friend who witnessed a brave young gal who fought the prudish Victorian views on bare boobs way back in the early 70s.

    He told me that she marched down to the Beach and threw off her bikini top. It took 4 Lifeguards to escort all 120 pounds of her off the Beach..
    of course 20 perfectly sculpted pounds of her were gently swaying in the breeze.

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  17. Yes...I've found the flash the left handed fist to really helpful in scaring off gawkers. The ever popular "ring flash" move compliments the hootie flash very well I think.

    Not that I do that...often...

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  18. BREAKERSLION
    NO the competition is still on.
    You're right being married doesn't change the view. It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you're eating home cooked meals right?

    No it does not justify living like Astronauts for 6 months but luckily I have a reptilian male brain that somehow erases bad memories when I see good mammaries.

    It's a gift.

    GILLETTE
    My dear friend, I wish that I had the cajones to write the weird stuff but I am too much of a prude.

    Anyway I don't want to know where it comes from or why. All I know is that before I discovered Blogging, someone trapped in the corner of a cocktail party would have had to listen to me say all of this crap! Poor bastards.

    COMPULSIVELY YOURS
    Good eye..it took me about 20 minutes to notice the ring! After I had covered her naughty bits..Yes I wept..it was like tagging the Mona Lisa... I saw that she was flashing her rock.

    Her husband should be so proud..nervous as hell, but proud.

    OLD KNUDEY
    It might be the only time that I would pray for a traffic jam..gives a whole new meaning to the term traffic jam don't it?

    I suspect that a few Darwinian Laws come into play if you decide to race alongside staring at her gazongas. ..just Nature's way of thinning the herd.

    CANDIE
    I tried to get Morningwood to write that post but he couldn't seem to get it together. He just sat there with his mouth open and I don't think his brain was getting much oxugen.

    Maybe once he cools off he can prepare a formal response and issue a press release.

    KAZ
    GO ME!
    Thank you for that lovely news.
    I'm certain that penicular bonicide will soon be mainstream..it will slowly enter the lexicon and soon it will be a ho-hum everyday occurrence to hear the term even in polite circles of society.

    It's a shame really.. it does sort of roll right off the tongue eh?

    SCARLS
    My Word somebody has had the benefit of a proper education.
    We, any Canadian born before Trudeau was King, actually loathe Metrique because we all still think in feet and gallons and inches and pounds and Farenheit.
    Yeah yeah yeah tenths, I know, it's all so bloody easy innit?

    Let me just say that six centimetres might be OK in some parts of the world (like we all don't know who I'm talking about) but most Ladies would be disapointed.

    Even though we are supposedly now well ensconced in the post wenis Cosmo era where it's all about the manual digitization of the Go button. The old meat & potaters stuff is a relic perpetuated in "Adult Entertainment".
    Right?

    GEOSOMIN
    I'm glad to hear that you maintain those boundaries! Apparently even good natured-innocent hootie-flashing can sometimes be misinterpreted by men.

    I'm trying to be serious quit laughing. I've heard that sometimes some men don't quite understand what a woman is really trying to say.

    I don't know whether men are a little slow in the communication department or they just don't listen, but I've seen guys get slapped and they always, always, always look totally surprised.

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  19. I wanna live where you live!

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  20. At least she got built in air bags right!

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  21. I just couldn't stop howling at this and the Meep Meep, plus "Penicular bonercide."

    Priceless Penicide, man. Only your brain could put this together, this way.

    In the journalism business, this is what we call "localizing" a story outside our coverage area.

    What a set of Meep Meeps though, huh?

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  22. Exactly how many times was it actually necessary to post the picture of that woman? haha

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  23. I've been without a car for four months. I stayed in bed and got stoned.

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  24. Except when I took the train and got drunk.

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  25. I have manual dexterity... Is this of use?
    Sx

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  26. donn-- i wrote a masterpiece of a comment and it was deleted. i even used proper english and may have properly punctuated etc.

    being a lazy cow of a woman i will not be rewriting it, mostly due to my lack of desire to regoogle the words i painstakingly looked up in order to impress you with my big word skills and so


    her husband is a lucky man and she made quite a statement by flashing her ring during her nude drive.

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  27. ALLAN
    I guess!
    You must have known that there was an upside to being cooped up for 6 months of the year.

    CAZZIE
    HAHAHA! Yes she looks well prepared for a sudden impact. I wonder where she is going?

    WINKY
    I'm just doing my part in promoting the natural wonders and scenic beauty of our Province.
    No wonder our plates say Friendly Manitoba.

    STACE
    Oh did I overdo it? I hadn't noticed. Actually a buddy fron Downunda sent this photo so keep your eyes peeled.

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  28. grumble1:08 AM

    Our northern neighbors are nothing, if not practical: Winter
    lifts, the weather clears, and voi
    la! What, you say it's laundry day?
    Thank the stars, you've got a wind-
    resistant birthday suit; perfect for those last-minute errands.
    Note: this mode of travel helps
    allay effects of global depression,
    without spurring deflation, yet
    costs so little.

    Note to Stace: Thanks for the
    details! I thought I was imagining
    those toes sticking out, from under the safety belt. As long as
    it's "hands-free"...

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  29. Surprisingly perky considering their size!

    And there you have my very well-considered and intelligent commentary.

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  30. The poor girl suffers from macromastia... but yeah, I agree with Leah... they are surpisingly perky considering their size.

    She must be quite young! Give her a few years and she'll have nipples at her navel.

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  31. Forget about problems with Canadian pharmacy!

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  32. I have been wondering - what language do you speak in Canada? Also I have uncensored nudes on my blog ... ha!

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  33. Bloody Hell, that's the sort of airbags I wouldn't mind having my face thrust into....anyway, yes, Over hear in dear old blighty we cannot cope with even a few inches. Of snow, a few inches of snow, people. Come on, let's cut out the smut. But those air bags......

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  34. But is it legal to expose and play with ones wang in public in Canada?

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  35. dude... have you ever been psycho analysed- i'd love to know what else is in your head!

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