Friday, March 27, 2009


huélale más adelante
(smell you later)

I have not been on a plane since 2000..which is fine by me!

Two familiar phrases instantly come to mind whenever I think about the implications involved in sitting onboard a 30 year old jet 30,000 feet above the very hard and unforgiving surface of the planet....
terminal velocity and sudden impact.

Is it just me or does anyone else find this graph subliminally arousing?

Know this, if my plane goes down, I will not have spent the final moments of my fiery descent plummeting to Earth calmly whispering the Lord's Prayer and making a "foxhole conversion".


I will be screaming like a little girl!
Well maybe a few octaves higher?

I must remember to channel Vesna Vulovic who somehow suvived a 6 mile drop from an airplane.

However, I need to bolster my resolve because next week I'm nervously boarding an aircraft and flying off to soak up el sol in Puerto Vallarta, Mayheeko.

I have not been on a plane since my horneymoon in 2000.
I am so thrilled to get out of here because believe it or not, there was another Winter Storm here in Whateverpeg (global warming eh?)... I am looking forward to becoming conspicuously inert, inebriated, and in touch with my inner intangiblity, on the beach and playing in the Pacific Ocean.

I've been to Vallarta before and I've also visited Tijuana, Cozumel, and Acapulco.

what happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico.
I haven't been on a plane since 911 so my good-lady-wife reminded me that I am not allowed to bring certain items on the plane.hatchets, ice axes, meat cleavers and throwing knives, disabling chemicals, mace, restraining devices, meat cleavers, firearms and ammunition, transformers that turn into toy guns, brass knuckles, nunchuks, blowguns, bow & arrows, catapults, crossbows, stun-guns, detonators, dynamite, hand grenades, blasting caps, molotov cocktails, bowling balls, sabres & swords, lawn darts, paintball guns and of course, Piñatas!

Click HERE for the full list but the following items caught my attention:

Do any of you carry on sky diving rigs?
Preflight had a few drinks to bolster my courage message..
I'm going to miss you..please take care of yourselves until I return

However I am allowed to bring sky diving rigs HELLO!
Isn't that reassuring.

Vesna Velovic didn't need one..pffft!

I love Mayheeko, it's affordable, the local people are friendly, even though some of the touristos act like complete asshats,

and pardon my Spanglish...

qué sucede en México, permanece en México!


  1. well if i cant bring a pinata or some restraining devices then i am just not going.

  2. Have fun defrosting down there!

    Wear your "Kiss Me I'm Canadian" hat so you don't get mistaken for a Yank tourist!

  3. *waits for Old Knudsen to deflower your open mouth*

    I can't say Oh Hai XL because I don't recognize him, do you?

  4. LOL

    diving rigs in the sky..well why not?Yeah I think too that pinatas should be allowed!Imagine the scene on the

    Enjoy your trip under the sun!

  5. Take some lip balm....when the plane goes down you assume the position and kiss your ass bye bye!

  6. Sorry to down that flying device, but Vesna Velovic was an invention, a kind of double-cross, or simply a prank. After a fall of 6000 feet anybody is just a splat in the parking lot. What kind of "aeroplanes" do they use over there - 30 years old Boings? The remnants of Aerophlot? Modified cold war bombers? I'll never again swing my ass into a tin can to be shot high in the air. If I ever go to Canada I'll use a decent ship, and a railway on land. Have fun in Mechico!

    I agree...then again you need something to whack your Pinata and then an Air Marshall would slap restraining devices on just can't win!

    You would enjoy MJ's place..have a lash

    HAI XL
    In Manitoblah we have an odd expression for defrosting..we say UNTHAW..I think it must have been invented by somebody's baba from the old country..but it stuck?

    HAI XL
    I did not recognise the avatar either...but I change mine all the time so I dig it!

    I'll miss you too!

    Oh I'll try to relax and suffer through the gentle ocean breeze wafting over my sun soaked soul...

    Aren't you the ray of sunshine..I'm nervous're supposed to tell me how statistically flying is Waaaaay safer than driving.

    Sssssh! You party pooper. You mean to tell me that everything that you read on Wiki isn't true?! You don't believe that someone could survive a 6 mi plummet?

    Oh ye of little Wiki.

  8. Harden the F@#* up!

    If ya going all that way ya should come over to NZ........

    You'll be just fine mate ......

    Enjoy yaself take a deep Breath and enjoy!

  9. You are coming back sometime, aren't you?

  10. All I know about surviving a plane crash, I've learned from watching Lost:

    Remember, stick to the fattest guy from the plane! He knows where the food is on the island!

    Feliz viaje!

  11. XL looks like a girl??? Perhaps all is not as it seems with him.

    But Hai XL anyway!

    No skydiving rigs for me. When you are down there, you soooo have to do the parasailing thing - being towed by a boat while aloft in a parachute. That was a total blast! Would do it again in a heart beat.

    Make sure you barter for the price though. When I did it in Huatulco three years ago, it cost me $25. Someone I work with just came back from Pu. Vallarta and said they didn't do it because the price was $130!!!! Haggle for everything!

    And.. have fun, don't drink the water or use ice cubes, unless you are at an all inclusive and they guarantee their water is good. Use lots of sunscreen and take lots of pics!!! We want proof you actually boarded the plane and made it down there, you know.

    @Mago: If you do come to Canada via boat and then rail, it will take you the better part of a year, so make sure you've got lots of vacation time! If you make it to Winnipeg, be sure to let us know... we'll get together for a drink!

  12. I have a twinge o fear on every take-off, but then usualy after that I revert to simle boredom while flying. It's worth it, to get where you are going quickly, though.

  13. Sadly I don't carry a sky diving rig.. but I don't go anywhere without my bowling ball...
    Happy Hols.. I'm sure everything will be fine [says the girl who hasn't flown since 2001]

  14. @ ponita's "perhaps all is not as it seems"

    I get that all the time. It's one of my FAQs!

  15. No Way would I get on a plane without my nunchuk!
    I hope you have a marvellous time.

  16. My advice is you get completely drunk or stunned in the plane. You won't notice turbulence or bumps.

    Have a hell of a good time in Mexico! I hope you post some nice pix when you're back!

  17. Oh, I'm so jealous but so happy for you! I've never been to Puerto Vallarta (my daughter has and she said it is absolutely beautiful), but I've been to Acapulco (loved it), Cancun 2x (loved it in January, hated it in May - too many tourists; too, too hot); and Mexico City numerous times (loved it). Mexico is a great playing/resting ground - inexpensive, food is delish, locals are friendly.

    But, the plane....eek,, I hear ya! Have a great time, Don!

  18. I shall turn to Old Knudsen for comfort while you are gone.

    I am definitely coming back. Who can say what Fate has in store for me whilst out swimming with the sharks and haggling with the natives and berating the LOUD Texans for being impolite and instigating verbal skirmishes with Germans on the appropriateness of wearing speedos..but like MacArthur I shall return!

    Hopefully I won't be the fattest guy on the plane..if not, I will make a mental note of any contenders as I board. If all else fails I will eat roast him once we have established a base camp on the island.

    I did the parasailing thingamabob last time and it was awesome..but I shall not tempt fate twice! The entire time I kept thinking hmmm if I plopped in the water now a big Tiger Shark would have about 15 minutes to dismember me before the rescue guys stopped chatting up some babes on the beach and noticed the white dude out there screaming like a little girl.

    Oooh the take-off is as scary as it is exciting..the landing is usually no problemo because I am deaf from the air pressure changes and I will have had numerous drinks after 4 hours and 55 minutes in the sky.

    I will not be holding a bowling ball on my descent because I have no desire to beat anyone to the terra firma...with any luck I may even be able to manouever myself and land upon the fattest guy thereby cushioning the blow.

    It's good to keep 'em guessing out here. Who wants to be totally predictable..pfft..where is the fun in that?

    It's pretty easy to keep myself bemused..I am actually fairly laid back and it's so much fun watching other people go off the deep end.
    Thanks..and I always have fun improving my Spanglish..even though most of the locals enjoy listening to my intonation free Inglush.

    I'm already fairly stunned and well on my way to be drunk so no problemo. My good-lady-wife will take hundreds of photos and I will do my best to make sure that I am posing in front of the most "interesting" touristos on the beach. :) ;)

    You know what I am talking about..been there-done that-bought the t-shirt eh? I love the people too.

    I think that I have enough liquid courage in my system to see this through..anyway, my seven year old Dude will be so excited that I will focus on sharing his experience.

    You do what you have to in order to get through this...I'll understand.

    I'm just worried that Old Knudey might spoil you because from what I hear he knows his way around the mulberry bush under London Bridge. He's been around the block and picked up a few tricks along the way.

    I can't compete with that?

  20. Hope you enjoy your time in the sol. Or you could have come here, to sunny Australia!

  21. hope you have a great trip... and although a strange bit to some... don't forget sunblock on those canadian cheeks ;) snorkling can be your worst enemy!

  22. I had a link to "Great Flying Desasters" but sadly can't find it anymore ... :)
    I am sure Mexico is fun, and an interesting habitat of unexplored wildlife.

  23. OOOoooooo have a lovely holiday and remember most aircraft crash on take off and landing so a parachute would be useless - you're better off wearing something flameproof :)

  24. I was in Cabo last year and loved it! I only wish I could have been there years ago when it wasn't "touristy"

    You want to talk about bad flights...on my way back from WI last week, we hit A LOT of turbulance over the Rockies...scared the sheot out of me. But I still love flying!

  25. I am SO jealous! I used to live in Mexico ya know! 'Course ... don't remember much seing as how I wasn't even a toddler yet! (^_^) Anytootle - have a great time, you crud bum!

  26. have fun don huan, let it roll. and dont get kidnapped. we cant all virtually save you.

    adios amigo.

  27. Did you pack yer own bag sir? did you fold everything neatly? do you have condoms filled with drugs up yer hole?

    Mexico should be nice and cheap due to all the recent violence.

  28. Always. Right next to the sex toys.

  29. I hope you checked in your ice skates.

    Qué es esto? Es una camara fotografica!

    Bring back a lovely tan please. Hope you are having a fabulous time down there.

  30. 1. I am so very jealous. I want to be on a beach and feel the sand between my toes and the warm, clear water. *sigh*

    2. NO, you are not the only one who finds that graph arousing.

    3. I do not bring sky diving rigs with me, but I do often bring restraining devices.

    4. You'll be missed. I hope you have a lovely time! Is the kidlet coming with you too? Or is this a second honeymoon of sorts?

  31. Travelling light then....?

    Have a fab holiday HE and watch out for the sharkphins.

    Mind you, makes a change from the polar bears. Glad to see the trap is no perfected - that's your pension plan sorted!


  32. Oh wow... thats so cool!!!

  33. I hope your Spanglish gets better, hahaha!

    ¡Hasta pronto, amigo!

  34. Have fun fun fun in Mexico! Come back and blog soon :)

  35. Felicitaciones, Donn! You've done a marvelous job of winning those Shorts! I look forward to seeing what you're going to do with them.

  36. Yes, Donn.

    Click here to see what you’ve won!

    The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts are coming back to Canada!!!

  37. I work in a military-aviation-related industry. I refuse to get on a plane. The only way to get me on a plane is to sedate me first. This is causing some issues at work because the company is trying to force me into a position where I fly places and flying isn't going to happen.

  38. From one winner to another: boy it must suck to be a loser.

    Or... Congrats!

  39. so when are y'all comin back, sugar? xoxo

  40. Congratulations Donn, to all: The SHorts, and the safe return!

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