Thursday, March 12, 2009

By Stu Piddazz

By the year 2050 the map of CANADUH will drastically change because..well..things just didn't work out.

In the North the campaign to have the USA return Alaska is dubbed I'LLASKYA (to kindly return it) by the CBC. To avoid any further discussions with Canada, Governor Sarah Palin III laughs and constructs a 10,000 mile wall to nowhere.

Greenland dumps Denmark and votes to join Dubai. Osama Bin Hidin Jr., the Secretary General of the UN, agrees to the transfer of DISAGREEDLAND.
Denmark stomps off and joins Kuwait.

Nunavut, along with fellow Tundrahuggers the Northwaste Territories and Yugone, join forces in order to form a "real" Province.

Unfortunately NUNUVIT (none-of-it) will belong to Canaduh for long because the Ruskies will invade and occupy it the next day.

Now the Ruskies can fill empty vodka bottles with radioactive Chernobyl pond water and toss them over Palin's wall-to-nowhere.

The Cold War is back baby and it is on!

In British Columbia, Asian immigration overtakes the aging population by a ratio of 4,000,000 to 1. The last, elderly, Baby Boomer, who was out in the back yard gardening, didn't notice.
BC becomes BLITISH's only fair.

Alberta is annexed by Texas and becomes OILBERTY. The Jackalope becomes the official Provincial Mascot and a new slogan is adopted. Cocky Bastards!

Manitoba and Saskatchewan finally join forces. Both Provinces were tired of having "funny sounding names" so they rename it SASQUATCHOOHAW. Problem solved.

Like a black hole, Ontario collapses under the weight of it's own self importance and virtually falls off the economic map. It becomes a hollow shell known as YAWNTARIO.

Residents flee to the East Coast to find jobs.

In a fit of frustration the Central Co-Operative Council Of Canaduh makes a final attempt to shutup the separatits in Quebec. A lit cigarette is added to the Beaver on the National Coat of Arms.
This huge concession is narrowly rejected by a vote of 118 to 112.

Another referendum ensues and GOBACK (Inglush translation of GOBEQUE) leaves and is hauled back to France.

The richest part of Canaduh is now the East Coast. With the proceeds of their bottomless supply of offshore oil they buy Massachusetts and become NEWLABRITIMESETTS.

Nobody really notices 'cause day'all tak foonnea down dere h'anyways.

And there you have it...and you thought that we were boring!


  1. Oh blimey! It's a bit like when Pimlico declared independence...

  2. I'm suspicious that the Newfies are the masterminds behind this!

  3. You ARE boring, because no Canay Deanne except you has the gumption to even consider what you just.....ah.....what DID you just suggest?

    Besides, that one German U-boat that never surrendered will torpedo Quebec halfway across the Atlantic, which will settle on top of Atlantis, and thank-you-so-very-friggin-much, now we'll NEVER find the damn thing!

    Besides, Buffalo is somewhere up there enjoying friendly Man-o-toby and you don't want to piss of The Buffalo. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. He's American by birth and probably brought his gun with him.

  4. I'll take ONTERRIBLE for $400, Alex.

    Oh Hai XL!

  5. I have a goodly portion of BC here stuck to the paintjob on my Buick after the last Northeaster. Would someone please come and claim their province? We already have boredom. It's called Nebraska. Actually I'd be willing to trade Nebraska for a dead cat and a string to swing it from. Or Harrison Hot Springs. either way.

  6. I NEVER thought that you were boring. I mean there was that, no, wait a minute, it will come to me ...

  7. I'd've saved the oil and shipping costs of tugging Goback to France and made them walk via the land bridge between Alaska and Russia, ya know in the winter when the ice forms. It'll be known as the March of the Bequeans, narrated by Morgan Freeman.

  8. Brrrr - did someone just walk over my grave?

    Think I'd better declare independence and decree myself a state while there's still time.

  9. Anonymous10:24 a.m.

    I know you from the Haushofer-seminar summer '35 - after all these years! Now let's have some Lebensraum!

  10. Canada, what street is that on?

    I hope it doesn't change too much as I get all my drugs from the jungles of British Colombia.

  11. sheesh... so are you still going to be around then?

  12. If it wasn't for Canada's superior health care system thousands of Americans with fake addresses would go without proper medical care!
    *runs north frantically with unfeasably large stapler*

  13. Wonder what Austrayliar will be like then :)

  14. hahaha.... You can come pet my jackalope :) He only bites at yawntarians, SASQUATCHOOHAWites are totally safe.

  15. That's it goshdaggit. I'm movin to the USA, they have better shoe sales anyways...

  16. Ya have always been a boring ole fart why do ya think I keep coming here????


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