Thursday, January 01, 2009

You may be wondering what I have been up to over the past week. Well long story short I have decided to take drastic measures to meet a certain actress with whom I have been dying to meet for quite some time now.

As many of you know I have a little bit of a crush on Monica Bellucci...I wouldn't quite call it an obssession like her f*cking Lawyers and their la-di-f*cking-da restraining orders!

Anyway, since she only knows me as a creepy stalker thanks to her f*cking Lawyers! I had to figure out a way to get her to go out with me.

While attending a formal function in Hollywood last week I was walking past George Whatzhizface and I thought to myself..Hey Monica would prolly go out with George Whatzhizface?

So without the slightest hesitation I got up close and slipped some of the Rohibnal that I stole from my Dentist's office into his Root Beer & Southern Comfort..
within minutes he started staggering and I pretended to help him out to his car..

he has a nice car

so then I borrowed his wallet..

he had a lot of money on him..

and drove over to his house..

he has a really nice house...

where I have locked him in a room.

I lived there for a couple of days and read a few scripts..
watched all his movies to try to get the voice just right...
pfft..gave up on that.

So instead I dyed my hair nice and silvery, bought some 4 inch lifts for my shoes, and then I had a plastic surgeon come up to the house to do a little work on the eyes.

The eyes always give it away don't they?

So once I felt ready I called Monica up and asked her to be my date at a winter wedding that was being held out in the countryside near the town where I spent my childhood.

She said that she'd love to..YES!!!

We stopped along the way and took a few snaps.

Needless to say we had a fantastic time and Mon said that she "would die if she couldn't see me again!"

I said that I'd check my schedule and get back to her.

OK OK I can't lie to you.

I received one of these record adaptor thingamabobs at Christmas and I've started transferring my favorite songs from the 500 albums that have been stored in the basement. I am digitizing my vinyl and LOVING IT!

Hopefully I'll be finished around March.


  1. So it's your fault George hasn't returned the 73 calls I made this week and ignores all the pebbles I throw at his window...
    Enjoy all that old new music! And I deeply bow to all your Photoshop trickassery. Hilarious!

  2. Digitizing my vinyl.
    Sounds rude.

  3. your tale reminds me of The Life and Loves of a She-Devil, or whatever that book was by Fay Weldon. . .

    I so wish I still have my vinyl - it's the 7"s that I miss most

  4. We set up the old turntable today and actually played the vinyl.
    It kept skipping and jumping and scratching and hissing.
    But it was still great.

  5. Monica was with me the entire time. sorry.

    coppens: my email is posted in the sidebar over at Unorthodox Juju. go read some porn and

    no wait. go click on that and then send me an email. and have a happy new year!!

  6. Ah -- if only it were as easy as that. Now excuse me while I impose a little shoppery on my relationship with Clive Owen! *I* won't be back until October! :) Happy New Year DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDonn.

  7. well, at least you have a good reason for being away < b >so< / b > long.

    i think you'll be fine if you stick to wearing dark glasses. should cover up those odd looking scars around your eyes, no problem.

    you could make an appearance on Ellen now. she's always trying to get The George's attention, only he never returns her calls.

  8. She's not good enough for you.

  9. Digitizing your vinyl? I don't think that's a line Monica's heard....good one, you should try that and stop stalking!

  10. Yea, well I spent a week with Dayrl Hanna, much the same way, and I got a Beatles poster print for Yule.

  11. Got a new spy guy coat to impress the Mon, huh? Brilliant.

    I hate to disappoint you, but after your innocent little sojourn to Fannystelle with Mon -- I guess Allie Baby was your chauffeur? -- Mon showed up at my place.

  12. Well, it's good to know that another year has been kicked off in true Coppens style!
    Thanks for your card, Donn and I'm glad you are still on this rock, too.

  13. New year and new look! I like it! Well, now, did you lure Monica over with promises of a big part in Ocean's 14? Congratulazioni!!!

    Very nice Xmas gift.

  14. All I have left are a Springsteen box set and a Focus compilation (my first ever purchase). All my good 12 inchers went to a DJ friend of the family :(

  15. I've been digitalized. Sigh.

  16. She is gorgemous, indeed! And picks really trippy films to do (ever see "Irreversible?" Trippy, scary, disturbing).

    Personally, I think you two would make a great match. I'll put in a good word for you the next time I see her.

  17. YOU had sex with Hilary Clinton?

    Bill will be pleased!

  18. can you recommend your plastic surgeon?

  19. I am totally jealous. I want a thingamabob too!

  20. ELLEN
    I'll let him go in a few days on one condition..
    that he takes you to his Italian Villa for a romantic vacation.

    Almost everything in Life that is fun and worthwhile sounds rude.

    Who knew that one could derive so much pleasure from 7 inchers?

    I know that they say that smell is the memory sense but I think it's sound! Despite the wear and tear on my collection vinyl has a warmth to it that digital can't seem to replicate. These songs bring back a flood of memories.

    Will do...are you telling me that Monica has a doppleganger that I could be doppling? That would make my Life so much easier.

  21. ANDREA
    Go for it! Which Clive character is your fave? Noble King Arthur or Rough Sin City? I hate him because he did that outrageous nude scene with my Monica in Shoot Em Up..

    I wonder how many takes that took..BASTARD!

    Yeah those eyes need a little touching up. If you tighten up the space in betwixt these characters < b > it will work like magic

    WOW! I wasn't expecting that. I think that once you get to know her a little better you'll see that she is really nice.

    You may be on to something there? We did sort of start off on the wrong foot and her F'ing Lawyers are only interested in billable hours. Maybe you could put in a good word?

    THE Michael
    You know I was looking at a movie list and in the prehistoric category Daryl's Clan Of The Cave Bear pops up..I can't for the life of me remember how bad it was but it couldn't be any worse thatn 10,000 BC!

    Pffft! Right!
    Hey I watched the 5.4 second miracle goal against Russia last!

    You're welcome. This post was supposed to be about how the random assembling of genes creates faces that allow some people to take money from others but I got sidetracked..which is not surprising.

    Ocean's 14! You are a GENIUS! I am phoning Brad right now. We could do a Looky-Loo with Mon like they did with Julia in 12.
    Awesome idea.

    As one of my go-to music guys..I absorb all of your entries associated with tunes. I am surprised that you didn't keep a couple of your fave jackets and put them in one of those frames?
    I am very tempted to do so after I copy.

    You cheeky little I enjoy your innuendo. I am hearing, what you are saying.

    She is verrrry European! One of the things that I admire about her is that she is not ashamed of the human body..HAHAHAHA..oh forget it..I can't say it with a straight face.

    Yes I am sure that Bill would pay to have her serviced so that he could get out and Tomcat without so much guilt. He must be so relieved that the Presidential race is over and he can get DOWN to business.

    My surgeon is cheap and very fast. Downtime is only a few days..and the happy pills that he gives you make that go by in a flash. I'll e-mail you his number.

    That's OK a lot of Winky..are jealous of my thingamabob.

  23. awesome
    "Digitilizing my vinyl" sounds do GROOVY! Much more appealing than rethinking cleaning out my (everything.)


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