Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Globowl Warming


Did you know that 90% of Homo Escapeons live in the Northern Hemisphere?

I live alongside 500,000,000 other Escapeons who currently occupy North America.

Through some cruel twist of fate, and very poor (selfish) planning on the part of my Grandfathers, I live in the centre of North America.

During the Cretaceous Period 100 million years ago, my house would have been at the bottom of the Western_Inland_Sea.

Which would have been a very Inconvenient Truth because instead of chasing away the bloody Squirrels chewing on my Christmas lights, I would have had a Mosasaur circling the house waitng to eat me!

So it could be much worse, and for such small mercies, I am eternally grateful.

Not that long ago, during the most recent period of North American Glaciation, 26,000 - 13,300 years ago, ice sheets 3 to 4 KILOfrickinMETRES THICK extended to about 45 degrees north latitude...

that's way past my house.

Now to the matter at hand.

Unless you live in North Korea,

where L'il Kim banned the Internet and the 21st Century,
you have no doubt been warned about glo-bowl warming..

which is also prolly banned in Bad Korea.

I mean global warming.

However, if you take a look at todays weather map it is almost identical to the last Ice Age.

I think not.

Anyway, we are a hardy lot in Whateverpeg and we do whatever we need to in order to survive...

but if this cold snap doesn't end soon I am going to snap!

I can guarandamntee you that I will be HOMO ESCAPING to a warmer climate!

Frankly, I would prefer getting pulled around by Kangaroos,
but what are ya gonna do?

*and speaking of Frank, my apologies to the Frazman..

awesome does not even begin to describe his stuff!


  1. cool post brotah from the same climate line.

    and i love polar bears...come on...kangaroos cant pull...they hop rememeber...ull be milk shake in no time. stick with polars, wear em something like from golden compass and roam the icelands :)

  2. North East Hampshire has a very mild climate. This village already has an idiot, but I am sure you could secure a position at East Worldham (not scared of heights, I trust).

  3. Just what I needed mid-morning. And obviously the planets have re-aligned themselves properly if you're freezing your arses off in Winterpeg and we're battling rain and fog. Ah, it's good to be back to normal.

  4. Crikey, we Brits love talking about the weather so you should come and live with us. It's a smidge warmer than where you are at the moment, but a bit foggy [not a pea-souper though].

  5. My dad recently assured me that human beings could not survive at -30C. I laughed and shook my head. Silly dad, he's thinking of englishmen, not human beings.

  6. We're still getting the ice cream van come round at weekends.

    That's not to say it's ice cream weather, though.

  7. It's going to freeze tonight! And it's all YOUR (Canadian Clipper) fault! Thus, I am going to retaliate by accelerating global warming so that you run out of ice to freeze this damn air with. As a consequence, I get beacefront property. I win. Naa-na-na-naaa-na!

  8. We watched "Ice Age" last night. Well, some of it. We felt we needed movies with a coooool theme, since our house was like a, well, a hot house!! :P

  9. Almost certainly that mososaur would have spit you out. They only ate REAL men.

  10. I'd totally prefer kangaroos. You could nap in their pouches.

    I to am going insane from the cold. They keep taunting us all saying it will warm up in 5 days...but it never happens.

    All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy....

  11. Well, if the weather pretenders are not pretending this time, like they usually do with good weather, it should be around the freezing mark on Sunday.

    Unfortunately, they never seem to be wrong when they predict how f*cking cold it is going to be, but can never get it right when it comes to warmer weather.

    Why is that?

    Did you see the sundogs today? Brrrrr! I heard we hit -51 with the wind today....

  12. LOL!

    Change ur citizenship to AUSSIE! we r dealing with a heat-wave over here!


  13. So, does this mean you don't want to hear this weeks forecast for Tucson? 70's daytime, 40's overnight low? You don't want to know that? Sunny?

    And Frank Freeeeezetta rocks.

  14. Your widget fishpond isn't frozen.
    Are you making it all up about being cold? I think so. (I fed the fish)

    I have that widget on my other blog, and I love it.
    Of course, it being in the 70's daytime here, it doesn't freeze...

  15. Then practice saying "Global Climate Change" instead of global warming. Because that's the real problem.

  16. So your winters would possibly be the same temperatures as is almost incomprehensible, a life in freezing weather, snow, ice..I have been born into heat, desert, tropics for a while, more heat...40c plus is a normal summer here.

    The only snow I have ever seen, never touched it, was Switzerland, climbing mountains, rock.

    So you guys get a little "cabin fever?"....while we can "go a little troppo". (Reference to extremem heat, especially applying to tropics of Oz, but also the hot-dry parts too).

    I think this is why so many Canadians, when they get to Australia revel in the outdoor culture, run, jump, play, frolic, sport, hobbies, eating/dining/socialising..

    It does appear unjust and unfair such wonderful and funny people get a miserably cold, freezing winter climate..

    I will do my bit for global warming to help speed it up so your ice melts! :-)

    Bright Spark Pam

  17. Listen, I'll take the cold, frigid weather (because one can always get warm - come on, put your thinking cap on now! ) over the hot, unbearable, searing one! And, again with the poor polar bear! What do you have against those beautiful beasts?!!! Not cool, dude, he's about to sink....

  18. I kept reading, hoping you'd factor a few bonobos into the equation but no such luck.

  19. i have hot and humid here. don't think you'll enjoy it much. i can't stand it myself.

  20. Love the photo of you on a sled being pulled by bears.

    "Please don't stare
    At the polar bear
    It wears out the fur
    When you stare at the bear"

    I always found that to be a very good poem for practising my Ringo Starr voice.

  21. GLO-BOWLING???

    oh I am so using this....I will try and give you credit...most of the time....

    a balmy 76 here yesterday...(central coast of hour south of san francisco...

  22. reysputin11:08 a.m.

    nice frazetta rip off.
    i've always said, you look good with a pony tail, and especially that mullet cap you used to have.

    all you need is a nice scar over the eye and some horns and you're all set.

    last year at this time it was 35 ABOVE zero all the time (well, until i froze my ass off in the desert), so needless to say....well, yeah, needless.

  23. I Like the new digs.
    The size of your fishtank is enviable.

  24. It's getting colder again, I thought for a second it was going to make it into the positive C's but no.

    The bears are cute but like you I'd trade them for the roos in a heartbeat. Although the bears do make better coats.

  25. Donn, you are a blog-tinkering nutcase! Every time I come over here it's to find you've been having your way with a can of emulsion and moving the furniture around...

  26. Stop by and pick me up on your way south, will ya? Below freezing here too... I thought it was you all leaving your refrigerator doors open!
    Mmm-m-Mosasaurs, big kitties of the Sea.

  27. Do you think your granfathers knew it would be so cold? Or were they just lousy map readers.

  28. Monosaurs? Cretaceous? Next thing you'll be telling us the theory of evolution is accurate.


    (Kaz, helloooooo?! They just never stopped for directions!)

  29. Have you noticed the Global Warming Wailers have suddenly had to change their hand wringing chorus to 'Climate Change' and hoped no one noticed .
    ***peers sternly*** .
    You could move to Grimsby , its a bit warmer , but it smells :-(

  30. Informative as well as entertaining...

    All forms of environmental degradation considered, I do think that's the main long-term challenge for homo-maybe-not-so-smart-after-all...

    I grew up in southeast NH, looks like the big glacier would have just got me and also explaining all those hills and mountains that end abruptly just a bit south of there in the Mass flatlands that weren't affected...

  31. I'd invite you to Connutsticut but it's freakin' cold here too!

  32. Can I just say that I don't care if there is or isn't global warming! I care about keeping my nest clean, reusing what I can and reducing the amount of gas I use (oil companies just tick me off). I was hoping that global warming would make people change their habits. Then mother nature throws a curve ball and human immediately leap to the conclusion that it is okay to waste everything and drive Hummers! Doggone it any way!


  33. No, the inconvenient truth is -- in this weather, the Snowcone Labor Union of the Tundra is, like, totally f*cked right now. PS, I've seen you over at Vincent's, and now at MistiPurple's... and guess what, dude? Now you've got a fresh new link from me! Don't feel special, unless you just want to :)

  34. ah, another one following your ass. :P
    talking about which, are they still frozen?

  35. It only means you'll have a searing drought in the summer. Save some ice now to sell when the heatwave comes!

    I think the ancestors knew what they were doing when they settled in Canada. Just a few miles south and you'd've had to do what Americans overseas had to do for the last 8 years--tell people they're Canadian!

    Anyways, the mosasaurs have died out. Meanwhile, Australia still has holdouts from the Cretaceous Period, i.e. man eating crocodiles! Not to mention it's home to the most poisonous snakes and vicious critters alive today, on both land and sea!

    The people are sexy, though! Or at the very least, seem unique.

  36. Aren't you going on vacation soon to some warm beach-y destination?

  37. Whatever you do, don't step on those leylines dude!

    Very the Golden Compass angle...I should have thought of that.
    Polar Bears are the most predictable large carnivore on Earth..they will eat you on sight!

    If East Worldham needs a village idiot I am sooo there...I can start on Monday!

    I am delighted to hear that the Universe is unfolding as it should...atleast in your neck of the woods.

    Complaining about the weather is part of our Colonial inheritance...we adore kvetching about how cold or hot it is.
    Thank You England.

    I concur with your Father's observation. That is why I believe that we are all huddled in jello and our minute electrical current is being tapped by the Matrix.

  39. GEOFF
    The Ice Cream Man?! Good Lord!
    We don't have many of those any more because pedophiles are being chemically castrated.

    Freeze!? Grab on to your oranges and don't let go until the matter what!

    I wish that I could send some of this cool air downunda...actually I wish that I could send ALL of it!

    Sticks and stones. Oh I get it, a MOsasaur...I'm getting a little slow. That's just plain rude.

    I wish that we were Marsupials..I'd love to have a giant pocket like that? I am always losing my keys.

  40. PONITA
    We might as well stop telling the others that it was -51..they don't believe it anyway.

    I will be changing my citizenship when the Merkins annex CANADA..which will prolly be in about 10 years.

    Freezetta *snort totally rocks!
    My Mom hidebernates in Texas and Arizonee during the Winter months so I am all too aware of how pleasant it is down there.

    While I have no doubt that we Humans are accelerating the demise of our planet the gas escaping from the zooplankton is still greater than anything we can far.

    I should send you some snow! Canada could start exporting it to Australia during your Summer.
    How much do you want?

  41. G'Day, Look up Six White Boomers, an old christmas song sung by Rolf Harris. He he.

  42. sheesh, and here's me in nothing but knickers with the aircon on because its so fargin hot down here!


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