Friday, January 16, 2009

THERE'S GOT TO BE A MOURNING AFTER


A buddy sent over an interesting Beer Ad that is waiting for you at the bottom.



I found Goldstar's approach to be a delightfully refreshing departure from the time honoured traditions of bamboozeling College-age Y-Chromers with false advertising...like this!


This Australian ad is a trojan horse..it is pretending
to empower young females by making fun of the mandatory Beer Ad gals who are almost always dim-witted, giggling, large breasted, biologically accomodating nymphomaniacs who fawn over nerds.
My guess is that young men still noticed it.


These poor impressionable young dudes are led to believe that if they use their product, preferably in vast quantities, scantily clad busty babes will magically appear and literally beg them for casual sex...

a well documented phenomenon classified throughout scientificky circles as the miracle of alcohol.

Most of us understand that this theory stands in sharp contrast to all empirical evidence. Talk about your suspension of disbelief?

Mother Nature has spent 3.5 Billion Years of trial and error perfecting the intricacies of sexual reproduction and it is sad to think that this painstakingly arduous journey can be sidestepped by guzzling a couple Beer.

We were all taught that the survival of a species depends on the successful transference of genetic material that will actually improve and benefit a species.

Why then do young drunk guys believe that young drunk girls will have sex with them?

Don't bother answering that...the miracle of alcohol.


My biggest beef with the advertisers is that it is never fully disclosed why the beer guzzling good-time-gals do not have a Beer Gut or PANIS.


Panis is the medical term for the grotesque unsightly bulge of stored fat that hangs over the waiste and in some instances the genitalia.

If there was any truth in advertising then most of these young women pounding brewskies beer for beer
would all look like this...which is still hot.


Most of us are all too painfully familiar with the consequences of making decisions while wearing Beer Goggles. That's why I like this ad. It is PRO-Active and evaluates the true cost/benefit parameters for both genders.

Have a lash at this send-up on how differently the genders view the aspects of getting together for a drink.


click to enlarge

Binging on buckets of Ice Cream seems imminent.

55 comments:

  1. Great post, that's a very interesting final image - did you see an ad in the '80s showing an apparently pregnant man asking a male audience how he'd behave if it was him that got pregnant?

    We are definitely doing evolution in reverse (is that devolution?)

    ReplyDelete
  2. That doesn't look like a beer belly; that looks like a pregnant belly.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeah. I thought what Anna thought of that yound lady. A pregnant woman holding a beer? WTF kind of advertising is that?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Okay.... so it's for non-alcoholic beer... but I didn't get that right off the hop. Not very obvious - all I saw (and first impressions are huge in advertising) was a pregnant woman holding a beer.

    Probably not the best thought out ad campaign....

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  5. Excellent ad - but I'm rather worried about the horse.
    On and do nymphomaniacs really exist or are they just the product of masculine fantasies?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I don't usually have an urge to go horseback riding after sex.

    Kaz: Infomaniacs exist and walk amongst you!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know drinking beer sometimes results in pregnancy....I didn't know it could benefit the bustline as well.

    thanks donnnnnn

    ReplyDelete
  8. Note to Kaz... what MJ said.

    ReplyDelete
  9. i thought the Australian beer advert was a lesbian one, though that would probably still appeal to young men of course.

    So do you regret your foray into cocktails then HE? :-)

    I'm a virtual teetotaller by the way (I never drink when blogging, it only leads to beer bloggles).

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think I'll just go get a pint of Ben & Jerrys. I'm going to get chip faced tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I read somewhere (I think it was said by an Australian feminist writer, but don't remember ) that "drunk" is future tense of"drink."

    ReplyDelete
  12. Why are they using a pregnant woman to advertise beer?

    It frankly burns me that women's bodies are used to sell any product.

    ReplyDelete
  13. i just want to make a comment in general donn,, as i am playing catch up on my reading... you have absolutely one of the most diverse blogs i have ever have the pleasure of coming across and i have to thank your comments on guatami's blog for bringing me here...


    i always enjoy my stay,, and more often than not learn something....
    thank you.....

    ReplyDelete
  14. I always thought the really good thing about drinking was that you can still have fun, even when you're not having sex. Or is that just me?

    ReplyDelete
  15. I must protest! (Well maybe "must" is a poor choice of word, but anyway...) Men's dating experiences are not that simple! For example, under the sign of the woman in that diagram, there needs to be a fork. One side bed, the other side talk to the hand.

    Under Talk to the Hand, another split. One side, more beer, leading to puking or possibly Denny's then puking. The other side leading to masturbation

    Under the bed sign, a split with a drawing of this for Bail outand The Universal Sign of Marriage

    See? It's not that simple!

    ReplyDelete
  16. "And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad, so I had one more for dessert." --Johnny Cash, Sunday Morning Coming Down

    ReplyDelete
  17. Great ad :)

    The woman in the last photo actually looks pregnant rather than fat...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh... I see I'm not the first person to make the pregnant connection.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I remember when I had a drinking problem--we ran out of beer and we were broke! Back then, my roommates and I just worked and got drunk.

    I luv watching beer commercials. Some of them are really hilarious!

    I don't think it's really beer when it's non alcoholic. We call those flavored drinks.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'd take ice cream over alcohol...lickety-split... ;)

    ReplyDelete
  21. I like the flow chart ad. Cool!

    ReplyDelete
  22. When I'm drunk I am the most witty, charming and handsome person in the room but it seems while I have become this others have become less tolerant and friendly towards me and my advances maybe I soak up all their goodness, wow you really make me think, yer my best mate and hav I hav I hav I told ya I lov ya? no not in a ghey way, well maybe just a little bit but the thingariongejrashbnsnmf mucker.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Beer...hum...and women..and the power of adverts to brainwash..
    Do you have lots of adverts over there?
    In France,they don't make alcohol adverts,it's forbidden,instead we have cheese...makes you think...
    Whatever,lol.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I am here never left. You crack my ass up. I will get better at commenting, mister.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'll be right back to reply...hold that thought.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Lulu LaBonne said...
    Great post, that's a very interesting final image - did you see an ad in the '80s showing an apparently pregnant man asking a male audience how he'd behave if it was him that got pregnant?

    We are definitely doing evolution in reverse (is that devolution?)


    I am overwhelmingly discombobulated by my generations decision to uphold the antiquated Laws governing alcohol and recreational cannabis that we inherited. Seriously. I love to have a few dozen drinks in social settings I'm no prude but holy sh*t. There are some people who should NEVER EVER be allowed to drink period. There would not be any sporting events if alcohol was not supplied and smoking pot won't make you leap out of office buildings! We need to recognise that the addicts need medical attention not incarceration. Why are we waiting for our Parents generation to die before we attack these problems?

    ReplyDelete
  27. scarlet-blue said...
    Pffft....
    Sx

    Either you knew that I was just being silly or you as an empowered modern gal who takes charge of her situation do not consider yourself to be a random, hapless, victim....
    or both.

    ReplyDelete
  28. anna said...
    That doesn't look like a beer belly; that looks like a pregnant belly.


    Well Anna advertisers don't want to photoshop a huge panis on a beautiful model..even I don't want them to do that!
    There is no such thing as panis envy!..
    except in belly-flop competitions.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Ponita said...
    Yeah. I thought what Anna thought of that yound lady. A pregnant woman holding a beer? WTF kind of advertising is that?
    Okay....
    so it's for non-alcoholic beer...
    but I didn't get that right off the hop. Not very obvious - all I saw (and first impressions are huge in advertising) was a pregnant woman holding a beer.

    Probably not the best thought out ad campaign....


    Especially since we are now innundated with the WITH CHILD/WITHOUT ALCOHOL campaign that our government started.
    Who do you suppose that ad is aimed at? Pregnant teens maybe?
    If 90% of them had listened to the first campaign WITH FUTURE/WITHOUT GETTING HAMMERED AND SCREWING LOSERS they wouldn't be in this mess.

    ReplyDelete
  30. KAZ said...
    Excellent ad - but I'm rather worried about the horse.
    On and do nymphomaniacs really exist or are they just the product of masculine fantasies?


    I was led to believe that young ladies ride horses to discover the pleasures of the horn as a precursor to riding boys?

    According to urban legend, Nymphomania is a real condition that unfortunately only occurs in a very small percentage of the female population while satyriasis, an immoderate venereal appetite in the male, exists in about 90% of the male population.

    Don't believe a word of it.

    ReplyDelete
  31. MJ said...
    I don't usually have an urge to go horseback riding after sex.

    Kaz: Infomaniacs exist and walk amongst you!


    You hit that one right out of the park MJ.
    Why would you go riding after sex?
    That horse left the barn long ago.

    ReplyDelete
  32. katherine. said...
    I know drinking beer sometimes results in pregnancy....I didn't know it could benefit the bustline as well.

    thanks donnnnnn


    You've never heard of Beerboobs! Some gals are genetically gifted and store fat in all the right places for about 2 years before it migrates south...of course beer goggling levels out the playing field for both sexes.

    Of course there is the delicate matter of flacidity and mass consumption but we'll save that for another day.
    OK?

    ReplyDelete
  33. fathorse said...
    HA!


    The chart or the premise?

    ReplyDelete
  34. fathorse said...
    HA!


    The chart or the premise?

    ReplyDelete
  35. The Poet Laura-eate said...
    i thought the Australian beer advert was a lesbian one, though that would probably still appeal to young men of course.

    So do you regret your foray into cocktails then HE? :-)

    I'm a virtual teetotaller by the way (I never drink when blogging, it only leads to beer bloggles).


    Autralia has Lesbians?

    I do not regret a single incident and I'll even sing Sinatra's "My Way" if you don't believe me. Without trial and erro we wouldn't have discovered the wheel, fire or chia pets.

    I eschew Beer Bloggling because I might say something stupid and tend to over do the hyperbole..
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    Can you smell the irony?

    ReplyDelete
  36. CyberPete said...
    I think I'll just go get a pint of Ben & Jerrys. I'm going to get chip faced tonight.


    Ben & Jerry have shops over there too...I thought that only North Americans were silly enough to pay double for ice cream with goofy hippy cliched names?

    ReplyDelete
  37. moreidlethoughts said...
    I read somewhere (I think it was said by an Australian feminist writer, but don't remember ) that "drunk" is future tense of"drink."


    Well technically it does but since I am but a humble layman forced to operate within the confines of the vernacular idiosyncracies of the great unwashed I still say drunk in lieu of drunken. I should have used blotto'd, pissed, hammered, wrecked, or tanked.

    ReplyDelete
  38. citizen of the world said...
    Why are they using a pregnant woman to advertise beer?

    It frankly burns me that women's bodies are used to sell any product.


    Sex sells. Look at their target audience? Hornymone addled neanderthals who are virtual hard-ons with eyes! These young men are slaves to their biological imperitive to spread their genes into as many other jeans as possible and alcohol is their best bet.
    Seriously. Nothing else matters, not even sports...it's all about SEX and everything else is just conversation.

    ReplyDelete
  39. paisley said...
    i just want to make a comment in general donn,, as i am playing catch up on my reading... you have absolutely one of the most diverse blogs i have ever have the pleasure of coming across and i have to thank your comments on guatami's blog for bringing me here...
    i always enjoy my stay,, and more often than not learn something....
    thank you.....


    I really appreciate that. I obviously love blogging and the chance to rewrite history and make up crap and tweak scientificky facts to suit my needs is a pleasure that I could not live without...
    hopefully some of my enthusiasm is a little contagious.

    It was very kind and bold of you to admit to this in public.
    XX OO

    ReplyDelete
  40. Gordie said...
    I always thought the really good thing about drinking was that you can still have fun, even when you're not having sex. Or is that just me?


    Gordie, I don't know how to break this to you but....

    Of course it's fun to just have drinks! You gotta make y'er own fun in this world right?

    ReplyDelete
  41. breakerslion said...
    I must protest! (Well maybe "must" is a poor choice of word, but anyway...) Men's dating experiences are not that simple! For example, under the sign of the woman in that diagram, there needs to be a fork. One side bed, the other side talk to the hand.

    Under Talk to the Hand, another split. One side, more beer, leading to puking or possibly Denny's then puking. The other side leading to masturbation

    Under the bed sign, a split with a drawing of this for Bail outand The Universal Sign of Marriage

    See? It's not that simple!


    OK you deserve a standing ovation. You put more effort into your comment than I did in my posting and all of your links were awesome!
    A+..
    and don't do it again you're making me look bad!

    Just kidding that was hif*ckinglarious..
    you're a riot.

    ReplyDelete
  42. timjamz said...
    "And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad, so I had one more for dessert." --Johnny Cash, Sunday Morning Coming Down


    You might be interested to learn that when a Canadian Audience chose the number one music video EVER, it was Johnny's farewell HURT.
    It beat Thriller!
    I am serious.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Stace said...
    Great ad :)
    The woman in the last photo actually looks pregnant rather than fat...Oh... I see I'm not the first person to make the pregnant connection.

    Ha your Preg-dar is on so you would notice.

    Do you feel like a vampyre yet..can you hear the blood rushing through your veins? Are all of your sense heightened? It must be really cool.

    ReplyDelete
  44. eroswings said...
    I remember when I had a drinking problem--we ran out of beer and we were broke! Back then, my roommates and I just worked and got drunk.

    I luv watching beer commercials. Some of them are really hilarious!

    I don't think it's really beer when it's non alcoholic. We call those flavored drinks.


    My favorite Beer-Ad was the Yuppy version of WAZZUP. Have you seen it?
    What are you doing? Oh Nothing just watching the market having an import. It is awesome..I'll get your email and send it over if you haven't seen it.

    ReplyDelete
  45. gel said...
    I'd take ice cream over alcohol...lickety-split... ;)


    It's not for everyone and neither is ice cream. I've always wondered why we eat ice cream on hot days because it only makes you more thirsty? What is up with that?

    Did they ever cover this on Seinfeld?

    ReplyDelete
  46. firebird said...
    I like the flow chart ad. Cool!


    HI! I love your circle of friends and I'm glad that we're finally getting to meet. That chart is a hoot..
    but they need to make one that mocks men...might be hard to find a product or service that makes men look like idiots...yup..can't think of anything off hand? Can you? Didn't think so, that's a tough one.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Keshi said...
    *burp*

    Keshi.


    Spoken like a true Ozzie Sheila eh! So all of those stereotypes are true afterall.
    That is totally awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  48. Old Knudsen said...
    When I'm drunk I am the most witty, charming and handsome person in the room but it seems while I have become this others have become less tolerant and friendly towards me and my advances maybe I soak up all their goodness, wow you really make me think, yer my best mate and hav I hav I hav I told ya I lov ya? no not in a ghey way, well maybe just a little bit but the thingariongejrashbnsnmf mucker.


    HAHAHAHA! You kill me..gawd y'er funny. You forgot to add the sound of crashing light fixtures and a sudden thud!
    HAHAHAHA!

    ReplyDelete
  49. Candie Bracci(C.B.) said...
    Beer...hum...and women..and the power of adverts to brainwash..
    Do you have lots of adverts over there?
    In France,they don't make alcohol adverts,it's forbidden,instead we have cheese...makes you think...
    Whatever,lol.


    No alcohol ads? I guess that makes sense..what's the point if the song is to be believed..
    in the land of france, where the ladies don't wear pants..

    OH..you prolly haven't heard that..plus the Americans have forced us Canadians to pronounce Frants like Pants instead of Frahnsss.

    ReplyDelete
  50. just a girl... said...
    I am here never left. You crack my ass up. I will get better at commenting, mister.


    I am thrilled to have you stop by JAG. You are an awesome bloggin phenomonen. Do drop by any time..key is under the doormat.
    Toodles

    ReplyDelete
  51. i have received this email maybe 327 times in the last week!!?!?
    i do like your take on it though donn, as always!

    ReplyDelete
  52. aside from your usual tongue in cheek and witty, wise commentary, I am LMAO at "panis." If it's truly a med term, (I will google after commenting), thx for teaching me. If not, still thank you b/c I cannot stop laughing. It sounds and looks like pain in the ass or penis misspelled. Especially, the later is what I though of since those young lads think with that, with or w/out beer!

    ReplyDelete

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