Thursday, December 11, 2008

CHRISTMASAURUS WRECKS

The Ghost of Christmas came haunting me again last night..prolly because I was hammered on Rum & Eggnog. I don't know..this time of year can be so stressful.
How do I explain the real meaning of Christmas to my youngest son?

It's all so bloody confusing. Do I tell him that Santa isn't real? If Satan, I mean Santa, isn't real, then maybe he takes the next logical step and starts to think that maybe Dinosaurs aren't real either?

That's a very slippery slope that I would prefer to avoid altogether. I'd much rather let him find out the truth about Dinosaurs and Christmas from the other kids at school...just like his questions about sex.

I wondered where I could go to get some honest answers about Dinosaurs and Christmas? No really! How can you believe in two mutually exclusive and opposing ideas at the same time?
Isn't that called cognitive dissonance?

Let's start with the fact that 60% of Americans, and 40% of Canadians, still believe in the archeo-historical authenticity of Noah's Flood...
which means that only about about half of all North Americans DON'T believe it...
imagine, in this day and age?

So how on Earth can we expect our children to believe in Dinosaurs AND Christmas all at the same time?

Like hundreds of others I decided to make the pilgrimage to the mecca of cognitive dissonance, Ken Hamm's










To be honest I was hoping to be accompanied by Stockwell_Day, Canada's Minister of International Trade.







Stock is the only Canadian politician brave enough to admit that he believes in a Flinstonian version of History in which people and dinosaurs lived side by side.





Like Mr Day, 46% of Canadians have discerned, mostly on their own, that the Flood really-really happened, I mean literally.
More Americans (61%) seem to rely on alternative sources other than evidential discoveries made and reported in Science, Geography, Archeology, Paleontology, Biology, and History Texts, for their information on Global Flooding, and more power to them.
In fact three of the Republican Presidential Candidates, Sam Brownback, Mike Huckabee, and Tom Tancredo, had enough sense left in them, to admit that they do not believe in Evolution.
Damn straight.

I needed answers, and fast.
I have wasted the best years of my Life trying to separate the wheat from the chaff and the bull from the sh*t.
Like many others before me, I may might very well decide to throw caution to the wind, and acquiesce to what appears to be incontrovertible evidence, that Creation Scientists have nailed it.
Don't take my word for it read it for yourself.

Ken Hamm, the mastermind behind ANSWERS IN GENESIS, deflects tough, simple, questions with equally tough, simple, answers.

When did the Dinosaurs live Ken?


"God made everything in six days and Bible scholars will tell you that the Hebrew word for day used in Genesis 1, can only mean an ordinary day in this context."
Fair enough.



"Contrary to what many may think, what we know now as dinosaurs get more mention in the Scriptures than most animals."
Get out?


"The Bible teaches (in Genesis 1:29-30) that the original animals (and the first humans) were commanded to be vegetarian. There were no meat eaters in the original creation."
So Christmas should be a Vegan Celebration?
D'OH!

"Furthermore, there was no death. It was an unblemished world, with Adam and Eve and animals (including dinosaurs) living in perfect harmony, eating only plants!"
Shut-UP!?

"There is no proof whatsoever that the world and its fossil layers are millions of years old."
Why doesn't everyone know about this?




And then he dropped the bomb..

"No scientist observed dinosaurs die."
WOW!

"If you remove the evolutionary framework, get rid of the millions of years, and then take the Bible seriously, you will find an explanation that fits the facts and makes perfect sense.
"
Well you got me there Kenny.
I feel as though a great weight has been taken off of my shoulders.


"Evolutionists declare that no man ever lived alongside dinosaurs. The Bible, however, makes it plain that dinosaurs and people must have lived together.
Perhaps people and animals were killing each other; maybe dinosaurs had started killing other animals and humans."
It's all starting to make sense!

But Ken, I was obviously misled to believe by 99% of Scientists, that the Dinosaurs all disappeared 63ish Million years ago..
HOW?

"They drowned. All of the land creatures outside the Ark died. Many would have been covered with tons of mud as the rampaging water covered the land and the dinosaur fossils which were formed as a result of this Flood, were probably formed about 4,500 years ago, not millions of years ago."
I feel so stupid..it's as plain as the nose on your face.


"It is obvious that evolutionists don’t know what happened and are grasping at straws."
Pfft, you're tellin' me.


"There are some scientists who believe a few dinosaurs may have survived in remote jungles. Dinosaurs can also remind us that God judged the rebellion in Noah’s day by destroying the wicked world with water, resulting in the death of millions of creatures."
Bloody Dinosaurs, those bastards got what they deserved, every last one of them.


"Creationists, of course, would not be surprised if someone found a living dinosaur".
Awesome!
That would be so cool!


Well I hope that this information will help you decide what to tell your children about Christmas. It's never easy to lie to them year after year. Perhaps now you can break the chain. Why not make this Christmas one to remember.

The sooner you let your children in on the worst kept secret in the universe, the sooner they can begin to take advantage of the other children and get ahead in Life.

From all of my incarnations here at Homo Escapeons,
we wish You & Yours, a very-evolutionary..




DINO-MITE! CHRISTMAS

20 comments:

  1. ....wow. just.....wow. the guy is SO MISINFORMED. all true christians know that fossils are a clever ruse devised by satan to deceive the faithful. the man is obviously a slavering liberal humanist. BURN HIM.


    i taught my daughter about the historical santa claus. st. nicholas! he was a real guy! she learned the story of st. nicholas, and how his 'feast day' is close enough to christmas that his story and the story of the gift-giving wise men became joined together, and the tradition was born. she thought it was really fun and interesting, and didn't miss the crushing dissappointment of realizing that all the adults in her life had been making a fool of her for years by taking advantage of her innocence.
    the story of st. nicholas really is one of the great stories of altruism and selflessness out there. you can do a lot worse than use it as a model of the true spirit of giving around this time of year.

    merry frizzies, don. long may you wave!

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  2. ....PS JJ WALKER IS A SEXXXAY DOG!

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  3. ...god i can't stop looking at him. its like a drug. daaaaaaaaamn.

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  4. Bloody Dinosaurs, those bastards got what they deserved, every last one of them.

    God smote the farters! It's that simple.

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  5. I am intrigued by their advertisement for a "Free live nativity". I infer from this that the nativity is still going on, which makes sense if you squash 14 billion years into 6 thousand. I shall be there, if only to steal the baby Jesus and bring him up as a Buddhist.
    With Trotskyist leanings.

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  6. Ms.Nations: JJ Walker's mouth is not large enough to fit one of your enormous gazongas.

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  7. Everyone knows dinosaurs are plastic and live in a bucket along with Brio and farm animals (also of the plastic persuasion).

    They are best friends with the Lego men.

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  8. I'm confused
    did Fred have a pet dinosaur called Dino, or not?

    I tell my children that Santa is real, as long as they BELIEVE he's real.

    They seem to like that answer.

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  9. Father Christmas is real. He has two kids and lives up the street from the Laws in Cornwall.

    Or you could swing over to Eros and hear what he told a niece.

    All this fancy schmancy scientist stuff is all a hoax. Everyone knows the world is flat and if you get too close to the edge you fall off and join Satan. Your punishment for exploring which is so very ungodly.

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  10. Dinosaurs went extinct because they took up smoking and got lung cancer. They must have seen Jesus smoking and thought it was cool.

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  11. A local primary school supply teacher made headlines recently when she told her class that Santa didn't exist.
    She was dismissed and the kids got counselling.
    Hope this helps.

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  12. Is there no such thing as Santa?
    Sx

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  13. When I was young we had a pet called Dino. He used to eat my mum's cigarettes.

    Nobody ever told him he wasn't a dinosaur but a very fine dog indeed.

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  14. Dino's did exsist with man... that's why Raquel Welch looks so old.

    As for Santa he has to be real aye......cos every time a kid vists and Santa asks what do ya want for Christmas the kid must realise that Santa is old too his memory is going ........ "I told ya that two days a go at Macey's"
    DoH!

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  15. Creationists are the new dinosaurs

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  16. Hmmm ... interesting .... but ... who's to say WE aren't the dinosaurs ... and those we arrogantly label as "dinosaurs", who did clearly drown oh so many years ago, weren't really the humans? Eh?

    As to believing in things, human or otherwise, that I can't see with my own eyes? Hmmm again. I do believe in terabytes and the internet -- tho I can't honestly say I've ever actually seen either! (^_^)

    Me thinks us humans ... erm ... dinosaurs ... erm ... whatever ... tend toward w-a-a-a-a-y overthinking things, don't we now?

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  17. Willing suspension of disbelief whichever way you cut it Mr Coppens. I could stay here and feed your fish all night ...

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  18. Do you know, I struggle with that idea that the world is 6000 years old. I realise I have been heavily brainwashed by what we can only call, modern society and all its evil ways.
    And don't get me started on Father bloody Christmas.

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  19. christianity and their 6000 year old theory are no less a story than those of the ancients,, or the cultures that believe in the gods of nature... people are so stupid...


    this post was excellent,,, and very very thorough.....

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  20. What really surprised me more than the shock or realization that Santa doesn't really live in the North Pole was the discovery that Christmas had nothing to do with Jesus.

    It doesn't say in the Bible when Jesus was born; but it couldn't have been winter, as it would've been too cold for the shepherds to be out in the wilds with the sheep. And it's amazing how the Church, unable to purge pagan beliefs, decided to Christianize the pagan customs--from Xmas trees, to gift giving, and the birth of a new god.

    I had a niece call me specifically to ask about Santa. I had to think carefully of an answer that would not shatter her faith in humanity nor destroy her childhood enthusiasm and sense of wonder.

    If it were up to me, I would do what First Nation did from the beginning. Let the children learn how to think, not what to think.

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