Wednesday, April 15, 2009

WOULD ALIENS BE ANY SCARIER THAN OUR OWN MONSTERS?

Since the beginning of time, shamans, philosophers, science fiction writers, and even ex-President Ronnie Raygun, all understood that the only thing that could unite Humans, would be a universal threat from an extraterrestrial or supernatural being.

As we watch the Polar Ice Caps melting on the nightly news, it is quite apparent that even the prospect of our planet reverting to it's watery origins, will not be enough to unite Mankind.

In fact, this will only force powerful nations to conquer more territory in order to gain access to whatever resources will remain available.

Have you ever noticed in Sci-Fi movies how all of the countries put aside their petty squabbling in order to unite their efforts in destroying the Aliens or Killer Comet? Which they always do in the last 20 minutes HOORAY!!

So, don't be surprised if signs of a cosmic bogeyman are discovered one of these days..oh it will be subtle at first..
NASA satellites mysteriously explode after sending vague images of something out there.

Before we know it some guy with more degrees than a thermometer will be on a CNN breaking news special hinting that something unspeakably large is out there, we don't know what it is, but it's heading our way.

A few days later that something will have a catchy name (and it's own theme music on CNN) and then the tall foreheads will be speculating about whether it's intentions are peaceful or malicious.

The stock markets will start spinning out of control, church attendance will skyrocket, panic starts to set in. Politicians and Military staff at the Pentagon discover that they don't really have a contingency plan for an all out Alien invasion..other than the scorched Earth plan.



(Awesome hilarious 3D movie btw)

With the prospect of the Human Race being annihilated or becoming enslaved by Intergalactic Alien Insect Overlords, the one consolation will be, that the asshats who went out of their way to make this world such a miserable, f*cking, place will either die or become slaves like the rest of us.

Who would you help the Aliens eliminate first?

13 comments:

  1. I think you would make a good offering for the Aliens.

    On the there other hand, they might not think so..

    I will ponder about this over a cup of tea...

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  2. I will be going for the editor and writers on The Dail Mail...then the people behind Macdonalds and other evil foodstuff pedlars

    Crikey ... my list is much longer than I realised

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  3. "church attendance will skyrocket" lol,i bet they will,find the money to build weapons and stuff,but no money for the hungry people.Maybe some nice Aliens like E.T. will come to help some of us,no?Who I will help eliminate first?You know,all the f*ckers obcessed with money and power who don't care about human lives,you know..there are too many!

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  4. I would hope to be placed as a pet in a caring, loving Intergalactic Alien Insect Overlord's home instead of in an experiment involving vivisection. Just saying.

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  5. As long as there are no Vogons involved I wouldn't care too much.
    Maybe I could get a job as "human explainer" or something.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Unfortunately, the people most responsible for fouling the environment - the corporate titans of the entrenched energy interests and their political lackeys - will simply get rich, lesd comfortable lives, and die with private nursing care. Even their grandkids, living on trust funds, will live in the least despoiled places on the planet.

    What we're doing to the environment will have its most dramatic impact on "the unborn," that is, the not-yet born, who will inherit the situation from us.

    As a species, we haven't learned to care that far ahead. And so I hold Joe Sixpack partly responsible too. People just don't seem to get excited about causes larger than their personal affairs any more. No marching in the streets over what we're putting on our great grandchildren...

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  7. I'd hope if the aliens were coming...we'd figure out how to overlook our differences and band together as human beings.

    it is a disney movie right?

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  8. My MIL, but I'd only like her taken up into the mothership, not offed.

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  9. Wait, was that too selfish of me?

    How 'bout a nice, generic round of Fatcats.

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  10. Weee-ellll... I would appreciate them taking out a coupla people, you know- high up, corrupt, stupid type people...
    Other than that I can't think of anyone.


    I so want to see that movie!

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  11. Let's start with the current gov't of Afgagnistan! Then we'll wipe out, er, re educate them mountain folks in the region. Then a hop and skip over to those feisty Somalian pirates...I'm saving the US for last, because, well, it's going to take a while to sort through all the crazies.

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  12. Loved monsters vs aliens!! great flick ':)

    I am terrified now of nanoprobes. scary shit that is.

    hehe... i like your use of the word asshat ;) makes me giggle...hehe

    ReplyDelete

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