Thursday, April 16, 2009

LOVE LAFFGHANISTAN STYLE

A new LAW in Laffghanistan declares that men can now demand sex from their wife(s) every four days. True story.

There are two exceptions that allow for a reprieve under extraordinary circumstances. If the woman is ill (headaches are exempt) or would be harmed by intercourse..which is ironic because if a wife refuses, her poor, blue-balled, husband may divorce her that afternoon, and have her stoned or decapitated.


This law only affects the minority sect known as the 4th Day Conjugists.



In a move designed to show how concerned they are about womens' rights, the government sprang into action and immediately introduced a PR program that would train young girls how to conduct themselves according to the new law.



This is fantastic news and gives girls something to do all day since they are not allowed to go to school. Girls are usually married around the age of 11.

On Wednesday a few dozen, brave, women boldly protested in front of nearly 1,000 angry, burka'd ladies and bearded guys who fervently support this new law.

The protesters were jeered with chants of "DOGS!" and "Slaves of Christians!"..how rude.

Outrage from the West was immediately apparent, including a protest from President Barrack Obama who deemed this law "abhorrent". The First Lady also jumped into the debate and is seen here at a women's conference discussing the impact of her husband's... er..impact.



Western men are naturally appalled that Laffghani men are gettin' mo' nookie than they are.



North American tradition dating back to the Puritannical invasion dictates that married men in the West can at best "hope" to "beg" their wives to tolerate the act of beastliness a paltry 3 days a year! Every fourth day sounds like crazy-talk!



These 3 mountumental occasions are the gentleman's Birthday, Valentine's Day, and Wedding Anniversary.



Single men are not bound by this "understanding" and are free to enjoy sexual favours from married women whenever possible.

As of Thursday, there are reports of men congregating in the thousands outside of mosques throughout North America demanding to convert.

38 comments:

  1. That third pix is very Infomanic-esque!

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  2. That should have said "last pix" instead.

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  3. Oh Hai XL!

    That's a pic of me and Old Knudsen getting it on.

    *cues Barry White musical selection*

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  4. ah....

    and how do they monitor the four day rule exactly?

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  5. Chortle, chortle, nicely observed Donn

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  6. And the bastards probably want free viagra so they can continue to punish their wives even when 'god' wills it to no longer work...

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  7. Hmmm....tough choice: Sex every 4 days or BBQ ribs.

    Is there another more progressive sect that'll let me have both the sex and the alcohol and bacon?

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  8. Who said married men don't get enough?

    Best 20 seconds my wife ever had or has or was that gets........


    Hmmm

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  9. Don, for the love of God will you please feed your fish.

    Heasaches exmept, eh? What about migraines? There's always a bloody migraine. Or a boyfriend. Or something.

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  10. Those bastards just disgust me very much!Protest women protest!And how can you married someone at the age of 11 or less i heard?There's a name for that..

    As for the rest,i'm very surprised when i hear people who don't have sex for such a long time(no names don't worry,lol)like 3 weeks or a month,I would die really!lol.

    P.S:nothing to do with the subject,but one of your fish just bite me,what did you bring back from holidays?:)

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  11. I fear there will be a lot of Bobbit inspired penis chopping because a stump isn't much use in this situation. The downside is the women will be flogged or killed for chopping off the demanding ever four days member.

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  12. So you finally converted, Kopenjz?

    It just shows that you too have feet of clay...

    *deep sigh*

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  13. You have more faces and facets (or is it faucets?) than God. As for this story I am reconsidering posting my post that I have in draft for Sunday, nah I'll do it no one ever remembers posts anyway.

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  14. OH HAI XL
    IT's close..but No cigar
    ..geddit..
    I didn't show any cigars!OH HAI

    H'EMJZAY
    Sorry..I should have asked if it was OK to post it :(

    KATHERINE
    I would imagine that they have some sort of chart up in the town square?

    SARAH
    With tongue firmly planted in my cheeky cheek my Dear

    CHICK IN DA HOOD
    They prolly don't have pennicillin or aspirin but an AK47 and a crate of Viagra goes for about five bucks.

    MR SWINGS
    Oh! If you'd like to enjoy sex, alcohol, bacon and makin' bacon, then you're talkin' about Lutherans

    MR SNAKE
    bloody Showoff!

    MR MARKSSO!
    It's your job to get around all of those tedious obstacles..that's the challenging part that "they" enjoy..I know I know it's weird but I didn't make the rules

    CANDIE
    Now you need to be careful whilst interpreting the information in my posts..it is satirical afterall. Now the Law is true but I don't know whether or not girls are allowed to stay single until they are 11...I can only hope.

    It is one of the great tragedies in this world that everybody isn't gettin' some..prolly the core reason why this place is so fercockt!

    EMMA
    WO WO WO! Loreena Bobbit is the living embodiment of the anti-mohammed in Laffghanistan! OMG they would totally freak out if they knew that over here women are allowed to chop off a man's wenis.

    GAUTAMI
    I'll have you know that in my motherland Coppens is pronounced "Kopenjz" instead of Cawpins...

    just like your name is pronounced GOTMAY..even though you refuse to accept that well known factoid

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  15. KNUDEY GAZOODY I think that you meant to say that I have more ferrets no..facets that Farrah Fawcett!

    I'm glad that you'll be posting your post on Sunday but that's no reason to brag aboot it.

    Lots of folks would rather be drinking draft and getting posted instead of getting cramps sittin in those godforsaken pews listening to the tedious drone of all that begatting and who said this and who said that.

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  16. i am still a virgin.
    doesn't concern me..

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  17. We sure are spreading freedom on Afghanistan.

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  18. Oi Don, any good at keeping sticks?

    Playing in goal I mean. We're short of a goalkeeper today. You must've played ice hockey or whatever when you were a nipper? It's the same principle.

    I reckon we can pay for an Easyjet flight to Burridge as long as it doesn't top 50 quid.

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  19. Won't the wives just outsource the 4th day to another female if it is inconvenient?

    How on earth do the powers that be persuade women to be muslim? There seems to be NOTHING in this religion for women whatsoever.

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  20. öh ... fuck?
    I do not feed your fish. That just had to be saied.

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  21. I know I should be upset by the subject of this post, but I was laughing through the entire thing. Damn you!

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  22. The sort of weemin I mix with would be a moaning and a groaning (Well a moaning and a groaning more than usual for girls)at only getting it every four days

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  23. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  24. A.A. AND THE 12 STEPS WERE NEVER OF CHRIST.
    When Dick B. began to chronicle his version of events, some important points were underemphasized or left out.

    Unintentionally, surely, but left out nonetheless. A.A. is like a pie. So much went into its origin.

    Swedenborgian influence. Spiritualism. New Thought heresies. This was not the purity of Christ, but a toxic, spiritual stew.

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  25. Donn????

    What the hell was all that about???

    You okay??? Did someone leave the door to the loonybin unlocked...

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  26. I was going to just slip in there and say that in our house we have from this day forward renamed sex "the act of beastliness."

    But then a peculiar font of repetition had me briefly waylaid.

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  27. Im not surprised at all. Cos them being a 'dumbass' clan is nothing new to the world.

    LOL @pics and the way u wrote this post...kudos to ya Donno!

    btw u've got a crazed spammer...u r a CELEBRITY woohoo! ;-)

    Keshi.

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  28. I think Dave is spot on with a few of his observations. It looks similar to the twats that spammed me, do you link to Gorilla Bananas or his friends? I have at least one suspect in yer comments. Word verification slows them doon but not giving a shit works as they are too stupid to be insulted.

    IP blockers like on the bottom of my blog works a bit but they usually work in IT and have more than one computer. Or they can just let their IP roll over.

    Trust no one.............

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  29. Was yer father the anti-christ? if so I knew his Da way back when he was one of God's best angels.

    Small world.

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  30. I see my old lonely attention seeking stalker has moved on to you!

    The cheating bastard!

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  31. He paid me a brief visit too.... I deleted his sorry ass... and will continue to do so if he returns.

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  32. and what about single girls? You fail to elaborate...

    You are Funny. :D I like the way you find humor in pain. That makes life more easy...

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  33. you get some eh ? interesting folk visiting here these days Donnnn - I'm starting to feel quite normal in comparison!

    (X)

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  34. OMG...Mona took the words right out of my mouth. Well, I can guarantee you that I would have been stoned or decapitated LONG LONG time ago....What a great laugh to start the day. Loved the picture of the older couple....Ewwwwww...that could have been MY parents...GROSS!

    Have a goodin!

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  35. Mwaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa... they want to convert do they? Don't their wives have to convert too?

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