Sunday, April 06, 2008

OZZIE OSMOND?

I knew that the apocalypse was upon upon us way back in 1972.

It was a horrible year; Watergate, Vietnam War, Munich Massacre at the Olympics, and to top it all off the first hand held calculator was introduced, but what really put me over the top was the release of the song Crazy Horses by the Osmonds!


Now I certainly never thought that there would be FIVE 'zany' Horsemen of the Apocalypse..nor did I suspect that they would be dressed in vintage 'Vegas' Elvis jumpsuits!
At first I thought that these squeaky-clean Mormons had got into the Sugar..
maybe they had broken the cardinal rule and drank some Coffee and their madcap antics were the result of freaking out on a caffeine buzz?!

Judging by the pandemonium onstage they were totally out of control..
and talk about Attack Of The Clones!

Jay's playing the empty Drum Kit by telepathy???? and doing a frenetic, Jaggeresque 'bird dance'

Wayne, who is about 7'4", is eerily channeling Jimmy Page

Merrill is shredding his vocal chords and somehow outscreaming McCartney's Woman Oh Why! Why! Why!

and Donny is beatin' on the keyboards like it owed him money!
It's as if the whole world going completely mad?
(gulp)


Throughout my school years I had to live in the shadow of Donny (sigh)...
I was a moptopped 'Donny' only 3 days older than the Tiger Beat hearthrob..
oh if only I had a nickel for every "Look it's Donny Osmond" taunting I'd be a gazillionaire!


If you are brave enough you can watch the video here..

What if the Osmonds had completely crossed over to the Dark Side and started speed thrash metal? What if Donny changed his name to Ozzy Osmond?
I shudder to think what might have happened


Before I forget, now that Hollywood Icon Charlton Heston has passed away, I wonder if some 'damn dirty ape' will be brave enough to go and try to take his gun from his cold, dead, hand?

36 comments:

  1. As dear old Charlton would have said, "If you gotta crazy horse, you gotta put it out of its misery."

    OK, I know it was about Neil Young...

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  2. My 15 year old son is my clone. We think so much alike. Today, when we discovered Charlton Heston had sloughed off this mortal coil we looked at each other and said, simultaneously, "Finally we can pry his gun from his cold, dead hand!"

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  3. Did the Partridge Family ever go metal?

    How about The Cowsills?

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  4. geoff,
    Neil Young named his band after that Osmond song!
    OK I made that up.

    andrea,
    Did you really? HAHAHAHA!
    That is sooo funny. It was the first thing that I thought when I saw it HAHAHA!

    mj,
    No the Cowsills were into HAIR Metal.

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  5. Next you'll be telling me they were into HAIR guitar.

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  6. They WERE the template for the Partridge Family weren't they?
    Yeah but did they have 120 immediate family members like the Osmonds??
    Nyeh!

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  7. Dear God. I can remember being violently sick after The Osmonds did Crazy Horses on Top Of The Pops. Now I can understand why.

    Memories come flooding back of The Osmonds documentary on telly which featured live footage of them doing a rock 'n' roll medley, where Donny played the keyboard like Jerry Lee Lewis. He bashed his hand on the keyboard and had to have a pack of ice put on it backstage.

    Mrs Osmond, the stoney faced matriach, used to frighten me to death with her bouffant and orange lipstick.

    Horrible, horrible memories. Thanks Donn.

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  8. I'd love to be a gazzilonaire..just need to know who I look like that i famous !

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  9. Just think he could have ended up going entertainingly bonkers like Michael Jackson.
    As it turns out he spends most of his time boring us to death on UK television chat shows and documentaries.
    Donny not Chas.

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  10. Donny Osmond is yummy, was on tv here not long ago, family saw him and said "who the hell is that?"...I said ...(pushing and shoving) to get closer to the screen, that's my first love. (Well, next to Kimba the White Lion).

    He has the most beautiful teeth. All his family seem to have wonderful teeth. Teeth can be hard to come by down here, down under...

    I got nicknamed by adults (at one stage) "Twiggy"...because I was so skinny, had freckles and her eyes apparently.

    Mind you I had no idea who Twiggy was, then I left school and went nursing and got called Gabby, after Gabriella Sabatini? The tennis player!

    People's perceptions are very interesting. (Actually you do look like Donny Osmond!! going by pics here)

    I didn't realise Charlton had said that about the gun(s), that statement has been played here on news, again and again.

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  11. I know that if I admit this, you are likely to reanimate Mr. Heston through the heat of sheer rage, have him part the Atlantic ocean and run me over with a razor-bladed chariot, but I .. well... I just ... I mean, I really just...

    *Wipes sweat from brow and sets chin in heroic fashion*

    I just really bloody LOVE that song.

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  12. There's something about Donny Osmond that rubs me the wrong way. He just looks like such an ass.

    I remember seeing Charlton Heston in one of Michael Moore's documentaries (I think it was Bowling for Columbine) and thought he came across as a huge jerk. When I found out he had died, I also said "Finally..."

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  13. That portrait is so disturbing that I'm going to have to go and lie down for a while in a dark room in order to meditate it away. I may be some time.

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  14. Awwwww....comon, guys, they REDEEMED themselves with that song! It really doesn't sound all that bad, sorta like the beatles REALLY on acid trying to introduce heavy metal to the masses. It had a beat, and you could mosh to it!

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  15. "Damn you all, Damn you all to hell!"


    Looks like the possibility is there!

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  16. do you still look like Donny?

    ;-)

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  17. ooh! comment moderation. . . how exciting

    XX

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  18. Oh but you're way cuter than Donny. ;p

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  19. "Hold on boys, that sounds a bit like rock and/or roll to me."

    "Aw pa, can't we do it this once. We've done our chores, put out the trash, swept the porch, planted 238acres of corn, fed grits to the hogs."

    "Just this once then, but make sure you dance like a damn chicken and I want to see those flares flapping in the wind."

    Alzheimers is a horrible way to die - not for me to say whether a right-wing gun maniac deserved it or not.

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  20. So it's Donny Osmosis now, is it?

    And you still wear those bell-bottom pants, when you take your snowmobile outfit off.

    Thanks for that blast back to the past. I couldn't listen to more than half of it, though.

    And thnk you too, for mentioning Heston and his cold dead hand. Do you remember that scene from the Moore movie, Michael trying to interview him and him refusing to debate the gun law?

    Excellent post...

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  21. Darn, now I have Crazy Horses as an earworm. I've spent several decades trying to blank out my childhood crush on Donny!

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  22. With a last name that sounds similar to Osmond, my mum, as an elementary school teacher way back then got asked if she was Donny Osmond's mother. She would smile and say, "no, I am married to him" because my father's name was Don. And that would throw all the kids in the school for a loop! Great for a laugh!

    I am the same age as good ole Donny as well (both Donnys I guess - Osmond and Osmosis) but can't say I really liked him (or them as a group) much back then. I don't think I ever had a crush on a teen idol, really. Seemed like such a waste of energy to swoon over someone you would never meet.

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  23. there is so much wrong with this i can't even.....

    YOU POSTED A YOUTUBE OF THE OSMONDS!
    GOOD GOD MAN HAVE YOU GONE MAD?

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  24. BETTY
    Mrs Osmond has 120 people to feed at Christmas. HA! She prolly still looks exactly the same.

    You have to admit that they atleast gave it a try.

    CAZZIE
    E-mail your head shot to that celebrity lookalike show and find out.

    KAZ,
    Good point. Donny didn't lose it like his rival and that is something to be proud of...odd how the Osmonds were Mormons and the Jacksons were JWs...still when Michael makes his big comeback in Vegas it will be the biggest show on earth..EVER!

    SIENNA
    The Osmonds all had those huge chompers..After meeting David Bowie backstage on Carson Don Rickles said that he didn't know whether to kiss him or give him a lump of sugar.

    ANNA
    Poor Charlton..have you ever noticed that he took the right to BARE arms to heart..he was shirtless in every movie that he ever made.

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  25. SPENTRAILS
    Aw c'mon he looks so happy! Atleast he isn't out robbing 7/11s like all those other child stars..I wonder why he doesn't have his own reality series?


    THE MICHAEL
    Is someone paying you to say this?
    Perhaps one of the Osmonds is in your kitchen right now..tap once for yes...

    WHITESNAKE
    That ape kissing freak is going straight to heaven..he was MOSES for gawdsake!

    I STILL HEART
    No I don't look like Donny anymore (sigh) now I look like his Mom.

    IRENE
    How are you? You are so very kind. Thank you for massaging my ego. A+

    MALC
    HAHAHA! That's hilarious. I always wondered how they convinced the old man to go HEAVY!

    Poor Charlton..he was the MAN back in the day..he had a good run.

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  26. WITHERED
    I remember watching it with you..what an old coot eh? Moore was lucky that he didn't get an ass full of buckshot.

    LLEWTRAH
    A-HA! I never realised that the Osmonds were so big across the pond? WHY?

    PONY
    Teeny bopper girls have practice romances with horses and teen idols in preparation for dating...you must have stuck with the horse.

    FIRST NATIONS
    I may have finally snapped my bolt? I don't even remember how I started thinking about this...now my little guy nearly pees his pants when we watch the crazy Jagger-Bird Dance...

    I can't really explain it but it felt cathartic...perhaps it is my passive-aggressive way at getting back at Donny for stealing my thunder.

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  27. Well, actually, Mr. Osmosis, I didn't get my first horse until I was 34.... so there goes that theory! A little past the bopper stage at that point. Ha!

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  28. PONYGIRK
    Yup..right out the window.

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  29. ...sorry, a quick glance will confirm that the K is right beside the L.

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  30. so why no picture of you as a kid to prove your point...?!?

    i'm off to watch the video.

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  31. ANGEL
    I sort of did..
    subconsciously I was worried that I looked more like Marie Osmond!

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  32. As much as I am ashamed to say this...I use to have that album...pffft! As well as all of the Donny Osmond posters in my room. I truly thought that one day I would be come Mrs. Donny Osmond. Then I pulled my head out of my ass and saw the light...LOL

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  33. JILLIE
    There's no shame in that..you and 50 million other girls all made the same wish.
    NEVER say NEVER!

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  34. Why indeed *rolls eyes*

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  35. That video goes a long way toward explaining Warren Jeffs.

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