Wednesday, January 06, 2010


rehashed from March 08

Don't worry I'm not going to ask you to tell me your favorite Big Screen Smooch..
you can if you want to...
but, have you ever wondered if we homo escapeons simply mimic passionate "Movie" kissing or is that type of kissing natural?

Once you have seen one of these torrid smooches on a giant screen aren't you disappointed if you don't receive an earth-moving Kiss?

This same logic dictates the reason that ordinary people should NOT watch porn.

The success of do-it-yourself sites like YouPorn prove once and for all that regular folks will be devastatingly discouraged by their 'shortcomings' if they try to mimic the Herculean performances of the Pros...
not to mention the abscence of all those ridiculously embelleshed 'bits' on display that most of us are neither born with n'or can we afford to implant them.

Do you suppose that prehistorical Cavemen tried hanging upside down or rolling in the surf having slurpy kisses?

Back in 1967 the author of The Naked Ape, Desmond Morris, suggested that mutual sexual gratification (Ladies Stop Laughing) was the key to securing a pair bond which was essential for successfully raising offspring.

He said that our species evolved by choosing mates with less hair and therefore more errogenous zones, female breasts became portruding, hemispherical, eye-magnets to divert the males attention to the front, so that we could invent the missionary position, which developed as a way to make reproducing more enjoyable.....
and it was easier to kiss.

OK scrub your brains and let's try to focus on just Kissing..oh wait....
This Kiss/Sex thingamabob reminds me of my favorite scene in Monty Python's Meaning Of Life when John Cleese is teaching Sex-Ed to the remarkably, disinterested, pupils.

Whilst discussing foreplay he says,

"What's wrong with a kiss, boy?
Why not start her off with a nice kiss?
You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate.
Give her a kiss, boy ."

According to Wiki;

-Anthropologists haven't reached a consensus as to whether Kissing is a learned or instinctive behavior

-Kissing may may be related to grooming behavior or may be the result of mammalian mothers premasticating..that's MASTICATING..
food for their children in order to recognize biological dangers to their offspring

-Kissing allows prospective mates to smell and taste each other's hornymones (also know as pheromones) for biological compatibility

-Ladies are subconsciously more attracted to men whose major histocompatibility complex portion of their genome is different from their own; leading to offspring with resistance to a greater number of diseases due to heterosis, and thus having a better chance of survival...
which is why we put the kibosh on Kissin' Cousins!

This explains why couples are more likely to bond if they have the right chemistryThis tedious examination sort of takes all the mystery out of Life doesn't it?

So the hell with that.
Q. Of all the kisses that you've ever had, what percentage of those would be face-sucking, skull-drilling, take-me-now, make-me-lose-control, lip locking...
and how often do you want it?


  1. i've always wondered about that. about kissing, mimicking off the screen.

  2. How often do I want.......what was the question again?

  3. kissing is akin to gut-reaction

    which makes perfect sense if you think we evolved from starfish-like creatures and worms, the mouth testing everything out before it enters the body cavity. . . way before a brain got in on the act

    (and, as you say, it's also important for getting right upfront with those pheremones and hormones)

    in 31 years of kissing, I've only met a handful of men who knew how to do it right! and given the chance again with one of them, I wouldn't bother to come up for air

    (personally speaking, lips, tongues, taste, feel, mouths, even swapping saliva: it's all a huge turn on - and we all know that during the female orgasm a woman's body releases oxytocin, so that is also what bonds and keeps the chemistry going. . .)

  4. Fascinating. But as with most other things, I think the scientificky world is over-analysing.

    I agree with Desmond Morris. I think sexual gratification (aka "chemistry") is essential to a complete bonding.

    And part of that includes the totally subjective judging of the quality of one's kiss.

    Women love to be kissed. And if they find a man who loves to kiss them, and they like the feel of that kiss, well...

    Bingo Bango Bongo.

    There is nothing more intimate than the kiss. It can't be overrated.

    It's face to face, the closest you will ever get to that person's mind and heart, the most passionate expression of all, and everything follows after that.

    Having said all that, I think I should add that I read somewhere that all those big kiss scenes in Gone With the Wind were sheer hell for wotshername, because Clark Gable had false teeth and bad breath or something like that.

    Who'd of thunk it? Women know. They know.

  5. Kissing is wonderful in life and on the screen.
    If it's good on the screen it's very sexy - as soon as they take their clothes off you start wondering about the all the technicians and what the actors' girl/boyfriends think and it loses it.
    Mwaaah XXX

  6. Oh, we women know, all right.... having experiences those deep, passionate, never-come-up-for-air, make-me-weak-in-the-knees and take-me-now-kinds of kisses, I want it and it want it now.... and everyday, please.... because nothing gets me more up close and personal with the man I care for better than great kissing... it is one of the best kinds of foreplay - at least, for me - although everything else is really, really good too!

    Kissin' ain't over-rated in my books... unless you are really bad at it... then I don't even want to go there.

    But good oral hygiene is a must - for both parties.... and false teeth are gross! Eeeewwwww!

  7. What did you say?

    I can't hear you over WW's incessant bongo playing.

  8. ok ok ok, I do love a good smooch LOL

  9. after reading all the comments, now i miss kissing.
    er, what did i just admitted? :(

  10. If it didn't feel good, we wouldn't do it. The lips are ever bit as much of a sex organ as any other. They aren't that flexible and sensitive to draw in spaghetti.

  11. I've never been kissed. It's kinda pathetic, really...thanks for the reminder.

  12. mutual sexual gratification?


    can't stop laughing...

    LOLOL sorry... be back soon as I stop LOLing...


  13. Kisses sweeter than wine...actually I've never kissed a boy/guy that didn't give good kiss!

    My first "kiss" was at the back of the shelter shed at school, a heap of us just being kids, my friend and I both about 6, he was seated and I walked over to him and just kissed him on the lips. He I guess it was okay from his view too. We had been friends from day one, he held my hand in school breaks and I adored him. A very innocent kind of love, but we thought we loved each other.

    I shifted towns and never saw him again...then the first time a boy ever kissed me was when I was about 12, (could be a 6 year pattern of increments here)and I am married to a great kisser (among other things! :))

    Kissing is wonderful, hope I'm still at it at a 100.

  14. Desmond Morris is a sex-obsessed nutter. I was once invited to be panelist on radio show. Morris was also on the panel so I refused. More recently a project I have been working on with researchers in the USA and Canada decided not to have anything to do with Morris because he is seems to be a nutjob. As for moving attention to the front so we could enjoy the missionary position, there were lots of cultures that didn't use that position. When we became upright our anatomy shifted in general, probably side effects of one of other genetic mutation. If you look at non-Western women, many don't have attractive pneumatic boobs.

    Desmond Morris - a cigarette is that shape because of basic rules of physics, not because it's a penis symbol (who'd want a penis symbol that shrinks over several minutes?) A big fat cigar isn't an even bigger penis symbol, it is a status symbol.

    Sorry, I really can't believe that nutjob has just published his highly skewed book about women. A serious genetic error has already been noted in it, which shows he really doesn't have a clue.

  15. Most of my kisses are of the soft gentle kind. If they lead to the lip locked violent kind then go me!

  16. spontaneous kissing that leads to more kissing that leads to still more kissing which leads to kissing other bits that we won't talk about here.

  17. oooooooo I love kissing - big slurpy snogging - everyday please.

  18. MISTI
    Don't you think that it's Monkey See Monkey Do? We would have to isolate a boy and a girl from society and see what they do...well we know what they'd do but would they kiss like Movie Stars do?

    HA! The male brain is so easy to manipulate ((Click))

    31 years and only a handful! Wow that's sad eh? I've seen a lot of docs that prove that women can pick out the guy that they 'like' by just smelling his T Shirt. Those hornymones are powerful things.
    Thank You for the scientificky explanation.

    Bingo Bango Bongo indeed!
    Bingo Bango Bongo?

    I do that too..unless it's Monica Bellucci..where was I..unlike Pornos in REAL movies there is an army of technicians in the room and it must be impossible for the male actors to NOT all of the prophylactic precautions aside I doubt that any of them can tell their significant other that it was just another day at the office. HELLO!

    XXXX Mwah!

    Oddly enough removing false teeth presents a unique yes well. I'm certain that as we age we get use to having a myriad of 'parts' to remove (or strap on) before we engage in the horizontal mambo...what are ya gonna do?

  19. MJ
    HAHA I have no idea where he came up with that phrase.
    I imagine that he does it in the altogether and baked like his idol Matthew McConaughey.

    Who doesn't? This world would be much better place if there was more smoochin' goin' on. I wonder if anyone ever listed the kissiest countries in the world?

    Awww..go find somebody to can always close your eyes and pretend...I hear that it happens all the time.

    Oops did I say anything about a 'wet noodle'. If it feels good DO IT. That was a mantra back in the 60s...reminds me of Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In.
    You bet yer Bippy!

    Have you seen The 40 Year Old Virgin? There is an old Yiddish addage that states 'There's a Lid for every Pot'..that someone special is out there just waiting for ya to sweep her off of her feet.

    I don't believe you anyway.

    HAHAHAH..if it wasn't true would I have printed it?..that is the funniest theory that I have ever heard...HAHAHA
    He 'kills' me.
    Hoo what a hoot.

    I can still remember being torn between Joanne and Yolande back in Gr 1
    I think that the matter was settled when I tried to kiss Joanne in the sandbox and hit Yolande in the head wiith a stick during recess. Those were simpler times.

    WOW! How the mighty have fallen? I have never encountered such a reaction to Desie (Nutter) Morris.
    I always imagined that he became popular in the 60s because of the No Sex Please We're British rule.

    It's true that our parts in the Southern Hemisphere shifted when we became upright..when the Ladies became upright..and certain adjustments would have been more conducive. I am intrigued by all of the 'cheating' applications that we developed to spread the wealth.

    I have never been asked to be on a radio panel..I just get hauled in for Police Line-Ups.

    Go You! You are a soft gentle soul then eh? nice for you SO.
    Did I say violent? That sounds awful.

    Other bits?! My Word! What's wrong with a little kiss boy?

    My wish for you is that you get lots and lots of big wet slurpy snogging every day.
    We Colonials are intrigued by the term 'snogging' because it sounds so naughty.
    Do people across the pond ever say Snog Off?

  21. ok thay just went past me like psttttttt...phew phew phew... coz ive never kissed any gal in mah life. :(

  22. This Blog Pash-t of ur's made me feel like a pre-historic dynasaur. I hvnt been kissed like this in a 100yrs DONN!


  23. "youporn"... seriously!!?!
    i reckon about a third of the kisses i've had are like that, and i want it all the time!

  24. How do you know about YouPorn? uh huh. =P

  25. GHOSTAY!
    C'mon what are you waiting for? You're kidding right..


    You need to get kissed like that..what a waste...I can only dish out nice little 'brotherly' kisses out here because all of my big ones are for my very special Good Lady Wife.

    We gotta find You (and GHOSTAY) a great kisser pronto!

    One third is awesome! Way to go!
    Who doesn't?

    SUSANNITY I read about it? *blush
    OK OK They wouldn't post my video because of some protest by the Canadian Chiropractic Association..they said it would be too dangerous for the general public to try and duplicate my performance...

  26. I don't care anything about playing big screen and making out like it's been portrayed.

    Kissing, multiple light butterfly kisses on the lips, are nice.

    I don't need to play tonsil hockey to get turned on.

    And don't get me started on playing porn star.

  27. There are screen-kissing techniques and crash courses, chances for improvement and all, because the more experienced you get, the better the kiss is, I think.

    And once I've smelled my good kisser mate's hornymones... i want it all the time!

  28. This is a fine study that I have taken the liberty of referencing in my own recent treatise on the subject of the evolution of kisses from kissy-lipped fishes.

    My only caveat is that Desmond Morris himself appears not to have evolved much beyond the level of Homo erectus; his theories should be taken with a cold shower.

  29. I dated a boy in high school...the best looking boy in school. It lasted for 3 months. He was the sloppiest, disgusting kisser ever! I tried soooo hard to teach him. He was just so pretty, I didn't want to give him up. But, finally. I just couldn't take it anymore. At my 20 year reunion, he attended. My god that man had aged well! But, I'm convinced he hasn't gotten any better in the kissing department.

  30. erm, I seem to have already made the pertinent comment that I was going to provide you with

  31. "Bingo Bango Bongo"???

    Kissing is the best thing in the world. I think I read somewhere or saw it on the Discovery Channel (where I see everything) that the lips have like jillions of nerve endings, only certain genital areas have more nerve endings than our lips.

    Kissing provides an opportunity to test the hornymones of the opposite sex before we commit to 2nd or 3rd base and then the rest of our lives with that person, but it also provides the pleasure of smelling our baby's wonderful baby smell, or our puppy's puppy smell. It's a great excuse to get closer and smell those we love.

    BTW I vote for Clark Gable and what's-her-face.


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