Wednesday, April 16, 2008

IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM,
SHOOT 'EM


Is there anything cuter than a baby seal? I doubt it. In 2006 the Canadian Department of Fisheries and Seal Beating, restricted the number of White Coats and Beaters that could be assassinated to a paltry 325,000...
plus 10,000 victims for those geographically impoverished 'Eskimos' who refuse to move South, join the 21st Century, and just buy all of their food and clothing at a store like the rest of us...la di da!


Seals eat Cod. The Cod stocks collapsed because we overfished and eviscerated the Grand Banks..which if you recall, once had so much Cod that it literally slowed down John Cabot's ship.
Anyway despite scientific evidence to the contrary, the remaining East Coast Fishermen who stubbornly refuse to move to Alberta and work in the Oil Fields, blame the "f*ckin' Seals" and naturally want to "beat the sh*t out of those little f*cking bastards for ruining our f*cking way of life!"

Cod are "ugly f*ckin' fish" but very hard to club..whereas baby Seals, known as white coats, ragged coats and beaters , are unable to swim and ridiculously easy to beat because they just sit there and call for their Mommy.
In a last ditch effort to save the Canadian Seal Beating Industry, the Government is banning the use of the handy HAKAPIK and forcing the Whackers to shoot them.
"You can't compare the emotional release of beating the sh*t out of those f*cking little cod gluttons to just shootin' 'em...where is the fun in that?"
Although the Canadian Government has failed to recognise that the Seal Whacking Industry is unavoidably destined to join the ranks of Canadian Cat Hanging and Puppy Stomping Industries, they are hoping that this gesture will appease the Animal Rights Nutjobs and that this PR Nightmare will all just go away.
Hopefully the rest of the East Coasters have enough common sense to give up and just move to Alberta to work in the Oil Fields.
My six year old saw this picture and gasped,
"Why is he hurting that cute little Seal?"
I said,
"Son, that f*cking guy is very angry and he is going to beat the sh*t out of that f*cking little greedy cod gobbling sonofabitch for ruining his f*cking life...
and then he's going to make f*cking slippers out of him"
To which my little guy replied,
"Well I don't need Seal Beater slippers, I have Sponge Bob Slippers."
Case closed..
and no I didn't really talk to my Son like that.

18 comments:

  1. Just a little criticism - "cute" is NOT a guy word.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Those look like WW's slippers.

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  3. why are they out there clubbing innocent SpongeBobs for slippers, coppens? you don't have an answer for that, do ya? I guess if Spongebob were a cute baby seal you'd care. but no. LETS JUST GO OUT ON THE ICEPACK AND SMACK A BUNCH OF SPONGEBOBS IN THE HEAD LA DI DA NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE SPONGEBOBS

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  4. i don't get why they're still killing seals... the world is so anti-fur!

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  5. Correction, America is so anti-fur

    I'm going to refrain for further commenting but I have to say

    LEAVE THE SPONGEBOBS ALONE!

    ReplyDelete
  6. What - You mean Heather Mills McCartney didn't manage to scare them enough.
    I thought they would stop immediately after one word from her ladyship.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You're killinmg me here (as opposed to the seals and Spongebobs). If I only smiled before then your last paragraph wrenched the evil LOL (a 'term' I never use) out of me. Bastard.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Damn, and I thought American's were mean!

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  9. Well don't that beat em all!

    Sigh!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Now you've done it. You've made me cry!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh dios mio what a bloody post to return to! Well, is there room for an Animal Rights nutjob here?

    *sniff* 'n *SOB* I tell ya!

    I missed you my dear... FO SHO and then some...

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  12. VICUS
    You forgot to say,
    "I hope this helps."
    Yes. Yes it does.

    MJ
    and how would you know that?
    Oh yeah he posts pictures of his shoe closet every week.

    FIRST NATIONS
    I adore SpongeBob, even though Vicus will recoil in horror that I used the term adore, but i am always so worried about his sidekick Patrick. What will ever become of him if Sponge Bob moved?

    ANGEL
    Because. That's their answer. Because we've been doing it for a couple hundred years so why should we stop? DUH!

    CYBERPETE
    Do you have a poster of Tommy Lee with the caption "Ink, NOT Mink" on your bedroom wall?

    ReplyDelete
  13. KAZ
    It was hilarioous to see the Maccas attacked by the Pup that they had wriggled up to for a phopto op..I'll bet the Paul was ready to use her leg to whack it if it got any closer.

    ANDREA
    Ta-Da! Now if only I can get you to snort I will die a happy man.

    THE MICHAEL
    You see this is the result of all of our pent up passive aggression..instead of taking on the Taliban we take out are frustrations on small immobile fur bearing doe eyed fluffy mammals. Weird eh?

    WHITESNAKE
    It's prolly up there with the casual attitude that some Aussies have about hitting Roos on the road..Cane Toads I could handle.

    ANNA
    Oh Oh I'm sorry. The whole thing is just so ludicrous and absurd that my revulsion exploded in a sarcastic rebuke...sorry.

    MIZZY BOHEME
    Yes there is plenty of room for a Animal Rights Nutjob..I can't believe that our country, Greenland, Norway, Russia, and Namibia...NAMIBIA!? are the countries listed as seal hunting Nations...how embarrassing to be on this list in the 21st Century. Who are the marketing wizards counselling the Government to go along with this atrocious event to protect a 'way-of'life' and a few thousand votes in the next election.

    ReplyDelete
  14. **Is there anything cuter than a baby seal?

    yes, ME.


    ok jokes apart, I hate ppl who r cruel to animals. I cant stand such ppl and if I get a chance, I'd like to beat such ppl with a thorny stick!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I totally believe in killing animals for fashion

    just not spongebobs

    ReplyDelete
  16. It's not truly a meal if you don't beat it to a bloody pulp and eat it raw while planning your next Branch Davidian fun getaway.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Actually it just kinda leaves me speechless.

    I was on a pier the other day, watching some fishermen come in from fishing and a seal was swimming around and looking pretty happy, the guys gut the fish and the little seal gets a right royal feed all to itself-no idea where it's mates are?

    I am so glad who I am, and not a seal clubber/shooter killer....

    "Hi Pam, whatchya been doing?"

    "Oh, nuthin' much, just clubbing to death a few of those doggone baby seals....again...."

    "Whattayou been upta?"

    "Oh, same old, same old, harpooning those bloody whales"

    Fair dinkum DonnHE, some days mate..??

    Pam

    PS The photo thingy is hilarious! (Your pics that flicker thru time-not the seals !)

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm peed off that fur is back on the fashion catwalk. There's been a big increase in fur trimmed clothing over here :(

    And if we really want cod stocks to recover we should stop overfishing, not use the depletion as an excuse to kill anything that competes with us fish. I despair of humans. In Australia, indigenous kangaroos are killed becasue they compete for pasture with introduced sheep (whose hard hooves erode the soil).

    On the other hand, the RSPCA in the UK are saying we can't cull the recently introduced pest species grey squirrels that are eating nestlings and spreading squirrel pox to native red squirrels (lethal to reds, but not to greys).

    ReplyDelete

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