Is there anything cuter than a baby seal? I doubt it. In 2006 the Canadian Department of Fisheries and Seal Beating, restricted the number of White Coats and Beaters that could be assassinated to a paltry 325,000...
plus 10,000 victims for those geographically impoverished 'Eskimos' who refuse to move South, join the 21st Century, and just buy all of their food and clothing at a store like the rest of us...la di da!
Seals eat Cod. The Cod stocks collapsed because we overfished and eviscerated the Grand Banks..which if you recall, once had so much Cod that it literally slowed down John Cabot's ship.
Anyway despite scientific evidence to the contrary, the remaining East Coast Fishermen who stubbornly refuse to move to Alberta and work in the Oil Fields, blame the "f*ckin' Seals" and naturally want to "beat the sh*t out of those little f*cking bastards for ruining our f*cking way of life!"
Cod are "ugly f*ckin' fish" but very hard to club..whereas baby Seals, known as white coats, ragged coats and beaters , are unable to swim and ridiculously easy to beat because they just sit there and call for their Mommy.
In a last ditch effort to save the Canadian Seal Beating Industry, the Government is banning the use of the handy HAKAPIK and forcing the Whackers to shoot them.
"You can't compare the emotional release of beating the sh*t out of those f*cking little cod gluttons to just shootin' 'em...where is the fun in that?"
Although the Canadian Government has failed to recognise that the Seal Whacking Industry is unavoidably destined to join the ranks of Canadian Cat Hanging and Puppy Stomping Industries, they are hoping that this gesture will appease the Animal Rights Nutjobs and that this PR Nightmare will all just go away.
Hopefully the rest of the East Coasters have enough common sense to give up and just move to Alberta to work in the Oil Fields.
My six year old saw this picture and gasped,
"Why is he hurting that cute little Seal?"
"Son, that f*cking guy is very angry and he is going to beat the sh*t out of that f*cking little greedy cod gobbling sonofabitch for ruining his f*cking life...
and then he's going to make f*cking slippers out of him"
To which my little guy replied,
"Well I don't need Seal Beater slippers, I have Sponge Bob Slippers."
and no I didn't really talk to my Son like that.