Sunday, March 23, 2008

ANGRRRRR MISMANAGEMENT

This is my confessional song. I, unfortunately, am quite Passive-Aggressive and I HATE IT!
That's why I like Blogging, it allows me the opportunity to openly express ANGER and FRUSTRATION! Oh sure I still get to blame the world for my problems, but venting is stage one of taming the nature of the beast. I am getting better at 'exploding'...atleast out here.

According to Wiki;
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE-BEHAVIOR is a defense mechanism that can manifest itself as resentment, stubborness, procrastination, sulleness, or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is assumed, often explicitly, to be responsible. Basically the most TEDIOUS character traits in the Universe!

Willful witholding of understanding and blaming others is said to be more often than not, only partly conscious. I don't believe that because I am now fully aware of my shortcomings...which only makes it worse.

Ironically, PAB is believed to stem from a specific childhood stimulus like overbearing parental figures...SEE you can blame it on someone else!

Maybe that's why I always enjoyed the company of people who have emotional outbursts in public..flash fires of incoherence... and then they are done with it. How cool is that. Instead of massaging grievances and regrets for 40 years it's over. Finito. I've been getting back at people for two generations who don't even know that I am even mad at them! How stupid is that?

Someday soon I hope to be able to just 'tear a new one' and scream and lambaste everybody..especially the people that I love. Instead of sulking around and hoping that they figure out how f*cking mad I am, I'll just let 'er rip and be done with it.
It just seems a lot more practical and efficient.

Are you any good at getting mad?

32 comments:

  1. Unfortunately, I'm the queen of passive aggressive behaviour. Don't like confrontation or anything that seems like bad manners. I suppose I WOULD blame my parents (see!) or my mother more specifically, as she "didn't like to make a fuss" about anything and made herself a martyr and bore grudges for years on end. She'd go into monumental sulks. I won't go that far, but it is a female speciality, sulking. There are lots of women who can remember being slighted thirty years ago and have never sent that person a birthday card or invitation since because of it!

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  2. I am the empress of anger mismanagement. My angers simply pours forth. At that instant, I do not what I am saying. I have tried my best to curb it and succeeded too, to a small extent.

    Not for me, the shimmering rage. Sulking is a big no, no! I cool down fast. From my anger, that is!!

    *grin*

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  3. Hey, why don't you come over here and accuse me of being angry, if you think you are so bloody clever.

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  4. I am very good at getting angry and even better at expressing it. I don't bottle things up - what good would that do? Confrontation is necessary for conflict resolution. The problem is that I can have a sharp tongue when I'm angry and later regret my words - but I'm getting better at controlling that.

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  5. any goo..ANY GOOD! why you little moose...grrr..

    nice post.

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  6. Oooooo PICK ME!! I'm good at it! As kooky as my family is -- there is never any doubt of who is pissed at whom. My husband comes from a very quiet and very passive aggressive family. His comment on the comparison is that my family is "fun crazy" while his family is just crazy.

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  7. Like Anna above, I am excellent at getting angry. When I do, I become even more polite and quieter but I get to the points and go for the throat. I don't like to sulk and people who do bother me because I'm thinking "What the hell is wrong with him/her?" Just come out and express yourself when you're angry, you don't have to be impolite or scream or hit anybody but you do need to express it, you owe it to yourself and others. Taking a deep breath here...

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  8. I find that pretending to be one of those people who has passionate outbursts in public sometimes works. Mind you, it works better if you've been in Italy for any length of time beforehand. The Italians are quite good at the shouting at the stranger sitting next to them thing, usually over some minor invasion of personal space. Maybe it's the pasta?

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  9. Did I write that?
    No, I definitely would have remembered.

    Gee Donn, that sounds an awful lot like myself. And I too am aware of my short comings. I kind of enjoy the game of cat and mouse where the receiver of my anger needs to figure out the intensity of my anger before I unleash.
    But once they have received all the clues, I unleash an anger so fierce the fear of God is sometimes bestowed upon their annoying souls.
    So, what classification do the statistics and psychologists put me in again? PAB?
    Sounds good, crack open one of those Pab Blue Ribbons. On wait, that is Pabst...same thing.
    Give me a beer!

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  10. OMG OMG OMG I wanted to write a post on Anger next and my title was D-Anger Manangement! And when I saw this post of ur's this morning, I was so darn shocked that u wrote along the same lines and a similar title too! *drops dead from shock*

    Well my Anger is never mismanaged..I just let it it out as it should be ;-)

    i.o.w. Im a screaming witch when Im super angry. BEWARE!

    Keshi.

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  11. I don't know if I am abnormal or not, but I have the tendency to keep a fairly tight rein on my anger and try to reason things out with whomever it is that I want to kill! I am pretty laid back and easy going, though, so it takes an incredible amount of stupidity to get me that worked up.

    I have been known, on rare occasions, to actually have an outburst, but for the most part it is controlled and discussed and hopefully resolved. I have also been known to just turn on my heel and walk away to avoid homicide. There are times when I know it is better to just bite my tongue and leave, or someone will die - either from my words slashing them or from me attempting to beat their brains to a pulp!

    Not every lady-like, I know, but then I am a cowgirl and a tomboy, and physically strong enough to hold my own. Probably why I tend to either talk or turn away.... better than bloodshed! ;-D

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  12. Let's you and me go downtown and get rip-roaring drunk, then head back to the park where we tied all our significant others to trees and lamp posts, and put on a production of "What we REALLY think about all you morons and why we don't give a shit anymore if we piss you all off...."

    If I could EVEN conceive of what to do after THAT, I'd really be serious about this idea.

    Here's a toast to you, my PAg friend!

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  13. Oh, I don't do well with people being passive-aggressive. Then again, pure aggression is not so pretty, either. You know there is a middle ground of appropriate assertiiveness and non-destructive anger. I'm just saying.

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  14. betty,
    I know what you mean about the bad form...to lose it seems so undignified however fantastic it must feel. If I was the receiver of such dramatic display I would relish the 50 year program that I would devise to retaliate.

    gautami,
    Shimmering rage sounds awesome. Does the image of the terrified recipient stick in your mind forever? I always worry about the thin skinned suddenly finding a deep inner strength and launching a good left hook. HA!

    vicus,
    I must confesss that it is unnerving to share the planet with such a well rounded individual.

    anna,
    I suppose that someone has found a way to calmly discuss issues even while they are enraged. That would be a Zen like experience to sail your little tongue through a storm.

    ghostay,
    I will never live down that Moose post eh?

    hi mutha,
    Opposites attract. I think that people who are raised to suck it up are genuinely astonished that someone can get away with cutting loose. I mean parents put a lot of time and effort into perfecting these traits.

    carmie,
    Oooh. You sound so together. Take a deep breath and now exhale. I'm not incurable and I appreciate your suggestion. It's not easy to admit that you're not perfect out here...where you can pretend to be but I like exposing these personal blights every so often to clear the air. It's cathartic.

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  15. "Put 'em up, put 'em up!"

    (said in Cowardly Lion voice)

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  16. spentrails,
    HA! So true. My oldest daughter loved working in a Restaurant operated by a hot blooded Mediterranean Family. She thought that it was fantastic how they just exploded and cleared the air and it was done.

    frank,
    We are legion for we are many. Part of our cultural ingredient is that stiff upper lip from the Motherland. Think of the scene in the Meaning Of Life while the Officers are trying to maintain a sense of proper decorum in the midst of a Zulu attack.
    I just think that we haven't quite thought through the other part of the recipe which is the proverbial turning the other cheek...I think that I'm turning the wrong cheek?

    keshi,
    Tell me something that I didn't know..why do you think that I am always so endearing? I would run and hide for a thousand years if you ever unleashed your inner Tigress on me...just kidding..you don't scare me!

    I think that respect has a lot to do with it. Somehow we gauge our response by how much respect we have for our opponent...some dumbass gets the full typhoon and a decent person who is simply WRONG gets by with a logical retort.

    ponygirl,
    I hear ya! Situational Ethics dictate whether to induce the fight, ignore, or flight response and the severity of the rebuke.
    Some battles are lost before they begin and usually losing your temper is a sign that you've already lost.

    Office politics are tricky. Sometimes you win a battle and lose the war...it's like a giant chess game. You need to be able to see the next move.

    THE michael,
    HA! I didn't say that I was suicidal! If by significant others you mean fellow Earthlings then I vote for a definite maybe...the getting drunk part for sure.
    However if you meant the angels who gave up the best years of their lives to enrich our pathetic undeserving lives then NO.
    (*she reads this every day)

    citizen of the world,
    OK no fair because you are a trained professional. Anyway you know that we're all a little bit of everything...sort of..and I agree with your Zenlike Middle Path although I see scant evidence of that in the everyday world.

    I saw a report on Forgiveness the other day and those that do live longer, healthier, lives. The poor, childish, bastards that nurture a 40 year PA plan just get ulcers and have heart attacks and Oh crap this is all just about being mature isn't it?
    Crap!

    MJ,
    BOO!
    "Just to register emotion, jealousy, devotion
    And really feel the part
    I could stay young and chipper
    And I'd lock it with a zipper
    If I only had a heart!"

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  17. hum...ive been stereotyping again im sorry...sigh...

    the moose is a magnificent creature you know...everytime a dog tries to attack me on the road, i just think of the moose and ignore the little twit that barks at me.

    :D

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  18. The Hubster displays passive/aggressive behavior all the time and I hate it! And oh Maan, Stubborn is his middle name. I have managed though after a mere 35 years, to break him of sulking for days on end during an argument.

    He broods forever until he finally gets pissed off. arghh.

    I get angry very quickly and blow up...love to scream and yell and get everything out of my system. Then it's over and ten minutes later I can't even remember what I was upset about.

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  19. thats so true Donn!

    btw I aint ever gonna unleash my roaring Tigress on ya Donn - ur too good a mate for that. Ok mebbe just my sweet cuddly coochi-coing Tigress? :):)

    Keshi.

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  20. Lately I have been good at getting mad and then getting over it, knowing that my anger only hurts me. Anger is is the essence darkness.. throwing more darkness does not overcome it but sending the lightness of forgiveness does much more.

    OK... enough of my bullshit... LOL!

    Love and hugs to you Donn!

    If you don't comment on my blog... I am gonna be really angry... LOL. jk jk jk

    Hugs

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  21. I'm the worst sulker in the world

    being angry doesn't work for me or those around me; mind you sulking doesn't either

    I've tried that whole *being assertive*" bit, you know "I feel angry because yadda yadda yadda" and that didn't work for the people around me either

    maybe they are the ones who aren't good with my anger?

    it's all too confusing

    *goes back to the big sulk*

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  22. I have a tendency to fly off the handle

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  23. ghostay,
    Do you get attacked by dogs quite often? Since I have a pet Moose they rarely bother me. Did you know that those huge antlers act like a parabolic dish that increases their hearing by 20%!
    I am a real nerd eh?

    jocelyn,
    I see a trend forming already. Sulkers 4 screamers 10...and their isn't much sympathy for the rage impaired..in fact it seems to exascerbate the situation.
    I'm switching to the other side.

    keshi,
    Grrrrooovy!

    kindness,
    Atta girl! You've come full circle and adopted the Middle Path of Enlightenment. You are now officially a 5 (self actualized) on Maslow's chart.

    i still heart the view,
    Does Guiness Book of Records know that you are the 'worst'?

    ziggi,
    HA! The secret to your serenity revealed...I would think that a good stiff broom would come in handy during a heated debate.

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  24. yup, I have my own entry on page 228 of the 2008 edition, halfway down on the left hand side

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  25. when i was 10, i was attached by a dog taller than me...yep...and from then onwards...no animal big or small is my friend...even if i love them. :(

    the antlers are antenna's!!! u gotta be kidding...you are a NERD!

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  26. I still heart the view,
    Oh yeah there you are..great picture! Even if you are sulking.

    ghostay,
    That's too bad about the other animals.
    I LOVE animals, they taste great!

    HA I'm quoting uber outdoorsman and politically Right of Attila the Hun, ol rocker Ted Nugent.

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  27. I don't get angry,
    I get annony so I have no frigging idea what ya on about!

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  28. I have been known, on occasion, to blow my top. But generally I'm fairly calm, and recently I've gotten quite rational. I think the last six or eight months has seen me do a lot of maturing in the way I express myself and the way I handle situations. I used to be a terrible grudge-holder and brooder. Yay for self-improvement.

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  29. yeah babey! :)

    Keshi.

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  30. I'm a passionate woman.Need I say more? Ok, I will. :D

    There are topics (and people) who anger me intensely. I'm not quick to show anger in public or private. Generally, I think before I launch a karate kick into the solar plexus of ...well, you get my drift.

    No one wants to mess with me when I'm angry whether it's quiet, controlled, simmering anger (like a dog ready to jump for the jugular), or full-blown, acerbic, nostrils flaring, eyes glaring, wind whipping, swirling steam heat pinning you to the stake to go up in blazes.

    For one of the poems I wrote on the web (free verse), several people of both genders commented, "Whoaaaaaaah, I'm soooooooo glad I'm not the recepient of this poem!"

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  31. i am really good at throwing my toys out the cot. i try not to do it too often as its not a pretty picture- but i definitely do not keep things bottled up to ferment.

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