Wednesday, February 20, 2008

My Dear Marcellus,
Something is NOT rotten in the state of Denmark!

Most of us had to study Hamlet, Shakespeare’s tragic tale of the melancholy Dane. The famous line about something being rotten in Denmark could not be further from the truth because according to a survey by the BBC HERE, Denmark has the happiest (most content) people on Earth.

I saw the story HERE here on CBS 60 minutes. Unlike most countries, the 5.5 Million Danes have a homogenous population, low crime rate, womb to tomb educational and medical coverage paid from a tax rate of 50%, 6 weeks of holidays, and their expectations are very modest..
basically the polar opposite of the American Dream of having it all and then some. Can you say good-clan-living. I will spare you my usual diatribe on how our brains have not evolved enough to cope with living in anything larger than a clan.

You're welcome.

This show coincided with a program HERE that I watched on NOVA about our closest cousins called Ape Genius. The other Apes are very smart but they apparently have trouble controlling their emotions and have serious impulse control issues. Unlike the Danes, who keep to themselves in public and consider it a “right NOT to be talked to.”

If you look at the Prison populations anywhere in the world, what percentage of the inmates would you suspect have serious impulse control issues? 100? When you watch the news and you see Religio-Political self flagellating, fanatics collecting in mobs, firing machine guns in the air while screaming like madmen, how many of them look like drama queens in full control of their emotional facilities?

This brings us back to the other Apes.

The Bonobos are a much happier lot than our doppleganger cousins the Chimpanzees (and us) because they use sex as a form of conflict resolution unlike the Chimps, (98% of our DNA), who use violence and intimidation to settle their interpersonal relationships.

Can you say Impulse Control, HELLO!

Some Anthropologists believe that somewhere along our evolutionary voyage, Homo Escapeons advanced because selective characteristics of cooperation and impulse control were passed on and gave us an edge..although I see scant evidence that this is a dominant trait.

Either way it gave rise to the two basic types of Humans that exist today.
Those that are Charming and those that are Tedious.

One could therefore logically assume that living in a country full of armed, raving, violent, male, nutjobs who act like two year olds having a temper tantrum, could easily be designated as the UNHAPPIEST places on Earth. No need to list those eh?

So in conclusion, the happiest place on Earth would be in a orgiastic, Bonobo colony in Denmark… moderate expectations notwithstanding.

I am sooo there!


  1. dude... it sounds like paradise to me!
    hhmmm... using sex for conflict resolution eh- isn't that what make-up sex is?

  2. hey- i'm first!!! i don't think i've ever managed that here...

  3. Anonymous11:24 a.m.

    The happiest place in the world is Dreamland, located slightly to the right of fathorse's left ear, currently in Manchester, England, Europe, the world.

  4. if they're so happy, why are there so many of them living in America? i'll tell you why: TACO BELL, BABY.

  5. angel,
    Yes, imagine a world without War..a world in which all sex was make up sex?
    I'm exhausted just thinking about it!

    I have little doubt that it is a very 'special' place. I'm glad that you finally acquired Dreamland. I had heard that Michael Jackson was having trouble selling it.
    Good Times.

    first nations,
    What do you mena so many of them living in the USA? Do you mean Great Danes?

    The students interviewed on the program said that the States was fun to visit but too scary to raise a family...
    unless they had Great Danes guarding the house.

  6. Male Bonobos practice "penis fencing."

    En garde!

  7. Wow, Impulse controls sure sounds like just what I need every time I enter the mall.

  8. I didnt know this. WOW! mebbe cos I live in Aus LOL!


  9. mj,
    That's true and the females have their own "How You Doin?"

    I presume that you are referring to shopping and NOT that you imagine all of the men looking like the chisoled actors in 300?

    Which part didn't you know? I talk about Bonerbos about once a week so it must be the Denmark thingamabob.

  10. i got distracted after reading about the sex part.

  11. I was gonna make my own country. Maybe I'll just move to Denmark with you.

  12. misti,
    Please make an attempt to concentrate in class, there will a test next week!

    There you are! You have two tardy notes now. Unless you have a Doctor's note, you have some explaining to do young lady.

  13. It is hard to argue with the bullet-proof logic of your posting conclusion homo-escapeons.

    But for unconditional love, I'd have to recommend a cat or dog - humans aren't quite that advanced yet.

  14. Anonymous9:13 a.m.

    It was weird when i bought the place. There was this shed full of tiny sets of pyjamas...

    I gave them to the monkeys. Those Bonobos need to cover up.

  15. i have a spare banana sir. i thought your monkey might need it. erm.. want i mean., whatever.

  16. Sing along...

    You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
    So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

  17. I'm curious to know how they measured happiness. Did they just ask people if they were happy?

    So should I just settle for whatever I have or get and shrug my shoulders with acceptance and say it could be worse? Is that the secret to happiness?

  18. misti,
    That was very thoughtful of you...and of course you meant Ape not Monkey.

    Do you realise that if that song had REAL lyrics that it would have been huge? The actual melody and structure is awesome...ah yes but I love singin' it the way it is.

    Content. Not afraid to go outside of their house and get carjacked, raped, or murdered, lose their job that is being outsourced or replaced by illegal immigrants, and lose their house or have a home invasion, or be able to pay for medical expenses if their kid got sick, or get blown up by terrorists, or killed on the freeway, or being poisoned by pollution, or global warming, or die from eating fast food..

    you know all that sort of stuff.

  19. Oh yes , right little bundles of joy , your Danes , especially when they were marauding round europe in their longships , raping and pillaging.
    Eric The Boneless was the most fun....reputably he used to bugger his captives to death.
    Anyone whos been to the med resorts and sen your average swede and danes after a few too many beers
    Oh dear....oh dear , oh dear

  20. beast,
    How could some guy named Eric the Boneless bugger his captives to death? Was that a typo?

  21. Anonymous6:23 p.m.

    Angry sex is the best!

  22. Really? I've been angry for being denied...
    well maybe not so much angry... but more like mystified, hurt, saddened, despondent, flabbergast, emasculated, insecure, heartbroken, puzzled, astonished, horrified, bewildered, frantic, discombobulated, and hell yeah maybe a little angry...

    but never angry during or after.

  23. Is this one of your discourses from the Museum of Natural History? And where did Lord TennisAnyone go? His elocution or whatever was far more sophisticated, though he appeared to be a man of remarkably similar interests and temperament...

  24. lolz HE u r too funny!


  25. Paul Maurice Chevalier,
    Lord Tennisanyone is temporarily predisposed while he plans his confrontation with gautami and now my 18 year old alterego Homey is at the helm...
    what are ya gonna do?

    HA! Listen, I had to 'investigate' Potbelleez and I've been listening to them all night..super fun..reminds me of Sneaky Sound System?!

  26. ooh ooh ah? Ah ooh ah ah uh! Ooo...h!

    Id say the happiest place on earth is six feet underground in the good old Gravestan.

  27. Oh ok, well then I'm happy. :)

  28. you sheared your coiffure. very becoming the latest, not that the last was not.

  29. servus comrade! oligopology! :p

    olipoly? oligopoly!!

    im reading the link Don ji.

    P/s: well gmail ....i love gmail! explanation in an email to you!

  30. I just watched the Ape Genius program last night. Bonobos beat chimps hands down in the "going along to get along" department. I found it fascinating that bonobos live in a matriarchal society whereas chimps are macho patriarchies. The brightest spot in the program was the fact the we share the same gene with bonobos that seems to relate to cooperation and empathy. We've got a long way to go, most assuredly, but if we try...really, really, really hard, we may just learn to be more "bonobo-like".

    I can only dream.

  31. ghostay,
    You may be right, not much to worry about once you get down there...of course hopefully we are all planning on getting recycled?!

    If you're happy, I'm happy.

    I checked my GMAIL and you weren't there? Did you use plain old email?
    That's good because I only check my GMAIL about once every three months!

    Hey Jonas,
    What an incredible paradox between these creatures..
    who would be virtually indistinguishable from each other by your average person.

    The obvious conclusions about which method of social structure is better is an absolute no brainer.

    Unfortuantely for humans, all of our neighbours are patriarch driven territorially aggressive sob's and we are forced to be just as aggressive!

    I suspect that Chimps scare the crap out of Bonobos!

  32. oh we will be recycled...thats what Hindu's think. personally I want to be reborn as Hefner...but then I might be reborn as a tree in Hefner's house. man, talk about not being able to touch anything! :D

    P/s: I dont know ur gmail :(

  33. I think the Bonobos are purtier. For all I know, they smell better, too.

    Gotta go...I'm craving a banana...

  34. having read Peter Hoeg's books, I concluded the Danes are just a bit odd. But from your post it seems they are happy in their oddness.

    Bonobos have a very wide repertoire - straight sex, homosexual sex, inter-generational sex, , different positions, object sex ....


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