Friday, December 21, 2007

GOOD LUCK MILEY!
XXX OOO

Let’s get right down to business. As most of you know the BIG news overshadowing global warming and world peace is that 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears, Celebritney’s ‘lil sister, has been voluntarily impregnated!

Now before you get in a huff, I am not chastising Jamie for doing what comes naturally, but, when you are a PRODUCT in an occupation where image is EVERYTHING, you or one of your handlers needs to take any and all precautionary measures to ensure your SUSTAINABLE MARKETABILITY.
Notice any resemblence?

I am not blaming her Mother, Lynne, because that would be ludicrous, but both of her uber famous daughters (who have experienced Fame and Fortune far too early in life for any of us to have managed) are in an Icarian freefall and plummeting back to the-rest-of-us-ville at terminal velocity.

Apparently Lynne’s parenting book, which was due to be released on Mother’s Day, is on hold.

Now far be it for me to join the bandwagon and criticize Lynne for not having the ‘TALK’ with the her daughter who is the star of Nickelodeon’s Zoey 101 and a role model for millions of Tweenies, but what the ? With all of that money at stake you would think that someone in their organization would have made their golden goose virtually impregnable?

It’s too late now. A perfect Media storm has produced a public Schadenfreude Fest that only Michael Jackson was once capable of procuring. This proves that it is more entertaining for the great unwashed to knock their icons off of the altar, than it is to worship them.

By now the Lawyers for Nickelodeon have faxed over the Morality Clause in Jamie’s contract and cancelled her role in the show. This leaves one solitary, and in my humble estimation totally deserving Tween Queen, Miley Cyrus...

OK I admit it...
I AM A FAN OF HANNAHMONTANA!

I am sorry that Hannah had to win the celebrity sweepstakes this way. I am not even sure what the prize is, or if it is worth anything? Certainly maintaining obligatory appearances and avoiding any perceptual improprieties while living under the unblinking eye and scrutiny of an insatiable paparazzi and impossibly vapid enter’pain’ment Industry is a triumph in and of itself.

Is all the money worth it? It had better be, because o
bviously the adulation is fickle, temporal, artificial, and worthless.

I suppose we should be resigned to the fact that the Cult of Celebrity demands that a human sacrifice be offered to appease the wolves in sheep’s clothing who worship at it’s altar…and wait for their chance to get their pound of flesh.

All of this ubiquitous, forced, enter‘pain’ment is designed to keep the great unwashed from addressing REAL problems and it's working beautifully.
Hopefully you will have the good fortune to go out on top and keep your dignity just like Miss Yvonne...
sigh.

38 comments:

  1. I am so grateful that you have shifted our attentions from all that global warming pablem to what MUST be the most important topic of our day, which is this aweful morality being displayed by these obviously GODless teenage girls who are surely going to get God's attention in the worst possible way and perhaps result in another skyscraper getting hit or maybe another killer hurricane or earthquate striking us via our loving God's rightous wrath!

    What really pisses me off is that a GODLESS Canadian, of all people, is the one who brought this to our attention...........sigh..........

    Excuse me, I have to go read the paper in the public toilet........

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  2. If my memory serves me correctly, I believe a few months ago there was a rumor that Hannah was a prego.It was a lie of course!

    Anyways, who wants to make bets that Jamie will have at least 2 kids by the time she is 18?

    If it feels good do it but don't forget the protection!Come on girls!!!!!

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  3. Global warming? I keep reading where folks are complaining about how blasted cold it is!

    Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas my friend. May it be joyful and full of love.

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  4. Miss Yvonne even kept her dignity while Pee-wee was peering up her gown with his shoe mirrors!

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  5. At 16 I was, thank goodness, still very wet behind the ears, nothing wrong with holding hands mind you; plenty of that! I would hate to think of the poor baby's wellbeing with me as a parent at 16.

    Strewth.

    I think I have had a very fortunate life....(not that it's over), sheesh, I wanna make 50!!!!!!!!!!! (sounds like fun) but through the hardest bits, eh. :)

    Pam

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  6. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned dry humping?

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  7. I knocked up a girl and was a father by my 20th year so I'll shut up and with the young lady all the best.

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  8. The word I was going for there was 'WISH'

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  9. trd! what the heck is wrong wit dis ppl!

    Well nvm...who is Hannah again?

    Did you read the news clipping, I read in Yahoo...she took two weeks to herself to contemplate whats happening, then told her closest friend and then confesed to her mom who got sht shocked and then calmed down and decided to have 'it'. Yep thats what she called the baby, IT!

    Ohoo....we know whats going to happen soon....

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  10. ---> Jamie Lynn says the situation has brought her closer to her mother and the teenager also surprisingly offers advice on pre-marital sex.

    "I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait. But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in." ---->

    ROTFLMAFPOTC
    - rolling on the floor laughing my ass off puking on the carpet.

    I means...16 year old giving advice to the teenagers of America. Oh god make me president and Ill teach them a thing or two about pregnancy!

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  11. HE Love,

    i am writing again. But on to your post. I have no words for the way the world is going. Seems like we have no control anymore. Parents way back when had so much, then big brother said, no no, let me have some of that, and we said, well of course anything to get me some down time. And now? We have children having children and parents afriad of their children or disciplining them, which leads to children making the wrong choices and government blaming parents for not correcting their children and then :::deep breath:: parents blaming government for fearing to correct their children which is what made them bad in the first place. Blah, blah, blah.... someone pass me a drink and everyone else stop giving me excuses.

    Our world is crap because we have allowed it to become this way. It is our own faults!

    ::hipshake::

    soft love,
    Tara

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  12. I have spotted a few new Homo Escapeonisms.

    --Celebritney
    --SUSTAINABLE MARKETABILITY (previously known as marketable sustainability)
    --the-rest-of-us-ville (I love this one)
    --public Schadenfreude Fest
    --Tween Queen (this may not be original, but it's new to me)
    --Did I tell you I was in love with Ms. Yvonne while I watched all those Pee Wee Herman reruns?

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  13. Oh, and Tara's hipshake was cool. I could feel it all the way over here.

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  14. Allowing your child to have a boob job circa age 16 is most definitely the ticket to life long success.

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  15. so how do you know who hannah montana is, he? because i don't!

    oh the spears family. it's enough to make one stop buying star magazine....

    :)

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  16. grumbol2:45 AM

    Tahred ah watchin' th' grass gittin' greener... lusher... fuller, over th' septic tank?

    Dr Gene Poole here, with exciting news for trailer park denizens. Fer
    jist pennies per day, yew kin retask them outta date copies er the Nash'nl Enquirah... Studies show that 4 outta 5 readers is also
    massively reguler, tah boot! Hell,
    if'fen the news is good enuff fer
    the president... She-yit!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I would have never known that Britney had a little sister if she hadn't gotten pregnant. Bad publicity is better than no publicity, ya know.

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  18. This is the first I've heard of this impregnation as you so delightfully call it and my first thought was that 16 year olds don't have any business having sex in the first place. They kid themselves that they are emotionally mature enough to handle it.Anyone who would call their kids britney and jamie lynne is asking for trouble it - was only a matter of time ;).

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  19. I mean :trouble-it was :).

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  20. You are one DUMB Male! I am not/never would be offended by the female form on display or otherwise. How can I? I am one of the species, remember. But then, how would you know? I might bea male impersonating as a female!

    Don't assume my or the attitude of my fellow countrymen. We are infact much liberated than what is shown in the media. We gave the Kamasutra to the world, in case you need to be reminded of it. There are puritans in any social setup, including your own.

    If you ever come to India, you must visit temples which celebrates love. In all its forms and nuances. Couples, threesomes, whatever. even I bet you would be embarrassed to look at some of those postures which are out in the open for all to see. As I and most of my friends have been to those temples, we don't even think about those. When I first went there, I was around ten years old. I was curious, nothing else!

    For me liberation is not flaunting my body or being overtly sexual.(or telling the blog world about my sexual bahaviour). It is intensely personal for me and I would prefer to keep it that way. I beleive in the liberation of my mind.

    I suppose, I went overboard here. You can tell me so if I did.

    In my comment, I meant that why not show the nekkid male. You got me entirely wrong. Next time I will not imply it but say it all like I do with my students who are 10-16 year olds!

    sigh!

    That aside, I wish you the very best of the spirit of the season. May it be filled with, love, laughter and much joy!

    May you keep on blogging!

    {{{{HUGS}}}}}

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  21. *please ignore my spellings or typos in there.

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  22. whitesnake,
    WHAT!? You fellers don't git Hannah Montaner in Ozstraylier?

    THE michael,
    This is off topic but the other day I thought of a great idea for naming the Hurricanes in Florida.

    I would let the old folks at Del Boca Vista, where Seinfeld's parents retired, start naming them.
    The first one would be
    Hurricane Schmurricane!

    preposterous gropings,
    GASP! Not my little Hannahmontana!!
    Her Daddy ain't gonna let no fellers touch her achy breaky parts.

    I cannot for the life of me understand why Lynne wouldn't have disguised the pill in Jamie's Froot Loops every morning?

    rimster,
    Than You. I am enjoying a very mild December, lots of snow but just barely below zero...too war actually..too slushy..needs to be about 10 below...DAMN this global warming!

    NJ,
    You know now that we know about Pee Wee's public wanking it is sort of a releif..because there was always so much friction betwixt him and Miss Yvonne...aah Miss Yvonne. She exuded raw lust..which was sort of a weird thing to have on a kid's show.

    pam,
    Atleast she is a millionaire and can afford to hire plenty of psychologists for her kids. It is astounding for this to happen, especially in this day and age when adolescence is extended to about 29.

    MJ,
    HAHAHA! Yeah damn straight. I'm laughing too much to answer..
    HAHAHA!

    rimmer,
    In some countries you would have been a grandfather by then. Hopefully you..never mind that's your business.

    ghosty,
    The Spears could have used some professional Spin Doctors...the next thing you know Oprah and Dr Phil are going to pipe up and the whole thing will get blown up into biblical proportions..either way she is totally screwed (pun intended)and her career, atleast as a tweenie Queen, is kaput.

    oh tara,
    Well it wouldn't be politically correct for me to state the obvious...but HELLO! With all of the resources at hand..another example of proving that negative attention is better than no attention...and thinking that you are above the laws of Nature...who knows how much disinformation Jamie had at her disposal..and her imprgnator is a dirt bikin, deer huntin', son of a gun reglar feller from a town of 1000 people? How the hell did he get a crack at her?

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  23. withered from within,

    There is NO shame in admitting that you wanted to jump Miss Yvonne. SCHWING! She was on the show to make sure that all of the Dads made their kids watch Pee Wee's Playhouse.

    Her heaving bosom and breathy banter was a godsend on Saturday mornings.

    You like the hippy-hippy-shake!

    angela,
    You had a boob job when you were 16?!
    I thought that girls..

    "learned the truth at 17
    That love was meant for beauty queens
    And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
    Who married young and then retired"
    You should have waited another year.

    HI kj,
    My older kids and my wife think that it is a little creepy that I am infatuated with Hannahmontana..you need to pronounce it really fast!

    But I assure you that I treat her as one of my daughters and I am so impressed with Billy Ray and his Wife for trying to enforce a sense of normalcy on Miley.. I really hope that she makes it...so few entertainers can bridge the gap.

    Dr Gene Poole,
    HAHA!
    Thank you for enlightening elucidations. When one summons up the courage to wade into the shallow end of the gene pool it is always full of natural wonders. How have we ever survived this long?

    Miss Cellania!
    You don't read the STAR or PEOPLE or US or ENQUIRER or any of the millions of papparazi driven invasion of privacy and blatant conjecture mags! How will all of those Lawyers survive if you don't support those glossy mags...they are all there in the impulse item minefield at the grocery store..right at the check out.

    lee,
    Might I direct you to MJ's astute declaration that dry humping has gone the way of the dodo..I said dodo didn't I..whew..anyway you can't blame Lynne for giving her girls cutesy EE names..everybody's doin' it.

    GAUTAMI!!!!
    OK you got me. I am a DUMB male. I know that INDIA in INundated with countless ancient temples displaying every possible and mathematically improbable coital position..it's all there carved in stone...
    all of which would have been imploded over here by the Puritan/Victorian Censors who have managed to make sex 'dirty', except for Vegas and Montreal, and have created a vacuum, which of course Nature abhors..so we either don't talk about it or go over the top.

    I appreciate your explanation. I am never sure of what you expect from me. Unlike you I am not a gifted artistic writer of poetry and prosaic wonderments.

    I see my primary role as blatantly falsifying how smart I is, cajoling and smart-assing my way through my immensely vapid, tedious, opinionated posts, as well as being a cyber sh*t disturber.

    I am an object for your pity and NOT your scorn.

    I luv you too.

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  24. or all that could be just a bull! imagine...just for the false fame, and all you know in a few months she's going to say miscarriage AFTER the countless booksales, etc.

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  25. I'd like to see WW challenge Captain Carl to a duel for the hand of Miss Yvonne.

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  26. Why is your digital clock on Ontario time?

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  27. Captain Carl, I zlap you in ze ugly face dat you have, toss my glove to ze ground and challenge you to a duel, you fool!

    For ze Lovely Madamoiselle Yvonne!

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  28. His clock is on Ontario time because he always wants to try and be ahead of the game.

    It hasn't helped.

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  29. Why aren't you out shopping?

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  30. Because I've decided to wait until 11:59 p.m. on Christmas Eve, thereby setting a world record as the planet's worst shopper.

    I'm starting my own reality show.

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  31. Umm, yeah. I know who a couple of these people are. Vaguely. Should I start reading tabloids?

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  32. grumbletoe2:46 AM

    Sorry guys, but that beehive hairdo's a little too much. Give me a vixen in a leather jumpsuit
    who'll kick ass one minute, then
    rattle off some Chaucer passages, when consciousness returns. The grandeur... the pageantry...

    ReplyDelete
  33. undso weiter2:50 AM

    By the bye, should the lines go
    quiet, have a happy holiday, all!

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  34. adding India to list of places I must go to as soon as possible!

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  35. cs,
    If you haven't started yet (what is your secret?) then for heaven's sake don't bother.

    You already know my take on the celebrity thingamabob...they are a touchstone now that we live in isolation despite being surrounded by thousands of strangers..
    anyway, however pathetic our cult of celebrity has become it shows no sign of abating in my lifetime...

    the Internet will make it worse!


    so und so,
    Whatever you feel like..a lot of people will be ignoring it for a day or two but c'mon...the rw can only keep your attention for so long.

    ziggi,
    My Word..I say it's absolutely Shocking!

    How the prudish Victorian Administrators were able to stop themselves from covering up those temples with gigantic doilies is beyond me..hrrumph and oll that!

    I say old chap, is that position even possible for a Englishwoman?

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  36. I assumed that Britney Spears had a mother...most people do, after all...but I only recently learned that she HAD a sister, much less a famously knocked-up one.
    It's dark under my rock.

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  37. dude this was bucking frilliant!!! i have no idea who hannah montana is, but i am so hlad celebritney now has a family member to share the tabloid back pages with!!!

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