Wednesday, December 05, 2007


Estoy Aqui (I Am still Here!)
To paraphrase F.D.R.
"December 6, 1957 ....
a date which will live in infamy"

Ever since the day that my Dad died in 1980 at the age of 46, I have had this ridiculous notion that my fate was sealed, and that my DNA would give up the ghost in my mid-forties.

Well lo and behold I am less than 24 hours away from turning 50.

I probably would have done a lot of things differently but it's water under the bridge. Anyway I am glad to finally accept my limitations and acknowledge my idiosyncracies.

18,250 days is a long time. Like everybody else on the planet my Life has been a mixture of angst and euphoria. For the most part I am grateful that I didn't completely screw it up. I have 4 fantastic children who absolutely astound me , a supportive, loving, partner, a few close friends, a functioning extended family and relatives.

One of the most wonderful surprises in my entire life was finding a new set of friends out here in the blogosphere. Seriously, it is you people out here who have really allowed me to express myself and re-discover who I really am. It has been a priviledge (and a huge relief) to open myself up to your chastising, ribbing, encouragement, and insight.

The rest of the world goes on in it's crazy happenstance way and you people help me to anchor my ship in the storm. You have rekindled my faith in humanity. You float my boat!

Thanks for listening.

..and I know that somebody out there is humming Barry Manilow's lament
Looks Like We Made It..

please pick another song!



  1. Congratulations, and happy birthday! And I was humming "Most People I Know Think That I'm Crazy" by Billy Thorpe.

  2. I know what you mean about thinking your fate is sealed: my mum was only a year older than I am now when she was diagnosed with the Big C, so next year is going to be a bit tricky for me. Just hoping I get to fifty!

    Many happy returns. Hope you've got some sort of landmark celebrations planned.

  3. Congratulations! May there be MANY happy returns.

    You are the most interesting, prolific blogger I know. Every single post is both intellectually stimulating and highly entertaining.

    I'm glad you said that blogging has offered you a new set of challenges. It's a big thing to admit but your candour is one of the things we love about you.

    Also, the new HE-lite is working very well indeed.

    Enjoy the celebrations.

  4. Happy Birthday.

    I'm humming the Hawaii Five-0 Theme.

    Paddle faster!

  5. A very happy birthday to you in advance. You think you can get away by thanking all of us for being there, supporting your idiosyncrasies.

    Frankly we did not have much choice. I thought instead of ribbing those who are beyond my comprehension, I would stick with you. Through thick and thin of the blogger world. Whatever that means!(BTW, blogger sucks!!)

    Bring the wine, oh man, bring the wine!

    half century--Whoopie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. As we near the end of another 365 day cycle of the Earth’s travel around Sol, our sun, I reflect to find that the past year has brought me a new blessing in your friendship, your wit and your wisdom. My sincere hope is that there will be many more years in which I may enjoy the benefits of your continued social intercourse, that you enjoy at least some small portion of the joy you’ve brought to so many others and that you find everything you need as you continue on your life’s journey.

  7. Oh, and the soundtrack to my comment is/was "The Black Hawk War, or, How to Demolish an Entire Civilization and Still Feel Good About Yourself in the Morning, or, We Apologize for the Inconvenience but You're Going to Have to Leave Now, or, 'I Have Fought the Big Knives and Will Continue to Fight Them Until They Are Off Our Lands!'" by Sufjan Stevens.

  8. Great - 50 and not a grey hair in sight. Love the eyebrows.

  9. 50 ways to leave your lover...........

    30 caught me off guard......40, I saw coming, and had no problem at all with......50....well.....I STILL don't know how to feel about it, and it might take me another 8 years to figure it out, but then I'll be sixty, wondering how I'm gonna make it to retirement, but then by then global warming might make the whole thing moot brain hurts!

    Happy Half Century, Old DUDE!

  10. I hope I'm as handsome at 50 you gorgeous thing you! Congratulations on making it thus far - may you have many more!


  11. No wolfhounds this year.How'd ya like a destructive kitten?

    Happy birthday, kid!

    (I also thought of Hawaii Five-O. Book 'im, Donno!)

  12. What can I say other than "Happy 50th, old man" and "hope I make it, too." Seriously, though, a cyber hug will have to do from this distance. Enjoy, take photos and don't forget to post them!!

  13. Speaking of 5.Doh! what happened to that blog that you've been sitting on for all this time and NOW it disappears?

  14. Happy Birthday!

    You realise you will have two birthdays, it's already the 6th here, southern hemisphere...ha! we maybe downunder but it's already tomorrow in Australia....(kinda like having 2 x heads), "whatcha gunna do with it tho'?"

    Great blog, just love it, great pictures, 50, to me seems such a terrific age, halfway of something and double something else...very cool age.

    Have the greatest time, big birthday hug and kiss to you, you are an absolute sweetie.


  15. Show-off.

    Well, welcome to The Club, old man. Except you kind of look like a puppet sitting there on that bench at the top.

    Is Ally behind you, pulling strings or something? You look a bit wooden...maybe it's just the age.

    I know that you seriously never, ever thought you would reach 50.

    But even if you hadn't, you still would have died a wise, old, satisfied sage, I believe.

    Your thought process is prolific, your storage capacity for facts and trivia and history limitless.

    And the way you put it all together as free-flowing, funny observations -- amazing.

    Happy Birthday.

  16. I suppose you're too grown up to come out and polish my linoleum now, huh.

    HAPPY 50!!!

    actually I don't have linoleum, but if I did you would be welcome to maintain it. really.

  17. Happy happy birthday and many more!
    Thank goodness you are still here or so many would miss out on the joy and laughter you bring to all of us!

    Excuse me for being nosey, but how tall are you? That picture makes you look short! :)

  18. Happy Birthday mate!

    Got a could of coldies in the esky waiting for ya. If ya don't happen ta rock up then I'll have ta drink em me self.

    I was thinking of the song "She moved the dishes first." by Supercharge .....

    Or "Baked beans" by Mother goose

    Or even better still ......
    "Highway Star" Deep Purple

  19. Idiosyncracies? What idiosyncracies?

    Kaz said, "50 and not a grey hair in sight." We'll see about THAT! Kaz, I'll hold him and you pull down his trousers.

    Happy Birthday to one HELL of a crazy Canucklehead!

    *pressie for you on my blog*

  20. man..this is sentimental...sniff...sniff...

    Happy Birthday Big Brother! Here's to another 50 years of exciting Attack of the 50 foot woman years!

    Polar Bear Hugs homie! Huggggggg.................

  21. Happy 50th birthday HE!!!

    Big kiss and hug from me. :D

  22. Okay so it's now the 6th Whateverpeg time, so happy birthday again. :)

    Have loads of fun.


  23. Happy Birthday Youngster. I'm way older than you and my Dad's still alive, so I kinda got the other thing going on in my head. Hope you live forever HE.

  24. Anonymous6:40 a.m.

    Happy Birthday, Sweetheart! That's right, you get a comment from me for your birthday. I love you!!!
    Alice (aka Mrs.H. E.)

  25. Many happies :) 50 is the new 35, didn't you know that?

  26. yes, yes, yes, happy bloody birthday I suppose.

  27. Yes, you're still here and I'm hoping you'll stick around for quite some time. Reading your blog has changed the way I think and it has encouraged me to learn about things that never really interested me all that much before. How could I ever thank you enough for such a priceless gift?

    Happy birthday, HE! I hope your 50th year brings you many new and exciting adventures. And how sweet was it of Mrs. HE to post a comment!

  28. Anonymous9:26 a.m.

    You know I think you're fabulous, HE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY (loads of people I know are turning 50. Maybe I'm 50 too...hmm...)

    I was humming 'Crying' - Don McLean's fabulously OTT rendition - and laughing (which probably isn't appropriate given the lyrics, but it just hits the spot, you know?).

    A more relevant tune would be 'My Back Pages' (Dylan) although, to be honest, I don't know that you're that much wiser, for all your years :P


    Keep on blogging and making my day, wontcha?

  29. stace,
    Most people I know think that I am crazy too...including me. I'm sorry about Olivia N J too because I still cannot wash Physical out of my mind..*sobs

    Here is to your next year..sending happy thoughts...I know how powerful that lingering whatif thingamabob is.
    HUGE hug

    Wow you are soooo sweet. As far as I can tell you are the only person to have noticed (or remarked) about my HE-LITE. Maybe now that my testosteroni is down by one half I am finally willing to concede..or accept..that you catch more flies with honey.

    I have a photo (obviously shop'd) of a guy paddling in a Sea Kayak with a huge Great White meandering behind him...that is the perfect metaphor for how I view the fragility of it all. I will paddle a little faster from now on.

    my dear gautami,
    I suppose you had no idea what you were getting into when you left that comment on my of the very first..Brian, Cherry Pie and You.

    But nobody else has taken on the role of chastising and prodding me to raise the bar like you have. I appreciate that..
    hasn't worked..
    but I appreciate it nontheless.

    Gosh darnit Rim you touch me like you know me. I am certainly delighted that we have connected..even though we started off taunting each other across the ravine.

    When we first met I thought f*ck me this guy is a little too clever, I'll have to be careful..but now that you have lowered your expectations and adjusted for the pffft-factor in the circles that we run around in out here..we have certainly bonded.

    You and your charm offensive have completely dissipated my precious schadenfreude ..I'm turning into a go ahead and deliver that big left hook out of nowhere.

  30. kaz,
    You have no idea how Rogaine I go through maintaining the caterpillars above my eyes. My goal is to get them to curl like Martin Scorcesessss.

    The grey hair is just starting to come in and I don't care..I look forward to looking a little more extinguished..I mean distinguished.

    THE michael,
    You will definitely make it. I went through my midlife crisis in my 30s so WHATEVER! My 40s were spent in my recovery decade...water under the bridge. Now I get to pull my pants up over my waist and complain about the government full time. Huzzah!

    I am thrilled that we have managed to connect and have so much fun during the last few months. Hopefully this correspondence will continue to blossom and I can start withdrawing huge sums of money from your account thanks to the idiots (who don't know how to spell your name) monitoring your funds.
    May I take this opportunity to Thank You in advance for my new big screen TV.

    Aww you remembered about the Wolfhounds. We just missed out on a miniature Schnauzer puppy that was sooo cute! Sort of the opposite of a Wolfhound eh?
    Thanks for all of your witticisms.

    Yes let me dig out the Neil Young here..
    "Old Man take a look at my life"
    Once you come to your senses and move to the Prairies we will have oodles of time to commiserate at Brian and Joyce's Party Central and Cheese Emporium.
    Thanks for the hug.

    note to rimsky,
    In an effort to free up more space in the blogosphere for Soccer Mom's to post pictures of their kids fighting during Hockey Games I have deleted my 5.D'OH!

  31. siennapam,
    So you think that 50 is "halfway of something and double something else" do you? If I live to be 100 then I will donate my body to science..

    unfortunately my faustian deal with the devil has already secured my soul but theyu can have my brain..or what would be left of it by then.

    There are a lot of things that I would love to double up on now that the sand in my timer is half empty..when I was 25 I was still pretty wild..aah 25.
    *clicks on CHER "If I could turn back ti-hime"..

    wait, you know what pam, actually I wouldn't go back unless I knew what I know now.

    without prejudice,
    HA! Well as you are keenly aware because I am spineless to begin with and bent out of shape from hunching over the computer, I had to strategically insert a broom handle up my wazoo to maintain an upright position for that photo op.

    Thank you for pointing that out.

    first nations,
    FN you are an amazing writer and when you are rich and famous (it's only a matter of time) I will polish your floors until the cows come home.

    If you are referring to the photo it was taken before the advent of any child labour legislation.
    I would like to thank you for premitting me to deal with some big issues this year.
    I trust you.

    Does this bench make my ass look big?
    Well truth be told I am vertically challenged @ 5'9" and at 195 pounds (all muscle mind you)I am not exactly runway material. But what are ya gonna do?

    I will continue my longstanding tradition of standing on chairs for photos at parties because several of my handlers have told me that short guy complex is a tedious, pathetic, affliction that is universally despised and that if you want others to look up to you..stand on chairs at parties!

    Turn your Amp up to 11 mate!Ab Gb Db
    Nobody gonna take my car I'm gonna race it to the ground
    Ab Gb Db
    Nobody gonna beat my car it's gonna break the speed of sound
    Ooh it's a killing machine it's got everything
    Like a driwing power big fat tires everything
    Bbm7 Bbm7 Bbm7 Bbm7
    I love it and I need it I bleed it
    Yeah it's a wild hurricane
    Db Eb Db Eb E Eb Gb Ab Bb Bb - Db Cb
    Alright hold tight I'm a highway star!
    Thanks man. You're a good guy to have in my corner.

  32. MJ,
    You naughty little thang! Not going to happen this week becuase I am so exhausted from providing pre-op samples for the Vasectomologist..hey wait a minute..I only need to do this AFTER the operation. D'OH!'No wonder the girl at the clinic has been givng me weird looks for the last two weeks?

    Thanks for the tribute at your site. You are so much fun.

    I am becoming a sentimental old fool...well mental anyway. Thanks for continuously providing me with ideas about what the future holds for us.
    I hope that we can meet someday at one of your future book signing events. You da man.

    You are so cute and I always enjoy your sunshiny outlook and appreciation of enjoying the day to day wonders of having young children...they make us so keenly aware of what IS and IS NOT important in the grand scheme of things.

    Aww how nice to have you ring twice. I sure hope that I can get over to Australia to meet you and the dozen other fabulous mates Downunda.
    *crosses fingers

  33. you've prolly had this all day- but i'm gonna do it anyway- and in my best possible marilyn voice... hands in crotch, squished cleavage and all!


    blows kisses- mwa mwa!

  34. mayjah tom,
    That's how Posh would say major right?
    Well chronological age doesn't really have much impact on things out here anyway..does it. I am delighted to have hooked up with you and your thoughtisms.
    In order to live foreva my great plan is to be bitten by a Vampyress... because they are always super hot in the Movies..a certain Monica Belluci was one of the ones that bit Keanu in Dracula..
    *does the Homer drool ((aagggaa))


    What a marvelous surprise..Hey everybody this is my goodladywife, my rock and the apple of my eye..
    Thank You my Darling I LOVE you too...
    you know that I am just kidding about the Monica Belluci thing..((cough))
    she is dead to me! She hasn't called me in over a week now, HONEST, and I told her Lawyers that the Restraining Order is applicable worldwide.

    50 is the new 35. I want you to know that I think that you and your marvelous insights are brilliant. I am truly humbled that an intellect of your caliber visits my mental meanderings..seriously..I am always thrilled to explore your inner workings...ooh that didn't come out know what I mean. Merci Madame.

    scurrilous vicuna,
    You Sir have warmed the cockles..I said cockles.. of my heart with your lavish, slathering, display of warm, fuzzy, emotional, adulation.

    My word there is no need to get all "emotional".

    Look I know that you love me and that it takes a brave man to be able to express a fondness for another man..
    what do they call it in Britain..
    ah yes, the love that dares not speak it's name.

    I regret that I am a white bread hetero but my dear fellow I am as the good lord made me.

    I hope that this helps.

    Hey you have challenged my horizons too. It is so great that we can do this out here..I would have never met you in a million years. I appreciate all of the things that you made me consider and reconsider. You are a remarkably honest soul..your vulnerability equally matched by your principled and determined sense of who you are.

    Yes that was awfully nice of my little Alicia to comment...sigh...she has read every post that I have ever scribbled but I think that I am finally winning her over with my HE-LITE. She is too busy on Facebook to get involved in the blogosphere and likewise so we can enjoy parrallel playtime on the puter. Symbiotic and copesetic.

    cheval gras,
    OOh I am squealing with delight. We connected instantly and I am adore you and your wicked sense of humour and entitlement because you balance it with an incredible ability to write heart wrenching deeply emotional verse. I wasn't surprised that you could write in either mindscapes it is always such a treat to see talented people wielding their mental wares about at their leisure.
    I am hitching my buggy to you because you are going places.

  35. angel,
    Yeah Baby!
    I have never heard it sung in such breathy, chest heaving, splendor. I feel like Mr President now...tugs on it hot in here or is it just me?

    Angel I want to thank you for all of the kind words that you have so graciouslt bestowed upon me during the last year. I love hangin' out with you because you are tough minded and warm hearted.
    You are a true guardian angel and protector of dragons.

  36. i can't wise crack very well
    i can't do serious too
    but i wanna say i lup you, you're cool.
    you're smart, you draw great. and, do you have a brother who's not married? hahaaha.
    Happy Birthday Homo Escapeons!

  37. I'm singing "when the rebel yells" I don't know if that suits you its the first time I've been here!

    Angel mentioned it was your birthday so I thought I'd hop on over and wish you many happy returns!!

    Here's hoping you have many,many more.CHEERS!

  38. It appears that there is a probability that you will get 50 comments for your 50th birthday.
    Please do not get too disheartened.

  39. Anonymous6:03 p.m.

    hee hee - CAN you squeal? What a wonderful idea... ;D

    Thank you Homey, you're brilliant! Together we shall conquer the blogosphere...

    or at least a small unpopulated island somewhere in the pacific.

    God, if I could only get my mitts on one of those...Tracy Island, here I come...

  40. Anonymous10:46 p.m.

    Happy Birthday to you!

    May you have 50 more.....

  41. misti,
    I was hoping to get some lup on my birthday. My step-brothers are both married but my eldest son will be quite a catch in a few years...he is still in High School and I don't know how long you want to wait?

    An excellent choice and Thank You.
    I made a point of teaching all of my kids how to curl their lip and do the fist in the air thingy.

    scurrilous vicuna,
    Oh sure...fill my head with all of these fancy schmancy dreams of self aggrandizement. Certainly there is a time and a place for enhancing and exaggerating one's own importance, power, or reputation..and if your prophetic prognostication does come to fruition it is you Sir who will look like a genius not I.

    OK how many is that?

    cheval gras,
    Done. Consider my previous comment foreplay now let's just do it!

    preposterous ponderings,
    My word what a marvelous moniker. I am absolutely certain that I will be emotionally, mentally, and physically unavailable in fifty years..I will resemble a man who has had a successful Charisma Bypass.

    The clock is ticking and I will continue my snail's day at a time is good enuff for moi.
    Merci beaucoup Madame.

  42. MWA right back at ya baby!
    i'm SO glad you stuck around!

  43. happy happy Don

    my mother died young and I have exactly the same worries

    hope you had/are still having some excellent celebrations!

    much love

  44. Noooooooo Waaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!

    I just checked the weather forecast, it seriously and fair dinkum is incomprehensible.

    Minus 23, and I like the bit they add:
    *feels like minus 34*

    The sun doesn't get up until after 8am!!!!! and it just/barely gets up, goes aaaargh and goes back to bed at 4.30pm.


    We have a fridge thermometer (we like to make sure our beer is precision chilled :) )

    I put the thermometer in our freezer, it only went to minus .5

    You live in a place that is colder than our freezer.

    Colder than our freezer!

    Okay Homie and family....we have sunny warm and beautiful beaches, we have the Great Barrier Reef, we have tropical rainforests, beautiful stark deserts with the worlds best sunrises and sunsets.

    I can't believe you and all the Winnipeg folk have stuck that cold weather out, you guys deserve a medal-seriously fair dinkum!

    My goodness, keep all your clothes on, I saw a documentary on climbing Mt Everest last week and the poor buggars lost toes and fingers and noses! to frostbite, so cover up everything. Our cities get minus 2 weather snaps and the whole system shuts down, no water, frozen in pipes, roads to dangerous to drive on, all electrical and machinery just seizes!

    Next August I should be in Brisbane and work my way up the coast and Barrier Reef Islands, google The Whitsunday Islands :)

    You could come over here and do the farm before or after the coastal stuff.

    Australia is about warmth and sun and fun; the sea, beautiful terrain, rather odd looking animals :)

    Would you guys technically be eskimos then? You probably have snow for best part of 5? months??


    Well you have our humble home available anytime you decide you can skid outta that place...Over next few days I'm going to put up some of our gorgeous sites, the beaches the islands, coast, you guys must be freezing.

    I sit here in t shirt and shorts and we are barely into summer, we probably go through two bottles of gas over winter (gas heating).

    Minus 34, your city must be really set up for snow and ice.

    Some Russians barely have heating we saw on a documentary not long ago, I don't recall them giving out the actual temperatures, but it was snowing and freezing, it was heartbreaking, hope you've got some good heating going.

    Stay warm.


  45. angel,
    It's a good old fashioned lovefest ain't it?

    Gracias. It is bewildering to those who escape the tragedy of a parent's premature departure but it just anchors itself into your soul.
    What gets me is the randomness of Life. The inexplicable cosmic game of roulette...when that ball drops off the spinning wheel is anybody's guess although actuarial statistics are eerily accurate.
    Still bad things happen to undeserving good people everyday second of every day and the rest of the world drives by. UGH!

    Well you and I are going to defy the mindnumbingly annoying game of chance and hang out for as long as we want. Dammit!

    You can call me freezerboy. I have no idea what possessed my forefathers from Sweden, Belgium and Russia..OK 2 of those countries are cold as hell anyway so there goes my guess the thing was that Economics and Political strife drove them here.

    It is amazing what we humans can get used to. The cold does keep most of the riff raff out however global warming, a natural cyclical event, once created an inland sea replete with humid swamps..which gave way to being devoured by a giant Mother Earth can change her mind, a priviledge of her gender, whenever she feels like it.

    A recent study suggested that Canuckistan will benefit from global warming...bring it on!

  46. ¿todavía estás aquí?

    Sweetness is all very well except when it's cloying and you prefer savoury snacks.

    Anyway, a few more of these wee comment things and we'll hit the big 5-0 again.

  47. spentrails,
    Yet again.

    Cloying is a very good word that I don't hear too often. intransitive verb..and speaking of too much of a good thing..
    A few more stragglers may pop by this weekend but this post will soon turn into the blog version of the Berenstain Bear's "Too Much Birthday."

  48. We're on it! Three... two more to go now.

  49. If you told me to jump off of a bridge I would prolly do it..


  50. I had ta do it.
    Be the 50th comment!

  51. Happy Birthday. You sound truly blessed (figuratively; agnostically).

  52. Okay HE love,I know this is late ut happy birthday! You are wonderful and by now I hope that you know it. I hope when I am 50 I am as beautiful as you. You have a spirit that I wish we all had.

    So lucky your family is.

    Soft love.

  53. snakester,
    It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy!

    I would like to Thank You and the entire Sunshine Band for your kind words. Yes I am blessed and I intend to stay that way..somehow..not quite sure how one goes about that? I suppose you don't change anything.

    oh tara,
    I haven't been called beautiful for a very long time...((sob)) are such a dear.
    I would like to quote Sally Field's Oscar acceptance know the old "you really, really, like me"...because I appreciate your this world you need to be able to accept good things when they come your way.

  54. Happy 50th mate! HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

    Some great pics of ya WOW! U r an awesome of the rarest humanbeings I've ever met on this Earth! And I think I hvnt said that enough :)

    I hope u had fun!

  55. Bet YOUR day was grand! We have something in common. (the 6th of the month...)
    Happiest of belated BD's to you! You've enriched my world here: intellect, humor, and more combined in a terrific blog.
    ("These Eyes" noticed that h.s. photo of the still hot guy! I bet you kept the teachers on their toes with your philosophical questions or suppositions.)

  56. I read the comments after I reply.
    So, I have something in common with Mrs. H.E. I also call my husband "sweetheart." (I realize this is not that unusual, but hey, I'm in a mushy mood.) Waves hi to Alice. ~~~~

  57. keshiroo!
    Awww you are a dear blogmate and friend. Thank you for making the past year out here so rewarding and fun. I enjoy reading your posts and watching you
    (seemingly effortlessly) communicate with 100s of comments who all luv ya!
    You're amazing.

    emerald eyes,
    My Word! *blush
    Thank You for making a fuss. I kept my Teachers guessing alright..but it had more to do with whether or not I would show up for class! I was too busy, yeah that's a good way to describe it.

    It was quite an event to have my good-lady-wife comment..hopefully the hole in the space/time continuum has repaired itself!

  58. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOMEY!! =) I hope it was good.

    Mine was ok too. I didn't celebrate it with word and song like other Sagittarians I know...hehe. Ok, I did. I went out the night before and sang some Karaoke.

  59. HFB right back at'cha Shelley!
    Saggies RULE!

  60. Saggy???? Not until I'm 40!! that's what breast augmentation is for, anyway. *Hmpf.*

    Besides, I'm still 29, and have been for quite some time. I will remain so until they STOP asking for ID when I buy beer. I got carded TWICE on Saturday. Wahoo!!!


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