Friday, November 30, 2007

Whateverpeg Woodfrog Jumpin Dudes

"Whateverpeg is the coldest city in the world with a population of over 600,000...
600,000 what?

Are they referring to the 600,000 mosquitoes per square inch in Summer or the 600,000 consequtive hours of watching The Young and the Restless during the Winter?

"The coldest temperature during the last 25 years was -41.7 °C (-43.1 °F) on February 5, 2007.

The highest temperature (since 1873) was 42.2 °C (108 °F) on July 11, 1936."

The Köppen Climate Classification has our city pegged as an extreme Humid Continental Climate despite the fact that it is in the Warm Summer Continental or Hemiboreal climates in the high 40s and low 50s in latitude in North America,

The Coppens Climate Classification rating would have Whateverpeg rated as an Equatorial Polar Climate because our temperatures range 100 degrees!
40 above to 40 below!

That's just wrong on so many levels.

Living in such a challenging enviwrongment is unusual and people from other parts of the world always ask me,

"Dude, what the hell happens to all of the Frogs in the Winter?"

Like the rest of us the Frogs nearly freeze to death.
"As the Wood Frog slowly freezes over several hours, it pumps large amounts of its anti-freeze into its cells.
Gradually it stops breathing, its heart stops, its brain activity ceases but its cells don't freeze. Come Spring when the land thaws (we say un-thaws) so does it's body. Within an hour or two a Wood Frog will recover."

Then it starts mating like there is no tomorrow

..hence the name, the Wood Frog.

This miraculous adaptation is what convinced hundreds of people like Ted Williams (Baseball Player) to have their brain frozen in the hope that one day in the future they can be thawed and start mating like there is no tomorrow.
The process is known as Neurovitrification or as I like to call it, a Neurofrickinvacation.
Brain freezing is practiced by nearly everyone in Whateverpeg.

We are the Slurpee Capital of Canada!

Here is the nyeh..

Whateverpeg even has a Television Station WWJD TV, that does nothing but broadcast up-to-the-minute information (24/7) on Woodfrogs and Brain Freeze.
For more information you can contact them at the Whateverpeg Woodfrog Jumpin Dudes.
What would you do in this enviwrongment?


  1. //"The coldest temperature during the last 25 years was -41.7 °C (-43.1 °F) on February 5, 2007.//

    You got to be kidding me! The lowest we ever got to was 22 degrees here (no MINUS there!). Oh damn...even the balls have no chance of surviving this scrotum freezing climates. And no, we dont have anything called a thermal underwear here, ive heard it for the first time when i was 24.

    Say, im bad in math, but isnt -40 to +40 is only 80 degree's apart?

    Ahh wood frogs, one of the reason i stopped watching the animal planet. Hemm...i wont last a minute in you guys have a thermal hotel for tourists?

    P/s: Im first. ha ha. Those who dont blog hop on Sunday are losers.

  2. Your city is certainly a cold city; hitting minus 40 is almost imcomprehensible.

    Our extremes are minus 7c (last winter) to 47c summers....and can be days of those hot suckers at a time.

    Okay, lets experiment, you come and live here in the Mallee, Victoria Australia; and we'll try and stick out Winnipeg for 12 months, we'll put a box of beer up for grabs should either of us not hack it out.

    If I was stuck in minus 40c weather, there would be good heating going in the house, a nice bottle of whiskey and probably do some wood frogging with clothes on. :)


  3. That's ALL? You enjoy a balmy -40? My Bob, man, when I lived in Fairbanks (I never figured out why they thought their banks were all that fair but that's another story) I used to walk home in -70 from school, yes, in the snow, and no, not uphill. So, you might have a low temp for alot of people, but we had the lower temp, and we said, "Bring it on!"

    Of course, now it's heated up, everythings melted, and Alaska is beginning to look more like that crap down in the lower forty eight, but it was fun while it lasted.

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Anonymous7:24 a.m.

    I'd get a djamn great Parka and curl up in my bed for the winter. In the summer I'd go on holiday to Britain and enjoy the rain.

    I much prefer it to be stupid cold than stupid hot. There's only so many layers of covering you can take off in the heat... I'm still looking for the zip on my skin...

  6. I would freeze my bollocks off and sing carols in the winter.

    I've seen those frogs on the telly. They're very impressive.

  7. Sorry about the layout but F^@$#n Blogger has been acting up again..

    Well in most parts of the world you would be correct, but here the Kafkaesque Canuckistani French Metric Enviwrongmental conversion of +40 to -40 is 100 degrees apart..but it FEELS like a 1,000!
    You get used to it.

    P P P Pam itssss nevvver tooo ccc o llld to ddd do ss some ww w wood fff frogging! If I ever set foot in Austrailyer I would never leave...too many things to do and see.

    THE Michael,
    HAHAHA! It prolly was uphill too...
    Look if America will return Alaska and admit that they stole it from us and apologise...we'll turn the heat down and stop the snowball warming.

    It is easier to add layers, which we do..every winter we retreat under layers of regret and self loathing (WHY DO WE LIVE HERE?) and polish our national character..33 million seething passive/aggressive human time bombs.

    Ah Winter ain't so bad. The extreme cold keeps the riff raff out!

    Those little amphibians are amazing. Why don't they 'croak'?
    Caroling would be fun. I will send you a local phone book and you can start writing out a list of all the Carols in Whateverpeg.

  8. we eat frog legs over here. not that i do.

  9. Unfortunately I suffer from 'batrachophobia'. As I read the sentence 'Frogs nearly freeze to death' I didn't notice the word nearly.
    I am ashamed to say that I smiled with pleasure - it was shortlived.

    Neurofrickinvacation indeed!

  10. yeh over here too, we eat frog legs. Funny westerners with metric problems. -40, no wonder we have nude touristas here around this time. :D

  11. If you're having the blogger picture upload bug, go here:

  12. On the heels of your vaswrecktomy 101 post and the necessity for freezing the scrotum area, which you will not find pleasant, this is quite germaine.

    I certainly agree that Whateverpeggers and wood frogs have a great deal in common, both in the summer and the spring un-thaw.

    "Enviwrongmental" is not one of your best Homoescapionistic words, but you get the point across.

    And just think: we've only got four more months of this (minimum). How lovely.

  13. sunbathing and skiing in your own back yard - what could be better?

  14. I love that Winterpeg is the Slurpee captial of Canada and had to tell my Slurpee-loving boys that little tidbit of toe-freezin' trivia when I first heard it. Or when I need to chastise them for being wimps. :)

  15. Andrea:

    HE seems to be snoring or otherwise detained, so I feel free to interject and say that yes, you need to chastise your two strapping boys about how males out here have it so bad as far as their extremities go (or don't go).

    And because of the wide swing in temps here, when it's 32C here in July, we need to freeze our innards with Slurpees so we never get too unfamiliar with the realities of January-February, which might otherwise give us heart attacks or the like.

  16. What is this coldness you speak of?

    I know not of it!
    Doest thoust jest that white flakes come from the sky and lay upon the earth.
    Tis a strange land indeed that you liveth in if this be true.

    Can thou not cast thy magic and vanquish it to the 4 corners of the flat world?

    Thee is truly a master of stories ......
    HE He He white flakes from the sky, coldness, OH thou art such a jester of sorts............ When my eyes see, when I can touch, Only then shalt I believe thee.

    Me thinks ye art jesting and your mind is intoxicated with this new substance call coffee! Or art thou drunk from the merryment of this festive season.

    Alas I shalt not know ....
    Be safe my friend ........
    If only Yoda was here, he would be laughing too.

  17. I still reckon Melbourne takes the cake for weather. Not only do we get extremes, we get very quick fluctuations. There's a song called "Four Seasons In One Day", and it's often quoted in relation to Melbourne's weather. Yesterday was hot and sunny, today we have rain and thunderstorms. As to what to do in such conditions... simple: if it's sunny when you leave the house, make sure you've got an umbrella.

  18. MISTI,
    Tastes like chicken I know..too bad that all Amphibians are disappearing thanks to pollution and that the average Frog only weighs 22.7 grams! The Goliath frog weighs 7 pounds (twice the avg. chicken!)..throw some potatos and carrots in the roaster and voila!

    Ah-HA! I am sending you a copy of FROGS (72) starring Ray Milland and Sam Elliot. I remember seeing that and thinking EEeww!
    I hate watching those big Frogs swalow little Frogs and push their legs in with those creepy little arms on those nature shows.
    Oh You need to watch Cane Toad Australia drivers try to line up their vehicles so that they catch the these huge Toads facing their vehicle ...the air is trapped and they POP!

    The problem with nude western tourists is that the ones you don't want to see nekked outnumber the ones that you NEED to see nekked by about 100 to 1 (more math)

    I don't know what Blogger need to do your post on Word first.

    It gets worse every year..I keep thinking that at some point you just get used to Winter but you don't. The amount of energy that we waste making this place inhabitable is ridiculous. After the inevitable 'correction', when Mother Earth starts eradicating our species...humans will abandon the Northern Temperate Zones forever.

    Actually WW and I have gone cross country skiing in the buff..I know that sounds way ghey but it was back in College and we were both experimenting..
    WITH nekked skiing I mean.

    Yes Whateverpeg is quite proud of the fact that we ingest about 100 times more sugar than anyone else in Canuckistan. Perma-Brain Freeze would explain a lot of things but it cannot explain why we still say UNTHAW...
    "I'll UNTHAW that Chicken for supper?" Arrrgghh!

    You have an excellent theory there. The Government secretly adds addictive substances to Slurpees because Whateverpeggers need to keep the refrigerant in their brains circulating. If they realised where we are actually living in the middle of February we would all move..and the Tax Base would vaporise!

    You softies Downunda have no idea how TOUGH we are. HA. NASA should choose all of it's Space Explorers from our population because we can survive a climate with a 100 degree..80 degree according to Ghosty..range in Temperature.

    Yoda in your heart will always be ..
    use the FORCE.

    Crowded House is HUGE here so we all know their songs. We get wild variations here too and Global Warming will only increase the severity of these fluctuations...
    btw most Canadians would welcome a rise in the Earth's Median Temperature.

  19. Holy mackeral! -40?

    The beauty of that is that you don't need to specify C or F for that particular temperature (which kind of twists my head, but I guess they have to cross somewhere)

    Dude, that's chilly! When it gets that bad, come on down to balmy Chicagoland and I'll make us some hot cocoa and/or beer and well swap stories until the thaw.

  20. It's always good to spring (ha!) from generic climate change topics to wood frogs.

    In London, every mini-change in temperature feels like a 20-degree blast in either direction, it's because we're such sensitive beings, y'see.

    We still have mosquitoes around and it's apparently 8 degrees. I know this because several people have been bitten recently. Christmas trees are out. Don't the critters know this?

  21. Wow, I had no idea Crowded House had made it big in Canada. That's cool. What other Aussie bands have hit the big-time there? The Whitlams? Silverchair? Savage Garden? Powderfinger? It's easy to forget that the international music scene isn't COMPLETELY dominated by Americans!

  22. Oh, I get it, I was on th wrong blog. Multiple blogs confuse me.

    This post makes me cold just reading it. I like the warmth. 80 degrees is pretty much perfect in my book.

  23. You know what I would do in that weather? Sit in the corner and cry a fair bit - and then freeze to death. That's about it. Oh dear, it's wicked.Pack up and move TO ANOTHER COUNTRY!! :).

  24. Now, now, Don, you know well that we bought it from the Russians because even then, the Canadian dollar was worth about 70 cents on the American.....hehe.

  25. RIMSHOT,
    Now I know that Chicago gets that Lake Effect Snow and that you get a REAL Winter so it ain't no big thang to y'all.

    I would love to visit and solve all world problems in record time.

    What? Mosquitoes in London at Christmas? Sounds like a scene from 28 days later.

    I would rather have 40 below and sunny than rain, fog, drizzle, rain, fog, drizzle, rain , fog, drizzle, rain, fog, blue sky, fog, drizzle...

    Aside fom the international stars like Savage Garden, INXS, Men @ Work etc Canadians have always loved Aussie bands because of our sisterhood. Canadian bands combine the Brit/Yank influences but we don't have the independent attitude and crazy lingo of our Aussie cousins...which we appreciate.

    8o degrees is too hot for
    I will hide in the air conditioning or at the beach becuase we usually will have high humidity to go with that and I melt.

    Actually 20 below in the middle of Feb. is a dry cold and if it is Sunny, it is refreshing and just need the right activity and outfit. I guess it sounds ccccold.

    The good thing about freezing to death is that after the initial stinging of frost bite you go numb and just fall asleep...way better than the opposite.
    This answers the Robert Frostian question about Fire and Ice. Ice hands down Ice.

    The bloody Ruskies stole it first is all! Hello! What if we owned Florida? It makes about as much sense.
    I know that it isn't your fault. Are you EVER going to allow me to comment on your blog? Seriously what is the pass word?

  26. Met At Work were international stars? Wow. They had, like, one song. But other than that, what you say makes perfect sense!

  27. Open invitation my friend...but you have to bring the wig and the sombrero.

  28. Wait, that's not what I meant.

  29. All of this is reminding me of some lovely vodka by the people at 42 Below. Of course, they're referring to a different kind of degree.

  30. stace -I actually bought a men at work CD in canada :). And a spy vs spy one. And a cheap split enz greatest hits cassette .Someone I met there was a fan of icehouse and also of hoodoo gurus.Isn't it a pity that the song that people know of men at work is the worst song they ever did.

  31. u should move to Sydney mate :)


  32. so, um, can't you get a hold of some of the anti-freeze the frog uses?
    i dunno so much about having myself frozen for the future- i think by the time i croak i will have had as much as i can take...

    unless there's a guarantee i can come back and shag like a wood frog, of course...

  33. STACE,
    Lee is right Split Enz, Hoodoo Gurus, ICEHOUSE!, Bee Gees, AC/DC, Midnight Oil, Oliva Newton John, Divinyls, Silverchair, Sneaky Sound System, Veronicas, Mental As Anything, The Church, love it!

    A wig and a sombrero can only mean one thing..we'll be drinking Tequila!!

    Brilliant detective work. indeed Vodka has been upscaled and repackaged to appeal to the more urbane giant leap for a liquor that you can make out of tractor tires, potatos, or cossack hats.
    I like the way that you think.

    You were in Canader buying cheap casettes? Please do go on...and when are you coming back?

    If I ever move to Sydney you will be the first to know. I'll be headin' to the Beach for a few days then off to Spencer Gulf to play with the Whites..if I survive that I will have to visit all of the marvelous Aussie bloggers.
    A walkabout like that will prolly take a year...that would be so awesome!!

    No kidding eh? If it is this bad now what the hell will it be like in 100 years? I am fairly certain that the people that they thaw out would be celebrities so it might be fun...and that wood frog thing might not be as far out as it sounds...hmmm.

  34. Oh gee, man, I'm so sorry about Olivia Newton John. I had no idea.

  35. will they still have slurpees in the future...?

  36. I don't think the hottest temperature digits are correct. Well hottest temperature where? In the world? I've been to cities that have 50C. In the kalahari deserts, the temperature is 130F

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