Sunday, December 21, 2008

HUMBUGGERY Crisismas? Cashmass?

More bloody Christmas reruns..

It's the most perplexing time of the year
With the kids belly aching
And Walmart Ads stating
"the must-have gift item is here"

It's the most stressful time of the year
It's the crap-crappiest season of all

With those bad office parties
and red and green smarties

With banktruptcy looming
And suicides blooming

There'll be relatives boasting
Cheap liquor for toasting
And vomiting out in the snow

There'll be scary bank statements
And loan re-arrangements
for Christmas debts one year ago!

It's the most depressing time of the year
There'll be jealousies showing
And insults start flowing

As pleasantries soon disappear
It's the most stressful time of the year

There'll be smiles that you're forcing
And talk of divorcing
For feeding folks nobody knows

You'll hear the same bullsh*t stories
That are so f*ckin boring
about Christmases long, long, ago!

It's the most tedious time of the year
There'll be much mistletoeing
with creepy drunks groping
But soon they will all disappear

Calling Cabs for the stragglers is fine
Waving bye at the Airport sublime
Turning off the tree lights for the last time
That's the most wonderful time of the year


  1. So then...Festivus?

  2. LOL! I can tell you're such a bundle of joy this season. :D

    Made the mistake of going to a regional mall yesterday and I was reminded of the blatant commercialism and total disconnect between the competing messages of the Season...((sigh))..since Commerce is the de facto King of Kings here in the West I suppose that none of us should be surprised.

    I'm not really that much of a Grinch but I find the whole thing depressing and is the best example of how we as a society can spoil something so simple by simply turning it into a high season for retailers.

  4. I blame Coca Cola.

  5. If I were you I'd sue the doctor who botched your sex change operation.

  6. GEOFF,
    and I blame Pepsi so we will just have to agree to disagree.

    I was trying this on to celebrate the Led Zeppelin reunion tour..I think that I look like Robert Plant.

  7. Robert Plant singing "Since I've Been Loving You?"...

    "I said it kind of makes my life a drag, drag, drag, drag"

  8. true by saying looking forward to turn off the light. well wish u a happy festive season...

  9. you are pretty as a blonde.

    was nice meeting you this weekend.

  10. you're pretty as Merlin too.

  11. Firstly: "Kvetch"...Really? That made me smile.

    Nextly: I will send you the bill for the therapy needed after seeing that picture.

    Lastly: I say we form a sort of 'humbug' club. Not toward the good stuff, just toward the icky, save-your-receipt, what-did-you-get-me parts of the season. But maybe a better name than 'humbug club' could be an offshoot of that Mehnsa thing...

  12. So that's really you in the picture - and I thought it was mj!

    Jus off to phone the Samaritans.

  13. MJ,
    I was humming 29 palms

    Oh thank you. Actually I have more fun at those things than anyone else but the whole retail thingamabob drives me insane!

    G L O R I A,
    Your visitation is a welcome relief and I can now safely assume that I did NOT offend you with my frivolous banter.
    I was blonde'r' as a child but now I must dye my hair so that the carpet matches the drapes.

    "Ho, ho, ho
    It's magic, you know
    Never believe it's not so
    It's magic, you know
    Never believe, it's not so

    Never been awake
    Never seen a day break
    Leaning on my pillow in the morning
    Lazy day in bed
    Music in my head
    Crazy music playing in the morning light"

    First of all Yiddish comes quite naturally to me because it os 10% German and 90% phlegm.
    Secondly, Medicare will cover it.
    Thirdly, let us stick it to the MAN!

    Actually mj and I were separated at birth..or shortly thereafter.

    I am delighted to see you. If you do know of any good samaritans please send them over with spiced rum and plenty of eggnog.

  14. So, you're going to Turkey over Christmas, then?

  15. ho ho ho!


  16. Nerd. Who's taking all these pix of you for your blog? Ally? Ridz? You're becoming the man about town.

  17. Oh, what beautiful hair you have. Makes me want to reach over and touch it.

  18. What? You copying me and growing longer hair?

  19. mwaaaaaaahahahahahahaaaaa...
    you should be selling twisted christmas cards dude!!!

  20. Homo (pause for a giggle), I am pretty sure I mentioned to you that I am not the bashful blushing bride type.

  21. I'm working on the theory that the actual day itself won't be too bad. Ever the optimist me!
    Just had a go on your fish thing - now, that's what I call fun.

  22. Anonymous3:38 p.m.

    Perfect! I will be singing this song all the way until 2009.

  23. You totally wrapped up the attitude I carry around with me from Halloween until the day after Christmas.

    You know me so well!

  24. Well, yes I am still alive. BARELY and trying to stay afloat as we are getting tons of rain. But hey...we need it. Just greatful I am NOT in WI. BRRRFUCKINCOLD!

    I hope you have a GREAT Christmas and santa brings you a nice warm stocking stuffer.

    I'll be around more after the first of the year!

  25. Oh that made me so warm and fuzzy inside!

    Merriest Christmas wishes to you dear Donn.


  26. H/E, I'm at the point now where I don't get excited about Christmas until I put my family's gifts under the tree. Then I get excited. Prior to that night, there's just too much going on to really enjoy the holidays. And damn it's cold outside! That's no fun either.

  27. you've having frozen peas for dinner this christmas? *giggles*

  28. I agree wholeheartedly.

  29. Yes, Festivus....for the rest of us....


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