Friday, March 02, 2007

HOME ALONE IS RISKY BUSINESS
FOR MIDDLE AGED MEN

It is an occurrence as rare as Halleys’ comet but every so often the planets align and I have the house all to myself for an entire weekend.
This can mean only one thing
PAR-TAY!

The first thing that I do is BLAST THE MUSIC and dance around the house in my tighty whities WOO HOO!

Second item of business is to phone WW and tell him to get his butt in gear. Time is a-wastin’!

Last year on this very same weekend we had an awesome party that lasted for 36 consecutive hours.
I fired up the foam machine in the ballroom and we danced like fools with our gal pals, Halle, Monica, Salma, and Angelina.
They love to go crazy and they are so much fun!
I know what you’re thinking but its all good clean fun.

Last year I left the foam machine on a little too long. As you can see it covered the entire ballroom
D'OH!!
It took 6 hours for WW to mop it up and clean the rest of the house and no sooner had he finished when my goodladywife returned from her shopping spree at 'Chez Tar-jay' in Grand Forks where she is headed this weekend. That was a close one!.

Anyway I don’t really have time to post because there is a lot of stuff for WW to do and I have to keep after him or it won’t get done.
I’ll make sure to take lots of pictures..well that is one of WW’s jobs.. OK ‘gotta go.

What are you doing this weekend?

37 comments:

  1. It's not a par-tay 'til somebody pukes.

    Will you hold WW's hair (what's left of it) if he vomits?

    ReplyDelete
  2. mj,
    WW can hold his liquor but he pees like a girl...I don't mean sitting down although that is not outside the realm of possibilities..
    I mean he is scratching at the litter box every 25 minutes.
    A real man can hold his urine.

    ReplyDelete
  3. WW: He must have been holding his urine-in like a camel the night I met him here in Vancouver.

    He only went to the little boy's room once and only because he had a long walk ahead of him.

    Are you sure about this?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Do you make WW wear a french maids uniform for this event? Cuz I'd really like a picture of that!

    ReplyDelete
  5. With fishnet stockings.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh yea, fishnet stockings and high heels.

    ReplyDelete
  7. mj,
    That's a Relief!
    I am sure that it Depends on who you relieve, er believe.
    I shouldn't Leak this but WW would bladder not talk about it. He did travel halfway Incontinence to meet you so I'm sure that he was trying to impress you and that his back teeth were floating.

    anna,
    Ew where is the brain bleach!
    Actually we just wear the silk Hefner Pyjamas the whole time..well almost the whole time. We have a fresh set of Playjamas laid out for us by the help every couple of hours.
    You get used ot it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. laurie,
    Ok I just can't go there.
    WW is the last guy on Earth that you'd catch in heels on a slippery wet dance floor full of foam and Movie Stars...and when he cleans up he always wears practical pumps.

    ReplyDelete
  9. sorry(hic)I mean't laurie not anna(hic)as you can tell I have already'started'(hic)sippin' cocktails(hic)while I wait for that lazy(hic)ass WW to get over here and start(hic)setting up...hold on laurie I've(hic)got another call on the(hic)other line..

    ReplyDelete
  10. What am I doing this weekend? Coming to your house of course. By the time I'm done with y'all WW *will* be peeing sitting down and you'll be the one wearing WW's fishnet stockings and high heels.

    Ah yes -- a legend in my own mind...

    ReplyDelete
  11. no where as cool as you get to be!!! good luck bro!

    ReplyDelete
  12. laurie,
    C'mon down.

    andrea,
    Par-tay animal!
    Bring it on!
    Let's see what you got?!

    ghosty,
    Hop on a plane!
    You can be here in 13 hours!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hmmm...well now I'm suddenly feeling like I need to mop every floor in my house this weekend...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Leaving now, HE. See you in 15 hours.

    Oh wait, by then the party would be over.

    Nevermind.

    ReplyDelete
  15. If Salma is there, I'm sure Penelope Cruz can't be far behind, and those two together make for one hell of a party.

    And the Hugh pic made me laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  16. WW can hold his liquor but he pees like a girl...I don't mean sitting down although that is not outside the realm of possibilities..
    I mean he is scratching at the litter box every 25 minutes.
    A real man can hold his urine.


    That sounds like me after a few drink. LOL.... :(

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'd like to be the "help", please. And how flattering that you think of me when you're drunk! Awwwww.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Forget it, HE. The girls called me on my way home from work and asked me to pick them up at the airport.

    I don't know how to say this, but...we ditched you, man. The partay's over here tonight.

    You stay home and blog.

    And I'm glad MJ injected some truth into this little tale...

    Now Andrea, MJ, Laurie and whomever else, get your butts over here...

    ReplyDelete
  19. heidi,
    Rent a foam machine..
    its way faster!

    laurie,
    It will just be gettin' goin' by then..plenty of time to have fun..come on!

    peeseveryfifteenminutesblogger,
    Oh dear. Penelope will probably show up cha cha cha so hop on a plane..and whear your T-Shirt that reads Define Girlfriend.

    anna,
    holy freudian slip batman!
    Um er Gee..anna..we'd love to see ya and I am sure that you find the crowd entertaining...and you don't have to lift a finger..WW does all the work..you just have to keep him out of the sauce.

    without honor,
    et tu WW?
    So this is what I get for trusting you..
    you had one job this morning..
    pick up 4 beautiful movie stars from the airport..
    I can't believe it...
    I mean how hard can it be? *smirks*

    ReplyDelete
  20. I've started partying without you.

    Woohoo!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Party? *perks up* There's a party?!!!

    But they're all girls!!!! Where are all the drop your unmentionables gorgeous guys????

    Who are me and Keshi and all the other girls gonna dance with while you and WW are pre-occupied with the starlets????!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Unfortunately while you were self-foaming, I was at work all day, you imbecile.

    I had to tell the girls to wait at the airport. They were so disgusted with you they just came home with me.

    And it's me that's smirking now, in answer to your foul question, and I quote: How hard can it be?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Brilliant cut-and-paste, by the way. It's becoming your new art form.

    I'll have to give you another pic of me looking the other way, though. The angle's a bit off.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Has anyone supplied the music? I've got an iPod full of KISS!

    Actually, we're going to Tucson for Spring Training this weekend. While there, I'm hoping to work in a trip to the best Mexican restaurant in the whole state.

    Do you think if I sent my laundry over, you could send it through the foam machine????

    ReplyDelete
  25. While you boys whoop it up with the starlets and the foam machine, I'm stuck here watching the Detroit/Miami game.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Clean fun, eh! Let me know next your wife goes off shopping! Hope you invite Selma again! I love that girl.

    This weekend? Going to watch my footie team play, then off to work, an Indian after work, work tomorrow... No par-taying at all!
    ;o(

    ReplyDelete
  27. mj,
    Don't forget to leave vital information about yourself (including a return address) in case you wander out of the house.

    menchie,
    Thor and Zeus (remember my stripping buddies) will be dancing here all weekend.
    Problem solved.

    within reason,
    The hacker cut and paste is part of the charm that hopefully disguises the blatant frat boy delusions of grandeur seeping through this post.
    I am mocking the urban myths about sex deprived pre viagara men and their desperation to relive their glory days...sort of.

    ms. val,
    Bring your laundry (everyone's doin' it) and we can have a full hour of Detroit Rock City/Strutter/Cold Gin/Shout It and all the rest!
    Spring training?
    It will remain Winter here for atleast two more months.

    laurie,
    Detroit Rock City vs.
    the Miami Sound Machine?

    Cream,
    Your Footie team is doing quite well I hear. Salma is a real doll and freakishly proficient at arm wrestling!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I just came to.

    What did I miss?

    ReplyDelete
  29. mj,
    Oh nothing...nothing that I can show on in public..
    here you go..how about some hair of the dog?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Me and the girls just tried driving past your place to egg your windows but the street's shut down...

    Seems you fell asleep and forgot to shut off the foam machine. It's all over the road.

    When you come to, I think you've got some explaining to do.

    ReplyDelete
  31. UNderpants dancing the first sign a man has been left alone in the house.....Although you have hit stage two which is drunken air guitar on a tennis raquet?

    And now i have an image of WW in a french maids outfit with stocking, there goes 3 successful years of therapy with one mental image....:)

    ReplyDelete
  32. Oh fer Pete's sake! I was at the airport with Salma and Halle and I got stuck in the dang bathroom stall trying to get my fishnet tights up and y'all just DITCH ME???

    Homey- You have questionable friends.

    :/

    ReplyDelete
  33. washmyhouse wimp,
    You'll pay for this...I'll hunt you down to the ends of the earth!

    aidan,
    Sorry..I didn't say it. I have a picture from the 70s playing a mean air guitar tennis racquet...there may have been mood altering chemicals involved.

    shelley,
    WW is totally unreliable and I hope that I can convince Herve Villechez to come back next season.

    ReplyDelete
  34. grumblador11:09 PM

    "Fraternity, Lubricity, Felicity",
    or words to that effect, isn't it?
    You'll have to put your backs into
    it- we won't even hear about things
    down here, unless the Mounties bust
    the door down and go buck wild on
    your impenitent asses;-) As to the
    foam, I'd say a couple of overtly placed Wild Turkey empties, and a
    dozen Barbasol cans in the old skeet trap should provide at least
    some plausible deniability. NO GUNS, but a couple of dozen shell casings prominently scattered lends
    an air of authenticity to festive
    occasions of any sort. Folks who know, know not to ask too many
    details...

    ReplyDelete
  35. HA! this had me laughing out loud...thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  36. grumbilical cord,
    Truer words were never spoken.
    What happens in the foam..
    stays in the foam (hopefully eeew)

    kevin,
    Next year you better get your butt up here and show Robert Downey Jr how to properly lead a conga line

    sheesh what a hacker!!!

    ReplyDelete

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