A Ghost Of Chrizzmuz Past revisited;17/12/06
What I mean is where exactly in the house do you prefer to unwrap your favorite present?
Outside the weather is frightful so that's out...
a spontaneous romantic excursion under a decorated tree can be quite exhilerating but it is a recipe for disaster what with all of the electrical cords and fragile decorations dangling precariously overhead..and the misletoe out in the front hallway might seem like a great idea until you notice wide eyed relatives gawking through the window of your front door...oops.
The temptation to stuff our stockings in unusual places arrives with the increased opportunities thanks to the respite from working schedules and having children off playing with new games and toys for hours on end.
How many times can you watch It's A Wonderful Life...No Really?
You can discount the bedroom and sofas during the Holidays because they are used exclusively to sleep off the staggering effects of nightly gluttony and the accompanying Trytophanic coma as well as self inflicted overconsumption of Holiday Spirits..
a romantic, squeaky, shower,
LOVE SWING that the special someone in your life just gave you to help make the twelve days of Christmas unforgettable. http://www.loveswing.com/index2.htm
Use of this apparatus is of course restricted to adult members of the population who are either Circus Acrobats, Olympic Gymnasts, Yogic Contortionists or Astronauts currently orbiting the Earth in a gravity free environment.
Personally I have no idea how bored or drunk you would have to be to even contemplate risking a few minutes of pleasure for a few months in traction...
and how does one go about persuading your gravitationally challenged partner to risk life & limb and climb aboard without the aid of vast quantities of Tequila or LSD?
Who dreams up these things..and where in your home could you actually suspend this monstrosity...for starters I am positive that I weigh more than these two models combined..bad pun..
I suppose that you could find some strong, accessible overhead beams out in the Carport or in the Garage, neither of which are very conducive to romantic encounters.
What happens once you are up there..which in itself would be reward enough for me! At my age couch dismounts can be tricky enough never mind having dangled three feet off of the ground like some half assed spiderman.
This looks like a recipe for disaster and I would insist on having a phone hanging within reach in case of a charlie horse or some sort of chiropractic catastrophe!
Just to be on the safe side an updated Last Will and Testament should be posted in plain site for the forensic team to find when (and if) your bodies are ever discovered. With all of those straps twisting and turning I am positive that the forces of Natural Selection would inevitably kick in and remove you from the gene pool at the first available opportunity.
Wouldn't you just end up hanging your on-the-go clothes on this thingamabob like the stairclimber and other exercise equipment that you store in your bedroom? Despite the proprietary guarantee of an Orgasm a day I suspect that an emergency Organ reattachment by the end of the day would be a more likely.
Maybe I already have too many hangups!