Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I AM TURNING 49 TODAY!

Now as far as I know 49 doesn't have any universal significance. Not like 69 nudge nudge wink wink say no more!

Actually as far as I was concerned 49 was simply going to be the year devoted to accepting the concept that next year when I turn 50 that I will be referred to by others as middle aged.

Truth be told very few people actually live to be 100 so 50 is not really an accurate benchmark.

The average lifespan of a North American in 1901 was 49, now it is 77....
which means that Middle Age actually occurs when you hit 38.5.

Apparently the average Earthling lives to be around 66 and the oldest recorded human was 122..so she didn't hit Middle Age until 61!

Throughout most of History most human beings could only expect to live between 25 to 35 years.

I was reading the statistics on how 2.5 Million Americans exited this world in 2003 and I found it morbidly fascinating that the causes included;

762 bicycle accidents,
875 choking on their food,
47 lightning,
594 fell out of bed,
22 skydiving,
1,588 fell down stairs,
11,212 overdosed on drugs,
1 measles,
43 salmonella,
32 dog attack,
365 fell off of a ladder.
and not a single fatality was caused by Blogging!

In order to successfully navigate through the next 28 statistically probable years of my existence in a sane, healthy, constructive mode I need to prescribe for myself a plan that is simple and universal;

try to be more charming and less tedious,
(not always easy for me),

learn something new about the world everyday,
(very easy),

try to exchange my schadenfreude (pleasure taken from someone else's misfortune) for the Buddhist concept of Mudita which is the exact opposite,
(pathetic but true)

to enjoy and cherish whatever time that I have with my wife, children, family and friends,
(they make it so easy..most of the time),

to not fear the end of this life,
(nobody gets out alive so what are ya gonna do?),

concentrate on giving back more than I receive,
(oink oink oink),

and to make atleast one person laugh every single day.
(especially strangers),

I must confess that I am absolutely thrilled to have met so many of you thoughtful, wonderful, funny, intelligent, interesting people from all over the world since I discovered Blogging..
I have not been this content and comfortable in my own skin since my Triassic Period back in College.

I seem to have rediscovered my voice and it is very exciting. Strange as it sounds Blogging has restored my nagging optimism about People.
You can dismiss this as sycophantic drivel if you like but I feel reconnected to the world. Afterall, I am just a click and a tap away from YOU.

I discovered that I have learned as much about myself as I have about others.

Hello my name is Donn and I'm a blogoholic!
Thank You...and if we can change our names and even our sex, why can't we legally change our age?
FORTY NINE, SCHMORTY NINE!

47 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:50 AM

    Am the first one??!! Finally!!
    Happiieee Birthday!!! So.. forty-nine huh? And i thought it was tragic when i turned 25!! :)
    I kid you!
    Party on.. you have decades ahead of you, you ol' foggy!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Happy birthday. You're looking very youthful and have got a lot less grey hair than me (er, allegedly. Under all the L'Oreal colourant). Anyway, it's always nice to find out that someone is older than me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Happy Day, Donn!!! You make me laugh almost every single day. You're a lot younger than most 25 year olds I know. *Wonders what kind of crazy shirt you'll wear today.

    Have a good one

    Muah!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous7:29 AM

    Dude. are you seriously trying to tell me that in 2003 more people died by falling out of bed than being struck by lightning? a lot more, from the look of it. Really what this tells us is that during a thunderstorm you're in more danger if you're hiding in your bed than if you ran outside with an umbrella!

    Happy birthday, mate. Live long and prosper, etc.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ha ha! You're 4 years and one week older than me! Ha ha happy birthday.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lá breithe mhaith agat!

    Even though you have proven I have past middle age (and I'll get you for that!), I have a present for you:

    http://www.irishwolfhounds.org/

    Your arrival on planet Earth caused the explosion of Vanguard and delayed the US's attempt to get a satellite in orbit. Now that we know it was your fault, we are sending you the bill for damages. Plus interest.

    It's Constitution Day in Spain, Independence Day in Finland, Sinterklaas in Belgium and the Netherlands and you share your birthday with Saint Nicholas. Where's my present?

    You are well on your way to completing your to-do list:

    You are always charming
    You make me laugh everyday

    Tell Madame Escapeons I'm very jealous of her and I hope she's giving you more than a wink and a nod today :)

    Bonne Fete!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Happy Birthday Canucklehead!

    You also share your birthday with that OTHER comedian, Steven Wright.

    Stay safe so you don't become one of those statistics. Wear a helmet whilst blogging!

    ReplyDelete
  8. A very happy birthday to you, Donn. A great age to be in. 7 squared, ah!

    7 is a great number and squaring it should square all that you desire in life! Happiness be 7 to the power of 4.

    Anyway you don't look a day over, well,25!

    :D

    ReplyDelete
  9. Another present ~ your birthday horoscope.

    http://www.cafeastrology.com/birthday/december6.html

    For everyone else:

    http://www.cafeastrology.com/birthday/iftodayisyourbirthday.html

    ReplyDelete
  10. As the well-wishes continue to pour in by the thousands, I remind you of your former Fear of Fifty folly.

    Things do get better and so do people. And you have gotten better and reverted back to the real you.

    It's the new dawn of the New Donn. You've finally found a use for all that trivia. It's your voice.

    Happy birthday.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Happy happy happy happy happy happy Birthday!!!!

    You don't look a day over 70!

    Heehee, that was a good one!

    Enjoy your day!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Does that make us commentaholics? Happy Birthday, Donn. And you really look much younger (unless you really are much younger in the photo). I'm not even trying to flatter you. You don't even have any grey hair! (I like Gautami's mathematical formula for youth and good luck.)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hippo Birdy you old fart :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. perspective,
    Well thank you. Decades sounds long enough to complete a few of my dreams.
    25 is a good year.. you have sort of finished your school and about to begin a career in something completely unrelated...but there is still lots of time to change the road you're on.

    betty,
    In keeping with your rules about how NOT to blog I posted a picture of me from the 70s, went on and on about yada yada yada..but since it is my B-day I knew that you'd forgive me...I'm glad that I made your day..you made mine.

    christine,
    Thank you my dear. I'm not wearing a crazy shirt today..no-sir-ree today I'm just wearin' my birthday suit!
    Which may I remind you that you will be 'shooting' this summer in the great Canadian wilderness for your highly anticipated photographic project.

    chaucer's bitch,
    I shall if I am properly vulcanized..I think that means encased in rubber..hmmm.
    Yes falling out of bed would seem to be an unlikely demise but for those 594 unfortunate souls it was the end. Now I would prefer to die IN bed if at all possible and if I rolled off after, so be it.

    geoff,
    You cheeky whipper snapper! This is my gift to you. Sorry for all of my bad Ghent puns and comments but I am always so jealous of you eurosapiens who can travel to all of these great historical cities..and they are all a hop skip and a jump. Here in this Colonial Monstrosity we are separated by thousands and thousands of miles of wilderness..and everything is NEW!

    laura e,
    I take full responsibilty for the Vanguard fiasco. Ahh look at those Irish..they are soo majestic. I am forever impressed that these giants are always rated at the top of the charts for being kid friendly! They are almost magical..how can something so big still be so cute!
    Mrs. HE will be duly notified and I concur with your declaration that a wink and a nod are far from sufficient under the circumstances.

    mj!
    You are so sweet to dedicate your post to this momentous occasion and redirect all of your fans to congratulate me for remaining above ground.
    I promise not to sully your reputation as a mysterious hard nosed no nonsense muckraking pushing the edge of community standards coordinator of fascinating information....
    *takes a breath...
    by letting them know that you are a sweet sensitive thoughtful funny intelligent sentient lady who always, ALWAYS makes an extra effort to ensure that my feelings aren't hurt. You are a real doll.
    MUAH! Thank You.

    gautami.
    I have never thought of myself as a 'square'! I like your math..is 7 really a powerful number in the East...lucky number 7?
    I hope that you are right because our National Lottery is called 6/49...
    and I am turning 49 on the 6th!
    You are a very kind fellow blogger and the only one who regularily chastises me when I go too far..
    I appreciate that. Tough but fair!

    thanks Mr Cariou!
    You would know better than anyone else on the entire planet that I have finally come full circle from my sojourn into the opposite end of the spectrum of life.
    You and I have gone through a lot together during the past couple of years and now we are both enjoying an ascending column of good fortune.
    You stuck by me when everything was so dark and I will never ever forget that.
    You are a fabulous friend and I couldn't imagine my Life 'without' you.

    awaiting,
    70! Why you..hey Anna Nicole Smith would still think I was doable, her last husband was 138 or something. See there is always an UP side.One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
    I know that you're kidding..you are kidding right?
    Thanks for all of the happys..I intend to use every last one of them. Believe me, I have been 'really' enjoying my day..and it's only noon!.
    NO REALLY!

    ReplyDelete
  15. andrea,
    You had me from unless you are much younger in the photo! Actually I look younger than that without my goatee..
    and I do have a little grey on the left side..
    which I ignore because Grecian Formula smells like formaldehyde!

    You can always tell when a guy has combed his hair with that rancid crap because he smells as if he were soaked in cologne called 'Napalm in the Morning'.

    ziggi,
    Thanks for sprinkling a little 'stardust' my way,
    you saucy minx!

    ReplyDelete
  16. "restored my nagging optimism about People"

    It sounds as though you have found some sort of religion...a strong appreciation in the fragility rather than the Sinfulness of humanity. Humanism in it's purest form. When you realize humanity's fragility rather than it's shortfall of some self-imposed law/baggage, you really start to love it.

    Happy 49th Donn. You'll have to wait till Freitag for your Geschenk.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Der Mensch O' Nacht,
    Veilen Dank..Konnten Sie bitte etwas langsamer schriftlich?!
    Ja ja, Freitag es volkommen fur mich..
    Ich habe durst!

    ReplyDelete
  18. happily birfdaze to youuuuu,
    happily birfdaze to youuuuu,
    happily birfdaze deeeeeeaar h.eeeeeeeee.!!!!
    haaaaaappily biiiiiiiirfdaaaaazzzze toooooooo youuuuu!!!!!
    many many happy returns you hoopy frood you- globble floopily all your days!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Yooit angel!!
    Was that a froodian slip?
    I'm hoopy, kaalgat and way west havin' a wettie at my jol.
    This oke has no skaam.
    Did that make any sense?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous3:12 PM

    Donn, listen to me. You are NOT 49. That implies that in one year you will turn 50. As a slightly older and even more slightly wiser man, I impart this loop hole to you, my son. You are celebrating your FOURTH ANNUAL FORTY-FIFTH birthday. From that day forward you held back the ravages of time and remained at that magic age that retains the glory of youth yet embraces the strength of endurance. We are the half-baked Centurians, guardians of the truth and pursuers of wisdom. Welcome to the brotherhood, and never allow the word "fifty" cross your lips!

    Your sixth year veteran of the Brotherhood......

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous3:26 PM

    Well, here I am, 'way down the line of well-wishers and trumped all the way ...I thought I'd lead with the commentoholic, but Andrea did that.Bugger! Scroll down and Ziggi's done the hippo birdy thing.Bugger!So I thought I'd tell an amusing little story about wolfhounds...not my day, is it? But it is yours. Glad it's a good 'un.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Ich habe auch durst. Vieleicht konnen wir suzammen sitzen und spass machen. Nein, virklich!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Well i guess you can now join the Sanfransisco 49'ers. Happy birthday big guy. Have a great day and try and learn more than one thing a day cuz then you'll be twice as smart as everyone else.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Happy birthday (dutch version, hint : lots of cows, milk and cheese) :
    Happy birthday to you
    In de wei staat een koe (the oe sounds the same as ou in you)
    en die koe die zegt Boe
    Happy birthday to you.
    (In the pasture stands a cow
    and this cow says Boe, happy birthday to joe)
    Very humorous post you made for your birthday :-)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous4:28 PM

    594 fell out of bed
    Who are these people?

    Happy Bday! Enjoy it.

    Enjoy 49, because I'm going to be completely honest. Next year, when you turn 50, you're an old man. My parents both turned 50 this year, and I can't help but referto them as such.

    It's just the way it is. Your kids will look at you differently as well. So this is your big year to go do young people things. Like...I don't know. skydive or something.

    ReplyDelete
  26. THE michael,
    Right about now I would like to be a half baked Centurion. Seriously who will I hire to keep track of all this information?
    OK if I submit to your seniority and go along with this half baked scheme how will that affect my retirement plans..does that mean that I have to abandon my dreams of frittering away my twilight years in splendid isolation at Trump Tower?

    dinahmow,
    Those buggers..if it wasn't for the time difference you could really do a number on them. Send over my Wolfhound whenever you are ready. ..and thank you for the wishing well wishes thingamabob...thanks.

    Deutsch Dude,
    Das erschallen verhangnisvoll!..
    and I am officially way out of my league.

    hodedoodle,
    Thank you old neighboureeno chum.
    If I were twice as smart I'd be livin' on a beach collecting twenty percent! As for the 49ers I am too skinny now that I have dipped under 2 bills...maybe I could be a water-man?
    Thanks for calling.

    ReplyDelete
  27. hildegarde,
    Bedankt mijn vriendin.
    We always sing
    "you look like a mon-key,
    and you smell like one too!" How do you say that in Flemish?
    At first I thought that it was too weird to talk about expiration logistics but hey isn't that what makes blogging so interesting?

    amphibiousblogger,
    See I knew IT! This is it isn't it?
    Didn't you notice that 22 people didn't make it skydiving..no thanks..my goodladywife has all of the daredevil genes in this family.
    Geez your parents are so young!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous6:38 PM

    It is definitely NOT my day! I was going to put a couple of pics on my blog for you.Blogger says NYET.But if you go to google images,wolfhounds, you'll find a few cuties.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I'm not very good at this and can never think of something clever and witty to say when it comes to birthday wishes. So I'll just stick with a genuine wish for a happy birthday. I hope everyday of your 49th year brings you more joy that the previous.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hey Mr.GoodLooking HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY Hugggggggggggggz!

    So when exactly is ur birthday? 5th of Dec?


    U r 49 going on 29...
    Baby its time to think
    Better beware
    Be canny and careful
    Baby you're on the brink :)


    HE 49 is pretty young and u dun have to change the age at all. Atleast not yet. When we become as old as Anna Nicole Smith's partner, that would be when we wish for an age-make-over LOL!


    **and not a single fatality was caused by Blogging!

    I might be the first!


    WOW HE is such a great guy..I mean look at all his cool bday wishes...so generous and so humble. U dun need to plan any of that cos ur already there. The natural u, the HE we know is all of that and more. I'm so glad to have met someone like u too. I mean IM REALLY GLAD :) Cos u educate alot of us here thru ur GREAT GREAT blog and u r seriously funny. That's what I like the most abt ya.

    Hugggggggggz again! Have a good one mate!
    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  31. dinahmow,
    Ahh thanks. Blogger has a mind of it's own some days..if you really think about it, it is nothing short of a miracle that it works most of the time to begin with!
    I think that I have most of the google image wolfies stored by now..I change my desktop pic everyday so I need lots of stuff to look at.

    anna,
    Well anna we seem to make our own luck a lot of the time and I will try to throw more positive Karmic Boomerangs this year. The great thing about the drop in testosterone production is the advent of a more relaxing universe to live in...Life isn't one big competition for mates and resources and power anymore. No now it's more about the realisation that you need to enjoy whatever is in front of you..one day at a time.

    keshiroo,
    The 6th. Thank You so much. I am totally glad that I met you this year too. Sometimes I wish that I didn't sound so dorky but I like to disarm my information with a little humor to help sneak it in...we learn a lot more when we are happy.
    You have taught me a great deal about being responsible and sensitive to others without being wishy washy. I have no idea how you do it, I don't ever expect to be able to do it at your level but it is a marvelous thing to behold.
    I am looking forward to getting to know you better now that I atleast have a clue as to how this whole thing works...let's have some fun with it kesh.
    Thanks again for your generous attention..and thanks for the big huggggggggzz.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous10:30 PM

    Back again! Pop across to my blog and see your "present."

    ReplyDelete
  33. dinahmow,
    I love that story. Aren't those guys right out of a fairy tale?
    I would have never forgotten that either.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Anonymous11:15 PM

    Happy Birthday!!! Isn't 49 the new 29?? I'm sure it is!

    ReplyDelete
  35. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!
    COngratulations on surviving annother year, let us celebrate with flaming baked goods and rhythymic chanting...

    Hopefully annother long year of blogging ad making your lives just a tad brighter...

    Congrats once again and enjoy the day

    Cheers Aidan

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous2:20 AM

    got to know your birthday from awaiting, so now using my lousy voice to sing ..

    Happy birthday to you,
    Happy birthday to you,
    Happy birthday to Donn,
    Happy birthday to you!!!

    hugss...

    p/s on the pic you look u are only 35 :)

    ReplyDelete
  37. pamela,
    Thank you nice la-dy!
    Since longetivity is so prevelent social engineers agree that we have extended all of our stages of development..adolescence for instance seems to be egregiously long..boomerang kids come back to roost until their late twenties even though they are working in the adult world.
    50 better be the new 40!

    aidan,
    Thank you for taking a time out from honeymooning to warm an old man's heart. I have learned a lot from you this last while and I expect to keep finding out things about our world from the inner workings of your big 'scientificalicious' 3 pounder that is holding your ears apart.
    Keep it up.

    vince,
    I have had a ton of 'work' done so I should look 35.
    Just kidding it is all the luck of genetics..for whatever reason having a developmentally retarded mind has kept my mollecular construct from advancing...I even fooled the Carny in the guess my weight and age booth at the Fair..best $3 I ever spent.
    Living in a fantasy world of makebelieve really works!
    Thank You for singing in public..I no that it isn't easy.

    ReplyDelete
  38. well happy birthday late!
    was that a pic of you? if so you aren't too awful.
    1.you have nice teeth.
    2.you need more tattoos. not that i can tell from the picture, just in general. most people need more tattoos. i know i do.
    3. don't get hung up on age, son. its the grey matter inside the head that counts.
    4. you are one of the best, most original voices out there.

    ReplyDelete
  39. first nations,
    You are very kind and right back at you. I agree, the grey matter, matters!
    I'm actually not that hung up on it because I am not old yet...and I intend to stay immature for as long as possible!
    I do need a tat..it is just so hard trying to decide what and where. I have always wanted a barcode or a darwin fish...but the barcode would be perfect for the back of the neck but OUCH!
    I am totally open to suggestions..

    ReplyDelete
  40. Anonymous1:12 PM

    Happy Birthday, Donn. Sorry I missed it yesterday. I'd have sent a present if I'd known.

    And my life got a lot happier when you came into it. Don't ever leave

    XXX

    ReplyDelete
  41. cherrypie,
    Thank you M'Lady.
    I am not going anywhere I am having too much fun. You have always been an amazing inspiration to me..you are so funny and your command of the language is truly humbling to a Colonial schlep like moi. Nevertheless I shall work diligently to bridge the gap between our countries which are only divided by our common language.
    Yours truly, Donn.
    Muah!

    ReplyDelete
  42. oh man i missed this. Now u are 49 yers and 2 days old!!!

    Indeed blogging made us smaller, younger and more appreciative of life.

    You are not an old man yet my friend...you are younger with everyone post u make!

    I pray that you live till the year 2050 and witness another blogging revolution achieve its target: earth2050.blogspot.com

    Have a great party,
    cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  43. happy belated new year! Thanks for sharing your charming [and at times tedious ;)] self with us through your blog -- you are definitely a bright spot in the blogosphere!

    ReplyDelete
  44. geee tnxxx mate HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  45. ghosty,
    2050!? That would put me at 93!...don't think so..but I'll try.
    You are right this blogging phenom does make the world a little smaller..a little more manageable...and easier to find great people like vous!
    Thanks mate.

    angela,
    What do you mean tedious! I was just kidding...sort of. Thank you for tolerating my bizarre comments on your blog..as you are well aware I am torn between answering your posts with shallow ridiculous notions and frivolous throwaway soundbites...you are a good sport!

    keshtar,
    more HUGGGGGZ!

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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