Friday, November 24, 2006

MR&MRS BONANAFANAFAUXNAME

While you waste your time trying to solve problems like world peace, people who are desperately in love all over the world are wrestling with real issues..like whether or not to change their last name when they get married!

The surname, sirename or supername, is a throwback to the patriarchal days when women were chattel.
Apparently the majority of Earthlings actually place their surname first (Mao Zedong) and if you must know the most common surnames on the planet are Lee,Wang, Chang, Liu and Chen.

As I have previously mentioned, ad nauseum, all verterbrates are created as females so logically males are therefore mutants.
I personally have no doubt in my mind that this old boys club tradition of brides adopting their husbands name will probably end in the not too distant future.

Here is a real Nee-slapper, my goodladywife retained her maiden name. Neither of my daughters have married... I do not know what they will do.
It was our second kick at the can and at the inception of our so-called starter marriages we had both adopted the traditional Y chromosone rule. It wasn't really a huge deal and certainly not nearly as difficult as naming our son.

After nearly 20 years of educating other people's kids my wife had her fill of all of the trendy decade names..that's another story...anyway WE decided to place her maiden name as one of his middle names and saddled him with my surname..not terribly creative.

Historically supernames were invented in accordance with a person's Occupation, Physical Characteristics, Geographical or Locational distinctions, Titles or your basic just for the hell of it Patronymics or Matronymics rules. In almost every culture the man's name prevailed.

With the ever increasing equalization of the genders many young couples now choose to blend their surnames to better reflect the creation of a brand new family, cool idea.
Jones + Smith becomes Smones or Jonith.

Others accommodate this conundrum by hyphenating the two, so called double barrel names, as in Jones-Smith. Not bad.
This is all fine and dandy until the issue of children enters the formula.
If the beautiful daughter of Mr & Mrs Jones-Smith married the dashing son of Mr & Mrs Schnikelheimer-Stankovikiouschuk
..well you can see what I mean.


I have always found it interesting how various traditions handled naming offspring...the son of Russian OV, Irish O', Polish SKI, Jewish BEN, Scandinavian SSON etcetera..and Daughters were alotted Dotters or Bas etc.

The ideal time for couples to decide this matter is while they are in the midst of surging hornymones which generously immerse the brain during the infatuation stage of their courtship.
Men and Women are biochemically infused with a powerful romantic cocktail for approximately 18 months...when love is blind.... NATURE's naughty little trick to get humans to procreate and pass on DNA.

According to f%$#@&g Divorce Lawyers, this hornymone stage is the best time for women to sign prenups and the worst time for men to sign anything as in MacCartney vs Mills...or vice versa as in K-Fed vs Britney!

Anyway I am interested to know if people
A. could care less
B. feel strongly about it
C. know exactly what to do

If you have a moment it would be nice if you could zip over downunda and wish STACE & AIDAN all the best on their big day tomorrow in Melbourne, Australia!
MUAH!

39 comments:

  1. I used to have very strong issues about this when I was younger. Like why should the girl change her surname.

    Now I don't care either way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. gautami,
    Ever the voice of calm, cool and collected reason.
    That's one for could care less.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi HE
    Another for...could care less!
    I did not keep my maiden mame...
    I like my hubby's better.
    My maiden name was MacGillivray...
    Now that's a good Scottish name if you ever heard one...don't you agree?

    Have a great day!

    Margie

    ReplyDelete
  4. margie,
    Auuuch Yea!
    Well I would have probably opted for McSamuru too...or is his last name 999?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Samuru, I got from my dog Sam.
    I would always say...
    Sam, you are u...
    and i luv you...
    I got Sam in 9/99.
    Sam is gone now!

    Margie

    ReplyDelete
  6. Now THIS is cool, Mr. Prolific Poster, and timely too with Aidan and Stace on the verge.

    Great history lesson on those terms surname and sirename...never really thought about it.

    And it's not an easy one to readily solve.

    Do we know yet what Aidan/Stace are doing as far as a common name, or are they both keeping their last names?

    Strangely, I was just thinking about this the other day. My daughter's boyfriend's last name is the old mom-dad hyphen job. She carries only my last name.

    And so, if they were to get married, what would her last name become...and their kids', and their kids'?

    It can get ridiculous and a lot of it is all motivated by being politically correct but at the same time the custom of automatically taking the man's name is also wrong.

    So waddya do?

    I think it should be entirely up to the couple. If, as in Margie's case, the woman wants to take on the man's last name, fine.

    If the man wants to take on the woman's last name, that's fine too.

    And if they want to blend their last names together, cool, although I find that less workable.

    The hyphen thing to me is the least sensible and most PC-motivated of the bunch, but that's just my opinion.

    What seems most reasonable to me is that the mom and dad retain their last names as individuals, first.

    The real issue is what last name the children of that marriage take on and then their children, blah blah.

    And I think then that what you and Allie have done is the right thing with your son.

    It keeps both your's and Allies surnames as part of his overall name but still gives him a one-word last name.

    And he could use that method when he marries and has kids, etc.

    So I guess I do care about this.

    ReplyDelete
  7. margie,
    Aww! Sweet story. Our Jack left us in 01 and we haven't yet worked up the nerve to get another puppy...maybe this Spring now that our other boy is 5.

    without prejudice,
    Yes Aidan and Stace will be known as Mr & Mrs Escapeons...is that coool or what!
    I am not sure what my daughters will do..it would be a lot simpler if their partner's last name was Hitler or Poohead.

    I suppose it is all part of the negotiating and marriage is all about compromise.
    If one person digs in their heels about one thing the other can leverage that for something else.

    I don't suppose that anyone in Greece could handle hyphenating those ______ompoulopolises for more than a generation or two...
    NTTAWWT!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks HE, i wont be able to drop in for a month but thanks for the support and good wishes. It means a lot to Stace and I. Stace is in the city with the soon to be inlaws and my parents are coming through in an hour.

    Catch you when i get back, stay safe..

    Aidan

    ReplyDelete
  9. It was an issue to me when I was young, but I kind of lost it along the way. That was in the days that only the "head" of the family could sign for something and when I asked an older woman her name she said her man's surname as if her own maiden name had disappeared.
    What with family trees if we now decide children can have their mother's name, I don't know.
    Make it B for me and I am slightly pro giving a child the mother's name.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous4:26 PM

    I solved this dilemma by only staying around long enough to conceive, thus avoiding the whole name thing and didn't have to confer with anyone on choosing Jack's name.

    Given my now much advanced spinsterhood, I doubt it is an issue I shall ever need to face but your post has made me wonder whether I may have a horneymone deficiency. I'm usually bored and ready for the next after little more than a month. I can't imagine ever making it to over a year.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I would probably opt to keep my own name. If kids entered the mix, I don't think I would have a problem with them only having their father's last name...K.I.S.S. principle...

    ReplyDelete
  12. aidan,
    Make sure that you relax and enjoy the day because it is going to fly by so fast...I will hoist a glass in your honor.
    hip hip hooray!

    hello hildegarde,
    Nicely done..fair enough, that's one for B!
    I always thought the height of effete bourgois nausea was being introduced to ladies who addressed themselves Mrs Dr.So&So..bleh bleh!
    With so many kids growing up with their Moms you would think that more of them would have their Mother's surname.

    cherry-o!,
    You sound like a Black Widow!
    Hornymone therapy is available and as the Jimmy Buffet song goes you can get 'wasted away again in ESTRAVIL and be on the receiving end of 'Amazing, mind-blowing sex'

    Among it's other claims are:
    'More intimacy and closeness'
    (I guess no phone sex)

    'Their partner's undivided attention, both in and out of the bedroom'(oops no TV either)

    'Overall life satisfaction'
    (there's a pill for that!)

    'Confidence in their sexual attractiveness' (isn't that what alchohol is for?)

    'Confidence in their secure, happy relationship'(so what if it's with the pool-boy!)

    angela,
    "I don't think I would have a problem with them ONLY having their father's last name"

    Yes but it would be helpful if the children had first names as well...
    especially once they enter the school system.

    gotcha!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I would have been THRILLED to adopt my wife's name, as mine is the third most common in the phone book and I have exactly NOTHING invested in it, but, hers was worse than mine rolling off the tongue. Personally, I never understood why it hasn't always been matriarchical, considering you can only come from one mom, but could have just about any daddy.

    ReplyDelete
  14. THE michael,
    Aha your last name is Chang?

    Having our Mother's name would certainly add a little oomph to the phrase
    "WHOSE YOUR DADDY?!"

    ReplyDelete
  15. HE- what a great post! My honey proposed on Wednesday! I accepted, and so this issue will come up. Of course it's #2 for both of us, and it would be silly to change my name (again!)so we're keeping our names.
    I think it's really up to the couple. For some it's very important to take the other's name- but for me, I say- if it's cool, why not? But if you dun wanna, then don't! =)

    ReplyDelete
  16. WooHoo Tidalgrrrrl!!!
    CONGRATULATIONS! Wow what a lucky guy...so I take it that all of the pretraining is complete?
    Well that's very exciting news..
    and please convey my delight to
    Mr Tidalgrrrl.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I could care less. Heck, I am using both of my "names". I have yet to legally switch it over.

    I feel, I am who I am, married or not. No matter what I sign my name as, the fact remains, via court documents, that I 'his wife' and he my 'husband'.

    Who cares what I choose to be called, just remember that I am the same person, named the same and will be until I die, the name in which I was given at birth.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This was a very important issue for me when I was young. I avoided falling in love with a man because I did not like his surname! Yes, indeed thoughful yet superficial.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I recall a conversation Joyce and I had on this issue just weeks before we were married. We were taking a walk around the Manitoba Legislature in Winnipeg. The air was warm and my head was getting hot because she mentioned that she didn't know if she wanted to take my name. I never considered that she would do anything less. It really bothered me for a long time.
    Now I could care less. I think that tradition is ready to die.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I think it's kind of nice when a woman takes on the man's surname - not from a sense of of " Oh no -I now BELONG to him" but more like "we belong together" . It didn't worry me to take on the name because identity is about a lot more than your last name. I also like the idea of having the same last name as your kids.

    ReplyDelete
  21. awaiting,
    BOTH of your names..two sets of books....
    like a secret agent...coool.
    If you are secure in your self image people can call you whatever they want...almost.

    brian,
    Maybe because Joyce wanted something more out of life than to be tagged with one of those ubiquitous Mennonite monikers...
    Dyck, Friesen, Fast, Reimer, Penner, Giesbrecht...sheesh!

    Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe,that all of her life she had been secretly wishing for something more out of life, something unique, like any one of the 3 Hutterite surnames!
    She could have been Joyce Hofer, Joyce Kleinsasser or Joyce Waldner and they all just sort of roll off of the tongue don't they?

    lee,
    I hear you. It all depends on your attitude doesn't it.
    There are plenty of men who walk around and think that they are so important but behind their back people say He is married to a _____ don't ya know! So the old karmic boomerang always comes back.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I kept my maiden name, but that's the norm in Quebec. If a woman wants to adopt her husband's name in Quebec it requires time and money to go through all of the steps required to have a legal name change. So I just kept my name. Besides, I like my name. My work has always been signed with my name. I saw no reason to take his name.

    When/if we have children, they're going to have his name and MAYBE we'll find a way to throw my last name in there as a middle name - just as you did.

    I don't really care about this issue. I just did what was most convenient. People could call me by a number and it wouldn't matter to me. What's in a name anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  23. What's in a name?
    That which we call a rose
    By any other name would smell as sweet.

    Before you say great play shakespeare..I mean c'mon you pitched that beach ball nice and slow..right down the middle..
    I couldn't resist!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Sounds like a PC bunfight in the making. I can understand the urge to identify with good ol' Mom
    but I doubt that very many people
    even know what their Great**N Grandmothers maiden name would have
    been, had their family stuck with
    marital adoption of Mom's surname-
    eventually, adoption of some hubbys
    name would probably have contaminated this line of thinking,
    anyway. Nice try, but in the end,
    it's just another contemporary fix.
    Why not just pick a Surname that both you and your SO like the sound of, or some theme that's easy to remember, and head on down to City Hall. Get 'em to tattoo a barcode on both of your foreheads,
    and call it even. Folks, there are
    bigger issues to think about- get real!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I wont change my surname ever.

    I'd check out Stace n Aidan, tnxx!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  26. grumblefish,
    PC bunfight!? Did you not read my disclaimer that all serious world issues have now been resolved by bloggers and this is where we are at? Mised the memo eh.
    We're just horsin' around is all..having a little Oprahic tussle....I'll get back to correcting 10,000 years of Civilization on tuesday.

    keshi,
    Thoroughly Modern Milly!
    Well there it 'tis...it sounds as if your mind is made up. So if Mr Right is a little old fashioned is there any wiggle room...not even an eensy weensy bit??

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous5:18 AM

    personally it drives me nuts when two people in a couple have different last names; makes it bleeding impossible to address christmas cards.

    if the Pirate pops the big one the big ol' answer is a resounding 'YES!!!', and i will change my name.

    i do wish he had a slightly more interesting surname, though. oh well.

    ReplyDelete
  28. chaucer's bitch,
    What's wrong with Blackbeard?

    ReplyDelete
  29. Anonymous9:41 AM

    What were the choices again?

    Ooh! Shiny things!

    Ya'know... it ain't feminista of me but I wanna go back to being chattel. Screw this work for a living crap. I want someone to take care of me so I can sit on the couch and watch baseball or the History Channel all day long.

    Dad dealt with the whole naming convention by using a universal and politically correct neutral:

    "Hey! You!"

    This works with children, grandchildren and most taxi drivers.

    My youngest brother was going to go with changing his name to his wife's maiden name. She wasn't thrilled with that, so they hypenated for a while. Now they just use his paddynym.

    Congrats to Aidan and Stace!

    Congrats tidalgrrl!

    The secret password is: pvrtyr

    ReplyDelete
  30. HEY! YOU!,
    That's the spirit!
    I respect your decision, to hell with conventional wisdom...I noticed that you neglected to mention Maury and Springer, how could you possibly keep your finger on the pulse of mainstream America without them?

    You rock Miss Chattelaine.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Springer or Maury... ewww! I'd look like that damn scary cat if I watched those shows for five minutes. Also, I want to be chattle, not cattle. Nor stoopid.

    ReplyDelete
  32. laura e,
    F.Gump once remarked that
    'Stoopid is, as stoopid does.'

    It is regrettable that I display such an ecyclopedic ignorance of other great American philosophers but I went to a community college where I served my sentence and paid my debt to society...
    let's leave it at that shall we.

    ReplyDelete
  33. NO WAY baby!

    :)
    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  34. not even
    Mrs. DiCaprio,
    Mrs. Ledger or
    Mrs Bloom?

    ReplyDelete
  35. No HE they r the ones I so dun wanna be :)

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  36. keshi,
    Wow such willpower!

    ReplyDelete
  37. if for some insane reason, i do ever actually decide to get married (perhaps to simply be "assured" of fairly regular sex), i will keep my "maiden name", and since damien will already be a grown up by then he'll keep his name too.

    ReplyDelete
  38. keshi,

    #:?)

    angel,
    "decide to get married (perhaps to simply be "assured" of fairly regular sex"...
    HUH..
    what the hell have you been smoking?
    You mean SHE SAID: constant sex, atleast 3 times a week!
    and HE SAID: hardly ever sex, maybe 3 times a week if I'm lucky!

    ReplyDelete

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