Friday, August 04, 2006


I'd like to think that one day,
I will find the Oasis of Homeostasis,
a balance of all things.

One would hope,
that a plausible cohesive worldview,
could outrun the reaper.

If only I could combine,
all of the patterns, logic, facts and reason,
with the magic, splendor and wonder.

A Life is all that Living can give us.

At the best of times,
Life is making Love and at the worst,
a fight to the death.

Living is a tug of war,
between choices made with the heart,
and others with the mind.

I will find my mirage,
and end this bitter feud between my dreams,
and common sense.


A tad artsy for me but I cannot seem to ignore these nagging questions.
I attended the funeral on Monday for a young woman that I have known since the fourth Grade.

How much time do you waste thinking...

Am I next?
How much time do I have?
Do I have my worldview in order?
Am I satisfied with what I know about Life?
Will I get any answers on the other side?
Is there an other side?
Does it matter if there is an other side?

Will you be hearing Classical Gas by Mason Williams when you depart??

Can you die happy or is that an oxymoron?

I am off to ISLENDINGADAGURINN (Icelandic Festival) for the Weekend to get in touch with my inner Viking!
I am afterall 1/4 Swede and that is close efrickinuff.
Have a safe & happy weekend.


  1. One can die happy. Two can die happy, depending on what they're doing at the time!

    You're the only one I know besides me who says "close efrickinuff."

    get out of my head, H.E.! heheh!

  2. One of the 7 dwarves did so that's my aim.

  3. tidalgrrrl,
    Now you're talkin' my language.
    Sorry I ain't leavin'your head until Dubya hangs up a big MISSION ACCOMPLISHED banner in there...smirk..

    My word you are absolutely right. Now I have to think about why sadistical bastard Walt Frickin Disney had to kill off so many parents in his films and scar generations of what were once perfectly normal well adjusted children.
    RUN BAMBI RUN!!!!! aargh! sob sob

  4. How very poetic of you HE! Beautiful!

    I am so sorry for your loss my friend.

    I think dying with my wits about me and departing with strenght is something to be aspired to... perhaps then I will die as happy as can be, given the circumstances, though leaving my family behind would kill me!

    1/4 Swedish? I am part Danish which would make you a neighbor! Funkified!

  5. miz Bo,
    We are indeedy siblings and neighbours.
    I would miss my family too but I like to think that 4 parts of me will be sticking around to needle all of the tedious knowitalls..HA!

  6. I don't know if you can truly die happy. If you die satisfied, then have you set the bar high enough?

    Is it possible to achieve all you really have your heart set on?

    It just seems impossible.

  7. Finally, you have bared your soul for all to see...that you have a serious, ponderous side.

    This is the HE I know and (many others)love.

    You're the most outrageous, teasing, laugh-a-minute persnickety homo escapeons on the planet.

    But you're also the most thinking, if not feeling, philosopher and learned wise man that I know.

    And this is only a tiny shred of evidence.

    It may be an unattainable hope for some, but YOU will die happy. You just need to enjoy fart jokes more.

  8. Oh...and nude pictures of yourself on the Internet.

  9. er..i want to die without pain.

  10. Powerful thoughts HE. Sorry about your friend. My blessings!

  11. I am scared of death. To think of it means to accept the fact that I lose control.

    It means I lose control over all those things in which once surrounded me. I lose a sense of knowing...of being aware...

  12. I'm not sure if it's possible to die happy either. What is "Happy" anyway. I believe in moments of happiness but I can't imagine being truly happy with all aspects of my life. Also, I don't think I'll ever be content with what I've accomplished. More more more....

    Hope you're having a lovely weekend!

  13. The very fact that you seem to have an affinity for "Classical Gas" already ranks you pretty high in my book and makes up for the dreaded collage incident a hundred times over.

    What are we afraid of? Death? Or the moments leading to death? I fear a painful runup to death but wonder if there is any conscious afterlife or integral reincarnation. What if we as humans simply go through the same sort of dispersion and recombination that other matter and energy experience? What if our sorrow is based on a fear that we don't somehow retain our identity after death except through others' memories?
    We often look at others' deaths as lost opportunity for them and those around them. What if it's really an opportunity to recombine with and become part of a universe that shifts, recombines and offers new opportunities? So what if part of us becomes dust and part becomes the DNA for a cockroach and part gets washed out to sea?

    I always wondered why society requires that we be buried inside a coffin inside a vault and denied the chance to become ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

    I just reread this and I'm bleeding from my nose and ears. Thinking hurts.

  14. Another great post!
    Sorry for the loss of your friend!
    That is a difficult part of life...
    losing those that matter in our lives!

  15. Deep. Good for a Sunday a.m. And is the festival down south -- Minnesota or something? A friend from Oregon regularly goes there for a Nordic festival.

  16. Can you die happy or is that an oxymoron?

    Does it really matter? Isn't it more important to find out if we can live happy? :-)

    "Death is nothing to us, since when we are, death has not come, and when death has come, we are not."
    -- Epicurus

    Oh yeah, and the answer to "Is there an other side?" is "What do you mean?" :-)

  17. Good questions.

    Guess for now I'll just venture that experience is deeper and broader than thought.

    At least that's what I think...

  18. tommorow is a maximum of 24 hours away...and that means everything is not far at all. But yet again, some a survivors, some a victims...some just fade away not nowing it will come too soon. We are humans, we are puny, but we can show and give all the love we can. Thats life, and may your dear friend rest in peace. And live your life to the fullest.

    //that was a good poem. But do you think we can make everything work in clockwork?//

  19. Hope u had a lovely weekend at the festival HE.

    hmmm do I know what life is and would I be dying happy? I could happily say Yes...cos no 2 ppl can ever have the same things in life. What u have is what u have and that's what life is. So be happy always :)


  20. H.E., are you back from the festival yet, and if you are, are you filled with visions of Valhalla?

  21. Interesting. I write a post on Who am I? and come here and find this. That does not exactly answer what you ask but its a woman's privilege to digress!

    Hope you had a great weekend!

  22. anononononon,
    I don't know if dying satisfied is the same. I think that you're right about setting realistic goals.

    withered within,
    Oh dear don't you go puttin' silly notions in my head. I will die happy because it will come as a total surprise. What the....

    Me too. This eliminates a lot of things for me..shark/bear/komodo attacks..planecrashes.. pretty much leaves dying in bed or slumping in my seat at a movie theatre....

    It was more of the shock that I am actually in that age bracket now. Since my father died young I have thought about dying everyday for 24 years but now other people my age are passing away and that adds a whole new dimension....

    Hi! No seems like it will be totally out of your hands (if there is anything waiting other than an infinite silent void)

    frontier editor,
    Hey thanks for dropping by.
    You are right the lead up to my death better not be like something out of a Brain DePalma movie...if it is I am taking as many bad people as I can with me!
    I am sorry for the heavy thinking it is quite rude to do so prior to a lovely summer weekend.
    I hope there is something after it will certainly be disapointing if there isn't.I don't get coffins either..nothing could be more unnatural..other than freezedrying your head!!!!

    It is worse when you lose touch with people and find out how amazing they were and realise that you missed all of those great days.

    We have tons of
    right here...up in the Interlake area. My swedish grandfather came up here through Minnesota but apparently it wasn't cold and buggy enough for him and his brothers so they kept goin' north.

    Ah yes the 'cure' for my unanswerable questioning should contain a healthy dose of Epicurean logic.

    Despite having my little skull drilled with notions of a huge family gathering at the end of it all I am fairly certain that there will be not be a whole-lotta-shakin'-goin'-on.

    Hello. Experience should be considered more valid. Yes I think that fond memories are far more useful and soothing than wishful thinking during the final endorphin bursts of a dying brain.....

    ghost particle,
    Yes Viking! My ancestors tried to wipe out the English language and ended up preserving and strengthening it.
    Wise words my it 24 hours at a time...

    Such two people can have the same things in life...yes you are right. One man's ceiling is another man's floor. Learning to be happy with what you have and then giving it all away is far more satisfying than trying to acquire the entire world and discover destination sickness upon arrival.

    We see so many famous people who have reached the so called top and found absolutely NOTHING waitng for them when they got there.

    I certainly did not have as many blurred visions of valhalla as the locals but I had a wondeful time throwing rocks in the lake and the weekend tornado missed us by a few miles and plus we made it home on a long weekend it's all good...
    and I never did wear one of those horny viking helmets..nobody in that fishing/tourist village would have noticed another one anyway...did see a lot of sunburned blue eyed blondes of all shapes and sizes!

    Certainly in my small world a woman still retains the right, no make that the priviledge to digress..I will be more than happy to visit your who am I...see you soon...

  23. Sorry for your loss.

    Sadly, I have no answers to your questions, only similar questions.

  24. I have seen a person dying happy, but how they felt about it afterwards, I could not say. Remember well, good friend!

  25. anna,
    hola, thats OK I don't really expect answers..I expect more questions.I like your collar.

    Well then..if you did know I would just have to sell everything and become your disciple thank you.

  26. **We see so many famous people who have reached the so called top and found absolutely NOTHING waitng for them when they got there.

    Spot on! And thats what I meant. that SOMETHING that everyone wants from life is not that SOMETHING everyone thinks it is. It is achievable by all irrespective of status and riches. It's called inner peace.


  27. keshi,
    Grasshopper..once again you have snatched the pebble from my hand.

    Since the advent of your 'come hither' photos I was wondering if your site had crashed due to the overwhelming crush of young available (mainly Potuguese) men stampeding to claim your heart with witty comments, careless whispers and promises of eternal looove???

  28. This is a new avatar test.

    Testing. Testing. 123.

    The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog's back.


    **She's snatched the pebble from your hand? Does that have religious meaning?

  29. grasshopper is from Kung Fu and it is as close to a bhuddist zen like response that I can muster.

    I see that today you are now a lion so here goes.

    Once considered the King of Beasts we now know that Lions are the only cats that live in organised groups known as Prides even though they are not gay.(nttawwt!)

    The males sleep for about 18 hours a day and wait for food to be collected by the sisterhood. The males have a brief 2 year stint as primary sperm providers whereupon younger more aggressive males kill them or drive them off into a short miserable hardscrabble retirement and certain death.
    While in power males have three jobs:
    chase off other males
    kill hyaenas
    destroy all existing cubs and make sure that all of the new batch carry their DNA.

    King of Beasts indeed.

  30. Is there another side? If not, we been living in a big lie, the lie of all the religions.
    And how many time do we pass asking ourself "If?" or "what if?" Living in the shadow of those question and being stuck in the same situation for way too much time.

  31. I think it's not the dieing part that people of afraid of. It's that dead , or the moments before it, makes you so vunerable.

  32. But they're still a regal animal and still do deserve the title, "The King of Beasts."

    Watch the Chronicles of Narnia.

    I'm now considering running a Choose an Avatar for Within Without Contest, with prizes.

  33. jill,
    what if...aaaaah yes the great questions all start out with what if.
    I think that a nanosecond of terror beats a few seconds of terror beats minutes, hours, days, etc....
    once you're gone its done but getting there better be fast.


    Regal schmegal! Lions are aptly named the king of beasts(brutes) and that is certainly nothing to be proud of.

    The prize of you leaving your profile photo alone will be reward enough!
    Quit playing with yourself dude!

  34. **careless whispers and promises of eternal looove???

    tell me abt it HE, Im being bombarded with sudden love confessions that r probably based on my looks only. lol!



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