WE'RE ON THE MOOOOVE!
This morning Sir Ridley and I, along with his classmates from Nursery School, are off on a field trip.
Today these dazzling urbanites are to experience firsthand the unbridled ecstasy of farm living.
This is my fourth child and possibly the final sojourn into the barnyard. I can only hope that the grey sky retains it's moisture and that Nature takes it's course once we arrive.
You see the sights and smells of the farm can only be truly appreciated when watching the faces of bewildered four year olds witnessing a wide eyed bull mounting a less than receptive cow who stares back at the children while idly chewing her cud as she begrudgingly accepts his less than amorous endeavours.
Yes only here on the farm can a slight toss of the head and a quick lick at the salt block be considered foreplay...er...maybe not?
Full report to follow...
later that day..
OMG made it back from the excursion and turned on the airconditioning. Hot, humid and stinky can best describe the event.
STAGE ONE: an outhouse break followed by a snails paced towing behind a tractor through a scrub and pasture wasteland of cow manure in a wagon laden with allergens that must be sponsored by the Canadian Chiropractic Association.
STAGE TWO: an outhouse break followed by a brief parade of a impossibly matted sheep, llama, alpaca and a goat while suffocating in a barn full of dive bombing barn swallows and terrified four year olds.
STAGE THREE: an outhouse break followed by aquick game of hide and seek in a labyrinth of straw bales in the loft made even more interesting by a different batch of kamikaze barn swallows...EEEK!
STAGE FOUR: an outhouse break followed by a horseback ride memorable only for the astonished look on the faces of the volunteer Moms as Jackson the steed confidently flexed his three foot appendage about in the warm spring air.
STAGE FOUR: an outhouse break followed by the cacaphony of 100 four year olds chomping through the sweets and desserts before tossing the healthy items into large receptacles while intermittently staring at the kid in my group who continuosly excavated her nostrils and chewed on her boogers every ten minutes UGH!
STAGE FIVE: an outhouse break followed by forced confinement in a shed completely void of Oxygen to stroke kittens, rabbits and puppies for as long as you remained conscious...gasp...must save..others.......
STAGE SIX: an outhouse break followed by a near death experience for our severely hung-over teenage tour guide as a psychotic emu attacked him as he explained that emus are the direct descendents of dinosaurs (HHHIISSSS) reminiscent of a scene from Jurrasic Park ..AAIIEEEHH!
After a brief outhouse break it was back on the bus where a savy driver sold alcoholic beverages to the parents at exhorbitant prices...and worth every cent I might add.