Tuesday, June 10, 2008

(Summer Re-run circa April 2006)

A favorite story of former US President Ronald Reagan was that of a young lad who received a huge pile of horse manure under the tree on Christmas morning. He was ecstatic and began feverishly digging into the manure. When asked why he was so happy he replied, "With a pile of sh*t this big there has to be a pony in there somewhere."

After a weekend of websurfing throughout Europe in search of locating long lost homo escapeons with my unusual surname, atleast it is here in the Colonies, my adventure was cancelled by a sewer backup in my basement. Our home is 9,000 years old and every Spring the mighty Elm trees that adorn our boulevard weave their roots into the joints of the service lines. C'est la Vie.

As I mopped up the floor of our subterranean swamp, I was reminded of how desperately most humans avoid dealing with any kind of the sh*t.

Some sh*t is completely natural and to be expected, and some of it we create (and deserve) on our own. For instance crap like those uber-tedious, why me? gawd! this couldn't happen at a worse time life lesson/poor decision combinations.

Unfortunately atleast 50% of all the crap that we experience in life is generously supplied by others.

The Estate Sh*t (political/religious/business/info-tainment/media) that we're overexposed to is at an alltime high. It may be politically corrected and sweetened for your consumption but it still still stinks.This caca is all mixed together and piled so high on a daily basis that even now in the Information Age it is still virtually impossible to separate the BS from the truth.

Many serious matters (invading other countries/raising taxes/polluting your brain and the planet) are secretly decided by the powerbrokers with little or no input from the common man. These manure suppliers have all of the gold. In order to maintain the status quo they also make new rules to ensure that they keep all of the gold. What this basically means is that they treat us homo escapeons like mushrooms and keep us in the dark and anchored in a huge pile of sh*t.

To keep us overwhelmed in our little work-a-day lives they supply us with piles of Entertainment! E-crap works best because like fish, homo escapeons are attracted to flashy, shiny objects that imitate something authentic and preferably digestible! E-crap is produced to distract us from interfering in the day to day operations of the world and for us to stay discombobulated in our little work-a-day lives.

We work hard and hand over most (and sometimes all) of our paycheck back to the powerbrokers to pay for the priviledge of living on their planet. If there is any gold left they dangle shiny E-crap traps like sports, movies, and dish out celebrity dirt. Actually anyfrickinthing that will help to distract us from their activities is useful. They spend billions of dollars on this psychological warfare. It's called marketing. With the sinister aid of science the marketing world preys upon our easily manipulated genetic predispositions.

Gotta have this/gotta have that/keep up with the jones/it is better to look good(rich) than to feel good(be rich) darling!

I guess the sewage gas has made me sound like some sort of goofy make-the-rich-pay Marxist idealist.

As you know from my previous Blogs the only Marxist/Lennonist doctrines that I adhere originate with these guys.

I am fairly content to live here in our funny little Canada. Our mixed government/free market economy is the lesser of the three evils because you really can't trust any of them with all of your money! I guess you could say that this is one fungi (FUN-GUY) who just refuses to live like a mushroom in a dark sh*tty world.


  1. Anonymous4:21 p.m.

    Absolutely, simply, characteristically brilliant!

    But how did you find the time to write it with the sewage quagmire usurping your existence?

    I'd rather be a shroom in the sh*t than one of those no-conscience tall foreheads anyway.

    While they're stressing over their $300,000 mortgages on their way to becoming one of the world's billionaires as they're trying to keep their trophy wives/girlfriends/mistresses happy, we get to be mindless twits who get together once a week to drink beer and solve all the world's problems and laugh at them all.

    I wouldn't have it any other way. But boy, we sure have fun slyly letting them know we're on to their escapades, don't we?

    The Blogger Booger

  2. reysputin10:51 p.m.

    it's too late for the billionaires now, as the official word is now out! the forensic determinance of the mild mannered solipsistic one most definitely has them wetting their beds at this very moment.

    i actually have nothing to say.
    well, except maybe 'hi'.


  3. Psilocybe cubensis mushrooms grow on cow patties and are hallucinogenic, should you need to forget all your cares and get happy.

  4. Your house can't be 9,000 years old. I heard a TV Preacher say that the world is only 6,000 years old and everyone knows that preachers never lie.Especially on TV.

    Hey, got any Substance D I can borrow until later?

  5. donn, lately your posts simply fly over my head. Or you getting TOO intellectual(read it any way you want) or I am getting senile? I don't think the latter can be true before I hit 50 and former in itself is a joke!.

    Can you please enlighten might, dear brother of mine?

  6. What is it the guys in your parliament like to stand up and yell?


    I wish we Americans had a parliament so we could be entertained watching our Dems and Reps yell at each other across that cute little coffee table......

  7. Anonymous2:38 p.m.

    I want to move to Canada...

  8. You mean the "mis-information age"...

  9. Umm sorry to deviate from topic.. but I have noticed something.

    Whenever I visit your site, the CPU usage goes high to about 40-50%!
    Despite having a powerful machine, this is way too much for a browser to consume.

    I am sure this is all because of lots of flash objects on the page. :)

    Hope you understand that I don't wanna buy a new hardware to read web-pages =D

  10. MJ
    Magic Shrooms was an awesome elixer for writing long winded English exams back in High School.
    Blah blah blah blah blah....
    By the time I had written 65 pages and gone through three pens, I had just barely finished discussing the title and the cover of the book?!

    Times UP!
    Aaah crap

    Yes I'm afraid that I have heard about Intelligent Design, and I will spare you a 65 paragraph rebuttal because I don't have any Magic Shrooms!

    Have you ever read Flowers For Algernon or seen the movie version Charlie? Cliff Robertson..ring any bells?

    Anyway I am definitely passed that enlightened period and heading for my playful romp on the swings..YIPPEEEE!

    You like me this week because I haven't written anything about Monotremes...I think that really bugs you when I talk about those godforsaken monotremes.

    Well it's all very posh isn't it? However the bad manners and lack of civility pervading the House is an embarrassment to every man, woman, and child in CanaDUH!

    I love watching CNN and seeing your Senators and Congressmen listening to motivational tapes from their Lobbyists so that they don't fall asleep.

    I will gladly sponsor you and your posse. Bring some warm mittens and make sure that your American Know-how and get-up-and-go has gone-up-and-went.

  11. STACE
    Exactly The Dis/DISS-information Age. We are bambarded with thousands of adverts every day..most of them subliminal brand crapola..
    I can't wait until there is only ONE brand of everything. That will make Life so much easier.

    OK Check it now?

  12. Hey! You got rid of Ceiling Cat!! Now I am sad... I thought it was so cute. Cool to see a new template every few days though...

  13. Geez... a 9,000 year old house! I thought the one I rent was old as it was built in 1900 - making it 108... yikes! What part of the city do you live in, that the houses are that old??

    Had a sewer back up in my little dungeon in late March. Thankfully it was quite small and the landlord was the one to clean it up and get the plumber in to rooter the pipes.

    Sure smelled like sh*t for a while though... ugh.

  14. Well I only crap in the toilet....
    Seems like the obvious place to unload or is that download?

  15. humpy dumpty sat on the wall
    humpty dumpty was pushed down the wall

    //Unfortunately at least 50% of all the crap that we experience in life is generously supplied by others. //

    surely we can do something about this to make it 100% right? which means taking away the fault from us?!

    i still think starting a religion is the best way to quash all this problems.

  16. So much better! Thanks!

    I really enjoy reading your blog :)

    Ceiling Cat will always be in my heart and out there in Googleland.

    Thanks for all of the goofy stuff that you send me...it is very enlightning.

    The key to a happy normal life is to blame all of your troubles on somebody else..or is it the other way around..I always forget.

    Now I can start collecting a bunch of new crap...ooh shiny!

  18. I honestly wondered what that foul stench was. It's impossible to escape.

  19. Wow, ze décor!
    So redecorating the house, eh? What a soup rice! Your blog looks very nice, Donn! Are you trying to find a new look for it?

    Excellent post! But I would raise that 50% crap coming from others to 70-80% (adding up to the western powers that be, the rest of pains in the ass that may manipulate and annoyingly intrude in our little happy lives with a little more crap, like bosses, workmates, neighbours, etc etc) i can say that I would definitely affiliate to the Marxist-Lennonist party!

  20. I love that you felt you had to explained the fungi joke

    There's shit and then there's real poo. Someone once told me that when it's over your head it doesn't matter how deep it is.

    Or, was it only that it's the depth that counts . . .

  21. bucking frilliant as always donn!
    at least i am one of those cute red shrooms with white spots on!

  22. Anonymous2:38 p.m.

    It' so distressing to me, I can hardly bear to think about it.

  23. Yeah but the one brand of everything will all be the same. ALL foodstuffs will be Krafts, ALL clothing will be K-Mart, ALL computers will be "intel inside", and so on and so forth. Or maybe EVERYTHING will be owned by Microsoft.

  24. You are a star! Keep enlightening us, brilliant one. Hugs. :)

  25. Hey, isn't that first comment mine, before I actually gave into your incessant whining and got a blogging identity?

    Cheapskate. It's like doing a movie remake. But at least you can say your thoughts endured!!!

  26. you turn off the box, though, and 90% of the bullshit simply dissapates like magic.

    yep, gimme a garden and a motorcyle. and a pigfoot and a bottle of beer.

  27. So Donn, are they all shaped like Lizards too!!! We're not just getting a little paranoid here are we - ah of course, it's the shrooms again.

  28. Anonymous4:27 p.m.

    I am all for hitting back - my way is to stop paying my credit card bills therefore escalating the credit crisis to unbelievable proportions!! Join my revolution now!! Dont pay Wont Pay Cant Pay!!

  29. entertaining rant. I agree, doesn't the land of opportunity really mean making any old piece of crap and marketing the sh*t out of it?
    I can't believe you live on an old Obijway settlement, fitted with indoor plumbing no less, cool.

    It is getting piled so high and so thick nowadays that I am starting to question my sanity. I was thinking about Robert Frost's famous query will the world end by fire or ice...then a terrifying realisation came over me..what if it just keeps going the way that it is forever!?

    I love your handle btw...

    I just get bored. Iwas afraid to say 70 -80 % but you are prolly more accurate..although i know so many people that create their own swirling vortex of angst that it evens out on the curve.

    Yeah why did I do that? Oh well it was two years ago and nobody read it anyway so I presumed that I needed to flesh it out for my own amusement.

    If it's over your head HA you're right it really doesn't matter does it.

    I prefer poo, I can yolerate some crap, but I hate sh*t!

    You are one of those cute little red & white polka dot thingamabobs...what were they called? It was a kid's show...D'oh!

    That scares me because you are trained to dissect and formulate a plan....what are mere mortal layman like myself supposed to do about it. You should be giving ME advice..I'll be happy to pay...do you have a guarantee?

  31. STACE
    One conglomerate will someday own ALL of the the food brands, one will hold all of the clothing...etc....they will even own their competitors to make it look as if their is choice..Hey it's already in effect.
    Twenty years ago who'd a thunk it possible? Nobody that's who.

    I'm glad that you enjoy my little meanderings but I like to see other views, whether they are alternative or contrarian...the whole point of being out here is to make us think about stuff...and have fun..but not in that order.

    Yes that was you back in the day when you actually visited my blog on a regular basis!

    *coyote howls in the distance

    Which Box? The idiot box? This box?
    Do you open the beer with the pigfoot?

    I totally agree with the gardening..get out there and get your hands dirty..ingest some spores..help something grow..
    Life IS a garden Dig It!

    The RW is awesome unless it's raining and the mosquitos, wasps, and Komodo Dragons are out and aboot.

    AhA! I'm not one of those conspiracy Lizard/Aien peeps..
    is nutjob too strong of a term..
    OK then believers.
    Hey X Filer, the truth is NOT out there!

    It scares me when these urban myths actually take hold but then again I cannot tell if these people are putting us on or not....I mean do they honestly think that we can believe them?
    Lizard Aliens impregnating our women to recolonize the planet..
    I could have pulled a better plot out of my wazoo..Reptiles from space...sheesh.

    That is an awesome plan and brilliant in it's simplicity.
    Just don't pay..f*ck that is awesome!

    What could possibly go wrong? I mean the Banks are lending out YOUR money and charging other people to borrow YOUR money!

    We are really gonna Stick it to the Man!

    You are scaring me with your Poltergeist scenario...head towards the light.

    It is astounding how this War Economy based on perpetual unsustainable growth is the only idea that we have come up with..five thousand years of civilization and this is still the best that we can do...
    We SUCK!


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