Thursday, June 12, 2008

(Summer Re-Run circa March '06)

This is hard to believe but according to Forbes there are 793 Billionaires living beside us on Earth
who have a combined wealth of $2.6 Trillion...
and almost half of them are Americans.

There are 371 American Billionaires!
Forty of them live in New York City.

That is amazing when you consider that John D Rockefeller became the first billionaire around 1916.

He was eventually worth an astonishing $200 Billion which is about four times wealthier than Bill Gates!

Today they're a Dime A Dozen.

There are 78 Billionaire$ who have vaginas.
So now the next big thing will be who will become the first TRILLIONAIRE!

That's 12 zeroes!

That is a concept that is well beyond my comprehension because I still think that $1,000 is a lot of money.

If I was a Billionaire;

I would buy the moon back from the United States and just use it for target practice.
Every Sunday night I would go out on my balcony and launch huge expensive rockets at my moon.

My rockets would be propelled by burning millions of 100 dollar bills,
just like NASA.

Every now and then I would load the tip of my rocket with all sorts of crap like priceless paintings and irreplaceable antiquities.

I could buy all of the diamonds in the world and plow them into the surface of my moon and then charge DeBeers ONE TRILLION DOLLARS for the mineral rights.

Or I could just keep one single little crappy diamond here on Earth and then it would be worth $1,000,000,000,000!

Either way, I would be the first TRILLIONAIRE on Earth!

What would you do with ONE TRILLION DOLLARS?


  1. Hodedoo10:43 p.m.

    Dear Homo escapeon:
    I believe the bare naked ladies said it best"i f i had a million dollars" i"d eat really expensive Ketchup, dijon ketchup, mmmmm.

  2. It's pretty sick with all the wealth in this world that there are still so many homeless people, so much poverty, etc. It's sad that that's what some people think they need to make themselves happy. And that's why they just keep trying to get richer and richer, it will never fill the gaping hole in their souls where self-respect should be. :)

  3. marissa
    It is quite obscene. I cannot grasp $1 billion?!?! Huzzah for Gates who is going to give most of it for the rest of them..

  4. rey(sputin)12:04 p.m.

    i guess i can't be considered a real stalker if i didn't show up and once again express my disdain for reruns.
    which would be a rerun in itself so never mind.
    this (your) commentary did however produce one of my all time favourite blog lines:

    "If I was a Billionaire I would buy the moon from the United States and just use it for target practice. Every Sunday night I would go out on my balcony and launch huge expensive rockets at my moon.
    My rockets would be propelled by burning millions of 100 dollar bills just like the ones that are used by NASA."

    sorry to repeat that here, but that ought to turn up on the NYT op ed page before too long, in some way shape or form.

    by the way, is gates really giving his money away, or is he funding the purchase of medicine from companies that he owns stock in?

  5. How many R in Texas?

    The Tart
    ; )

  6. whoever said that Diamonds r a girl's best friend? It's rather a good heart that matters...:)

    Mah finger up at all the rich and stingy men lol!


  7. hodedoo,
    I would waste it on world peace and musical instruments

    I probably would do something that stupid

    For you smoochie I will find out

    a good heart would be a nice fit with a billion dollars...nah it's not possible is it?

  8. hehe na...a good heart will be just good by itself :)


  9. *sigh* If one of those damn bastards gave me a million lousy dollars it would be no sweat off their backs and a ticket back home for me!



  10. I'm an American. Where did I go wrong?

    Well at least I think I am. Somewhere along the line the country got turned upside down, I think by people who got most of the pie slices and now I'm disoriented.

    But I remember the good ol' days when a kid could wear a simple coonskin cap, wonder how come the tail had no stripes and eventually find out it was because it was fox fur.

    Plus I was severely bummed to learn his name was Fess.

    Did you get the plastic flintlock with wooden ramrod from Sears Roebuck?

  11. If my very basic calculations are correct, one trillion dollars equals about $156 per person on earth. I think I'd give everybody $156.

  12. Me, I would pop around the world and visit all me internet and blogger friends and make sure those that have shown me love and caring were well looked after.....

    Other than than that I might but a pub and bring everyone and their families over for a BBQ.....

    Then have a confrenece on whatto do with the rest of the money that would be sitting in a bank some where earning me a wee bit of interset and the Government millions in tax.....

    If i spent it on all those less fortunate (I would do of course) I would be doing the government out of a job........
    HANG ON??????????
    is that a bad thing? getting rid of governments?
    OH GOD!!!!!!!! in my best canadian accent.

    SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!

  13. what would i do with the money really?

    Spend it!

  14. I'd buy the whole damn world a drink and then shop until I drop dead.

  15. That's very cool, Donn: burning 100dollar bills, sending all the diamonds and irreplaceable antiques to the moon, but why would you send all the priceless paintings there???

    At least now we can enjoy watching them at the moozeums! (Well, private collections are not included in this category, I suppose, hahaha).

    So you would be sending the most apparent symbols of wealth to the moon, right? But you would still keep something to continue being a trillionaire! lol, greedy and very clever!!!

    To be honest, as a little proletarian, the sole thought of having to spend a trillion dollars makes me feel dizzy! I suppose I'd start with a bigger house and a bigger car and oh my, I'm too lazy to shop for that much! haahhahaha.

    Great post Donn, as usual, you made me smile!

  16. I would buy Canada and rename it "Poopy Whirly Twirly Land of Smelly Fart Butts" or maybe "Chuck".

    I would buy the state of Wyoming and require that all haute couture models live there in perpetuity, eating peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon.

    I would buy HGTV and produce a new Home Improvement series : David Bromstad and Eric Stromer (get naked and have lots of close personal encounters while disco music plays in the background while) Remodelling Your Space!

    I would.

  17. I'd buy you a monkey. Haven't you always wanted a monkEY?

  18. I hate trouble.. I hate confusion.

    I would just throw them away... err.. after buying a go-green Murcielago *grin*

  19. I would buy the biggest triple-wide trailer I could find and park it in First Nations' back yard and live off the fruit and veg of her garden.

    And I would pay WW to stop posting pics of his nose hair.

  20. One Trillion? I would devote 99.9999999% of it to making the lives of anyone owning more than $500,000 miserable. By the time I was through with them, NOBODY would want to be caught DEAD with anything resembling opulance anywhere NEAR them!

    There's alot of media misery you can heap on people with that kind of money.

  21. //If I was a Billionaire;
    I would buy the moon back from the United States and just use it for target practice.
    Every Sunday night I would go out on my balcony and launch huge expensive rockets at my moon. // Can I push the button sumetimes?

    If i had a trillion dollars...first of all I would buy a cool adidas sneeker, get an iriver mp3 player, some ice cream and go for a month long vacation to some island somewhere...or maybe just visit the tepui's in south America. then I would come back and by all the translations agencies in the world or at'least the ones I'm working with and then merge them into a single company and name it 'We Own Your Languages'. After that I'll buy Canada and make Donn the Primus Optimus Minister. And Gautami will be the friendly dictator who makes sure every single person on earth reads 100 books before they hit 20. :)

  22. First let me lay me hands on all that dough..!!


  23. Anonymous8:42 a.m.

    I'd swim in it.


    I had the cap and the rifle..and the Chuck Connor's Rifleman Rifle that fired plastic bullets..can you imagine a toy like that today?

    I know that not every American citizen is caught up in the pursuit of Wealthiness as a RIGHT.
    BUT the present cultural idolatry of being RICH, no matter how you achieve it, is very disheartening...and it's what the rest of the world has fixated on/
    What a shame.

    What a great idea..that would be a years worth of income in some countries..I would add a caveat and subtract rich people (based on a global median scale) and that way more would go top the people that need it...although the the rich people would automatically increase the price of all their goods and services so the poor wouldn't get any further ahead...*sigh

    Well good luck finding a way to get rid of governments spending our money..if you could find a way to monitor and regulate their spending I would be satisfied.

    But go ahead and buy your pub that would be fun.

    You Go Girl! Where would you start? At Walmart and then work your way up to Roday-oh Drive? No why would you do that? You'd start in Beverly Hills and work your way prolly wouldn't take long to go through it..couple thousand years? The Government could burn through that in one Year.

    Such self restraint..a bigger car and house..why not a tropical island?

    I would have an overwhelming sense of guilt and duty..for atleast a week. HA!

    Loosely translated the word CANADA means "Poopy Whirly Twirly Land of Smelly Fart Butts" but I like Chuck.

    Putting anorexic waifs to fend for themselves in the vast wilderness of WHYoming is just downright cruel..although Grizzlys and Cougars wouldn't bother trying to eat them...and that is Dick Cheney country..those people voted for Cheney!?!?!?!

    Now I am stumped.

    Yes I have always wanted to have a monkey that I could spank all day about a barrel of them?

    One Trillion would buy you an endless supply of trouble and confusion..better hope that you never get it.

    I would come and visit and bring a box of KD and Timbits. We would just sit outside on our lawn chairs and taunt her all day long..HEY it would be just like Trailor Park Boys!

    I am relieved that your limit is $500,000 whew..because I made $499,999 on my Blog advertsing last year.

    I don't have any opulance or opals or Okapis but I have Oreos.

    Primus Optimus Minister is an awesome title!! almost as good as Eisenhower's WW2 business card..Supreme Allied Commander, doesn't that sound more impressive than VP, Marketing?

    What happened there? What are all of those Ds?
    Are you OK?

    If you're swimming in it can I atleast be your Poolboy?

  27. thats just her big grin Donn. i wonder what shell do with the dough...

    Oh that's cybertxt for grin? Am iI really this out to lunch or are you just making this up?


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