Friday, June 13, 2008

DON'T LET DIRTY LAUNDRY
HAMPER YOUR LOVE LIFE
(Summer Re-Run March 06)



Attention married men, it's time to clean up your act and iron out a few things. Here is some spin on how to recycle your romance.

For starters, NEVER 'air out' your dirty laundry in public, EVER, you will only agitate your wife. Man up!



If the little white thing down in your basement is only getting used once a week, then its time to turn the tide.



Allow me to shed some sunlight on the subject.
It's time to bounce that fleecy feeling and start from zero.




First of all, you can't just lift the lid, crank the nobs, shove your stuff in, slam it shut, run off, and expect your good-lady-wife to be satisfied?!


You shouldn't feel hampered by time ...
slow down..


take your time separating your wife's delicates,
and concentrate, you wouldn't want anything to shrink now would you?



Don't forget to insert generous amounts of fabric softener into the designated receptacle before putting anything else in.

Pay careful attention to the labels and follow instructions...
don't just stand there and fiddle with the control dials..these are finely tuned instruments that respond accordingly.

Gently rotate the little dial around and around until you locate the warm to hot setting, then you can push the big nob in.




Now on occasion, when you are pressed for time,

the short spin cycle is OK...
just don't make a habit of it.


This should go without saying but..



If you haven't advanced a load lately it's your own darn fault.
DO NOT wait until the stuff in your basket looks like it is ready to explode?
You can always do a few small loads by hand.

DUH!



Another delicate matter;
every once and a while you may have difficulty keeping your junk wrinkle free, you may have to use the fluff setting..add a little starch to stiffen the collar..
hey, it happens.

When the buzzer goes off, don't panic, and don't think that you're finished...

it ain't over until the rumbling and tumbling completely subsides...
then you can politely ask if she would like you to do another load.




Before you take it all out and start folding..

wrap your arms around and feel how wonderful and cozy-warm that is. MMMMMM.



Follow these simple guidelines and before you know it, you will both be looking forward to things getting down and dirty.

36 comments:

  1. I find it fun to take our laundry out to the laundromat every so often, even though laundry is fun to do at home.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't have anyone to help with my Wash Day. So I just hop on top of the machine and wait for it to finish spinning. On really busy days, I sometimes have to do this multiple times.

    Mrs Escapeons is a very lucky girl.

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  3. what the hell??
    we're into the reruns already?
    is there nothing else to talk about?
    like say, Rumsfeld not being able to find his weapon of mass destruction? or perhaps the real story behind bush's pretzel?
    i'll be back with more later. by the way, 'digital fortress' has reentered the building.

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  4. I like thwe re-runs. I think now that more people have discovered you, you should sneek in some more of the others...when Rey isn't lurking of course.

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  5. rey is ALWAYS lurking.
    sort of like a shark on the hunt....wait a minute, i think i smell another rerun coming...
    "Hola amigos. Miera es Tiburon?"
    i'll tell you what, if i even thought that i should ask that question, i ain't goin in the water. i'm not even poking my head over the side of the boat, as we all know sharks are very good jumpers.
    anyway, back to MY business here...what about the time condi "accidentally" called bush her husband (anybody notice how long it took to get the SS job after that comment?), or perhaps there is a story in...in...oh never mind, i'm out.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Forgive me Reysputin.
    As Brian is my mentor and guide I am taking his advice. It is unlikely that peeps kind enough to peruse my posts will be inclined to cherchez mon posts histoire, so I have chosen to sprinkle them about from time to time.
    There will be plenty of vitriol left for righting the wrongs.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well I for one am very happy that you re-posted this. OH MY!!! That was funny. You've managed to make me blush.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey! Another spin cycle. YeeeHaaaa!

    ReplyDelete
  9. reysputin3:58 PM

    whoops!! looks like i'm out of the closet now!!
    oh, well, tomorrow is laundry day.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous5:13 PM

    One of your best, well worthy of re-posting and a great lesson for all of us guys who wonder what dials we're not turning and pressing to get the spin cycle going.

    And I note Cherrypie is still spinning over it, plus Christine, so you obviously pressed the right button somewhere...

    Women know...they're such lovely creatures...

    Blogger Booger

    ReplyDelete
  11. I too don't have anyone to wash with, so I will put in a heavy load and wait for the spin cycle to get off kilter so the machine goes wonka-wonka and I can perch on the corner until it's done.

    Can't have it wandering around the room while spinning, now can we?

    ReplyDelete
  12. I cannot type because I am too busy laughing...

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am the only here who knows how to do the washing????
    Can't wait ta read what ya say about cooking, hoovering, dusting, bed making, dishes (by hand not machine)don't bother with ironing as if ya hang ya clothes out properly there are no wrinkles oh and another tip is to fold it up or place on hangers when removing from washing line or dryer.
    these handy little tips brought to you by one of the few men in the world who is house trained.....

    ReplyDelete
  14. Every REAL man in all 50 states AND the provinces are headed for you house, Donn, and I wouldn't be there if I were you. Vacuuming is one thing, but LAUNDRY?

    You have violated the manly man code and will pay for it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Look, can I hire you? I will pay you by giving you a book to read for each washing.

    We can negotiate though...

    ReplyDelete
  16. *pushes Cherrypie off the washing machine and climbs aboard*

    *pops another quarter in*

    YEEHAW!

    ReplyDelete
  17. PONYGIRL
    That is a very practical solution..I think they call that multitasking.

    FATHORSE
    If you're happy, I'm happy. Glad to see you back from the ether.

    WHITESNAKE
    Out here in the Great North we can't hang clothes out on the line..unless you like them freeze dried like peas.

    Because there aren't many of us house-trained fellas we oughtta start thinking about starting a Union..but it will be free because we've paid our dues!

    THE MICHAEL
    I hereby declare the Manly Man code
    null and void. It's a brand new day and a brave new world. Forget all of those outdated gender roles...equality is here and foreplay is fairplay.

    Join us brother.'

    GAUTAMI
    Well I can't make any promises because there is a lot of laundry to do here and it needs to be sorted properly..I really have my hands full.

    MJ
    You should be listening to U2s Rattle and Hum or the Beach Boys' Good Vibrations.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Very funny, very clever.

    Mr Sienna thinks he has taught me everything I know, (or don't know). Seems to keep him happy letting him think that anyway.

    But I gotta say it would drive me nuts having to dry clothes in a dryer, love the clothesline and open air thing.

    We have a twin tub washing machine, I'm not fond of automatics...twin tubs mean you can have twice the fun, one eighth the water...

    Pam

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  19. LMAO!

    I love Donn for THIS.

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Rolling on floor, LOL!

    Happy Father's Day, Donn!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Your best ever, even if you have reposted it about 20 times. The colours still come out bright.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Cool and wise advice, Donn! –oops, alliteration, I know, it was not intended to rhyme, lol-

    I love your reruns, I’m just a happy noob here so everything is new for me. –sounds like this is another alliteration? Ok, I didn’t do it on purpose, hahahah-

    Since we bought our awesome washing machine, Mr Qinan and I have it in the kitchen of our small flat: always within reach in case of emergency. Many different varied cycles… and so far, so good!

    Happy laundries and happy foldings to everyone! :)

    Excellent post! It made me smile a biiiiig smile!

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  23. I guess this post isn't for a bachelor..
    I have my freedom to spin it my way =P

    ReplyDelete
  24. Great post! I've never felt so dirty washing clothes...Now how much of the screen should be covered before it's time to remove the lint? Halfway, all the way, or should the screen always be lint free?

    Happy Father's Day!!!

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  25. Woah, subtle!!! Nice :)

    When it comes to actual washing, I'm the worst. Everything just gets shoved in the machine, no seperation of colours or delicates, just all in at once! Then again, most of my clothes are fairly hardy. Just like me! hehehe

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  26. Well, it's not a re-run for me. Very funny.Leaves all your post-oil, religop-political rants in the shde(where they will go deservedly mouldy!)
    Now, I must attend to smoothing out some wrinkles...

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  27. Do small loads; this gives more space for the clothing to agitate and the grime and smell to wash out. If you have limited drying space (e.g. no balcony) small loads air out better and don't smell musty due to slow drying in a confined space.

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  28. SIENNA
    Twin tubs sounds like the way to go!
    It is also very thoughtful of you to let Mr Sienna think that he taught you everything.
    *smiles

    KESHIROO
    You are very kind. When you find someone suitable to train make sure that he reads this post and you can start having some good clean fun.

    ETERNALLY CURIOUS
    Thanx, there is no point in keeping stuff like this a secret...people 'gots ta' know!

    I had a wonderful Father's Day even ythough it is said that every day IS Father's Day.

    WITHERED
    Last time. There are some new peeps around so I thought that I'd turn it on once more.
    HFD.

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  29. I'll be forwarding this useful knowledge accordingly.

    =)

    ReplyDelete
  30. CATSCRATCH DIVA
    Finally some positive 'spin' for a change eh?

    ReplyDelete
  31. OOPS

    LENI
    You have a fancy schmancy machine do ya? Lots of settings and options?
    You're lucky.

    NAHUATL
    Hey Women appreciate men who know how to do their own laundry..they don't want to be your Mommy.

    EROSWINGS
    You need to carefully lift the lint out or it will get all over evrything and you'll have to start over...which can be fun too...but most of us don't have 4 hours to spend on Tantric Sex like Sting and Trudy.

    STACE
    Really, you must be using cold water?

    DINAHMOW
    OUCH!

    LLEWTRAH
    Sound advice..small loads, often, and plenty of room to air things out!

    ReplyDelete
  32. This is a repost??? How come it's the first time I read it???

    Made it worth coming out of the woodwork today. :D

    ReplyDelete
  33. HI MENCHIE

    See what you miss when you spend too much time in the RW!
    Don't forget to tell your hubby about these tips.

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  34. I go away for a few days and look what happens. You've cleaned up!

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  35. mwaaaaaahahahahahahaaaaaaa

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  36. SPENTRAILS
    You're baaaack! Yes I have certainly cleaned up my act and it's about bloody time.

    ANGEL
    Glad you concur with my observations..I'm a little slow but I'm getting there.

    ReplyDelete

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