Saturday, April 15, 2006


Well Spring is officially here in Whateverpeg.

Now that it's a little warmer outside the street urchins have resumed their nightly efforts to break into the the van. There are flowers blooming, birds galore, and the masked Bandidos have returned.

This morning at 1 am I heard a crash in the backyard. I grabbed my baseball bat and ran out the back door. At the foot of my landing lay a huge, wheezing Raccoon.

This Raccoon was huge! I mean this guy was the Orson Welles of the Raccoon world. Apparently He had just fallen off the fence and knocked the wind out of his lungs. Poor guy just stared at me and sighed. I could tell that He was thinkin,'Ah sh*t do I have to climb back up this 6 foot fence!'

We sat and stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. The Raccoon realised that I wasn't going back in the house so He sighed, rolled his eyes and painfully hauled his fat arse back over the fence. It was pathetic. I thought about giving Him a boost at one point. I also wondered if I was going to have to perform CPR on him.
When He finally made it to the top of the fence He rolled onto the roof of my neighbour's aluminum garden shed. Creeeeaak BANG! It sounded like the whole structure would collapse.

The Raccoon finally hobbled off at a glacial pace and I decided to go to bed. Obviously the Raccoons are getting plenty to eat this spring. I don't think that I will bother summoning the Raccoon Trapper this summer. The last time we had a trap set in the yard the smell of sardines had lured every Cat from miles around to gleefully come and crap in our flower beds.

I guess that I can deal with Raccoons playing with my Son's toys in his little pool for another season. But cats in the flowers, Not So Much!


  1. They are so cool! I want one.

  2. Anonymous2:25 p.m.

    Uh, no, they're not so cool. But I think if more people thought about giving racoons (and other mammals) a boost, we'd have a lot more hernias.

    Blogger Booger

  3. Me thinks you need to get a coon dog. This will keep the cats away and the coons can laugh from the top of the neighbors shed. You should also send Cherrypie the ones you have around. They make lousy pets though.


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