Monday, December 14, 2009


Hmm, have you ever wondered why people celebrate Yeshua ben Yosuf's birthday in the middle of freakin' winter?

Call me crazy, but if you're planning to convince others that the turning point in the history of the entire universe was the miracle birth of a saviour, not only would it be the worst kept secret of all time, it would have probably been a good idea for someone to write down the actual day..
just sayin'?

Anyhoo, Yeshua's actual birthdate is as unknowable as the reason he waited in outer space during the millions of years of human evolution?
It's almost as if he spun the Earth, closed his eyes, and decided to drop in wherever his finger landed.

The best historical and scholarly guesstimaters tell us that Yeshua was prolly born in Nazareth, not Bethlehem, during April in the year 5 B.C. (Before Christ)..Got that?

December seems totally goofy because Yeshua prolly wasn't born after Rosh Hashana, which falls at different times during our "Julian" September because in Israel,  this is when the flocks came down out of the pastures and mountains and stayed in stables.

C'mon, you remember the quaint part of the story aboot the Shepherds who were out pretending to watch their flocks by night. The shepherds were totally amazed when an angel appeared before them and said Fear not, for I bring you great tidings of glad joy!

Here is my conception of what Glad Joy and her "great tidings" may have looked like.

Unfortunately, we're stuck with December 25th because of Constantine the Grrrrrreat!
aka Caesar-Flavius-Valerius-Aurelius-Constantinus-Augustus, who became sole ruler of  the Holey Roman Empire in 323.

Constantine's half-assed conversion to Christianity is debated by many scholars, however, he selected December 25th to celebrate Christmas because

A: it was a very calculated, politically-astute, manouever to circumvent Sol Invictus and overshadow the weeklong celebrations of Christianity's main rival,  Mithraism.
Along with their own pantheon of Roman Gods which they pretty much stole from the Greeks, the Romans had also enjoyed a long standing worhsip of Mithras, the Persian Sun god...
so basically just changing Sun to Son geddit?

B: plus the week ending Dec. 24 was the celebration of Saturnalia, which also wasn't very appropriate for baby Yeshua's birthday party due to the drunken debauchery and fertility rites which must have been super fun.

In closing we need to remember that Constantine 1 the Great is also famous for  
>being a Christian Saint and revered for his contributions to Christianity
>feeding defeated kings and their soldiers to the beasts in the amphitheater,
>decapitating and parading the head of rival Maxentius before sending it off to warn the "haters",
>poisoning his eldest son Crispus,
>and having his wife, the Empress Fausta, boiled to death at the request of his mother.

What a guy!
I hope that his helps.


  1. 25th? To give businesses time to ring up Xmas business and close out the books in time for the 1st!

  2. I think we should replace this outdated holiday with "Donnmas".

  3. I'm confused. Where does Susan Boyle fit in all this?

  4. I'm confused. Where does Susan Boyle fit in all this?

  5. So what's "wrong" with The Good Emperor?
    Crittlecrittle, pfff ...

  6. *agrees with Vicus, for once*

    And how did you know that this was the question that plagued me all day yesterday?

  7. All in the name of good clean fun.

    I think our lives are ruled by "Let's pretend". It is our 'human' gift. I think adults just up-the-ante from the games children play. The more depth and detailed the game, the more it is believed. This makes a rich and creative playtime experience. You want more players? Incorporate their game into yours. Make it fun for all and before you know it you have something with a magic it it called "tradition". It keeps the players from having to think. Thinking is hard, most adults will go out of their way to keep from thinking. That's fine, thinking is dangerous to the game, there are consequences for thinking. (cue stakes, firewood, pitchforks, blackhawks etc.) All for fun. Pick your game and play your heart out.

    As the twenty-somethings say now, "My invisible guy is going to beat up your invisible guy".
    Perhaps the reality is so much scarier and difficult to understand in our frame of reference that we have to resort to Let's Pretend just to get up in the morning without screaming.

    Let's all go home for cookies and milk. :)

  8. Glad Joy looks like she's been using a bosom separator

  9. Interesting!

    Then I got distracted by the cheery boobs and the thought of Saturnalia.

  10. I remember researching in the 7th grade when Jesus was born--after an ugly incident in Sunday School where I pissed the Sunday School teacher off by question where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on Dec 25. It was such a fascinating revelation to learn that all things associated with Xmas are pagan--from the Xmas trees, the songs, the decorations, and even the food!

    I used to have fun pissing off religious blow hards by telling them to prove to me that Jesus was born on Dec 25; almost as fun as telling that Jesus was a Jew.

    I say bring back the Saturnalia festivities! What better way to spend winter than getting drunk and getting laid? Let's put the Ho back in Holiday!

  11. It's all about having an excuse to have a mind-numbing party to blot out the darkest time of year. Then the *Christians* got hold of it and turned it into a puritanical, commercial tele-event. And speaking of how history looks at little things like facts one or two thousand years later, did you watch the Beatles 3000 link on my FB page?

  12. Yep, but the important question is: What are you going to pop in my stocking, Mr Coppens?

  13. Safe to say that your idea of Glad Joy and mine are very very different. haha.

  14. There is evidence that the whole Spring/Winter dispute predates Jesus, starting (perhaps) with rival sects in ancient Egypt. Superimpose the Ankh on the Solar Analemma. The loop at the top represents the growing season. The "arms" divide this from the two other seasons in ancient Egypt (3, not 4) and the "foot" bisects the other two. The bottom of the analemma is kind of flattened-out. In terms of its transit through the sky, the sun appears to stay in one place for 3 days, neither moving farther South at the zenith, or moving North. It "dies" and then "rises" after 3 days. Winter Solstice.

    The base of the loop on the ankh is where the sun crosses its own path on the analemma. Note that this is NOT where it crosses the equator (silly axial tilt!) Other Pagan traditions have their sun god "hang" on this "cross" for three days of celebration. Then too, if you divide your months into 30 days, you have 5 (6 on leap years) days that don't belong to any month. You have to burn them somehow. Two equinoxes, two Solstices and ?

    Now we come to the sun's path as it "crosses" the equator. Remember the two thieves that hung to the right and left of Iasus? (Welcome to Ellis Island. What did you say your name was?) One good thief, one bad thief, blah blah, one goes heavenward, the other ... well.... The two thieves are the two equinoxes. One steals time from the night and gives it to the day, the other steals time from the day and gives it to the night. And there is your epic battle between Horus and Set.

    Most mysteries of the ancient religions had to do with telling the seasons, when to plant, and predicting when the damned river was going to flood. The stories they told were mnemonics to train the Juniors.

    Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge.

    The rabbit goes through the hole, around the tree ....

  15. all it means to me is that my birthday is just 6 days away, sugar! xoxoxox

  16. Yep, a big old feast close to the darkest night of the year. Get yourself drunk on mead or wine to forget you might starve before the spring arrives. Makes it all irrelevant now with supermarkets and refrigeration. A nice, good apocalyptic event would bring back some of the original meaning to this time of year. Not that i'd want that hardship, nevermind, I can't think straight, it's the second day of Saturnalia, have to get back to the festivities!

  17. What was that part about getting laid?

  18. Lets take a look at the sign whut started it all: In Hoc Signe Vicit.
    In hoc ( Contained by; to cast with the mouth forcefully) Signe (derivation OES "She Who Shines" f.) Vicit (to vince, the act of vincing) which as best as I can make out means "Stop spitting on your sister or I'll whop you one, Vince'.

    I hope this helps.

  19. Yes its all about the re-birth of the sun as they were sun religions mentioned and yes it is coming up to the winter solstice how apt.

    Constantine was 500 years after any alleged crucifixion.

    I want one, not two or three just one bit of proof that Jesus existed.

    Sources, or its all just mythology that won.

  20. And not from the BBC or the History channel.

  21. Belated Happy Birthday.

    Hope you have a wonderful xmas and had a great birthday.

    I leave you with this:

    My favorite saying about xmas is, (directed to Mr Sienna), lets be very naughty and save Santa the trip..

  22. Dear Humbug

    Don't ever change-the world and universe cannot HELP but adore you!

    Totally agree on the materialism diet we can get shoved in our faces.
    Is a great post, as always. Mostly I am cracking up in fits of giggles here at downtown Winnithepegit. But we can be serious and sad when we need to be right?

    Keep PeggintheWinni mate.:-)


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