FOREIGNERS MUST STOP EATING
Pursuant to my recent reply to an electronic article published by my dear associate and ardent Large Hadron Collider denier, Vicus Scurra , concerning the Queen's 2009 message regarding the dietary peculiarities of foreigners, it suddenly occurred to me, that the greatest challenge of the new decade will be how we manage to preserve our beloved exotic animals and allow foreigners to share our planet.
Sadly those people have brought this all upon themselves. Unable to control their primal urges they fight amongst themselves and breed exponentially.
Due to their self inflicted circumstance they are in the midst of subsequently eviscerating their local biospeheres where our beloved exotic animals live.
Bad form I say.
On the darkest of continents these people thoughtlessly trespass on our Game Preserves at will and shoot anything that bloody moves. Known locally as "Bush Meat" these foreigners are systematically eating our cousins, the Bonobos and Chimpanzees.
Dare I say that during the Colonial era in Africa the locals weren't allowed to tamper with our Game and everything seemed to be in order.
Now the whole bloody thing is out of sorts.
As if that wasn't enough of a perturbance, these foreigners also massacre Elephants, Tigers, Gorillers, and Rhinos, leave the carcasses to rot, and sell their tusks, horns, paws, and penii, so that other foreigners can get boners, carve trinkets, and make bloody knife handles.
These voracious little buggers send huge floating factories into our bloody oceans to net, vacuum, dynamite, and harpoon anything that bloody swims or crawls..including our whales.
With all the fish nearly gone from the actions of these inconsiderate uppity foreigners, vicious Seals have started attacking and feeding upon my fellow Colonists.
One can hardly believe that these heartless bastards perform the barbaric practice of hacking the fins off of millions of bloody sharks every year, dumping the rest of the dying creatures into the water, in order to make expen$ive bloody soup to supposedly bring good luck and get boners.
Unfortunately eating our cousin Apes which have 99% of our DNA isn't the most egregious violation. What will eventually tip the scale and force us to take affirmative action is the irreconcilable practice of eating our beloved best furiends...
not to mention that a proper Gentlemen can no longer even enjoy a pleasant afternoon bagging a Thylacine ?!
That being said, we in the modern world have taken responsibilty for the missteps of our ancestors and developed an inexhaustable supply of frankencritters on huge factory farms....
so why can't those foreigners figure it out?
We want to be able to enjoy hunting and photographing the exotic animals on safari in our far off lands and if these foreigners wish to continue sharing our planet, then they must stop eating our animals and especially our furiends.