(News Headlines)
Hmm? I'm experiencing one of those synchronicital confluence of events thingamabobs. As I perused the headlines of the Guardian it was all Sex, AIDs & Germans!
First off, Ardi, a 4 million-year-old bipedal ancestor has been discovered in Africa. The female's vajayjay must have begun it's transition to the anterior region, at a glacial pace, to accomodate the discovery of the missionary position, which presumably strengthened pair bonding...
which still needs a little tweaking.
Speaking of missionary positions, the next article that caught my eye laments the politically correct assertion that governments need to make a fuss over the current German Pope.Then it was back to sex and the publication of a book that suggests that there are 237 reasons why women have sex.
If Dr. Ruth had zaid ziss mitt her cute German ahkzent I might have believed it.
Throughout history men have been wanking...I mean wracking, their brains out trying to understand why it's such a big deal.
Even Julius Caesar had to listen to Cleopatra's pathetic excuse, "Not tonight I'm having my pyramid".
Now nobody wants to think that Hitler had a little head..ugh! We all know that Hilter had a hole in his head, however now a story states that his skull was too small and actually belonged to a young female?
Finally, a German AIDs advert on the telly is causing a stir for using a Hitlerian look-a-like making out mitt a Mädchen and gropin' her großen titz! Eeew!
We certainly don't get to see ads like this in the Colonies! At first I was aroused and then I was furious. My suspension of disbelief could not be activated because other than being drunk at a Hallowe'en party or a hooker working a white supremicist convention in Vegas,
how could any woman make out with a dude that looked like Hitler?
pfft!
So there you have it, Germans, Zex and AIDs.
I didn't get to the end of this post Donn, as I was distracted by the 'why women have sex' article...only to find that find I knew the answer all along.... to get the garbage taken out!
ReplyDeleteYou are much better at analysing sex (whatever that means), than writing poetry!
ReplyDeleteStick to it...err..whatever!
PS: I agree with Sarah..
ReplyDeleteHm I was counting reasons (up to 237) but I couldn't find a single one to make out with a dude that looks like Hitler.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, I presume that Eva braun must have found 237.
(bitte sehr!)
Look, I work in a critical care unit in a hospital, and paraded before me daily are the family of trainwrecks, and it is SCARY. I can tell you that no matter how UGLY you are, it seems there is someone out there for you, usually even uglier, so there's no reason for anyone to dispair that they will never be laid, because these genetic disasters are replicating at an alarming rate. What they produce are people who are so genetically damaged that we will burdened forever with chronically ill people who make regular vistits to hospitals to overcome problems which will not outright kill them, thanks to our "advanced medical technologies", but will cost us all millions if not billions to keep them alive, but not productive. I really, really miss the days when natural selection was not totally made irrelavent by our abilty to keep people alive but not cure them of their diseases. We might as well make incest legal since we are not making any effort whatsoever to strenthen our genetic pool by letting anybody to reproduce no matter how horrible their genetic code has become.
ReplyDeleteI read that article earlier this week. And frankly, if I had to have sex before the garbage got taken out, my house would be the local tip.
ReplyDeleteBut I suppose in a round about way, it explains how Hitler got laid.
Yeah that was a great post Donn!
ReplyDeletea tit-illating good post.
ReplyDeleteskip the end, all's fine.
Larry King verified the age of "Ardi", but said her name was actually "June", and that she was a pretty good lay, LMAO !!
ReplyDeleteDo they have sex in Canada?
ReplyDeleteDon't be daft Vicus....where's Dave anyway?
ReplyDeleteRe: Ardi... She a tree people, Gus. But it seems she still got laid.
ReplyDeleteRe: The Pope... I'm against him traveling anywhere until they get him fumigated. That spider thing was gruesome. If you want to give people the impression that you're the Antichrist, you're doing it right, Benny. The bad Dracula impressions, the spiders crawling off you, the bug-eaters following you around, etc. And hey, who better to give advice on heterosexual sex, love, marriage, and child-rearing than an aging German poofter. Did we learn nothing from Freud?
"how could any woman make out with a dude that looked like Hitler?"
Apparently for: "promotion, money, drugs, bartering, for revenge, to get back at a partner who has cheated on them. To make themselves feel good. To make their partners feel bad."
Did I mention how much I love your blog? It may be the high fever from my Martian Death Plague talking, but I'm pretty sure I love your blog.
Vicus: Of course Canadians have sex.
ReplyDeleteDid you not read the article in the DAILY MAIL that said Canadian men are number 10 on the list of the world's best lovers?
After reading that article on the 237 reasons why women have sex, I will no longer be able to look at a breakfast sausage the same way.
ReplyDeleteRiiiight...
ReplyDeleteI don't get it.
:D
Why was the Pope in Britain anyway? I thought they burned Catholics at the stake over there. Why haven't they arrested this patron of child molesters?
ReplyDeleteDr Ruth should be Pope.
I wonder which reasons Ardi and Lucy used for sex--I bet they were big meat eaters who loved swinging on big trees.
So Sarah...I guess all these years, I've been needlessly having sex because "I" take out the garbage...LMAO
ReplyDeletesince the world populations seems to be growing it would appear that women do have sex, and more than once in some circumstances.
ReplyDeleteHis Holyness should visit Canada and bring the truth to the heathen.
ReplyDeleteBipedal does that mean it swings both ways or likes kids? damn dirty apes!
ReplyDeleteWhat have the Africans ever done for me? Americans hate the poor but the Catholic church understands about mobs and bums on seats rich or poor.
I can tell you this Hitler went out crying for his Spudensnackel in South America in 1954 someday you can read the black lines in the files.
What makes a great lover? Consideration, or something?
ReplyDeleteBut did Hitler really only have one ball? You make no mention of this, Mr Coppens. Tsk. And you are usually so thorough.
ReplyDeleteAnd there are 238 reasons.
Sx